Youth Worker

[Pam Little]

I am a youth worker in a small church but we have outreach program with 30-45 youth on Wed nights. And it is chaos lately. I am not sure how to gain control back. Is anyone else having this problem? We have some really great kids and then another completely opposite group. It would be great to know what others are doing that works and just have a place to unload over bad nights. There is also several positives that have happened lately and I am staying focused on that but, every Wed night I come home drained!!

[Alisa Stoll]

When dealing with unchurched kids, the key is building relationships and providing positive adult role models. That requires a significant number of adult volunteers. But it is worthwhile.

Alisa

[Pam Little]

We have 5-7 adults working with them, but when they are not there to hear but to cause chaos what do you do? We do love them and are doing everything we can think of to get control of them. These are not only unchurched kids but the ones in the community that are being arrested and sent away. We have tried several different formats over the past year and nothing is working . I use up to date music and power points movie clips anything to kep their attention to no avail.This is not inner city this a smaller commmunity in Iowa not to small but not a metro area either. But like I said we have seen a shift in several and I am staying focused on that positive.

[Lori Jeffrey]

If you are having 30-40 teens show up try to match the ratio 1 to 7 (one adult for every 7 teens) You mentioned that you are a small church so finding four to five other adults to be with you can be a challenge. Or if you can rely on your older teens to help keep things underwrap.

If you let the group understand your structure (30 minute game time, 15 minute discussion time) and just really let them know that all you want if 15 minutes of them to be silent and listening it might help. Let them know up front that it is only fair. You've given them X amount of time for fun and fellowship, now it's time for them to just be quiet for a few moments and listen.

Once you get your 15 (more like 10) minutes of sharing, in time you might even get 20 to 30 minutes.

I'll be praying for you.
Lori

I was responding before you posted your last reply. It sounds as if you are trying everything possible. Don't be afraid to let the kids know that You and the other adults are in control. Right now it sounds as if the teens are taking over (and they know it)

[Pam Little]

Again we have tried to explain this to them .. Give me 15 minutes. Please respect .. I respect you when you are talking .. And all they hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH I think :) The one thing I have not yet done is make phone calls to parents but think we are going to have to. We dont have many older teens most are 12-15 and all in school together. We do have that ratio most Wed nights unless someone is ill. Again I am just venting a little because well those that work with youth understand to a point. And yes the kids have the control because a few adults feel that tossing kids out for behavior would lose them.. But I think that when they are causing enough chaos to disrupt everyone else that they are not hearing anyway. Sometimes you have to lose a few to save the many . But understand that we have got a few that are hearing lately and the tide is shifting. Just a little...

[Alisa Stoll]

We distributed a list of rules and the consequences for breaking them. There were students who were asked to leave for the rest of the evening - with the understanding that they were welcomed back the following week. Most of them came back and the rest gave more respect to the rules. If you don't ask them to leave for bad behaviour then you are implying that the bad behaviour is acceptable and that you have no respect for your own rules - so why should they?

Alisa

[Pam Little]

Agreed We just had a meeting tonight and the plan is make a general announcement about following the rules then one personal warning and then out for that night and following week. If they wont leave of their own accord the police will be called. We are also asking a local Christian motorcycle group to come witness. We have to get control and even the softies have seen the light now :) Thanks for the place to vent and the suggestions. In Christ ..

[Kim Hersey]

If you're in a small church and having 30-40 teens show up on a Wednesday night..... you're doing something right! If they keep coming back, you're doing something right! (I feel your pain, though, honest!!! I know what it is to have kids loving to be around and then you go home and cry every Wed. night b/c you're exhausted and feel like they aren't getting a thing out of it)

Are they jr. high and sr. high? If you could "divide and conquer" it might help...? Have some volunteers "play" w/ the Sr. highs while you teach to the jr. highs and then switch... or if they're all already one age...

Another thought (and you may have already tried this!)... what if you didn't "teach"/present? What if they just broke into discussion groups of 3-5 kids with one of the other adults or older teens as their facilitator? Provide some open ended/think questions and flip the roles on them... expect them to be the talkers while you & other leaders do lots of listening...???

Praying and sympathizing!

Kim ;)

[Pam Little]

Thanks and yes we have tried seperating and we have tried small groups.. Neither worked for us right now!! Thanks for the ear and the advice . I have hope .. it is what keeps me going!!

[Ron Davis]

Thanks and yes we have tried seperating and we have tried small groups.. Neither worked for us right now!! Thanks for the ear and the advice . I have hope .. it is what keeps me going!!

I am curious to know what you mean when you say separating and small groups didn't work.

This is a terribly difficult situation to advise on without actually observing what is happening. However, I don't think you can have the control you are expecting over a group of teens that size when they are a mixture of middle school and high school students.

This is a significant issue for any of us who have a larger group to deal with. How do you capture the attention of a high school senior with a 4.0 gpa at the same time you hold the attention of a junior high boy that mostly wants to avoid school. If you make your teaching time too much like school a majority of the kids are going to like it.

[Judy Hamilton]

If you don't ask them to leave for bad behaviour then you are implying that the bad behaviour is acceptable and that you have no respect for your own rules - so why should they?

i just dropped by as this is a topic of interest...remembering the teens in the youth group when Shannon and Kris were teens...the leader and his wife were definite about rules of conduct and consequences for breaking the rules. Dale would often attempt to establish a one-on-one connection with a troulbed youth and Kim with the girls...some times they separated the guys from the gals...with topics that were of interst to each gender alone..and not conducive to deal with in mixed company. Offering to do events that the youth can bring their parents also allows the youth to try and show themselves proud in front of their parents...of course this can also work against what you are trying to accomplish, if the youth does not have a parent interested enough to attend. Then on one Friday every month they would have just plain ole' fun time...where they were encouraged to bring visitors...we have three high schools here in Edmond and that many Jr Hi schools..so there would be the friendly bantering and bragging of the schools. Then getting the youth to do the programs seemed to elevate the behavior bar a bit and added a measure of responsibility to give back to the teens. When it is their youth group..and they have a significant say in how the programs run and the topics and special speakers ect.. then they seem to have a pride in the group and want to do their part to make it wok.

Teens know who is disruptive. This is not an issue indegenoius to Church groups alone, their own classes are interuppted daily (most likely) with the young person who has little concern for others except to draw attention to him/her self, even if in a negative fashion. So the schools set up rules and regulations, boundaries. When the student breaks these they are expected to pay the piper. Young people and children alike really want boundaries on their abberant behavior. You will be of greater help to them to be able to blend and live amongst others when you set limits and do not allow the child to control the adult.

So much for this senior citizen's input...for what it is worth perhaps you can get a cup of coffee. Please stay the course, encourage each other...and know that statistics have proven that most people who serve the Lord for a life long journey, make a decision to follow Christ before they are 18 years of age

Judy

[Pam Little]

Ok first I want to try and outline what our youth group consists of. The majority of those attending are 7,8,9 graders we have a few(4-5) 5 & 6 grade and a few(3-4) 10 grade. so as you can see most would be in the same class anyway if we broke into small groups or separated by grade levels. We have tried a large assembly with breaking into small group discussions right there.. we have also tried a short highlight and break into classes in other rooms for the "meat" and that also didnt work by the time they moved and got settled it was time to be done. We are mostly made up of outside unchurched outreach type kids. I would not say that any majority of the kids are 4.0 or even close most are either in outside placement schools or in resource or average students. These are troubled youth and so we expect the problems just not to the extreme we have had. We cracked down last week to some degree of success and plan on just to keep hard rules and follow thru. And trust me my teaching is NOTHING like school.. I use movie clips skits music and power point to illustrate everything I talk about and usually only one verse to hit home . It is a most unusual youth group situation and the pastor who used to work with them used to do Youth for Christ in the inner city and didnt see the likes of the problems we have in our small town.But again thanks for the ear it really does help to keep looking at it from all different angles.

[Ron Davis]

Sounds like you are on the right track. Having 5-6 graders in the group sounds like a trouble spot though. There is too much distance developmentally between that age and Jr. Hi.

Ministering to the type kids you are working with is going to be hard. We need more youth ministries like yours. The strict discipline is what they need. You are in a position to give them more structure and discipline than what the schools are able to and probably more than many of their parents are willing.

It is tough to send someone home. But I'll bet they come back as soon as they are permitted.

[Pam Little]

True about he younger ones but we have a few one is my own and another lady brings two others and then we have onne boy that is tossed in the mix and it gives her and I an opportunity to talk to those few one to one about behavior etc.. Also the younger kids program has to many young ones so they are to old to be there .. it a situation of problem either way..Thank you for the encouragment and yes it is hard but man when you win one you feel ike dancing I got three that have made major turnarounds in the last month and wow... that is all I can say it is awesome to see God at work!!

[Wilson L. Deaton]

Pam,

Has the size of the group grown significantly in the recent past?

If so, that can be part of the problem. For years I worked with a group of about 8 to 12. Then one year things took off and we were soon in the 20s and things were getting chaotic. One thing I learned was that the size of the group required a different format. I couldn't run a group of 25 the same way I ran a group of 10. You might at least ask yourself some questions about the processes. It could be a factor.

Wilson

[Deborah Patton]

Dear Pam,
It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I have one of my teens in jail, One headed for jail, One that just got out of jail. I have one girl that has cried sexual assault on 6 men and she is only 14 years old. I have 4 girls that cut, one that is purging, one that doesn't eat at all. I also have two that feel that God is calling them into ministry. One believes he wants to be a missionary. All the rest fall in between the two groups. There are anywhere between 20-35 in any given week. There are only 3 that have parents in church.
I hope this helps. I was becoming over-whelmed with all the problems that i was finding out about. All the cutting, and eating disorders, and meds they are on and all the things I was not equipped to deal with. I am just a mom that cares about them but I have no professional training and I got real scared. I took it to the Lord and He straightened me out on everything. He told me that there is only one answer for all the problems and it is the world that wants to split everything into a specialty. God alone is the specialty. I am not a college grad and I do not have schooling that would impress a person with a 4.0 GPA so I can't worry about being all I need for that person. God also told me that to be a servant I need to meet people right where they are and I do not need to be all polished and completely prepared to deal with whatever come my way. I only have to give it to Him.
The truth is my kids know what the rules are. I tell them that they are not in school, they are not at home, and they are not on the streets. They are in Church. Church is a safe place for all of us and if I see that there is any behavior that I feel is inappropriate they will be told. If they do not like it they will not come back. I let them know exactly what I expect and I do not let them argue with me like they can with their teacher, parents , and every other authority they seem to get away with talking back too. I can't allow it because I do not have time to put up with it. They know how far to push. I might sound like a drill Sargent but the truth is I established many rules and they all follow them and now it is easy. I want them to know that Church is the one place that they are not only there for them but they are too learn some life lessons so they can leave with some tools on how to live a Holy life.
I might be extremely lucky but I am able to teach for almost an hour and I use small groups with all ages together. We learn mostly about relationships and how to love and care for one another.
I felt I needed to make a great big distinction between church and every other place they spend time. It really seemed to work. I have been in for 2 years now and do not have any of the problems i used to.
Kids now a days know right ways when they could push and they will. We have to stand. Ultimately they just seem to think that they can treat you like they do everyone else that lets them yell and tell them off. I just do not get in line for that kind of behavior anymore.
I hope this helps, and I will be praying for you. I know what it feels like to love kids and not be able to reach them but I assure you that your efforts do not ever go void. Those seeds may grow but maybe not for 10-20 years. You just never know. It is all about God.
From the Heart,
Deb

[Pam Little]

Wow thanks Deb .. Sionce this posting I want to update what has happened. I invited the Christian Motorcyclists Association to come speak.. God filled our church with 95 people that night 47 youth.. WOW.. ANd for the past 3 weeks Guess waht!! Those wonderful God filled men and women are coming back to help us in our ministry!! What a difference it has made to have new people who love the Lord and those kids come and take care of issues so I can teach!! I am being baptized next week DURING youth grup as a witness to them . Now I want to share one bit of wwisdome God placed in front of me two weeks ago.. I have always felt unworthy (thanks to Satan) to be up front teaching and "preaching" to those kids since I am not schooled in it.. then I read on Pastor2youth posts this.."God does not call the qualified.. He qualifies those He calls" and that has openedd up my world to see that I am truly doing my purpose for HIM.. Amen and praise God His grace and mercy fall all over me!! I am so glad things are gfoing well for you and I apprecaite the input. God is moiving in my small church and it is awesome to be along for the ride!! Pam

[Deborah Patton]

I have always felt unworthy (thanks to Satan) to be up front teaching and "preaching" to those kids since I am not schooled in it..



Yes, thanks to Satan. You are right. I also had a million issues that I couldn't explain. God finally helped me realize that it doesn't matter what you know. When your dealing with anyone, not just teens, what really matters is that you care. People can smell a phony a mile away.
I am so glad that God heard your cry and sent His Holy army. You are working with a generation that most do not want to touch because they fear them. The truth is they are so lovable, but not to everyone. God put something very special in your heart.
Something that Gos helped me remember. He reminded me that He would never leave me nor would He forsake me. He also reminded me that I am His daughter and if I would just do what He asked me to do He would do the rest. He also gave me a word. That word is perseverance. It is just one word but a big job.
What an amazing thing He has done for you. If God did this for you, it could be very possible that your church can have a huge break through in your community. Brace yourself. God is so very good.
Love,
Deb
May I just spend a minute or so and lift my sister up in You Lord. I thank you for hearing her cry. Lord, sometimes that is all we have left for these kids. This generation seems so lost. We bring each and every heart in this youth group to You Lord and ask that You would bring a divine protection and we ask that You would let these kids see Pam's heart and know that what You are doing in her life and heart are very real. May You please keep Pam lifted up in these days and may you fill her heart with Your Spirit. We know that when we work with others we need to stay filled and that is hard thing to do because it is draining when we continue to give of ourselves, so in this time may You just continue to feed us so we can continue to do Your will. We praise You for all the people You have sent to this church and may this church come to know revival in an unforgivable way. Precious Lord, You take care of so many things we do not even realize but for the things we know, we thank you and Praise Your Holy Name. In all this we ask You to send the power of Your Holy Spirit and may You be glorified in all the earth.
Amen.

[Mark Doble]

I am a youth worker in a small church but we have outreach program with 30-45 youth on Wed nights. And it is chaos lately. I am not sure how to gain control back. Is anyone else having this problem? We have some really great kids and then another completely opposite group. It would be great to know what others are doing that works and just have a place to unload over bad nights. There is also several positives that have happened lately and I am staying focused on that but, every Wed night I come home drained!!

Hey Pam,

Our youth group bible study night is Mondays. We started with 1-6 teens. This past year they have gone out and brought the numbers up to 24. They are evangelizing their friends. We meet in our youth leader's living room.

For the study time we have broken up into groups of four and gone to different rooms in the house. that works much better. During and after it is always hectic! Now we are looking at giving them their own room in the church that they can decorate. They loved the idea and met last night to design it and submit a proposal to the church trustees.

As was mentioned, Christ is to be the head of the group. If you preach Him, they will hear and tell others. We also encourage them to get together themselves throughout the week. They are becoming one.

It does take time! Lots of time and patience! And prayer...

[Mark Doble]

Hey Pam,

Our youth group bible study night is Mondays. We started with 1-6 teens. This past year they have gone out and brought the numbers up to 24. They are evangelizing their friends. We meet in our youth leader's living room.

For the study time we have broken up into groups of four and gone to different rooms in the house. that works much better. During and after it is always hectic! Now we are looking at giving them their own room in the church that they can decorate. They loved the idea and met last night to design it and submit a proposal to the church trustees.

As was mentioned, Christ is to be the head of the group. If you preach Him, they will hear and tell others. We also encourage them to get together themselves throughout the week. They are becoming one.

It does take time! Lots of time and patience! And prayer...

To update, we now have hit the 50 mark... Praise God eh!

[Reuben Blignaut]

I am also a youth worker / pastor and what has worked for me is allowing them to get to know you as a leader. This will allow you the ability to then after a while speak to them on a personal level. What i have seen is that the children who are disruptive is just lookong for that bit of attention. Its not easy because at some point they actually drain you all you need to do is just allow them to get use to you first and then at a later stage you can then get them to see what the right thing is to do through your life.

I have had guys in our youth group that hs been on drugs and simply by showing them love and getting closer to them they are actually trying to change. it would not take place after one visit but after some time working with them.

Hope this helps a bit.