My two new rules

[David Pettigrew]

I have recently adopted two new guidelines for dealing with people. I fall far short of them at this point, but I'm going to make them a mantra in board meetings, staff meetings, group discussions, naznet threads, etc.

1) Never be offended by anyone.
2) Never be intimidated by anyone.

Here's the explanation.

1) We're all just doing the best we can. When we take things others say and attach the worst possible spin to them, we end up pigeon holing them, and discounting their contribution to the story. So, when someone says something "offensive", I just need to let it roll off my back and go on.

2) We're all born naked and will likely end up on the mortician table that way. Many are richer, smarter, or stronger than me, but nobody is better (or worse.) So, while I'll always be respectful, I won't hold back on saying what needs to be said for the sake of being liked.

This is not a carte blanch to be insensitive or rude. I've just recently come to learn that you can waste so much time in a relationship being offended or intimidated that you lose the relationship altogether.

dp

[Marg Webb]

I love your effort.
Let me know if it works for you.
Usually, I say " usually" I try to just laugh things off.
But I have such thin skin about insults to my country, the flag, snubing the poor, or leaving other's out of social things in the church that I really become so angry that I just sometimes, most !!of the time confront the offensive person. I cannot stand seeing people shunned AND don't kick my dog either!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously I detest snobery in any form.
So I cannot join the No 1. of your goal's.
Happy landing!!!!!!!!!

[Dave McClung]

I have recently adopted two new guidelines for dealing with people. I fall far short of them at this point, but I'm going to make them a mantra in board meetings, staff meetings, group discussions, naznet threads, etc.

1) Never be offended by anyone.
2) Never be intimidated by anyone.

Here's the explanation.

1) We're all just doing the best we can. When we take things others say and attach the worst possible spin to them, we end up pigeon holing them, and discounting their contribution to the story. So, when someone says something "offensive", I just need to let it roll off my back and go on.

2) We're all born naked and will likely end up on the mortician table that way. Many are richer, smarter, or stronger than me, but nobody is better (or worse.) So, while I'll always be respectful, I won't hold back on saying what needs to be said for the sake of being liked.

This is not a carte blanch to be insensitive or rude. I've just recently come to learn that you can waste so much time in a relationship being offended or intimidated that you lose the relationship altogether.

dp

Let's talk about the intimidation issue. Sometimes it is good to be intimidated. In my experience os a lawyer, I found it was best to be just a little intimidated. It made me work harder.

That being said, in a church environment, there is not reason to be intimidated by anyone.

[David Pettigrew]

Of course, my rules of life are always guidelines rather than chiseled in stone. It would be better to say "don't be easily offended" and "don't be easily intimidated", but if I shoot for "never", I'll come closer to reaching the moon than hitting Hal Paul's proverbial skunk.

I can think of situations in life when offense in an appropriate response. If someone uses the "N" word, I should be offended.

[Jeremy D. Scott]

I've thought about your rules here and there over the last couple of weeks, David, and I just wanted to thank you more so than with the button. (Mike Schutz reminded me of this thread in another thread.)

I'm a young pastor (27), and as much as a lot of people who know me think that I am extremely outgoing and self-secure, there are certainly times when I'm very timid, particularly when dealing with people that I don't know.

This isn't good for a pastor.

There have been a number of times lately when I've been headed to visit someone I don't know or been in a conversation with someone that I've little knowledge about, and I've remembered your rules, and they've been positive encouragement for me.

Sure, I know what Paul told Timothy, and that I have the presence of God with me in Christ via the Holy Spirit, but I guess your personal rules here have helped me even further since I read them. Thanks.