A Poll On Holiday Gift Exchanging

[Lynn Wiser]

The holiday season has largely become one of stress, waste and debt-producing buying sprees. Would you consider making a pact with family and friends to abstain from exchanging gifts in the future?

[Marsha Gupton]

I know the noble and righteous thing would be to do that or to give that money to a worthy cause, buttttt....ahhhh....buttttt....I like presents!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love to give gifts and I really do enjoy Christmas shopping. Yes, the merchants have commercialized this holy of holy holidays, but I feel that I can keep Christ in Christmas and still give gifts.

I applaud you in your simplification process. One thing that I have done in the past for co-workers, is that I have made gifts. I love to cook and I have made baked items and given as presents.

[Jeremy D. Scott]

Great question. My wife's side has agreed to do just that this year. It is quite a relief for my wife and I. We've never been poorer financially than we are right now. We've also never been happier.

I would love to do this with everybody. I really would. You can call me Scrooge if you want, but I am of the belief that Christmas isn't primarily about giving. Yes, God "gave" his Son, but that doesn't necessarily translate into the fact that we should all submit to the commercialism that Christmas has become. Sure, compassionate giving is "up" during this time of the year as well and that's great, but it should be "up" when the need is greatest.

Sometimes I think the Jehovah's Witnesses have some great ideas.

[Lynn Wiser]

No, no.....This is not at all part of my simplification process. This question was posed to me & I wondered how others may feel about it.

I don't think it is so much about making a stand against commercialization as it is to eliminate the unwarranted pressures, thus allowing the Spirit of Love to work more freely among family & friends.

Personally, I prefer receiving a handmade gift over a storebought one. I particularly like handmade furniture. You don't do cabinetry, do you? :p

I appreciate your happy spirit & overall attitude Marsha. You are what it's all about. Thanks!

[Marsha Gupton]

No, no.....This is not at all part of my simplification process. This question was posed to me & I wondered how others may feel about it.

I don't think it is so much about making a stand against commercialization as it is to eliminate the unwarranted pressures, thus allowing the Spirit of Love to work more freely among family & friends.

Personally, I prefer receiving a handmade gift over a storebought one. I particularly like handmade furniture. You don't do cabinetry, do you? :p

I appreciate your happy spirit & overall attitude Marsha. You are what it's all about. Thanks!


You must be kidding! No, I do not do cabinetry (however you spell it) Cooking and counted cross-stitch is about my limit.

[Brad Mercer]

When we've had money, we've enjoyed spending it shamelessly. When we haven't had money, we haven't spent it, and again, we felt no shame.

I guess not giving at all is probably better than giving out of duty, but giving from a heart of abundance and love would probably be better still.

I'm not sure we really make the world a better place by agreeing not to give to each other.

Brad

[Gary Swartzlander]

I find Christmas to be stressfull due to the obligation to buy and exchange gifts. Every year we go through the process of my mother-in-law asking everyone (her kids, their spouses, grandkids, greatgrandkids) were they would like a gift card from. Usually, we end up going to the store in our town to buy the card since those stores aren't were she lives, we buy the cards, she pays us back for the purchase of the cards, then turns around and gives us the cards back for Christmas. Does that make sense? I think not.

My brother and sister and I decided a few years ago, that with the exception of a few small items that might be special we wouldn't do gifts. We've survived.

Merry Christmas!!

[Dave McClung]

I will agree that you don't need to buy a gift for me. I won't think any less of you if you don't; however, I reserve the right to give gifts to whomever I choose. It is one of my fundamental rights. I wouldn't give it up easily.

[Terri Knoll]

that is too funny Dave!

but I agree, no one has to buy me a present, I actually hate presents, stuff, but I love to give what I have heard others talk about all year. and I will continue to do so, lol

[Cindi Hammons]

My brother wanted to draw names last year...but we are a small family of 2 parents, 2 siblings and only 3 grandchildren. I told him no. I also told him not to spend more than $10 each for my kids.

Here's my reason...I love giving gifts...and I don't mean expensive ones either. I love searching for that one special item for that one special person. Sometime I handmake something that takes months to complete, or find something small in an antique store or second-hand store. That's just how our family is...except for my brother. More is better...bigger is better...credit cards are paid later!

I also love receiving gifts from my mother. One never knows what she will find. A couple of years ago, she gave me several pieces of glass that I collect (Fostoria American). She purchased them at a Goodwill-type store and I was thrilled! I probably wouldn't have gotten them had we drawn names.

Cindi

[Marsha Gupton]

I am an only child, so basically it is just me and my Mother. We get together with my mother's two brothers, their wives and one of my cousin's and her family. We exchange gifts.

I love buying the gifts. We do not buy elaborate expensive gifts. Last year I ordered candles from QVC and gave to my two aunts and my cousin Missy. This summer Missy asked me where I got the candle because she wanted another one. So, I ordered another sugar cookie soy candle for her this year.

My one aunt always gives me a Christmas pin and I treasure these.

Marsha;)

[Garth Lahana]

I love to give gifts, for Christmas or any other time. But I absolutely don't like the fuss around Christmas / Sinterklaas giving. With that I mean that people expect gifts from each other and feel obligated to buy stuff, which sometimes even they cannot afford....

I love the decorations in the stores, love to shop, so Christmas / Sinterklaas are no exception LOL. I have so much fun shopping for that exact right gift.

To me the best gifts are the ones that people have put thought in, that they were thinking of me when buying it and considering what I would like. I love it when my kids make me drawings or my hubby gives me a card with the beautiful words he always manages to find to put in it, a friend that send me a card telling she misses me, the tea-cosy another friend made for me, I could go on and on..........those the most valuable gifts to me...........not the ones you find in shops or see in advertisements.

I once send a friend, who was in the hospital, a box full of small gifts (a pen, a notebook, a nice book, a picture frame .....) and asked her to open one whenever she was having a hard time and remember that I am thinking of her. She did and to this day, this is now almost 10 years ago, she still talks about how important that box was to her.

So my in my opion gift giving can be great as long as it is about the gift and not about the value of the gift. No obligatory gift giving and just be happy with what we can give without excpecting anything in return!

Patricia :rolleyes:

[Lynn Wiser]

although you would not think any less of me for not giving you a gift, would you think more of me if I did so?
We couldn't know each other any less than we already do & I would really like to make a good impression!:D

[Anita F. Henck]

I *LOVE* giving gifts! I (almost) like it better than receiving gifts. And, even at our tightest times financially, I found it difficult to not give gifts to those I love. So, we became pretty creative at gift giving -- making food items, handmaking gifts, buying things and putting them aside for a future time, making gift coupon books, buying things at yard sales and adding to them (i.e. buy a pretty dish and add homemade candy to it), etc.

Early in our marriage, I developed the idea of a gift closet. In it I put unbelievably low priced sale items that I find -- but the key is that I have to love the item and be willing to use it myself. Then, as I have need throughout the year, or as money is tight, I do not have to worry about the ability to give something to someone I love. There is always a baby gift, a wedding gift, a birthday gift, and lots of other "no occasion" gifts waiting to be passed on!

The other secret for me is that I never want to give a gift out of obligation nor do I feel a need to "compete". In fact, I am sometimes surprised at how MUCH people spend and still end up distressed and frustrated. We do not stress over paying for Christmas, birthdays, weddings, etc. because we give what we can, what we love, and to those we love -- family and others. We have been blessed again and again by the joys of giving.

This is not to be critical of anyone who chooses otherwise. It is just part of who we are.

We have a new family member -- a son-in-law -- who comes from a family with a different philosophy of gifts. He has learned to adjust to receiving things from us -- often spontaneously. He talked with my mom about it just this weekend and she told him "Just enjoy it. They do it because they love you." It wasn't an "expected" gift and that made it all the more fun!

Final note -- I hate giving gifts to people who "expect" things or who are extremely material. So, I try to avoid those situations ... or to convert them to the idea of "gifts of love" rather than "gifts of material value".

I resonate with the Apostle Paul's words -- "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -- Philippians 4:11-13

[Jeff Scott]

Great question. My wife's side has agreed to do just that this year. It is quite a relief for my wife and I. We've never been poorer financially than we are right now. We've also never been happier.

I would love to do this with everybody. I really would. You can call me Scrooge if you want, but I am of the belief that Christmas isn't primarily about giving.

Hey Scrooge! TALK ABOUT AN HINT!

Didn't we have this conversation too? At least about giving to each other? You do have to take this $2 hat off my hands when you are here!

As far as gifts go, I get so much joy out of watching children open gifts. I think that is part of Christmas for me. I also think it would be really hard for them to accept the idea of no gifts at Christmas. But I don't know.

My mother-in-law lives for Christmas. Not giving gifts would absolutely kill her spirit. Don't get me wrong, there is no one alive that has more respect for the meaning of Chrismas, she just unjoys it all. On the other hand, everybody she gets a gift for then feels obligated to give her a gift. Then if she gives a gift to someone's child, the parents then feel they have to give a gift to her kids (that's Joy and me). It is a cycle that never ends and can be quite stressful. Particularly if I didn't need another catalogue item and still have to look excited about it. (By the way, if you don't know what to buy for a young man, is golf-related stuff the go-to gift? It seems to be. I get a lot of golf stuff and I rarely golf.) I need to stop before I get myself into trouble!

Anita, we have something similar to a gift closet. It is a gift rubbermaid container! However, I think if I let Joy have her way we would have a rather large gift closet! Anita, you need to be a bit more honest though. Anyone who knows you knows that a "gift closet" is really a veiled excuse to shop!:p I know it is for Joy. When I was packing up to move this last spring I packed two large boxes of Yankee Candle "gifts". It was really annoying! But who doesn't like the aroma of Yankee Candle candles?

[Hans Deventer]

It was an easy one for me. We never give presents at Christmas, so it is very easy to abstain.

[Charlene Clevenger]

I didn't vote in the poll because I'd have to say, "It depends." I'm all for abstaining from buying gifts for coworkers, the mailman, teachers, etc., unless there is a special bond between you or they have done something especially good for your family this year.

But I wouldn't want to stop giving gifts to family members, inside or outside our home. My husband's family has 7 children, with their children, and some great-grands. We all just buy 6 small gifts, all the same thing, one for each family (not counting our own, of course). We don't get anything for the neices & nephews, but some of the others do. My Dad doesn't want much. He's happy with a picture of my kids, but I usually get him a CD or something.

[Lynn Wiser]

I resonate with the Apostle Paul's words -- "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -- Philippians 4:11-13

How EXTREMELY appropriate & fitting that passage is in this context!

You see, we lost heart about 7 or 8 years ago due to spoiled and/or materialistic children. So in lieu, we opened up savings accounts for each grandchild & we put a few dollars in on each giving occasion. As the accounts grew, we tranferred them into Roth IRA's.

The first year we implemented this idea, we gave the children/grandchildren homemade cerificates of love explaining our purpose for investing in their future, but each year we felt as if they might have felt somewhat betrayed or forgotten by us. Especially the little ones who cannot possibly understand at this point in their life. We tried accompanying our yearly letter with a small inexpensive gift,only to realize that this also, was a waste of money.

We have since realized, now 7 & 1/2 yrs. down the road, that the grandkids still love us & they love to visit their PaPa & Meme Lynn.

I have so much time now over the holidays to visit, to entertain and do the familial things with absolutely NO stress whatsoever; no traffic jams, no "not finding the right item"; just more time for my family.

I know some people actually like the hustle-bustle part of the holidays, but not me and this works so well for us!

[Barbara Moulton]

Certainly among my brothers and sisters and my husband's parents, we have decided to end the gift exchange.

But I love to give to my children and will continue to do so and will give to my grandchildren when they arrive.

Now, once my children are married and in homes of their own, I won't give as much for sure.

But I will still give as I am able.

[G R 'Scott' Cundiff]

Here's a timely Christmas poll and discussion from 2005...

[Alisa Stoll]

My brothers and I have gone to a gift exchange but that only works because I have two adult children who participate and that makes it work out. When my daugher marries next year - it will only work out if we move my nephew into the "adult" category early and add him to the exchange (we all buy the kids gifts). And that only works one year until my son gets married. So I am starting to suggest that while we still get together and celebrate that gifts are given only to those under 18.

Alisa

[Mike Wooldridge]

Maybe it's selfish but I give gifts because of the pleasure I get from buying them and seeing those I buy them for enjoy them. Part of our family Christmas is exchanging and enjoying gifts. I guess this is one of those "live and let live" things. If not exchanging gifts makes you happy, then by all means do (or don't do) that. I'll keep on enjoying Christmas the way I have.

[Barb Bouldrey]

John's family no longer buys gifts for everyone in the family. His mother does not like to shop and now she cannot shop. She can hardly even write a check because her hands are so shakey. We decided it was enough to be together and love each other.

My Mom came to the point that she could no longer buy gifts for 7 children and their spouses and 16 grandchildren. We all understood. Each household still bought something for her, but now she is gone.

I only have 3 people to buy for, so I enjoy what little shopping I can do. I also buy something for each of the 5 children we have at church, give an ornament to each member of my Sunday School class, buy a small gift for each member of the church board and give a gift bag of goodies to all the teens on Christmas Sunday. I love doing that. Of course, we are a church of 75, so it is not very expensive for me to do this. And I use Oriental Trading and Dollar Tree for most of it.

Now, it would be fine with me if our son and his wife did not give us gifts and when our grandchildren start arriving they limit their gifts to flowers, restaurant gift cards, fruit baskets...things that do not last. We are already downsizing getting ready for retirement in a few years. I have never been a knick knack person and collect nothing.

This year, I bought two stockings and John and I are challenged with filling each other's stocking with small, usable and silly things.

I love giving. I guess that is because I love.

Barb

[Susan Unger]

Mom's family used to exchange gifts - we would pick names and give that one person a gift as opposed to buying gifts for all. When it became difficult to do that after many years, we decided to make our stockings [my aunt made stockings each year] into something bigger. We went from a few trinkets/candy in the stockings to huge gift bags filled w/lots and lots of small presents purchased by everyone for everyone. I have my cousins' gifts purchased already. I miss the gift exchange but am glad that we still have our 'stockings'.

[Ryan Scott]

I'd love it. I hate the designated "give" date. I much prefer finding things throughout the year that I think people would appreciate and giving to them. It seems like giving out or relationship rather than obligation is a better way to go.

Although this mindset would have to change drastically in other parts of the world.

[Barbara Moulton]

I'd love it. I hate the designated "give" date. I much prefer finding things throughout the year that I think people would appreciate and giving to them.

Fortunately, giving at Christmas and giving throughout the year are not mutually exclusive.

[Ryan Scott]

Fortunately, giving at Christmas and giving throughout the year are not mutually exclusive.

But the stress of "having" to buy gifts on specific days - not just Christmas, but valentine's day, mother's day, father's day, birthdays, etc - makes me a lot less excited about doing so at other times.

It's the sense of obligation that I really dislike. As much as I've thought about it, so long as we have designated giving days, we're not going to escape the sense of obligation (even if there is desire mixed in there, too).

[Tami Martin]

I really love giving gifts. It's my primary love language, per Gary Chapman. I would never agree to this sort of arrangement unless I just couldn't...but then I'd make things. I do that usually anyways.

This year, we have a large pile of gifts under the tree, but almost every one of them is some needed item for one of my children. The grandkids got toys, but they also got gloves and warm clothes.

I don't feel pressure to give gifts to folks at work or in the extended family and I never go into debt to buy gifts.

[Scott Hilton]

I would agree to it, my wife would agree to it..........the rest of my family would, literally, explode if they couldn't.

[Hans Deventer]

But the stress of "having" to buy gifts on specific days - not just Christmas, but valentine's day, mother's day, father's day, birthdays, etc - makes me a lot less excited about doing so at other times.

It's the sense of obligation that I really dislike. As much as I've thought about it, so long as we have designated giving days, we're not going to escape the sense of obligation (even if there is desire mixed in there, too).

Yes. That's why I never get Hannie flowers on either her birthday or our anniversary. I love to give them and I do, but not on those days.