Nelson Bradford
11th July 2008, 05:15 AM (05:15)
this is one of the funniest jokes I've read. Sent it via USofMail recently to a friend who was housebound following surgery. HUGE mistake. He almost wet
himself.
:laughing
Enjoy
-neb
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I MOVED TO WYOMING
August 14 - Moved to my new home in WYOMING. It's so beautiful here, the mountains are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with a covering of snow. GOD'S COUNTRY! I love it here!
October 14 - WYOMING is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the many shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful mountains and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful creatures on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.
November 11 - Deer season will start soon I can't imagine anyone wanted to kill such elegant creatures. They are the very symbols of peace and tranquility. I hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
December 1 - 8:00 p.m and it's beginning to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife & I took our hot coffee and sat by the window. The soft snowflakes drifted down and it was an absolutely magnificent sight. It looks like a postcard. We went out and shoveled for a while. It was truly a winter wonderland. We had a snowball fight and I won. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Wyoming!
December 2 - We woke up this morning to a wonderful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled again and it really felt good. I did both the driveway and the sidewalk. Later the snowplow came along and covered the driveway up with the compact snow from the street. He smiled and waved and I waved back and smiled at him and shoveled the driveway again.
December 12 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow away. Oh well, I'm sure we will get a little more before winter is over.
December 13 - It snowed almost 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to zero. Shoveled the sidewalk and driveway again. Shortly after I finished, the snowplow came along and did his trick again. (That little rascal).
December 15 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work on time. I'm exhausted from shoveling . . . I need a snowplow.
December 18 - Sold our car and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer so we could get around in the snow easier. Also bought snow tires and chains for the pickup just to be safe.
December 19 - Fell on my butt in the driveway. Chiropractor charged me $50 but nothing was broke. Thankfully.. The sky is getting dark again.
December 20 - Still cold ( 30 below this morning) and the roads are solid ice, making driving almost impossible. I slid into a guard rail with my wife's new Blazer. Probably $800 damage. She is really ticked.
December 21 - We had another 14 inches of that white stuff again last night. More shoveling for me today.
December 22 - We are assured of a white Christmas because another 7 inches of that stuff fell today, and with this freezing weather, it won't melt until . I got all dressed to go and shovel that stuff again. Put on the winter boots, parka, earmuffs, scarf, gloves, long johns, etc...and then I had that urgent call from Mother Nature.
December 24 - If I ever catch that moron that drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears I think he waits around the corner until I've finished shoveling, then he comes back down the street 100 miles an hour throwing that white stuff everywhere he can.
December 25 - MERRY CHRISTMAS my fanny!!! They're predicting another 12 inches of that white stuff again tonight. Does anyone know how many shovels full of snow 12 inches makes? They should use more salt to melt the stupid ice.
December 26 - We DID receive those 12 inches predicted yesterday. For once, I wish that weather man would be wrong!
December 27 - Don't eat the yellow snow around our house because the toilet froze up and we have to go outside. The roof is starting to cave in and the water line froze up. Haven't seen a snowplow in days and the roads are barely driveable.
December 28 - Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway after "Snowplow Harry" comes by. I must be going snow blind or I have a severe case of depression because my wife is starting to look beautiful. Can't go anywhere. Both vehicles are buried in a mountain of white.
January 1 - Happy Stinkin' New Year! Well, the weatherman was wrong! We got 31 inches of snow this time. At this rate, it won't melt till the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the moron driver had the guts to come to the door to borrow my shovel. I told him that I've broken six shovels already from shoveling the stuff he's pushing into my driveway. I broke the last one over his head.
January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. I went to the store to get some food and the way back a deer ran in front of the Blazer. I hit the stupid thing. Car was totaled. Those beasts are a menace. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
May 3 - Took the Blazer to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all the salt they keep dumping all over the road? Blazer looks like a rust test in progress.
June 1 - Picked up and moved to Arizona. I can't imagine anyone in his right mind wanting to actually live in Wyoming.
July 4 - Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts are blended together. What a place! Watched the fireworks at the park laying on a blanket. It was beautiful! I've finally found my home.
July 5 - Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. We live in an air-conditioned home now and drive an air-conditioned car. Life's full of tradeoffs. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
July 7 - Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10 - The temperature has not been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15 - Fell asleep by the pool today. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20 - I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like burnt cat. No pets in this heat.
July 25 - Dry heat - baloney! Hot is HOT!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the repairman wants $200 just to drive by and tell me he needs to order parts.
July 30 - Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,100 house payment and we can't even go inside! Why did I ever come here?
August 4 - 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost me $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. The stupid repairman relieved himself in my pool. I hate this state!
August 8 - If another wise guy cracks "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear his throat out. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a roasted Garfield!
August 10 - The weather report might as well be a recording, hot and sunny, hot and sunny. It's been too hot to even breathe for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert?
August 19. The temperature got to 123 degrees today. I forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of my Lincoln. The windshield installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,000 house payment to bail me out of jail.
August 30 - Hottest day of the summer. I'm not even leaving the house. Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat. That does it! We're moving back to Wyoming. Deer season is about to start.
himself.
:laughing
Enjoy
-neb
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I MOVED TO WYOMING
August 14 - Moved to my new home in WYOMING. It's so beautiful here, the mountains are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with a covering of snow. GOD'S COUNTRY! I love it here!
October 14 - WYOMING is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the many shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful mountains and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful creatures on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.
November 11 - Deer season will start soon I can't imagine anyone wanted to kill such elegant creatures. They are the very symbols of peace and tranquility. I hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
December 1 - 8:00 p.m and it's beginning to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife & I took our hot coffee and sat by the window. The soft snowflakes drifted down and it was an absolutely magnificent sight. It looks like a postcard. We went out and shoveled for a while. It was truly a winter wonderland. We had a snowball fight and I won. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Wyoming!
December 2 - We woke up this morning to a wonderful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled again and it really felt good. I did both the driveway and the sidewalk. Later the snowplow came along and covered the driveway up with the compact snow from the street. He smiled and waved and I waved back and smiled at him and shoveled the driveway again.
December 12 - The sun has melted most of our lovely snow away. Oh well, I'm sure we will get a little more before winter is over.
December 13 - It snowed almost 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to zero. Shoveled the sidewalk and driveway again. Shortly after I finished, the snowplow came along and did his trick again. (That little rascal).
December 15 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work on time. I'm exhausted from shoveling . . . I need a snowplow.
December 18 - Sold our car and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer so we could get around in the snow easier. Also bought snow tires and chains for the pickup just to be safe.
December 19 - Fell on my butt in the driveway. Chiropractor charged me $50 but nothing was broke. Thankfully.. The sky is getting dark again.
December 20 - Still cold ( 30 below this morning) and the roads are solid ice, making driving almost impossible. I slid into a guard rail with my wife's new Blazer. Probably $800 damage. She is really ticked.
December 21 - We had another 14 inches of that white stuff again last night. More shoveling for me today.
December 22 - We are assured of a white Christmas because another 7 inches of that stuff fell today, and with this freezing weather, it won't melt until . I got all dressed to go and shovel that stuff again. Put on the winter boots, parka, earmuffs, scarf, gloves, long johns, etc...and then I had that urgent call from Mother Nature.
December 24 - If I ever catch that moron that drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears I think he waits around the corner until I've finished shoveling, then he comes back down the street 100 miles an hour throwing that white stuff everywhere he can.
December 25 - MERRY CHRISTMAS my fanny!!! They're predicting another 12 inches of that white stuff again tonight. Does anyone know how many shovels full of snow 12 inches makes? They should use more salt to melt the stupid ice.
December 26 - We DID receive those 12 inches predicted yesterday. For once, I wish that weather man would be wrong!
December 27 - Don't eat the yellow snow around our house because the toilet froze up and we have to go outside. The roof is starting to cave in and the water line froze up. Haven't seen a snowplow in days and the roads are barely driveable.
December 28 - Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway after "Snowplow Harry" comes by. I must be going snow blind or I have a severe case of depression because my wife is starting to look beautiful. Can't go anywhere. Both vehicles are buried in a mountain of white.
January 1 - Happy Stinkin' New Year! Well, the weatherman was wrong! We got 31 inches of snow this time. At this rate, it won't melt till the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the moron driver had the guts to come to the door to borrow my shovel. I told him that I've broken six shovels already from shoveling the stuff he's pushing into my driveway. I broke the last one over his head.
January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. I went to the store to get some food and the way back a deer ran in front of the Blazer. I hit the stupid thing. Car was totaled. Those beasts are a menace. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.
May 3 - Took the Blazer to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all the salt they keep dumping all over the road? Blazer looks like a rust test in progress.
June 1 - Picked up and moved to Arizona. I can't imagine anyone in his right mind wanting to actually live in Wyoming.
July 4 - Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts are blended together. What a place! Watched the fireworks at the park laying on a blanket. It was beautiful! I've finally found my home.
July 5 - Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. We live in an air-conditioned home now and drive an air-conditioned car. Life's full of tradeoffs. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
July 7 - Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10 - The temperature has not been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15 - Fell asleep by the pool today. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20 - I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like burnt cat. No pets in this heat.
July 25 - Dry heat - baloney! Hot is HOT!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the repairman wants $200 just to drive by and tell me he needs to order parts.
July 30 - Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,100 house payment and we can't even go inside! Why did I ever come here?
August 4 - 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost me $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. The stupid repairman relieved himself in my pool. I hate this state!
August 8 - If another wise guy cracks "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear his throat out. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a roasted Garfield!
August 10 - The weather report might as well be a recording, hot and sunny, hot and sunny. It's been too hot to even breathe for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert?
August 19. The temperature got to 123 degrees today. I forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of my Lincoln. The windshield installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,000 house payment to bail me out of jail.
August 30 - Hottest day of the summer. I'm not even leaving the house. Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat. That does it! We're moving back to Wyoming. Deer season is about to start.