God, Family, Church [Archive]

Mark Metcalfe

13th December 2005, 02:52 PM (14:52)

God, family, church.

Ever since I heard these things get prioritized (many years now), I have been
uneasy about it. I think Scott Cundiff said it best that priorities under God
are fluid. I was sitting here wondering if Jesus would say that his priority
was God, his family, and then the Church. Then I recalled this passage
from Mark 3:

Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside,
they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and
they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you."

"Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked.

Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said,
"Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will
is my brother and sister and mother."

The image of family and church are intertwined (cf. Ephesians 5).
In many cases, we separate them by blood (family) and organization (church)
and then prioritize them. When they are the same thing - my church is my
family, and my family is part of my church, and part of the Church - then
there is only a number 2 spot; not a number 2 and 3 spot.

Bertha Munroe once said that there is no conflict between the Christian life
and the best of education. (ENC staff may correct my paraphrase, please.)
I have always been uneasy with the "God, family, church" mantra because
I do not believe I need to separate them. Instances of rare circumstance
prohibit being in two places or serving two purposes, and the priority
depends on the greater need. Whoever does God's will...

Mark

Gina Stevenson

13th December 2005, 07:18 PM (19:18)

Barbara Moulton

13th December 2005, 08:37 PM (20:37)

I have always been uneasy with the "God, family, church" mantra because I do not believe I need to separate them. Instances of rare circumstance prohibit being in two places or serving two purposes, and the priority depends on the greater need. Whoever does God's will...
Mark

I don't think of priortization as separation. For the most part, Carl and I have been able to conduct our ministry and family life fairly seemlessly.

When our children were young, us both being co-pastors of the church meant that we could take turns going on school trips. When we had to go to a nursing home to conduct a service we often brought the girls with us. The girls got used to me writing a sermon while they watched Sesame Street :-)

My girls both tell me now that they didn't feel that our family life suffered because of our ministry life. But that didn't just "happen".

The genuine needs of the family and church could usually be mutually accomodated. But on occasion, they couldn't be. There was always something we could do, someone we could visit, someplace we could be that would involve us in worthwhile church ministry but take away from time with the family.

So priortization simply meant that we would give greater weight to the needs of the family when making a decision in those cases.

Ian Gentles

14th December 2005, 04:03 AM (04:03)

I think sometimes I put the church first when God wanted me to put family first....so in serving the churcvh instead of spending time with my family I sure wasnt obeying God and putting Him first. I have also found the church is a poor rewarder of her servants, so I prefer serving God to the church now.

Barbara Moulton

14th December 2005, 07:14 AM (07:14)

MARK: "I have always been uneasy with the 'God, family, church' mantra because I do not believe I need to separate them. Instances of rare circumstance prohibit being in two places or serving two purposes, and the priority depends on the greater need. Whoever does God's will... "

usually love to read what you write, Mark ... and most frequently agree. While glad you have no "need" to separate them, sounding as tho' you've much family that is a part of the Church, the difficulty comes for those whose families just don't have the same priorities as a family who's basically a part of the Church ... and how to not alienate family by trying to be with their "other [local church] family" on occasions such as this Christmas that falls on Sunday.

blessings,

gina

Thanks for the reminder Gina that we come to this Board with different perspectives.

Weighing the needs of a family that serves the Lord with the needs of the church is far different than weighing the needs of a family that is not following Christ.

I remember in one of our churches, we had a woman who was an incredibly hard worker. She volunteered for every job and was always ready to support what the church was doing. She freely admitted that her marriage (to her non-Christian husband) was very shaky.

One day, I took her to a Don Francisco concert and she was struck by the words of the song, "Love is not a feeling its an act of the will." She came to us shortly afterwards and said she was going to scale back what she was doing because she had realized that she needed to spend more time "doing" for her husband they way she had been "doing" for the church.

Now of course, as pastors, we could have been tempted to say, "But the church needs you." (We did..small church-few workers :-) But we gave her our blessing....because we believe in relationships, family...marriage.

We were moved from that church about a year and a half later but the last I heard, her husband had made a committment to the Lord.

Mark Metcalfe

14th December 2005, 09:10 AM (09:10)

As with many things, semantics count. In this case, the concept
of "church" needs to be dissected.

Church - 1. a place, 2. a service, 3. a group of people who belong to a
particular congregation, 4. a confederation of all Christians under
the banner of Jesus Christ

I think we often intermingle 3 and 4.

We say that if the 3-church competes with the needs of my family,
then family wins. God, family, church. (I am in general agreement.)

But what about some callings that put the sword between the 4-church?
Consider Matthew 10:

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn
" 'a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

What does this mean? Does it mean I have to disown my family?
Of course not! We want all of our family members to come to know
Christ! It is best, of course, when family and 4-church are
part of each other. But (as in Pilgrim's Progress as he left the City
of Destruction), sometimes the priority of the kingdom outweighs
even family.

Mark

P.S. I understand that Wesley had a problem with his marriage, and I
sincerely struggle with the fact that he seemed to be so neglectful
of his wife in the service of the kingdom that she left him. I have difficulty
with this and wonder if any historian/theologians can shed light on it.

Gina Stevenson

14th December 2005, 11:19 AM (11:19)

... "sometimes the priority of the kingdom outweighs even family," I have to agree with you. But sometimes, as with Christmas -- when even "the world" seems to realize Christmas represents "love" -- well, "time = love" too.

So, it may better draw someone towards where you want them to go [towards the Lord] by spending "time" with them on such a day, than by not doing so. Don't think you'd disagree with this statement, either. Now, if both family & "church family" are closeby, one can handle doing both, perhaps. ;)

OK, I'm done ... have work to do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, by the way, MARK! As Edith reminded us in your b'day thread, re your wife's name:

HAVE A JOY-FILLED DAY ... YEAR ... MARK! :cool: