Andrea Larabee
16th October 2007, 11:35 PM (23:35)
CODE BREAKER
Two years of Spanish in high school was tough. But nothing compared to 2 decades of trying to understand the language of men. It’s like a secret code. Every time you try to talk to your husband, you get a monosyllabic response such as “Huh?”, “Really?”, “Oh?”, and other non-answers. But I have found the secret. I have broken the code.
A few weeks ago, I’m in the grocery store with my husband and he begins conversing with a buddy. I go into stealth mode, pretending to choose cumquats, but I’m listening to every word.
Buddy: “Hey.”
Hubby: “Hey.” (Men start slowly; Patience….).
B: “I got a new truck.”
H: “Really?” (A typical response, but he is showing genuine interest.)
B: “Yeah, it’s a Hemi, 4 on the floor, twisted shuttle fly with a 2 barrel camshaft and a double lock ratchet exhaust.”
H: “Wow! You’re kidding me! Makes me miss my ’72 gig shafter square grammet, wire tweaked six-shooter with the triple 2-barrel intake manifold,” he laughs. (LAUGHS!)
Now I haven’t heard that many syllables come out of my husband’s mouth since he smashed his thumb with a sledgehammer 4 years ago. I may be onto something. Later, at home I decide to give it a try.
“Sweetheart,” I began.
“Yeah?” he replies, plopping on the couch and wrestling with his paper. “Whenever you leave your dirty clothes all over the floor it makes me feel like a 258-cubic inch, straight 6 automatic tranny with twin grip differential rusting out in the rain.”
The paper rustling stops. There is complete silence. “Honey,” he replied, “I had no idea you felt that way.” 11 syllables AND he had actually laid his paper down AND was looking at me!
I plunged on, “And when you give me a break by spending time with the kids, wow, that’s like a 454 twin turbocharged rear-drive transaxle suspension, super rocket V-8 with actuated intake valves!”
He got up from his chair. Were those tears in his eyes? He wrapped his arms around me and said, “I’m so sorry. You deserve to be treated like a Challenger R/T convertible 383 mega block 4-cylinder with a Torqueflight 727 3 speed automatic transmission and sequential port fuel injection.”
“Thanks, honey.” I hand him the trash. “You’re my big cast-iron block with the Carter Thermoquad 4-barrel carburetor. Can you take this out please?”
“Sure, Darling, anything you say!”
I smiled. There was power here. I had broken the code.
Debby Seguin, Welcome Home, October, 2007 Newspaper column, Family Life.
(She now speaks fluent Man).
Two years of Spanish in high school was tough. But nothing compared to 2 decades of trying to understand the language of men. It’s like a secret code. Every time you try to talk to your husband, you get a monosyllabic response such as “Huh?”, “Really?”, “Oh?”, and other non-answers. But I have found the secret. I have broken the code.
A few weeks ago, I’m in the grocery store with my husband and he begins conversing with a buddy. I go into stealth mode, pretending to choose cumquats, but I’m listening to every word.
Buddy: “Hey.”
Hubby: “Hey.” (Men start slowly; Patience….).
B: “I got a new truck.”
H: “Really?” (A typical response, but he is showing genuine interest.)
B: “Yeah, it’s a Hemi, 4 on the floor, twisted shuttle fly with a 2 barrel camshaft and a double lock ratchet exhaust.”
H: “Wow! You’re kidding me! Makes me miss my ’72 gig shafter square grammet, wire tweaked six-shooter with the triple 2-barrel intake manifold,” he laughs. (LAUGHS!)
Now I haven’t heard that many syllables come out of my husband’s mouth since he smashed his thumb with a sledgehammer 4 years ago. I may be onto something. Later, at home I decide to give it a try.
“Sweetheart,” I began.
“Yeah?” he replies, plopping on the couch and wrestling with his paper. “Whenever you leave your dirty clothes all over the floor it makes me feel like a 258-cubic inch, straight 6 automatic tranny with twin grip differential rusting out in the rain.”
The paper rustling stops. There is complete silence. “Honey,” he replied, “I had no idea you felt that way.” 11 syllables AND he had actually laid his paper down AND was looking at me!
I plunged on, “And when you give me a break by spending time with the kids, wow, that’s like a 454 twin turbocharged rear-drive transaxle suspension, super rocket V-8 with actuated intake valves!”
He got up from his chair. Were those tears in his eyes? He wrapped his arms around me and said, “I’m so sorry. You deserve to be treated like a Challenger R/T convertible 383 mega block 4-cylinder with a Torqueflight 727 3 speed automatic transmission and sequential port fuel injection.”
“Thanks, honey.” I hand him the trash. “You’re my big cast-iron block with the Carter Thermoquad 4-barrel carburetor. Can you take this out please?”
“Sure, Darling, anything you say!”
I smiled. There was power here. I had broken the code.
Debby Seguin, Welcome Home, October, 2007 Newspaper column, Family Life.
(She now speaks fluent Man).