Revenge of the Blonde

[Paul Whitaker]

With this - my back-peddling shall cease.

==========================
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice versa. "Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this....if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he send e-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows, all to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
__________________

[Cecil Wallace]

OK, Paul, I guess this lets you off the hook (for now.)
Funny story ... I like the way she handled it.

[LoraineStanton]

Very funny!

[Paul Whitaker]

Whew!

[Gary Swartzlander]

Funny stuff.

[Gina Stevenson]

Yes, Paul ... that one definitely broke that old "dumb blonde" mold ... she was one clever blonde, eh? ;)

[Joel Merrill]

This is the best joke I have seen in a quite a while. I passed it on to a lot of people.

Thanks for the laugh, Joel :fav18

[Carsten Schermuly]

.



Häh?

Will you say anything against lawyers, please?




I know - in the past on the american continent a lawyer sometimes must miss respect, because he was seen often enaugh on the side of guilty - but this is gone!
Over here in Europe, lawyers (attorneys) all the times have been honourable like judges. Common folks had known what correctness is needed for that jobs.

Not needed to say "It is a nice story".
Thank you!




Now, we all got a big handfull more of sympathy for blondes,


I will use (misuse?) this lucky situation -




The Blonde Helicopter Pilot


A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo - helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.

So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly.
She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio.
Everything was running smoothly.
At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his Jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.

As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.

"What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"

"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan."

[LoraineStanton]

:fav18 This joke is getting a great response from almost everyone that I've told it to!!!

[Carsten Schermuly]

My wife has no sense for jokes. Often the Pointe must be explained. Maybe after the third try she will get it and reacts by a weak smile. It is a challenge for our boys patience, they like jokes and returning from school (in highnoon, around one o'clock or one thirty, not in afternon after three or maybe three thirty like in the States) while Lunch their newest fun must be left free.
But
this fivehundred bux thing she got and spontaneously she had a long lasting laughter unto tears.

A similar effect had The Texas Teacher by Carol Kane.
http://www.naznet.com/community/showpost.php?p=27438&postcount=1
Alkind, especially our boys showed alot of sympathy with the young Lady.


I liked to tell a true story
An uncle fom Bremen, a town in Northern Germany and his family has seen the Isle Helgoland in the Northsea once it was given back by Great Britain. I spent a part of my summer holidays as his guest and they took me with them on that journey.

[Carsten Schermuly]

This Uncle Heinrich Adalbert Joachim, called Heinrich, was a cousin of my grandmother - so they were not close relatives, but the Ladies have had during their whole life best understandings, especially his unmarried sister Luise and we often have seen another during my children years.

In the time of the Kaiser and the Weimarer Republik they have been well saddeled business men, members of an elegant world I watched like a movie. I was watching - I took not part on. This uncle always had a stiff black hat, a zylinder and he never entered the street without a mantle and mosttimes gloves, in warm summers his suit and mantle have been nice light and then he took another hat, we call Panama. He was grown up in another time, he was one of the last of his generation. To leave the house without hat was impossible - just in his garden he had a soft sports cap, a cap like golfers will have.
He and his family have been truely conservative.
Not bad!
I was most impressed by their fine manners, their discipline and their well set phrases, with a correct punctuation (yes, there are people in the world, able to build complete phrases, following the rules and they do speak the signs). I loved their youth style home, furnitures, decorations and paintings, created once Uncle Heinrich married in 1911.

What I do not like on that picture,
to show emotions was the same like to have a weak character.
No idea, why.
Once they liked to let drop a tear or to wipe their nose, they turned off - not to be watched.
To speak or laugh loudly was naughty.
Children and the dog had to be quiet.

BUT
they did know what love means. Aunt Luise was my special friend, in quiet moments she talked to me and showed me another side of their personalities - not the "official" side, it was a sunny, warmhearted personally side - blessed by a golden humor.
I loved Aunt Luise most. She was the last of that family branch and died in 1991, nearby hundred years old.


The Northsea is mosttimes stormy, mindst a stiff wind is moving.
To leave the Elbe or Weser Rivers (the only one way is North), means to have the water and wind movings from left, nearby ninety degrees - from West. That makes ships moving in all three directions and the most people will become totally sick.
I never had this problem, no idea why, I felt all the times well as ever.


Now - on the ship.
We started at Bremen by train in early morning and got the ship around eight o'clock on the Columbus - Kai of Bremerhaven (seen on history an important place, it plays nearby the same role like Conney Island for the States) - and a bit later, passing the Rote Sand Lighthouse, I was asked to have some sandwiches. We sat on benches on the deck, not inside - to have a better look out. Uncle Heinrich stood on the reling, watched fisher boats and once he waved Aunt Luise to him, she left me and the sandwiches lonely. The sandwiches have been too much for me, a good part I again saved in Aunt Luises food bag.

I joined the group, standing on board and I watched how people fed the seagulls. They have thrown small pieces of bread up in the air and the birds got it quickly. Aunt Luise asked me to do the same. "Au ja!" She gave me one of the sandwiches - completely. Between the bread slices has been a piece of chesse in size of a mans hand. I ate a bit of it while feeding the seagulls.

My entire attention has been with the birds, I forgot in some moments other things around me - and this was the beginning of the catastrophe.

While jumping up to throw the bread crumbs, the sandwich slided (or jumped?) from my hand and the wind took it off - and hit it on Uncle Heinrichs stiff black hat! The bread was fallen off and disappeared outside of the ship, but the cheese was fixed by the soft butter on its underground. Uncle Heinrich looked like a groom with a cocarde - just on the wrong side, at right.

People begun to laugh. Uncle Heinrich has seen, he was meant, but he has not got the reason why people had fun about him. He became a bit nervous, irritated, made a serious face, turned off and moved some steps away.

I was in anciesties. Aunt Luise was my lifesaver. This Angel! What a luck, she had a golden idea.

She asked her brother to get a cup of tea inside and he agreed. There he put his hat and gloves on an empty chair byside the table we sat on - and my heart stopped to beat - every second he could dedect the cheese!
But he did not.
In the right moment Aunt Luise took the hat and cleaned it as good she could.


As I know, never Uncle Heinrich got this story.
He surely had been angry, to feed the birds with such a worthful stuff like bread.



Correcture
Northsea with R, "ate" instead of "eat" and "this" instead of "thes".

[John McGee]

Was she a brunette in disguise?