Funeral message for the unsaved

[Anne and Dwayne Hood]

and non churched family.

It has been a good while since Dwayne has had to face this. He was asked today to speak at a funeral of a stranger (a lady) whose family are not in church. He is on the phone with her husband right now, making an appointment with him for 6 p.m.

We have lots of books, but, it is stilll a problem at times. The hardest one he ever had, was for a suicide case of a man we knew, but who seldom attended church, or professed to be a Chrisitan.

Do any of you have any thoughts?

[Barbara Moulton]

and non churched family.

It has been a good while since Dwayne has had to face this. He was asked today to speak at a funeral of a stranger (a lady) whose family are not in church. He is on the phone with her husband right now, making an appointment with him for 6 p.m.

We have lots of books, but, it is stilll a problem at times. The hardest one he ever had, was for a suicide case of a man we knew, but who seldom attended church, or professed to be a Chrisitan.

Do any of you have any thoughts?


It's a little late I guess but when I do funerals of unchurched people I do three things.

1. Get lots and lots of information about the person and spend a lot of time telling their story.
2. Speak about the comfort and consolation which is offered to us in God.
3. Speak about the character of God. I don't stand up and say that the deceased is in heaven. I do say that we can commit the one who has gone to the care and keeping of God because God is loving, gracious and just and He knows our hearts. When I did the funeral of someone who had committed suicide, who never made a profession of faith...I could confidently assert that God responds to all who call upon Him, no matter when they do it...when they are just starting out or within seconds of the end of their lives.

[Kathy O'Connor]

When my father-in-law died, the new parish priest was in a similar situation since dad wasn't fond of church. At the funeral, we held our collective breath as the priest started, "Dur was Jesus to many, in different ways." He went on to tell about Dur's life and how he unselfishly extended himself to others throughout his life. He spoke of his military service, being a volunteer fireman for decades, even by offering a listening ear to a friend, over a beer at a local tavern. He wove a message that both honored dad's life and encouraged others to follow his example.

Obviously, getting PLENTY of info about the deceased is critical.

I often wonder why family members prefer having a stranger who doesn't know the loved one speak at the service. It would seem that a pastor could preside over the service, but a family member or dear friend would speak about the person's life.

[Kathy O'Connor]

Sorry, the message I intended for Anne, went to Barbara.

[Tami Martin]

Anne, it seems like there are two questions here: how do you do a funeral for someone you don't know and how do you do a funeral for someone who wasn't saved.

For the first, let others tell their story or learn that story and tell it yourself.

For the second, the message at the funeral is not for the deceased. It's a little late to worry about that person's eternal destiny.

I like Kathy's and Barbara's suggestions/ideas. A message of hope can still be preached to a lost crowd.

[Randy Wise]

and non churched family.

It has been a good while since Dwayne has had to face this. He was asked today to speak at a funeral of a stranger (a lady) whose family are not in church. He is on the phone with her husband right now, making an appointment with him for 6 p.m.

We have lots of books, but, it is stilll a problem at times. The hardest one he ever had, was for a suicide case of a man we knew, but who seldom attended church, or professed to be a Chrisitan.

Do any of you have any thoughts?

My Thoughts:
Convey -Men are appointed once to die and then face judgment. Then state the truth - you didn't know that person or his outcome in that judgment but you do know Jesus and why its important to come to Him for life. (I would tell the living more in this case but he's already gone)Then add from the other suggestions given. I would also ask the family what is it they wanted me to do for them so you know their expectations.

Randy

[Kathy O'Connor]

Is it a coincidence that this discussion occurs on the 17th anniversary of my own Dad's death?

I doubt there is a day that goes by that I don't think of him and I still miss him. He was a good man, and a GREAT grandpa. My sons often remark that they wished he was still around so they would have known him better. They both were so young when he died that they have very few actual memories.

sorry for rambling...

[Jon Twitchell]

Part of my bivocational calling right now involves being available to the Funeral Home on a regular basis to provide pastoral care to the unchurched (or those from out of town who have no church connections locally).

I have lots of thoughts on the topic (and have considered starting a funeral resource website)... but I'm actually on my way out the door right now to perform a graveside service.

My basic objectives are as follows:
1) Honor the memory of the deceased
2) Give thanks to God for the gift of their life...and for the gift of life in general
3) Share words of comfort from God's Word
4) Encourage people to draw closer to God during their time of need.

I do NOT--
1) preach the deceased into/out of heaven/hell
2) attempt to overtly convert anyone who is there... i.e., offer an altar call

I DO--
1) read scripture
2) pray
3) tell stories about the person's life
4) invite others (occassionally) to tell stories about the person's life
5) encourage listeners to draw near to God
5) spend a fair amount of time with the family--either in person or on the phone.

[Jon Twitchell]

One of the tools in my "toolbox" is my understanding of what it means to say that we were created in "The Image of God." While tarnished/bent/broken, I believe that each person (saved or not) is an imperfect reflection of the God who created them. Someone who was "a rock" to the rest of their family provides me an opportunity to use Psalm 46 and talk about God as our rock and fortress. Someone who was generous provides an opportunity for me to talk about God's generosity. Someone who was great with names gives me a chance to talk about God knowing our name. Etc.

Don't misunderstand me, I don't "saint" people, put them in heaven, or suggest that they were "just like God." However, I do believe that when we look carefully at the very best a person has to offer, we can catch a glimpse of the God who created them.

Suicide, drug overdoses, or tragic deaths become another category altogether... the graveside service I did today gave me an opportunity to talk about choices--good and bad... and so I used Deuteronomy 30 as an exhortation for the survivors to "choose life" and follow God.

[Anne and Dwayne Hood]

Thanks so much, to all of you. Dwayne visited with the family last night and went to the funeral home tonight. He will go early tomorrow. We were so pleased, to learn, that one of the lady's great nephews, that attended our church when he was small, is now a youth minister at the First Baptist Church in Millington.

I will share all that has been written with Dwayne. He always, astounds me, at how good he does in situations like this. But, he will also be glad to hear of experiences that each of you have had, as he is a very open minded person.

We know the lady's brother and his family, and he does not profess to be a Christian.
Over the years, members of his family have taken "spells" of attending the COTN in Millington, or one out in Tipton County.