How would you like to go?

[Mark Metcalfe]

Out of morbid curiosity from Billy Cox's organ donation poll, I wonder
how people want to go after they've gone.

I have heard that the Swedes have invented a new way to go:
they freeze dry the body and then pulverize it into powder; similar
to cremation in that you have something to spread around.

I have thought that getting my body out into international waters
might be a less expensive way to dispose of the shell. I won't care.
I am very unhappy with the "funeral business." My friend buried her
mother recently for about $8000. Am I nuts or does that seem not
right?

I am also considering the validity of a grave marker. How much emotional
solace do you find by viewing stone etched with names? How often do
we return to family grave sites after some time or mourning has passed?

I hope this isn't too morbid to discuss.

Mark

[Marsha Lynn]

I know it's not possible and, even if it were, family members would likely vote against it, but if it were completely up to me, I would like to simply be buried so that the decomposition of my body would give one last gift of nurture to the earth. No casket. No metal vault. No marker. No sacred grounds. No incineration. No pounding and pulverizing. Simply laid to rest against the cool earth in a deep hole out under the old oak tree or something like that.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Yep, pretty morbid, Mark.

:cool:

Marsha

PS: Every time I go to a funeral, I am reminded that I simply must get around to compiling the music for my own. More important than what happens to my cold, dead body, in my eyes, is the matter of having high-quality music for the benefit of those who might bother to show up for my funeral. :basic07

PPS: If I picked the songs today, one would be "Elijah" by Rich Mullins. "When I go I want to go out like Elijah ... and it won't break my heart to say good-bye." :fav09

Out of morbid curiosity from Billy Cox's organ donation poll, I wonder
how people want to go after they've gone.

[Wilson L. Deaton]

:fav12

[LoraineStanton]

I grew up going to the small country cemetery where my maternal grandparents, uncle and now my father are buried. My grandparents died before I was born, and weird as this sounds, that cemetery and grave marker provided me with some sense of family history that I needed.

[Hans Deventer]

Mark,

I'll probably be buried. But in general, I am not too specific on that kind of stuff. I'm dead by then, remember? The whole funeral thing is about those left behind.
As to grave markers, my dad passed away almost 11 years ago. I haven't been back to his grave, because I don't believe he's there. So why would I be looking for the living among the dead?

[Alex Manly]

Ashes scattered by my jumping buddies on one last skydive.

[Cindi Hammons]

I want to be cremated in a cheap cardboard box and then have my ashes dumped someplace where I can add minerals and nutrients back to the earth.

Now, the marker issue. I have now lived with a genaeologist since 1989 (yes, we're married) and I can tell you of the frustration he has when he is unable to find a marker or even which cemetary his ancestor is buried in. I have always said that I want to be cremated, but I also want a stone marker so that someday, my descendents will be able to find that I did really exist. I don't want someone to sit at my marker and mourn for me, because like Hans said, I'm not going to be there...really and figeratively.

Cindi H. who seems to be going to more and more family funerals lately. :basic04

[Ian Gentles]

I put "other" for rapture! Like Woody Allen "I dont fear death I just dont want to be there when it happens". Burials cost more, so added financial burden to family, would prefer being buried in a carboard box in back yard!

[Charlene Clevenger]

I'm willing to let some of my organs go to someone in need, but I didn't choose Donate your Body to a Medical School. That seems excessive. :)

My Mother and my sister were both creamated. That seems like a good way to do it. My parents had bought a tree for the NNU campus shortly before Mom died, so we went to the tree to mourn after the memorial service. Actually we went to the tree to take pictures of the family around it. My sister's ashes are still in her house. My other sister, who lived with her, will make the decision where and when to scatter her ashes.

It hasn't bothered me that they don't have grave markers. Perhaps because I live so far away (they died in Idaho). Some of my husband's famlily visitis his Dad's grave on certain days, like Memorial Day, but not very often. Still, I guess it's good to have it to go to.

[Judy Engel]

Interesting topic! One that is near and dear to my heart with my hubby being a funeral director and us owning the funeral home. If I have my preference, I would rather be buried but since I am dead, Iwon't know the difference. Cremation is viable, less expensive alternative to burial but some folks have very strong feelings about it. MAke sure ALL in your family are in agreement before they "fire up the furnace" (sorry, I do have a morbid sense of humor) or there may be hard feelings later. As for $8000 for a funeral, the average in NW Indiana is about $6000, so depending where this lady was from, it may just be average. There is alot that goes into performing the services required for a traditional visitation/service/commital that most folks don't realize. Ask your newspaper how much the obituary would be. That is usually included in that price. As for being laid to rest under a tree with no casket or grave liner, while that seems like a "romantic" ideal, whether your family approved of it or not, (if you live in teh US) your local health department would not. The casket and grave liner are required by state laws in the US so that diseases don't leach into the soil/water table. I know this may seem a bit wierd to talk about, but it bothers me to hear folks slam funeral homes and funeral directors when they are performing a service to their community. Granted, there are bad guys out there who will take advantage of families who are greiving and vulnerable, but most are just like the rest of us.....just trying to make a living. I do welcome any questions any of you may have and I'll do my best to answer them or consult an expert (aka my hubby)

[Mark Metcalfe]

Interesting topic! One that is near and dear to my heart with my hubby being a funeral director and us owning the funeral home. If I have my preference, I would rather be buried but since I am dead, Iwon't know the difference. Cremation is viable, less expensive alternative to burial but some folks have very strong feelings about it. MAke sure ALL in your family are in agreement before they "fire up the furnace" (sorry, I do have a morbid sense of humor) or there may be hard feelings later. As for $8000 for a funeral, the average in NW Indiana is about $6000, so depending where this lady was from, it may just be average. There is alot that goes into performing the services required for a traditional visitation/service/commital that most folks don't realize. Ask your newspaper how much the obituary would be. That is usually included in that price. As for being laid to rest under a tree with no casket or grave liner, while that seems like a "romantic" ideal, whether your family approved of it or not, (if you live in teh US) your local health department would not. The casket and grave liner are required by state laws in the US so that diseases don't leach into the soil/water table. I know this may seem a bit wierd to talk about, but it bothers me to hear folks slam funeral homes and funeral directors when they are performing a service to their community. Granted, there are bad guys out there who will take advantage of families who are greiving and vulnerable, but most are just like the rest of us.....just trying to make a living. I do welcome any questions any of you may have and I'll do my best to answer them or consult an expert (aka my hubby)

Sorry, Judy... lawyers and the funeral business... I know some very nice
and honest lawyers, and yes, we need both of you. I guess the funeral
business is one of the steadiest business with a steady clientele. How
much competition do you have with other businesses and how would
you advertize? As for the services amounting to $6000-$8000 on average,
wow. My poor father-in-law bought the next-cheapest casket he could buy
for his wife (my mother-in-law) because he just couldn't bear to put her
in the lowest casket. Additionally, they had discussed being cremated
beforehand, but he couldn't do it when it came to it.

Mark

[Judy Engel]

I wasn't offended by what you said Mark. Believe me, you would know if I was offended :basic03 The situation your father-in-law found himself in is why my hubby and I both are huge advocates of pre-planned funerals. By pre-planning yours or your parents/spouse/children's funeral, you are more likely to make financially sound decisions without the emotions of having just lost your loved one. My best friend's mother just died this morning and when I spoke to her yesterday, I encouraged her to talk to her dad and siblings about stopping at the funeral home to make mom's arrangements then. They were sooo glad they did. When the time came, they could focus on each other and on grieving, not on whether or not mom would have wanted..........whatever. Also, if someone pays for their funeral ahead of time, they are protected from inflation as the money they put in today will increase with the rate of inflation. There are many programs for this that will allow either a one time payment or payments over time depending on the situation the person/people find themselves in. Anyway, that is just 2 cents worth. Now you know a little more about the business side of the funeral industry. :gen03

[Barb Bouldrey]

Cremated, then buried in the Bouldrey plot. Easier to get me to Ohio that way. And cheaper.

Of course, the Rapture would be best. I would like to be standing near a cemetery when it happens.

Barb

[Marsha Lynn]

Mark, I was thinking about this thread and the one you started on temperament. I'm thinking that right-to-die people are likely to share my ISTJ characteristics.

S - practical - why spend all that money/time/effort/energy when they're going to die/remain comatose anyway?

J - love of closure - let's finish this chapter and move on rather than letting them linger on in suffering indefinitely

T - rational rather than sentimental - yes, the loved ones will mourn but it's the sensible thing to do

I - not necessarily in accountable relationships that influence the person away from this point of view even in the face of social rejection of it

What do you think?

Marsha

[Hans Deventer]

It just crossed my mind, there once was this singer called Chi Coltrane and she had a hit with "Go Like Elijah".

That's definately the way to go!

[Mark Metcalfe]

Mark, I was thinking about this thread and the one you started on temperament. I'm thinking that right-to-die people are likely to share my ISTJ characteristics.

S - practical - why spend all that money/time/effort/energy when they're going to die/remain comatose anyway?

J - love of closure - let's finish this chapter and move on rather than letting them linger on in suffering indefinitely

T - rational rather than sentimental - yes, the loved ones will mourn but it's the sensible thing to do

I - not necessarily in accountable relationships that influence the person away from this point of view even in the face of social rejection of it

What do you think?

Marsha


I think it is a good thought! I just can't bend my mind around it to
tell you whether it is accurate, but it sounds very good!

Mark

[Dennis McClung]

and for my ashes to be violently thrown upon the faces of my enemies.

[Marilyn Lawson]

I would love a cardboard box - just a plain old box.

With the biggest supply of markers and crayons beside it - so my grandkids or anyone else can decoradte it.

I will be cremated and put beside Melissa.
I have a family size grave that hold 20 cremated remains.

I then want the biggest party in town. To have fun with my memory and not be sad that I am gone/

Songs will include a piper from the 48th Highlanders - Flowers to the forest, Road to the Isle, and Scotland the brave.

Yep kinda traditional and untradional at the same time.

Marilyn

[Bruce Carriker]

RE: memorial markers.

Every Thanksgiving I return to the little town where my parents grew up, where they returned to when they retired, and where Dad died.

Dad is buried there. My baby sister is buried there. My mom's parents, my dad's parents, and two uncles are buried there. I visit them every year. I don't always have much to say, but I have had fairly extended discussions with my dad and my maternal grandfather.

Even though I support cremation (or the freeze-drying idea) as more efficient use of the earth, I would still like to see some kind of memorial garden where markers could be erected. Obviously you could cram LOTS more markers into such a place than you can in a traditional cemetery, because you don't have to make room for a seven- or eight-foot casket.

[Jill Mickelson]

:fav12

YUP...THAT'S MY DESIRE! WHAT A WAY TO GO! FLY TO JESUS!

[Mike Norris]

...I would like for a fiery chariot to come along and take me up. Not today , however.

[Jim Franklin]

In fact I have already made my wish to have my body donated to the NNU School of Nursing upon my demise which I would be embalmed and after two years would then be cremated.