Wayne Paul
24th May 2008, 03:59 PM (15:59)
I just realized as this Memorial Day approaches that it has been a little over 38 years since I was “med-evaqued” from Vietnam.
Every time I let my mind return to those days I am flooded with emotion. As time passes the walls of protection that I built keep crumbling away. Today it is almost impossible to hide my tears. The memories of men with whom I shared a stateroom and fellow squadron members I saw shot down and killed or classified “Missing in Action” overwhelm we with grief and a variety of emotions that I am unable able to classify or express. It should be noted the anguish I experience is not limited to these losses. It includes the associate grief the losses imposed on their wives, children and extended families. It too often is not recognized that the trials of the family, in many cases, far exceed the demands of the person serving.
Sometime the pain inflicted on the children is merely the result of being in a suffering community. Like the memory of my son going to take a piano lesson the day after his teacher’s husband was shot down and killed. The mistreatment of a first grader in a class with a teacher whose husband was “missing in action” and emotionally unable to cope with her lose, let alone the stresses of student’s needs. These are just a few examples of the “collateral damage” war inflicted on families.
Then, of course, there is the obvious loss of closeness due to absence which almost everyone understands. However, the demands of family adjustment aren’t as clearly understood. When I was at sea my capable wife was a single parent; however, when I returned I was interjected back into the role of family leader. This instability created by my coming and going was as hard for everyone as my absence.
When dealing with a service member who has returned from combat some conversations are humorous and other, though not intended as such, hurt. On the humorous side of the story is the little old lady (lol) in the Church who approached me after my release from the hospital. The conversation went something like this:
Lol – Do people often get a broken back when ejecting?
Me – Yes, about 80% of the time.
Lol – Knowing that wasn’t it hard to make the decision to eject?
Me – Not really when the other choice was death.
Here is a well meaning hurtful comment. “Wayne, we are so glad you are home and don’t need to pray for anyone in Vietnam anymore.” I wanted to scream, “My God, there are people dying over there as we speak. What do you mean you don’t need to pray because I’m home!!”
In my lifetime I have never met a person who “gave their life for their country”; however, I have known far too many who have “lost their life serving their country.” I believe this is a distinction that needs to be made. Just because they die doesn’t make them a hero. Please remember the difference as you approach this holiday.
I want to reiterate the sacrifice associated with military service extends to the immediate and extended family. Please remember all who have suffered on this Memorial Day, both the living as well as the dead.
Every time I let my mind return to those days I am flooded with emotion. As time passes the walls of protection that I built keep crumbling away. Today it is almost impossible to hide my tears. The memories of men with whom I shared a stateroom and fellow squadron members I saw shot down and killed or classified “Missing in Action” overwhelm we with grief and a variety of emotions that I am unable able to classify or express. It should be noted the anguish I experience is not limited to these losses. It includes the associate grief the losses imposed on their wives, children and extended families. It too often is not recognized that the trials of the family, in many cases, far exceed the demands of the person serving.
Sometime the pain inflicted on the children is merely the result of being in a suffering community. Like the memory of my son going to take a piano lesson the day after his teacher’s husband was shot down and killed. The mistreatment of a first grader in a class with a teacher whose husband was “missing in action” and emotionally unable to cope with her lose, let alone the stresses of student’s needs. These are just a few examples of the “collateral damage” war inflicted on families.
Then, of course, there is the obvious loss of closeness due to absence which almost everyone understands. However, the demands of family adjustment aren’t as clearly understood. When I was at sea my capable wife was a single parent; however, when I returned I was interjected back into the role of family leader. This instability created by my coming and going was as hard for everyone as my absence.
When dealing with a service member who has returned from combat some conversations are humorous and other, though not intended as such, hurt. On the humorous side of the story is the little old lady (lol) in the Church who approached me after my release from the hospital. The conversation went something like this:
Lol – Do people often get a broken back when ejecting?
Me – Yes, about 80% of the time.
Lol – Knowing that wasn’t it hard to make the decision to eject?
Me – Not really when the other choice was death.
Here is a well meaning hurtful comment. “Wayne, we are so glad you are home and don’t need to pray for anyone in Vietnam anymore.” I wanted to scream, “My God, there are people dying over there as we speak. What do you mean you don’t need to pray because I’m home!!”
In my lifetime I have never met a person who “gave their life for their country”; however, I have known far too many who have “lost their life serving their country.” I believe this is a distinction that needs to be made. Just because they die doesn’t make them a hero. Please remember the difference as you approach this holiday.
I want to reiterate the sacrifice associated with military service extends to the immediate and extended family. Please remember all who have suffered on this Memorial Day, both the living as well as the dead.