What to get Esther for Christmas, advice please

[Jim Franklin]

She will not accept flowers, jewelry, candy, wearing apparel, perfume, electronic gadgetry or most anything many other ladies might be pleased with. Last Valentine's I asked for such advice and it was suggested that since she is a teacher more than anything else to get her a gift certificate at a school supply shop which I did but I don't think she has used it yet. Previous years for Christmas I would give her a check but now that she is receiving both her teaching pay and Social Security her incom is more that double mine so I don't think that would be reasonable. Many of the items I used to give her before the checks she rejected or took back for exchange. What is a guy who is wrong so much of the time to do?

[Eugenia Whitten]

Maybe, a nice dinner for two at a nice restaurant?

[Jim Franklin]

She has to eat. Thanks, Eugenia.

[Bruce Griffis]

Coal comes to mind.

[DA Weaver]

Coal comes to mind.

lol, BRUCE!!!! I was sitting here thinking about a spanking!!! (I didn't say that out loud did I?) :M):basic03

[Bob Evans]

How about prayer?

[DA Weaver]

How about prayer?

Much better suggestion than I was thinking...

[Tami Martin]

I would suggest time. Do something special together.

[Jim Franklin]

Tami, she tries to involve herself so deeply in teaching that it is almost as if she is avoiding spending time with me. When she needs to be picked up I often go to her school at 2-4 PM just to be in the same room with her but she is so busy that she hardly notices that I am there. Most times we stay until 8 PM or later. I do love her and wished we could spend more time together evem though like her Kindergarten students I need a lot of correction.

Bob, I have prayed for her everyday for over 45 years. After our wedding I tried to institute prayer together but it was not long until her preparations for the day took her too long to get to our schools in time. So she, in affect, has vetoed prayer time together.

DA, no touching is allowed.

[Wanda Van Winkle]

Jim,

As a very busy person who takes little time for luxuries, I would love to have a gift certificate for a manicure.

Some ladies like spas, but I've never been.

[Jim Franklin]

Wanda, I have thought of that previously and somewhat hinted at something like that a few years back but she responded with an absolute, "No." Thanks for the suggestion. She doesn't like anyone touching her. If a pastor requests that the congregation take hands across the sanctuary for a benediction she refuses. Only kindergartners are allowed to touch her.

[Jim Franklin]

Wanda, I have hinted at such a few years back and got the response of an absolute, "No." She would not even go to a hairdresser if I gave her a gift certificate for that. Only kindergartners are allowed to touch her. If a pastor requests that the congregation take the hands with the person next to them for the closing benediction she refuses.

[Tami Martin]

Jim, pardon my saying, but it sounds like you need more than present ideas for your wife. I'll be praying for you both. A wife should accept a gift from her husband. Period.

Perhaps you can just get her a nice card and write a poem about your love for her. Maybe make a donation to a charitable organization in her name.

[Jim Franklin]

Tami, within a couple of years of our wedding when I realized things were not right I counseled with our pastor at the time and was told that the more prayer invested in her the better chance we had of reaching a God-pleasing marriage. Thanks to all who pray for this to come about.

[Dave McClung]

She will not accept flowers, jewelry, candy, wearing apparel, perfume, electronic gadgetry or most anything many other ladies might be pleased with. Last Valentine's I asked for such advice and it was suggested that since she is a teacher more than anything else to get her a gift certificate at a school supply shop which I did but I don't think she has used it yet. Previous years for Christmas I would give her a check but now that she is receiving both her teaching pay and Social Security her incom is more that double mine so I don't think that would be reasonable. Many of the items I used to give her before the checks she rejected or took back for exchange. What is a guy who is wrong so much of the time to do?

One of the most popular gifts this year is an electronic picture frame. Preload it with pictures of people she loves.

[Dave McClung]

Tami, within a couple of years of our wedding when I realized things were not right I counseled with our pastor at the time and was told that the more prayer invested in her the better chance we had of reaching a God-pleasing marriage. Thanks to all who pray for this to come about.

Jim, I am sure you realize the wisdom of your pastor's advice. He knew that prayer does as much to change the person who is praying as the person who is prayed for.

[Jim Severns]

Hmmm. Interesting thread.

After reading through, I would suggest round-trip tickets to Los Angeles for your joint appearance on an upcoming Dr. Phil episode: Wives Who Reject Christmas Presents From Their Husbands!

What is the "Her Income" / "My Income" thing? I'm married. I make money. My wife makes money. It all goes into one account. We pay our tithe and our bills and we buy stuff.

Sounds like you need to just give her a gift card. Surely she can find something at Wal-Mart. It might be a 50-lb bag of something from the lawn and garden center, but it will be something she wants.

[Anne and Dwayne Hood]

Don't give her anything. See if you get any attention. But, have a money envelope handy in your pocket (with cash), to hand to her if she "starts', and say, Oh, did I forget something? I do love you, you know." Against her will wrestle her down and give her a big hug and kiss, until her head is spinning, and stars are in her eyes.
Maybe, she has always wanted an aggressive, but gentle in a way, husband.

[DA Weaver]

Don't give her anything. See if you get any attention. But, have a money envelope handy in your pocket (with cash), to hand to her if she "starts', and say, Oh, did I forget something? I do love you, you know." Against her will wrestle her down and give her a big hug and kiss, until her head is spinning, and stars are in her eyes.
Maybe, she has always wanted an aggressive, but gentle in a way, husband.

ROFL!!!

[Tami Martin]

Against her will wrestle her down and give her a big hug and kiss, until her head is spinning, and stars are in her eyes.

I'm sure Anne's tongue was firmly in cheek, but this might not be the BEST option for you, Jim.

[Bruce Griffis]

Jim - I think we may have some similar experiences. Counseling (by yourself, not with a spouse) can never solve a relationship problem. One person praying can not solve a relationship problem, as the other person could be praying for something completely different. It can change how you perceive a problem, and maybe change how you deal with it - but it can never solve the problem itself. It takes two to build a relationship, but only takes one to destroy it.

That said - does your wife have favorite pictures? The electronic frame sounds like a great idea! (Dave, was that you that mentioned that?)

[Jim Franklin]

I would be overjoyed to go to joint prayer and/or counseling if she were willing. What an electronic picture frame is I do not know. Is there any wonder why I feel like an old unwanted reject. I think I'll just try Eugenia's original suggestion. I really do love her and have for 47 years. For those who are tired of me voicing my situation here maybe I should just shut up and withdraw but NazNetters are the only real family I have and that is why I place my confidence in you loving and caring brothers and sisters. Lord, I'm sorry that I am such a failure.

[Robin Hatcher]

I would be overjoyed to go to joint prayer and/or counseling if she were willing. What an electronic picture frame is I do not know. Is there any wonder why I feel like an old unwanted reject. I think I'll just try Eugenia's original suggestion. I really do love her and have for 47 years. For those who are tired of me voicing my situation here maybe I should just shut up and withdraw but NazNetters are the only real family I have and that is why I place my confidence in you loving and caring brothers and sisters.

Jim, if you are interested in an electronic picture frame I bet you could find one at Radio Shack, Best Buy or Curcuit City or maybe even Sears. Try to Google it and you will find all sorts of results. Continuing to pray for healing in your marriage and in both of your hearts!

[Mark Metcalfe]

Too late for this year, I am afraid, but a few years ago, Joy and I agreed that we would not be exchanging Christmas gifts with each other. The stress to find something unique or somehow express our love and devotion and keep it a secret seemed out of place with Christmas. I am afraid that agreeing not to exchange gifts will be for the same reasons that we've agreed on, so I am sorry on that account.

The day at the spa is a nice idea, but I would suggest that her best friend also receives one (coordinating with her husband) so that such women have the courage to spoli themselves and put themselves in the hands of a stranger. My friend and I did this for our wives and that worked very well.

Events mean more to us now than things. There isn't anything we really want or need, and if she has her eye on anything, I'd much rather pounce on it than wait until Christmas morning.

Mark

[Gina Stevenson]

I'm sure Anne's tongue was firmly in cheek, but this might not be the BEST option for you, Jim.

Yes, it was partially TIC, I'd also guess. This often works with kids, and we are big kids at heart (we adults), yet sometimes adults can be more adamantly against something like that, and perceive it as an assault, rather than love (sadly).

[LoraineStanton]

Against her will wrestle her down and give her a big hug and kiss, until her head is spinning, and stars are in her eyes.

Even tongue in cheek, I find this suggestion extremely offensive! Don't even THINK about it Jim!

[Mark Metcalfe]

Even tongue in cheek, I find this suggestion extremely offensive! Don't even THINK about it Jim!

Different times.
Different strokes.

Gone are the days of swooning and spooning.

[Anne and Dwayne Hood]

Maybe Jim would like to say whether or not I offended him. I think not. He has read many "crazy" things that I have posted.

[Gina Stevenson]

Maybe Jim would like to say whether or not I offended him. I think not. He has read many "crazy" things that I have posted.

Wasn't suggesting at all that he might have been offended ... just that it might not be quite a "safe" idea. ;)

[Marg Webb]

Jim. go to her church with her as a gift.
We had a Nanny for my daughter that was Seventh Day she did not celebrated Christmas.
Didn't you say she now attends there. Go with her and keep your mouth shut and show joy in being in church with her.

[Bob Evans]

Marge

Thats a great idea and possibly the best on the entire thread. Thanks for the spirit of the suggestion as well.

Bob

[DA Weaver]

Marge

Thats a great idea and possibly the best on the entire thread. Thanks for the spirit of the suggestion as well.

Bob

I agree Bob!

[Hal Paul]

Jim. go to her church with her as a gift.
We had a Nanny for my daughter that was Seventh Day she did not celebrated Christmas.
Didn't you say she now attends there. Go with her and keep your mouth shut and show joy in being in church with her.

I've been thinking for a while that going to church with her would be a good idea. Attending with her as a Christmas gift would be a good way to start.

[Jim Franklin]

I am afraid if I followed Anne's suggestion that immediately there would be a 911 call and officers would come and arrest me for domestic battery and possibly kidnapping which is described as holding someone against their will. In fact, I tried that one time and I got pounded.

I think I have it settled. I have turned the 2000 Taurus over to her and paid a total of almost $6000 for it with the interest so that is her Christmas presents from this year until it not longer is operational and its not flower, jewelry, candy, perfume, wearing apparel or any other regular type lady gift. My older son is fixing up her Subaru for the younger sons family to use as needed and I have already given a sizeable check to the older son so I was done with shopping without even realizing it. Thank you all for your care and concern. Keep praying is your gift to me. Close the thread.

[Gina Stevenson]

I think I have it settled. I have turned the 2000 Taurus over to her and paid a total of almost $6000 for it with the interest so that is her Christmas presents from this year until it not longer is operational and its not flower, jewelry, candy, perfume, wearing apparel or any other regular type lady gift. My older son is fixing up her Subaru for the younger sons family to use as needed and I have already given a sizeable check to the older son so I was done with shopping without even realizing it. Thank you all for your care and concern. Keep praying is your gift to me. Close the thread.


But before we close this thread, Jim, since Esther thinks she´s gotten all of her Christmas from you, Marg´s idea of accompanying her to church would be an extra ... an added surprise (if you don´t let her know until nearly time to go, that is ;)) ... which would maybe mean even more as a ¨topper¨to the car payoff. After that, she´s expecting no more, so can´t really then misunderstand it as a ¨felt obligation.´ It could possibly be understood 100% as a ´gift´after the car thing. Whaddaya think?

Maybe ....... ???

[Terri Knoll]

along with my prayer gift I add cyber (((hugs)))

blessings,
Terri

[Marg Webb]

Oh My!! please do not close the thread until we hear that "OUR" dear friend has really given his all and attended the Advent church.
I really want you to do this. It will humble you I am sure.
Webster says "humble...........not proud, not self-assertive, modest and lowly, unpretentious .
What is an old car when the love of our life can sit beside me and know he has done it because he LOVES me.!!!!!!!!!!!
I would give George the price of a Honda to come back and sit with me in church.
That is IF I had the price of a Honda to give:) Mine is leased.

[Jim Franklin]

I did go to the Christmas program with the family at the Adventist Church and got a very cold reception. The temperature in the building was below 60 degrees and I had to keep my leather jacket on and it had not risen to a comfortable level until the benediction had been prayed. Afterward in the foyer apples and tangelos were being sold as a fund raiser for the school and Esther decided to buy several of those bags and boxes so I stood close by for about 20 minutes to a half hour and decided to see what would happen to a newby standing in their foyer. Although I nodded and smiled to people when they made eye contact not one person approached me to shake my hand or speak to me. So I did do as I was urged to do. But it was not a pleasant experience.

[Ian Gentles]

Churches in all denominations can be cold towards strangers, others can go in opposite direction. When we were young in the mission many of us occasionaly attended a large Reformed Baptist Church, when service was over we would make a bolt for the exit, but "The bouncers" as we all called em would catch you even in the car park to chat.
The greatest Christmas gift is love, and in Christ is an undeserved love! This is best we can offer anyone, tell them you love them. Go phone someone friends tell them you love them!

http://iangentles.livejournal.com

[Vivian Cornwell]

I did go to the Christmas program with the family at the Adventist Church and got a very cold reception. The temperature in the building was below 60 degrees and I had to keep my leather jacket on and it had not risen to a comfortable level until the benediction had been prayed. Afterward in the foyer apples and tangelos were being sold as a fund raiser for the school and Esther decided to buy several of those bags and boxes so I stood close by for about 20 minutes to a half hour and decided to see what would happen to a newby standing in their foyer. Although I nodded and smiled to people when they made eye contact not one person approached me to shake my hand or speak to me. So I did do as I was urged to do. But it was not a pleasant experience.
Jim, I have been to a 7th Day Adventist Church with a relative in South Africa, Texas, and Arizona and they were all very friendly so your experience wasn't necessarily the norm. All churches are different. The people I met were all very nice and the services were nice services.

[Jim Franklin]

Eugenia, I did take her to the Golden Corral after church services on Sunday. I suggested we try something more upscale but she said if it isn't Golden Corral she would not go.

[Gina Stevenson]

Eugenia, I did take her to the Golden Corral after church services on Sunday. I suggested we try something more upscale but she said if it isn't Golden Corral she would not go.

That's similar to Ponderosa, right? Seems I've seen those somewhere long ago, & they were like what I remember Ponderosa being (haven't been to one since Danny & I would go sometimes on Sunday after church).

[Marg Webb]

I apologize Jim. I should have realized that you had visited there with your wife.
It sounds like you really did hit the jack pot this year.!!