Controversial Issue with Kids in the Middle

[Anonymous Post via Moderator]

Suppose you had a particular view on a controversial but debatable topic like Hell, Open Theism, etc. There is another church leader with a very strong opposing view. (The leader has been heard to say things like, "I wouldn't send my kids to ___ because they teach ____.') This other leader does not know that I don't see things the same way and I do not wish to argue or debate this issue with this person. However, this leader's teen asked a question in a study that presupposes the parent's view. My only good answer would have required me to counter his parent's view. I'm pretty sure that doing so would have caused a problem.

It turned out that the subject was changed by another person before I could respond for which I was very thankful.

But what if the subject had not been changed? What would be the best thing to do here?

[Ryan Scott]

If a teenager is old enough to ask the question; they're old enough to begin pondering different viewpoints. Inevitably a kid has to encounter new ideas and make their own belief decisions. So long as you keep the attitude that "this might not be right, but it makes the most sense to me," I think it gives the teenager something to think about without completely saying their parent is wrong. You encourage dialogue and critical thinking.

It seems like the tension is with the parent's attitude towards the subject. All you can do is be honest.

[Marsha Lynn]

Well, Jesus usually answered such questions with questions. If the teen says, "Do you believe in a literal hell?" you can respond in various ways:


Why do you ask?
What do you think? (And why?)
How do you mean 'literal'?
(With a smile) Is this a test? Will there be a formal inquisition if I give the wrong answer?


Many times if you can turn the question around you won't end up having to answer it at all. If the questioner persists in hearing your opinion, they either are genuinely curious and want to add your view to others they've heard or they are seeking to better label you as either orthodox or heretical. If it's the latter, people have already started to suspect the truth and you may simply have to accept the label. Jesus didn't escape being condemned for his teachings by church leaders; why should his followers?

By the way, I know a Nazarene children's SS teacher who doesn't accept the doctrine of the Trinity. She is not a member of the church. But she is radically committed both to the teachings of Christ and to the church. She is not opposing the doctrine of the Trinity in Sunday School, she is simply glossing over it. Is it a terrible thing for elementary children to have a couple of years where their teacher does not clearly present the doctrine of the Trinity to them?

Marsha


Suppose you had a particular view on a controversial but debatable topic like Hell, Open Theism, etc. There is another church leader with a very strong opposing view. (The leader has been heard to say things like, "I wouldn't send my kids to ___ because they teach ____.') This other leader does not know that I don't see things the same way and I do not wish to argue or debate this issue with this person. However, this leader's teen asked a question in a study that presupposes the parent's view. My only good answer would have required me to counter his parent's view. I'm pretty sure that doing so would have caused a problem.

It turned out that the subject was changed by another person before I could respond for which I was very thankful.

But what if the subject had not been changed? What would be the best thing to do here?

[Mike Schutz]

I think it is helpful to say, "Christians have differing views of that topic. Some folks believe .........., while others believe .........."

If they specifically ask your opinion, I would then respond with the truth, although I would state it in such a manner as to make clear that I understand the rationale of those who might disagree.

These topics come up frequently. I would always say "It is one of the great things about being a Christian. There are very few things that are absolutely essential, and there's a lot of room for different opinions. We can disagree and still love one another and worship together, and focus on Jesus."

It tends to work for me. It doesn't stop those who are sure they are right about everything from confronting me, but I refuse to attend every fight to which I'm invited, and I refuse to major in minors.

By the way, if this person is NOT the pastor, I would enlist your pastor as a support. Us pastors don't have too many skills, but "dancing" around conflicts tends to be one skill most of us try to develop.

Grace and peace.

[Wilson L. Deaton]

Is it a terrible thing for elementary children to have a couple of years where their teacher does not clearly present the doctrine of the Trinity to them?

For my NTS comprehensive oral exam I was told to imagine I was walking down the hall during Sunday School and peeked into an early elementary classroom. The teacher was presenting the egg illustration to explain the Trinity? I was asked what was the problem with this.

I began to mentally formulate an answer based on the idea that the shell by itself is not an egg, etc., when it dawned on me... The Trinity really wasn't an appropriate topic for early elementary kids. It's too abstract. They should be focusing on more concrete Bible stories about how God loves them, etc.

That was the answer they were looking for!

Wilson

[Barb Bouldrey]

Everyone has given great answers. They have given a collective answer. And all I want to add is that somewhere in the discussion I would advise the teen or anyone to read the scriptures and ask the Holy Spirit to show him/her for himself/herself.

The scripture tells us to test the scriptures and to be grounded in what we believe so we are not driven by every doctrine that comes along. It is important that each person knows that what he/she believes is what he/she believes.

Barb

[DA Weaver]

Everyone has given great answers. They have given a collective answer. And all I want to add is that somewhere in the discussion I would advise the teen or anyone to read the scriptures and ask the Holy Spirit to show him/her for himself/herself.

The scripture tells us to test the scriptures and to be grounded in what we believe so we are not driven by every doctrine that comes along. It is important that each person knows that what he/she believes is what he/she believes.

Barb

I recently went through an issue my son (13) personally witnessed. Thankfully, my son's opinion was the same as mine in this situation. HOWEVER, because the individuals that were involved are VERY INFLUENTIAL within his life, I thought it was necessary to allow him to form his own opinion. At that time, I instructed him... "I don't want you to believe it because it's what I believe, or it's what your dad believes, or it's what your pastor believes. I don't want you to believe it because it's what so and so, or so and so believes. What I want you to do is search God's word, see what it says, and base your belief on that. Because I'm not perfect, and neither are all of these other influential people in your life. I'm going to make mistakes, and so are they. Then, once you know what God's word says, you have to make a decision as to how you're going to handle things." Unfortunately, my son is now in a position to where he says he no longer trusts what this one individual says or does; someone who for years has been a spiritual roll model for my son.

I can't say that I'm upset that he no longer trusts them, because I believe he's made a wise choice. I'm just upset with the fact that he is no longer able to trust them. My heart goes out to both of them.

[Dale Cozby]

If the controversial issue is a matter of denominational teaching then you should feel free to stand up and support it.
If you are the one in opposition to denominational teaching then you should find a denomination where you can support what is taught.

If it is open to personal belief then you should stand up and state your views and why and open up a debate on the topic.

If the other viewpoint is so weak it cannot stand up to open debate then it should be confronted. Before this youth thinks you also hold this weak view and may not believe it himself and so alienate you as well as his father.

If you are afraid of speaking and alienating this youths parents, then you should decide if the issue is worth standing up for at all. Some battles just aren't worth fighting, even if someone else thinks it is.