The art of Christian Conversation

[Wilson L. Deaton]

The author of a book I am currently reading states, "We also need to recover the art of 'Christian conversation,' the ability to speak to each other about spiritual experiences. These do not need to be vivid or earth-shattering experiences, but Christians will find it difficult to speak to the world outside of church about our religious experiences if we have not shared within our own communities of faith how we have experienced the Spirit's reality in our own lives." (emphasis his)

If this is something we need to recover then that means there is a sense in which we have lost it.

Do you agree that we have lost (or are losing) the art of Christian conversation in this context of conversation about our Christian experiences?

If so, what can do to recover it?

Wilson

[Brian Hammons]

At least in part it is simply a matter of practice. . .in the same manner as Brother Lawrence speaks of "practicing the presence of God."

Perhaps we have lost the ability to speak to each other of our spiritual experiences because we have lost (maybe given up) vulnerability and transparency. I think I have lost all of these because I have felt too deeply examined (okay, okay judged) because, in my self-disclosure, I didn't measure up to certain people's expectations of what I was supposed to think/feel/experience.

[Marsha Lynn]

The author of a book I am currently reading states, "We also need to recover the art of 'Christian conversation,' the ability to speak to each other about spiritual experiences. These do not need to be vivid or earth-shattering experiences, but Christians will find it difficult to speak to the world outside of church about our religious experiences if we have not shared within our own communities of faith how we have experienced the Spirit's reality in our own lives." (emphasis his)

Sounds like a good book. Would you share the title/author?

If this is something we need to recover then that means there is a sense in which we have lost it.

Sometimes those type statements are made more in the sense that everyone had this trait in the good ol' days but in our present age of apostacy it's rare. And sometimes they reveal no more than that the people making such statements wear rose-tinted glasses when they review the past. It would take some research to see if more people shared their spiritual journeys at a deeper level in the past than today. In the case of my own personal past (the only one I've thoroughly researched and documented), that's not the case. I certainly hope my conversational skills (on ALL subjects) are improving with time rather than deteriorating.

Do you agree that we have lost (or are losing) the art of Christian conversation in this context of conversation about our Christian experiences?

I'm not sure it matters whether we once knew how to do it and have forgotten or if we've never known the skill. Either way, I agree that it's a skill worth developing.

If so, what can do to recover it?

Well, like someone else mentioned, it starts in our own faith communities. We need to take risks (however small) of vulnerability and see if it results in as much harm or mortification as we might fear. As we find reward in increased connection with those around us, I think it becomes easier.

Sharing deeply on NazNet has helped me much in this area. Someone from 'real life' told me yesterday that I think differently than other people. That was a truth statement for the person saying the words. He doesn't know a single person who has the crazy views that I have. NazNet stands on the other side of that statement assuring me that, even though I do indeed think differently than many people, I'm actually in pretty good company on some of the issues in which my views are seen as completely unique and incomprehensible in other settings. It helps me endure the times when I'm dismissed as someone who shows a glaring lack of spiritual intelligence. (And those times help remind me that mine is a minority voice and I shouldn't be either surprised or upset when I'm ignored.)

Another thing that helps me is sharing with the faith community outside my own church. I go to church with my own church family. We have formal settings in which to discuss spiritual issues. When we're in social settings, we are more likely to discuss everyday matters. My spiritual discussions with people from other churches necessarily have to occur in the marketplace because it's the only time I see them. I've discussed holiness with Methodists on the street corner by the movie theater we had all just left and shared some struggles with one of that group at the high school football field. I've discussed evangelism at the library and the town fair. I've discussed the contrasting beliefs of different denominations and what factors influence a Christian to change churches. I'm hoping that by practicing public talk of heart matters with Christians from other churches, I can become more comfortable with having those same discussions with non-Christians.

I do consider spiritual conversation an art to be learned. One lesson I think I'm learning is that the further the distance between one's own beliefs and that of the other participant(s) in the conversation, the more important it becomes to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Many things that come to mind are best left unsaid in the interest of keeping the dialog alive. I'm still struggling to learn the balance between being silent and have people think I am in agreement with what they're saying and voicing my own convictions to people who mainly wait for me to stop talking so they can start again.

People don't make life-changing decisions because they've been knocked flat by an avalanche of words. It only takes a few words to go deep to the heart of things but those words need to be carefully chosen in response to the prompting of the Spirit. It's definitely an art to properly fill our conversations with grace and season them with salt.

In my opinion (which is possibly not worth the time you've invested reading this)

Marsha

[G R 'Scott' Cundiff]

Sounds like something that Richard Foster would say, and I do like reading him.

I take it that the idea is that Christians need to have serious conversations with one another about their own spiritual reality, and in so doing, they become more prepared to have similar conversations with those who are outside the faith.

It may be that "recovery" is a correct term, although I kind of think that only a small percentage of believers across the centuries have had such conversation and that such conversation is still taking place in today's world.

Still, there is plenty that competes with "Christian conversation."

If you listen to the discussions taking place by the people who come to church on any given Sunday morning you will hear weather, sports, health, family, lunch plans as the dominating themes. This kind of "family chatter" isn't bad in itself, but it should be laying the foundation for more serious and eternal matters.

Even we pastors who get together tend to talk about sermons and programs and politics and such. Again, this should be creating a sense of friendship and trust that opens the way for more spiritual discussions.

It may be that all that needs to happen is intentionality. "Hey, I am glad your kid did good in the ball game, and I agree that it is uncommonly cool for this time of year, but let me tell you how God seemed to direct me as I prayed this morning...."

Simply opening the door may be all that is needed to foster conversation and mutual edification at a deeper level...and that may prepare us to say to our non-Christian friend, "have I ever told you why I became a believer in Jesus?"


The author of a book I am currently reading states, "We also need to recover the art of 'Christian conversation,' the ability to speak to each other about spiritual experiences. These do not need to be vivid or earth-shattering experiences, but Christians will find it difficult to speak to the world outside of church about our religious experiences if we have not shared within our own communities of faith how we have experienced the Spirit's reality in our own lives." (emphasis his)

If this is something we need to recover then that means there is a sense in which we have lost it.

Do you agree that we have lost (or are losing) the art of Christian conversation in this context of conversation about our Christian experiences?

If so, what can do to recover it?

Wilson

[Ian Gentles]

Many christians plain frighten me when they talk to none-beleivers, they just dont seem to have a clue how to go about it.
In communications between christians I also feel we need to add honesty and sanity to some of the things we claim.

[Marsha Lynn]

It may be that all that needs to happen is intentionality. "Hey, I am glad your kid did good in the ball game, and I agree that it is uncommonly cool for this time of year, but let me tell you how God seemed to direct me as I prayed this morning...."

Scott, I certainly agree with you about intentionality. I have a confession to make, though. As much as I love to go beyond the surface in conversations, if someone used that type of line with me, I would immediately start searching for a way to extract myself from the conversation. That may say terrible things about my level of spirituality, but if I as a committed Christian respond negatively, is there a chance that such an approach isn't the best way to "go deeper" with more than just me?

In contrast, let me share a conversation from yesterday. Our postmistress dragged her daughters to their basement a few weeks ago only moments before their house was reduced to splinters. Of course, in a small town, I had heard the story. Yesterday was the first time I had been to the post office since all that settled out. She was working alone and there was just one other customer preparing to leave. As she weighed some mail for me and sold me a book of stamps, I commented that I hadn't seen her since the tornado and asked her how she was doing. She updated me (and the other customer who lingered) on their housing situation. Then she shared some of the frustration of the horrible clean-up work, saying that she sometimes wondered if it might have been better to have lost everything than to try to sift through the dirt and grime looking for pieces of their lives that could be salvaged. She shook her head at herself for having such feelings in the light that not a hair on their heads had been harmed and acknowledged that she thanked God for their safety but was nonetheless struggling deeply with the aftermath. Another customer came in and I reluctantly went on my way rather than force her to choose between doing her job and sharing her heart.

Now THAT's a spiritual conversation. Just think of where it could have gone no matter what the beliefs of the person with whom she was sharing. She was simply sharing her heart in an extremely vulnerable fashion and I was free to respond at whatever level I chose in light of my own spiritual interest. I really don't know her well at all. I would have loved to continue the conversation and find out more about her faith and how it has been impacted by all this.

Telling someone what God told you this morning requires confidence in your ability to hear His voice, but it doesn't necessarily invite the other person to probe your heart. I may rethink this eventually, but for right now what seems most attractive in other people and what I'm trying to do myself is simply an open heart that invites people to ask questions rather than a presentation of what we want others to see in us.

Does that make sense?

Of course, with a score of zilch for people who trace their conversion back to my influence, the evidence speaks pretty loudly that I don't have a clue as to how to do spiritual conversation. I'm just trying to correlate what looks inviting to me with what I offer others.

Marsha

[G R 'Scott' Cundiff]

In contrast, let me share a conversation from yesterday. Our postmistress dragged her daughters to their basement a few weeks ago only moments before their house was reduced to splinters. Of course, in a small town, I had heard the story. Yesterday was the first time I had been to the post office since all that settled out. She was working alone and there was just one other customer preparing to leave. As she weighed some mail for me and sold me a book of stamps, I commented that I hadn't seen her since the tornado and asked her how she was doing. She updated me (and the other customer who lingered) on their housing situation. ...

It sure does make sense. I think your example is better than mine, but the idea is the same -- to be ready to move to a deeper level of "Christian conversation" when the door is open to it.

I think that the example on prayer that I gave is acceptable though. I have had many wonderfully encouraging discussions with people while sharing a meal at a restaurant, or in some other "conversational" setting. They weren't forced either -- just an outflow of what God is doing in my life being shared with another who shares an interest in such things.

[Marsha Lynn]

It sure does make sense. I think your example is better than mine, but the idea is the same -- to be ready to move to a deeper level of "Christian conversation" when the door is open to it.

I think that the example on prayer that I gave is acceptable though. I have had many wonderfully encouraging discussions with people while sharing a meal at a restaurant, or in some other "conversational" setting. They weren't forced either -- just an outflow of what God is doing in my life being shared with another who shares an interest in such things.

I think you're right in saying that we're on the same track. And you certainly have more experience and success at this than I. I was going the nit-picky route (again). In your example, you abruptly shifted the focus of the conversation from the exciting accomplishments of the other person's kid and/or from the neutral safety of the weather to your own spiritual discovery. In a fleshed-out conversation, I suspect you don't actually do that, but I know people who do. Many times when someone does that, I realize that they have moved to 'witnessing' to me and we are probably not going to connect deeply on a spiritual level. Typically, the only further input they will require from me is a response to some test questions to measure my level of receptivity, which I will likely fail. (e.g. Marsha, do you believe in the rapture? Do you believe that God will heal you right now if you simply ask? Have you comprehended for yourself the spiritual truth I just shared with you? Do you know where you will go if you die tonight? Do you believe that evangelism is the primary mission of the church?) If I suspect that those test questions are coming, my first impulse is to run because I always get them wrong. Wouldn't a non-Christian be even more likely to dodge a bullet?

The postmistress was sharing from her own heart, but she wasn't intentionally 'witnessing' and any questions she might have asked me would have been genuine questions. (e.g. Do you think it's terrible that I'm grieving over my lost possessions when I am so very blessed to have my family?)

I'm not sure what I'm saying here. It's something about an open-ended or closed-ended track for the conversation. Think of all the hooks she gave me that I could have picked up on versus the limited options of response to someone who is 'witnessing' to you about what God is doing/has done in their lives. (e.g. Are you struggling with the "why's" of this? Has it affected the faith of your (adolescent) daughters? Do you have a church family supporting you as you rebuild? How has your faith helped you during this time? Have you struggled with anger towards God?)

I don't actually run when people want to share what God is doing in their lives with me, but it's often a ministry choice to stick around more than an expectation that it will lead to genuine sharing.

That may be a symptom of the same personality flaw that makes me unappreciative of pre-printed Christmas cards with someone's name signed at the bottom. I'm pleased if it brings pleasure to the person sending them, but there's also a bit of a letdown involved.

:gen03

Marsha

[Wilson L. Deaton]

Ted A. Campbell and Michael T. Burns. Wesleyan Essentials in a Multicultural Society. Abingdon Press, 2004.

I have really been enjoying this book. My "Exclusivity of Jesus" thread also grew out of this book.

Wilson

[Marsha Lynn]

I jumped in here yesterday and wish now I had waited to see what others would post on the subject. (I've considered checking to see if 'delete' is still an option on my posts but that wouldn't truly undo any damage they might have done to the exchange.) Scott gave one approach to moving an exchange to a deeper level. Does anyone else have ideas that have worked for them to engage people either in or out of the church in spiritual conversations?

I wish I could trail around after someone with skills in this area for a while and simply observe their techniques. I have some ideas of what does NOT work, but I'm pretty clueless as to what DOES work with non-Christians in today's society.

The best book I've read on postmodern evangelism is Live to Tell: Evangelism for a Postmodern Age (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1587430509/qid=1134164311/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-4684559-6904169?n=507846&s=books&v=glance) by Brad J. Kallenberg. It talks about various routes people take to faith today. Still, I'm at a loss to apply it to my conversations in my days. I'd be glad to hear what others are doing.

Marsha

[Kim Hersey]

Joining you in your questions, Marsha!

One road that has worked well for me is to always let my pre-Christian friends take the lead in how "spiritual" to be... as long as I don't shut them down with an "I'm right and you're wrong because the Bible says it I believe it and that settles it", I find that they're pretty open to sharing...

So, I ask a lot of questions, and don't try to correct their answers unless they give me the ground to do so... "What do you think?" or, more rarely, "What does your church teach about that?" or "but I'm not so sure any more". :)

Still, that leaves me on the wrong side of the fence with my fellow Christians who think witnessing should be about teaching "right beliefs" and more forceful and direct (i.e., the "if you died tonight, do you know where you'd spend eternity?" crowd).

Jesus seemed to do well with questions, though... the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, with the disciples, "Who do you say that I am?", so I'll stick with it :)

I'd rather explain to Jesus that I loved a person too much to risk "turning them off" to God and didn't share quite enough than to explain that I wouldn't keep silent about the truth and drove someone away....
Sure, like everyone else, I'd like to hit the balance, but if I must err, I want it to be on the side of mercy instead of justice ;)

Kim