Christians and Viewing Sex

[Barb Bouldrey]

We have had a lot of discussions about going to movies and using discretion in what we select to watch, but I do not remember seeing a discussion on this topic.

For many years soap operas on TV have shown couples in sexual experiences, married couples and unmarried couples. Now, many other types of programs on TV- medical dramas, police dramas, office dramas, family dramas and comedies-depict couples having sex. A lot of time the unmarried couples have sex on their first date, as if that is the normal way to date.

We do not watch those scenes on TV or in movies. We change channels for a few minutes or fast forward a movie.

David said in the Psalms that he will put nothing unclean before his eyes. I guess he learned his lesson with Bathsheba.

Jesus said that if we lust it is as if we have committed adultery. I wonder how much viewing actors simulating the sex act causes people to lust.

As I hear Christians talk about the movies they have seen or the TV programs they enjoy watching on a regular basis I often wonder if these same Christians enjoy watching the sex scenes.

The more we allow ourselves to watch-sex, violence, foul language-the more desensitized we become to those things until they become acceptable and normal.

I tried to teach my son caution about these things, but I guess it did not work. The pull of the world and "what everyone is watching" is greater than parental advice.

Should Christians enjoy watching actors simulate the sex act? And I am not talking about pornographic movies, but regular TV and regular movies.

Barb

[Gina Stevenson]

Well, Barb, I do find myself looking away from ... ignoring ... the TV from time to time. Sometimes it does go off. It is crazy how TV frequently depicts some perverse things as "normal." Have walked out of movies, too. One time we did this, asked for $$ back [within 3-5 minutes even; not half into it], and they offered tickets "for later use."

This was years ago ... we suggested that, "No, we (didn't) want tickets, because we could not be sure just how long it would be before there would even be something worth coming back for, so we'd just like our $$." Finally they relented. Have been even more careful since as to which ones I go to in the first place, so we don't go through that scenario again. :rolleyes:

'Know what I did notice last time I was at a movie? [or one of the more recent times; been 2-3x since back in MI 5.5 yrs--not sure which] Noticed how loud! Maybe b/c I was w/a cousin who wanted to sit "where (she could) hear!" I, on the other hand, would like to sit far away from any speaker; they have them plenty loud even then. :cool:

[Ian Gentles]

Well don't watch TV hardly, and very few films, find nothing of interest. What amazes me is why anyone would wish to watch sex scenes, it isn't about them!

[Tami Martin]

Should Christians enjoy watching actors simulate the sex act?

That's a bit of a loaded question.

On the one hand, there is a biological response to visual stimuli. I'm betting that many have "flogged" themselves in one way or another for a visceral, biological response to a sexual stimuli. Like a teen boy feeling like he's the worst sort of sinner for a natural response to a pretty girl in a low cut top leaning over in front of him.

But then there is a different sort of "enjoy." I suspect that this is the one you're talking about. This one is pursuing that sort of stimuli. Looking for it or not averting your eyes (in one way or another) when presented with it. Sort of like how it's not sin when Satan throws a thought into the battlefield of your mind, but it becomes one when we engage it and mull over it and entertain it.

In the first case, I don't see how we can condemn ourselves for having physical bodies with God-given sex drives. In the second case, we most certainly should avoid it.

[Tami Martin]

What amazes me is why anyone would wish to watch sex scenes, it isn't about them!

The multi-billion dollar porn industry would suggest that people do it because they are aroused by it.

[Ian Gentles]

The multi-billion dollar porn industry would suggest that people do it because they are aroused by it.

Sadly it would seem they are.

[Donna Adams]

I will not watch a TV show or movie that has sexual scenes..I am so very very picky about what I watch. If there are other people in the room watching, it makes me very uncomfortable. It does desensitize, it is sickening to me.
I won't even watch commericials with my sons or husband when commercials for femine products come on.
I have a foreign exchange student living me, a female. She is 18. She wears very low, provocative shirts. I tell her to hike it up, put on something else, change it. She looks at me like I am strange. I honestly to not think God approves of some of the clothing that we wear today, there is too much skin showing. What happened to old fashioned purity?
Good thread Barb.

[Barb Bouldrey]

Yes, Tami,

My main thought is centered around enjoying it by seeking to watch it. We cannot always control what pops onto the screen next.

I am amazed at how many really good movies have to throw in a steamy sex scene. Those movies are great movies without the sex scene.

Many times I can tell by the commercial that some programs are not worth my time and should not be in front of my eyes. But sometimes we have to make choices as to watch or switch.

I have heard women talk about their soap opera about how they can hardly wait until a couple ends up in bed...finally. And then I am sure they enjoy watching it happen. And these are Christian women.

I guess I should have asked it, "Should a Christian WANT to enjoy watching sexual scenes and enjoy watching them?

Barb

[Jim Franklin]

If a so-called regularly schdeduled program shows sexual scenes then it must be what they call "soft porn." If what I suppose is to be a reasonably decent program turns into something else I think it is better to turn it off because the outcome is not that important. I have never attended a movie anyway. "Whatsoever is .................. think on these things" is our motto.

[Robin Hatcher]

Something to think about...

Someone once asked if you were walking past your neighbor's house and you saw something that was meant to be private you would immediately look away and push it from your memory, so why is the television any different. If you wouldn't be comfortable watching something in real life or watching it with Jesus or your Pastor - should you be watching it at all? We all know the answer to that one...

I read a short, yet convicting article by Jeremy Archer some time ago - not sure of the copyright regulations, so I will post the link (http://www.navpress.com/EPubs/DisplayArticle/1/1.139.11.html) here - its worth the read.

[Terri Knoll]

that's one of the reasons I don't read the Old Testament :basic05

[David Landry]

hi barb,
i'm a new guy!! i love this post!!!!!!!!! seems to be avoided by many. it's interesting to me growing up in the c.o.n. that movies were taboo. i remember sneaking out to see trading places at the cinema with the church p.k.. i have not forgotten the effect now more than 23 years ago when i saw jamie lee curtis taking her shirt off on screen. ifelt so filthy and that image and feeling are there today just as if it happened today. somehow it has become chic (?) for nazarenes to indulge in worldly practices, but i ask at what price? so much scripture talks about fleeing the lusts of the flesh, yet many seem more preoccupied with freeing themselves of the old dry dead rules of our forefathers, and at the same time have forfeited their birthright. paul said that we should flee from even the very [I]appearance[I]of evil. i feel very sad that a church who's marching song used to be "holiness unto the LORD" seems to be singing the theme song to "dancing with the stars" or "monday night football". i know that obviosly it's not all of them, but i see quite a few around me that are.

am i extreme? yes. but so was bresee, wesley, finney, and paul, peter, and anyone else who was on fire to serve GOD.

(sorry, i know my spelling is horrible!)

[Barb Bouldrey]

Hi David,

Welcome to NazNet.

I, too, have mental images of things I saw that I did not really want to see that can never be erased.

What is sad and disappointing is that some Christians watch, and keep watching and then want to watch more until it becomes a normal pattern for their entertainment. They no longer see anything wrong with people having sex who are not married...as long as it is on a screen. A sex scene is no different to them than a car chase or any other part of the movie.

Barb

[Barbara Moulton]

Do you have any issues with the sexualized choreography and skimpy costumes on "Dancing with the Stars"?

Don't watch the show but have seen the promos on Youtube and I gotta admit...was a little surprised.

[Barb Bouldrey]

Yes, I am shocked at some of the female costumes on Dancing with the stars. I am not comfortable watching them and John isn't either. It is just as easy to change the channels for skimpy costumes as it is for sexual content.

Hey, there are some very sexual commericals that get tuned out, too.

Barb

[Gina Stevenson]

............

I am amazed at how many really good movies have to throw in a steamy sex scene. Those movies are great movies without the sex scene.

One of my complaints, too ... they can take a perfectly great story, with a great moral, et cetera, and mess it up. Why? "They" feel they have to have their gratuitous sex scene(s), I guess. Doggone 'em! It's one fantastic movie that doesn't take something good and mess it up in this fashion; there are a few out there now & then.

I have heard women talk about their soap opera about how they can hardly wait until a couple ends up in bed...finally. And then I am sure they enjoy watching it happen. And these are Christian women.

Oh, my goodness! It used to be I'd have this "sermonette" rarin' to go if anyone mentioned watching soaps. I've mellowed a lot ... but will mention that I just don't watch soaps. ;)

[David Landry]

my wife and i decided a long time ago to get rid of cable and all secular movies in our house. you talk about problems. all that time on our hands. we had to talk to each other too! well, since then we have had 2 kids and found it to be a blessing in disguie. the only secular movies that we watch now are ansy griffith and little house on the prarie. i still have moments when i wonder if that descision might have been a compromise, but our descision wasn't to shelter any of us from the world, but to keep us from purposefully deciding to watch things which are not beneficial, even if it is permissible. I am still happy today that we only watch brodcast television for the weather on occation, and find that to be pretty depressing , for what it's worth.

[Rance Gould]

hi barb,
i'm a new guy!! i love this post!!!!!!!!! seems to be avoided by many. it's interesting to me growing up in the c.o.n. that movies were taboo. i remember sneaking out to see trading places at the cinema with the church p.k.. i have not forgotten the effect now more than 23 years ago when i saw jamie lee curtis taking her shirt off on screen. ifelt so filthy and that image and feeling are there today just as if it happened today. somehow it has become chic (?) for nazarenes to indulge in worldly practices, but i ask at what price? so much scripture talks about fleeing the lusts of the flesh, yet many seem more preoccupied with freeing themselves of the old dry dead rules of our forefathers, and at the same time have forfeited their birthright. paul said that we should flee from even the very [I]appearance[I]of evil. i feel very sad that a church who's marching song used to be "holiness unto the LORD" seems to be singing the theme song to "dancing with the stars" or "monday night football". i know that obviosly it's not all of them, but i see quite a few around me that are.

am i extreme? yes. but so was bresee, wesley, finney, and paul, peter, and anyone else who was on fire to serve GOD.

(sorry, i know my spelling is horrible!)


Welcome to Naznet David. Don't wrory abuot yuor spllenig. We hvae all been tehre and done taht! :fun15

On a more serious note, I believe the Christian should take Proverbs 4:25-27. serious, and avoid the spider web so you don't get bit, the briar patch..., hot stove..., deep water if you can't swim... and the list goes on. Temptation is so very deceptive and innocent and it all begins with that first accidental scene in a movie or tv program. It's always better being in trouble with the devil and quitting a behavior than allowing temptation to run it's course and find yourself in trouble with God!

[Barbara Moulton]

As long as humanity has been communicating with each other, there has been a pervasive theme of sexuality in that communication. Every new medium has brought new opportunities.

My daughter read all of Shakespeare's plays last summer and remarked on how much suggetive and bawdy language there is in his writings.

I wonder...did Christians in his time debate whether it was appropriate to attend the theatre?

Terri has reminded us that, even the Bible, has some very disturbing accounts. I remember the first time (when I was about 13) when I read the account of David's son raping his sister. I didn't feel it was very edifying or wholesome at the time. The images that chapter conjured up bothered me for a long time.

The reality is that there are millions of Christians in developed countries with TV's. If you want to avoid all sexuality and unwholesome scenes, the only way to do that it seems would be to not watch TV at all. As has been suggested, even those who are careful often find that a scene or a commercial will come on, which requires them to turn away.

But most Christians do have TV's and do watch a variety of shows. The implication is that we all seem to have our own level of what is acceptable and what is not. Truth is, there could be an argument made for not watching a lot tv.

News: because much of it is fear mongering and speculation which Christians could do well to avoid.

Reality shows: because they are engineered to bring out the worst in people.

Crime shows: because they deliberately and intentionally explore the darker side of human nature and show increasingly graphic violence.

Decorating shows: because they can create a sense of covetousness in an individual.

Etc., etc., etc.

Which is really why each of us has to review and surrender our tv (and movie) viewing habits to God. God does a pretty good job of convicting me when a show is wrong for me. I used to watch CSI. I stopped because I came to feel that immersing myself once a week in the grisly forensic details it highlighted was not good for my spirit. I used to watch Grey's Anatomy. But one day it came to me that this was not a show that was uplifting to my spirit. They never really depicted "sex" explicitly but it was the pervasive theme of "jumping into bed" that was implied that bothered me.

I have been watching Criminal Minds but I am starting to move away from it as well (for similiar reasons as for CSI).

I think the best thing we can do for each other in a Christian community is to be willing to gently share how we feel with others...without coming across as judgemental. It's always easier to condemn things that have no attraction for us.

And I always think that if we continue to lift Jesus up and preach Him, then He will work in people's heart's to show them what is right and wrong for them. Teach others on how to develop Christian discerment...rather than trying to do the discernment for them.

Thanks for the thread Barb.

[Hans Deventer]

I think the best thing we can do for each other in a Christian community is to be willing to gently share how we feel with others...without coming across as judgemental. It's always easier to condemn things that have no attraction for us.

And I always think that if we continue to lift Jesus up and preach Him, then He will work in people's heart's to show them what is right and wrong for them. Teach others on how to develop Christian discerment...rather than trying to do the discernment for them.

Thanks for the thread Barb.

And thanks for these words, Barbara.

[Hans Deventer]

Paul said that we should flee from even the very appearanceof evil.

Actually, he didn't. http://www.crivoice.org/appearance.html

[Edith K. Thurmond]

Actually, he didn't. http://www.crivoice.org/appearance.html

An echo site with slightly different wording: http://columbiaseminary.edu/coffeetalk/060.html

[Tami Martin]

Thanks Hans! I was going to say something similar, but you did it so much better! :)

Also, I would point out the one notable person who didn't avoid every "appearance" of evil: Jesus.

Even though there are folks like Hans who share the true message of this passage, there are zillions of others who promote the "appearance" idea. They go on to pat themselves on the back when they have so isolated themselves from society that they don't even know a lost person.

[BobHunt]

Even if he had said to avoid the appearance of evil, that too would change! Let me illustrate.
The church we used to go to had this as one of their most observed parts of doctrine. That meant several things, every day things..and we were to remember.
There was a time when if you were to go into a restaurant that served wine with your meal, and people were to see you going through the front doors, they would wonder of you might partake of the wine with your meal. Now, if someone sees me go into a local reataurant that serves wine with the meal, it doesnt even enter their mind about the fact they serve wine. We become desentitized to these things not only as Christians, but as a world as well.
There was a time when we were not allowed to have a tv in our home, and now, people think that is so conservative..but...here we are saying that we dont care for what is on there and have to turn it off or turn our heads when we see these sexual scenes coming on.

[Marsha Lynn]

Even though there are folks like Hans who share the true message of this passage, there are zillions of others who promote the "appearance" idea. They go on to pat themselves on the back when they have so isolated themselves from society that they don't even know a lost person.

So ... does not watching TV necessarily isolate us so much from society that we don't know any lost people? I would think that it would be the opposite, that it's sitting in our houses watching TV that isolates us from the lost people outside our doors.

I'm sitting right now next to our "big" TV (21 inch). It is off. It's basically always off. I have no desire to turn it on. It makes a bunch of noise and distracts me from what I'm doing on the computer. It took something like half an hour to dig out the various remotes in order to watch a DVD someone bought me for Christmas. I think that was the last time it was on.

My boycott of television has little to do with content. I'm not sure what would need to be on it to attract me to it. But I haven't found that not watching television is any kind of deterrent to getting to know "lost people." I just do more listening than talking when they tell me about television shows they have watched. As I do when they start talking about sports. Or the local bar scene. Or their latest medical procedure. Most people don't insist that you appreciate the things they appreciate before they'll talk to you about them. In fact, knowing little or nothing about things for which other people have a lot of enthusiasm and knowledge allows for plenty of active listening.

The only time I notice that my lack of familiarity with television is a hindrance to my social life is when I don't catch on to jokes that depend on having seen popular commercials. But that's simply an eccentricity that people get used to after a while. (At least it doesn't take long to explain the commercials to me. Sometimes I think I should start turning on documentaries or reality shows with the mute button on simply so that when people start to tell me about them I can say, "Oh, yea, I saw that. You don't have to tell me about it.")

As to Barb's question -- personally, I avoid that sort of "entertainment" for both viewing and reading, but I don't know what works for other people's spiritual health. My husband and I do sometimes catch a movie at the local theater on Friday nights. I'm extremely picky about what I watch (either sex or violence will scare me off), but every few months we'll come across a title that looks good to both of us. (Occasionally, we're the only adults in the theater who aren't accompanied by children, but that's all right.)

However, in spite of my viewing discretion, I know plenty of "lost people." I haven't noticed that my personal standards for entertainment are at all important to most of them, but it's not that difficult to adjust them temporarily if I need to in order to avoid causing strained relationships. For instance, during a week-long outing with a couple of high school friends, I watched some movies that I wouldn't normally watch. It didn't kill me and they enjoyed introducing me to some of their favorites. I think we need another thread to clear up some other issues if my Christian witness to them during a week of traveling and living together depended on drawing my lily-white robes around me in response to their viewing recommendations. It turned out that they knew me well enough to subject me primarily to foul language rather than sex scenes.

Now the language thing, that's something I think about. How much foul language can I absorb before I'm in danger of it coming back out as the Alzheimer's progresses?

:eek:

Marsha

[Stan Self]

Wow, Marsha! You have your TV turned off during the AFC championship game? You are strong.

[Marsha Lynn]

Wow, Marsha! You have your TV turned off during the AFC championship game? You are strong.

Hey, you're right! The Colts are playing! OK, it can be on, but the volume is staying low, low, low.

Ah, the influence that NazNet has on me. Now I have my TV on. See how weak my convictions are?

They'd better not put any violence or sex on there!

So what if it's not over before I need to be at church? Will the Colts be able to win without me?

:rolleyes:

Marsha

Edited to say: Never mind, I should have left it off. Obviously, the Colts were better off without me. :gen06

[Barb Bouldrey]

Thanks, Marsha, for adding the word "read." I should have included novels and magazines in the original thread.

We lived is a small town of 2000 for 7 years. I love to read and would go to the local library. I love to read mysteries and would check out unfamiliar authors. Even though I would stand in that little library and scan a book before checking it out, there were times I would read a few chapters and run into steamy sex scenes. Close the book and walk it back to the library that was 2 blocks away.

I hated that even the librarian would know what books I checked out. I did not want anyone to see my name on the card and think that the local Nazarene preacher's wife read that kind of trash.

Barb

[Cindi Hammons]

There was a time when if you were to go into a restaurant that served wine with your meal, and people were to see you going through the front doors, they would wonder of you might partake of the wine with your meal. Now, if someone sees me go into a local reataurant that serves wine with the meal, it doesnt even enter their mind about the fact they serve wine.

Okay, first off, other Christians should not be so nosey and shouldn't be making judgements about what you are drinking with your meal. As our pastor said today, "We shouldn't become fruit inspectors." Just because a restaurant serves alcohol does not mean that you are partaking of alcohol.

When I got to the second part of your statement above, I thought you were going to say something like, "Now, if someone sees me go into a local restaurant that serves wine with the meal, they know better than to think I would be drinking. Isn't that the important thing? Isn't important to know that people know you well enough to know that you are not a drinker?

Oh well. I probably shouldn't have responded on this thread, but your post caught my attention. Nothing against you Bob, I just get tired of judgemental people inspecting fruit and looking for bruising where there is none.

[David Landry]

Actually, he didn't. http://www.crivoice.org/appearance.html

thanks for that clarification! i'm not yet exigetical enough for my own good.:laughing my feeling about this has always been that so often people say "you become too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good, when i think the opposite is the reality. i never advocate any ideal of hiding from the world, or living in a nazarene sanctified fish bowl! i am constantly subjected to the world's beliefs, filth, and jeering at Christianity. I think that is very distinct from my conscience choice in my home and how it influences me and my family. i guess that was my point.

[David Parker]

Hey, you're right! The Colts are playing! OK, it can be on, but the volume is staying low, low, low.

Ah, the influence that NazNet has on me. Now I have my TV on. See how weak my convictions are?

They'd better not put any violence or sex on there!



A playoff game wouldn't be much of a game without some good ol' violence!

[David Parker]

There was a time when if you were to go into a restaurant that served wine with your meal, and people were to see you going through the front doors, they would wonder of you might partake of the wine with your meal....


Luke 7:34


Sorry...just couldn't resist....:)

[Billy Cox]

What?? Now I'll have to find a new proof-text to support my notion that Christians should work hard to keep up appearances.

[Gina Stevenson]

What?? Now I'll have to find a new proof-text to support my notion that Christians should work hard to keep up appearances.


Ahhh, Hyacinth! You don't want to work too hard to be "Keeping up Appearances," do you? :basic05