Communicating standards with grace..

[Barbara Moulton]

In various threads lately there has been a recurring theme concerning right standards of conduct for Christians. As I mentioned in one post, I doubt you could find two Christians who have the same list of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" for their lives.

But the reality is that some of the standards that we have set in our life might very well be exactly what another Christian might need.

When I was a young woman, I read many romance novels. Now these weren't steamy romance novels at all. But I found that as I read more and more of them, I was using them as a form of escape from some of my personal struggles, instead of concentrating my efforts on my relationships at hand.

In another thread, I mentioned that I used to watch Judge Judy once in a while. But I stopped, because it wasn't good for my spirit.

All sorts of us have similiar boundaries (for want of a better word) which we have put in our life, to help us in our spiritual walk. And there might very well be someone else who is struggling with temptations or weaknesses who could be helped by us sharing some of them or giving advice.

But how do you do share that with grace? How do you draw alongside of a brother or sister in Christ with advice (especially if they haven't asked)?

I think most of us would agree that you don't do it by challenging their behaviour and implying that they aren't a good Christian if they don't agree with your standard.

Any thoughts?

[Tami Martin]

I don't think this is at all possible outside the context of a relationship.

Now, if I were to see a brother or sister in Christ sinning - and there are some obvious things that need not be relegated to the it's-okay-for-you-but-not-for-me pile - there are specific scriptural instructions there.

But it seems to me that you're asking about something different. How do I tell my sister in Christ that reading all those romances like she does has started to warp her perception of her husband in a negative way? How can I share with my Christian brother that the music he's listening to, or the movies he watches are hurting his witness to his kids?

How would I know these things if I didn't know him? I have to come at it from the negative impact the action is having. And I can't imagine trying to do that without saturating the situation in prayer. Making sure it's ME God wants to use in this situation in this way (by talking to him). I believe that if God wants ME to intervene like that, He'll give me the opening I need. I won't have to go slamming into this person's life like a legalist hammer.

[Mike Schutz]

I don't think this is at all possible outside the context of a relationship.

Now, if I were to see a brother or sister in Christ sinning - and there are some obvious things that need not be relegated to the it's-okay-for-you-but-not-for-me pile - there are specific scriptural instructions there.

But it seems to me that you're asking about something different. How do I tell my sister in Christ that reading all those romances like she does has started to warp her perception of her husband in a negative way? How can I share with my Christian brother that the music he's listening to, or the movies he watches are hurting his witness to his kids?

How would I know these things if I didn't know him? I have to come at it from the negative impact the action is having. And I can't imagine trying to do that without saturating the situation in prayer. Making sure it's ME God wants to use in this situation in this way (by talking to him). I believe that if God wants ME to intervene like that, He'll give me the opening I need. I won't have to go slamming into this person's life like a legalist hammer.

Thanks, Tami.
Coming at this from the side of the person needing guidance, Tami has clearly explained why Christian community is so important. I have a real and dangerous "bent" toward self-delusion and subjectivity. It is only within the context of relationships that I can be held accountable and thus able to see myself more objectively. Encouraging those within our fellowship to developing relationships where they allow others to speak the truth in love to us is an essential part of discipleship.

[Crystal Lutton]

The idea of "speak the truth in love" does not mean that you speak the truth because you love, or that you love by speaking the truth. I truly believe it means that the only context in which people will hear the truth you bring is in a relationship founded and grounded in love. When you love someone you have their ear and access to their heart. If you don't love them, just stay quiet, pray for them, and hope someone who does love them will bring truth to them. If you want the opportunity to bring truth you have to start with the need to love. Without love you are a sounding gong or a clanging brass.

[Ryan Scott]

Perhaps the Christian standard we should communicate is grace?

Are you acting with grace in all situations? Are things in your life hampering your ability to act gracefully towards others?

[Barbara Moulton]

I think the responses are right on. We need to be in relationship with people before this kind of "truth speaking" can go on.

Maybe that's one of the problems with NazNet. We have the illusion of relationship and are therefore surprised when others don't take our words of advice and/or admonition with gratitude :)

[Crystal Lutton]

I think that is a risk with any online board. When you move into an intentional online community there is a lot more chance for relationship (people developing relationships off of the board) and the opportunity for love is greater--thus more openness for truth.