Chuck Norris

[Wilson L. Deaton]

Anyone here fans of the, "Chuck Norris," jokes?

We just had a music group from ONU here today and one of the members was a MAJOR fan of Chuck Norris jokes. This was a whole new genre to me.

Examples:

Chuck Norris went into Burger King and ordered a Big Mac. They gave him one.

Chuck Norris is suing the network that shows, "Law and Order." He says that is a trademarked phrase referring to is right leg and left leg.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink

Why is Atlas holding up the planet? Chuck Norris said, "Hold this a minute."

Why did Samson kill 1,000 Philistines with a jawbone? Because Chuck Norris was busy that day.

[Thomas Cook]

Jack Bauer in staed of Chuck Norris.Most of the same statements you have are attributed to Jack Bauer the main character in "24".For example:
Superman wears Jack Bauer Pajamas etc.
There are some pretty creative statements.
Tom

[BobHunt]

here....the last one! I love Texas Ranger

[Stan Hall]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he's afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When in Rome, Chuck Norris does what ever he wants.

[Joel Merrill]

here....the last one! I love Texas Ranger
My wife likes Walker Texas Ranger. I think it is so phony. I admit that Norris is in very good shape to do all of those moves but the fights are all so choreographed. You can actually see them stop and take turns hitting each other. One thing I really hate is how he blasts away with his gun so irresponsibly. You never EVER fire into a crowd or when there may be innocent people the the back ground. As a gun owner, I am almost offended by it. He is much too trigger happy. A peace officer would be in big trouble or even in jail if he used his weapon like that in real life. Of course, most of the old westerns are just as phony. :basic03

I don't have anything personal against Chuck Norris and I wouldn't tell jokes about him. He is just an actor and he goes by a script someone else has written and directed. But does his face remind you of Curious George? :eek:

Joel :)

[Stan Hall]

When the sign says "wait here," Chuck Norris waits anywhere he wants.

When Chuck Norris gets a blue screen, he stares down the computer until Windows comes back up.

[Jeff Howe]

These are some of Chuck Norris' favorites. According to story, he didn't know what to make of the jokes when they first came out. Supposedly he is cool with them now.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up - he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV.

[Lori Jeffrey]

Here's a funny story.

Quite a few years ago my husband went on a business trip to Mexico. While he was there he noticed that wherever he went the Mexicans kept looking at him intensly and would whisper.
On the third day a brave young Mexican came up to him and asked
"You Chuck".
My husband said "no, I'm Donald"
"You not Chuck?"
"No, I'm Donald. Whose Chuck?"
"You not Chuck Norris?"
With that my husband began to chuckle realizing why there had been so many whisperings going on and why whenever he had requested something he got it right away. He assured the man that he was not Chuck Norris and went on his way still chuckling.
At the time my husband had light brown hair and a mustache. He kind of looked like Chuck Norris, but he is way too short to be mistaken for him. If I can find a picture I'll post it.

Lori

[Gina Stevenson]

Here's a funny story.

Quite a few years ago my husband went on a business trip to Mexico. While he was there he noticed that wherever he went the Mexicans kept looking at him intensly and would whisper.
On the third day a brave young Mexican came up to him and asked
"You Chuck".
My husband said "no, I'm Donald"
"You not Chuck?"
"No, I'm Donald. Whose Chuck?"
"You not Chuck Norris?"
With that my husband began to chuckle realizing why there had been so many whisperings going on and why whenever he had requested something he got it right away. He assured the man that he was not Chuck Norris and went on his way still chuckling.
At the time my husband had light brown hair and a mustache. He kind of looked like Chuck Norris, but he is way too short to be mistaken for him. If I can find a picture I'll post it.

Lori
But, Lori, down in Mexico, he'd perhaps not appear as short as he does here in the States ... the average height down there seems to be a bit less than here so, to them, he might appear as "tall" as that man they've seen on their TV! ;) BTW, I'll have to look on the web to see what this Chuck Norris looks like ... unless you post a picture of your hubby. Yeah, I'm behind the times re a lot of TV, I guess. :p

OK, found a few pics, so here's one ................. might be others who aren't sure who he is, too, ya know! ;)

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And then we found a black & white one, too ... sort of liking B&W photography, we'll post that, also:

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[Wilson L. Deaton]

My son just made up a couple:

Chuck Norris puts his pants on two legs at a time.

(Here in my house, we frequently toss around the old, "one leg at time," statement.)

Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too.

Wilson

[Lori Jeffrey]

I finally found some pictures of Don when he kind of looked like Chuck.

Let's see if anyone else thinks he looks like Chuck.

Donald & Daniel
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Donald & I
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Donald
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[Dennis M. Scott]

[
Let's see if anyone else thinks he looks like Chuck.

Well, Lori, I can see how if Donald was in Mexico, from here he might look a little like Chuck Norris. :rolleyes: Don has some wonderful abilities and attributes, and some of the rest of my employees have told Donald jokes, but they tend to be other than the Chuck Norris jokes listed in this thread!

I wish I had five or six more employees just like Don. I would even be thrilled if they were only nearly as good as him.

And I saw Daniel the other day. Don doesn't hold him like that any more, does he?

[Gina Stevenson]

Thanks for the pics, Lori ... went back to those Chuck Norris pictures posted; guess Donald does look a bit like him.

'Still wondering if we went through genaeology records if there might be some Jeffrey connection somewhere ... haven't pursued that since we last talked. ;)

[Lori Jeffrey]

I wish I had five or six more employees just like Don. I would even be thrilled if they were only nearly as good as him.


Dennis, so do I wish that you had five or six more like him, maybe he'd get home earlier in the night (he he)

And you're right how Don does not hold Daniel like that anymore. Here are some recent photo's. They are from Daniel's 8th grad graduation last June.

Daniel with Mom and Dad
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Daniel with Mom, Dad, and sister Joline
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Dan with older sister Joline
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[Kevin Rector]

Anyone here fans of the, "Chuck Norris," jokes?

I just today learned of http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com

I just laughed and laughed. Oh, I'm not sure I've laughed so hard in the last five years. It got to the point where my eyes were watering and I could hardly catch my breath.

[BobHunt]

Seriously speaking, I have to admire Chuck Norris because of so much he has done for kids. His Kick Drugs out of America has helped change so many kids. From hearing him speak, and now that he has become a Christian he sees the shallowness of the life of a movie star.