Order of Association

[Jim Franklin]

If First Base is to be Understood and
Secoind Base is to gain some respect and
Third Base is Care or Appreciation and
Home plate is affection and love what do
you say to a friend who feels like he has
never gotten to First Base even when he
is a wholly commited servant of Jesus Christ.

[Bruce Carriker]

I'd tell him I'm not sure that being understood, respected, appreciated, or loved...by anyone other than God...was part of the deal.

[Jim Franklin]

So if this friend is not even understood let alone respected, cared for or appreciated then how is he able to be an effective servant to glorify God with his loving service?

[Bruce Carriker]

It seems that this friend is seeking understanding, care, respect and appreciation from the wrong place(s). All those things are nice. Ideally one would find those things in Christian community. But the fact still remains, if we're seeking our affirmation from those around us, rather than from God, then we're looking in the wrong place.

There are times when those around us are NOT going to be the source of the things this friend is seeking. His value does not come from those around him. His value comes because he is a creation of God, who loves him and wants to have a relationship with him...so badly, in fact, that He was willing to die to make that possible. How many of the people this friend is seeking affirmation from are willing to die for him?

Though his name means "Jehovah has appointed”, we know Jeremiah better as "the weeping prophet". I'm guessing there were many times that Jeremiah didn't feel very loved or affirmed. One commentary described him as the most persecuted person in the Old Testament. Another suggests that he is among "the most pathetic figures in all history", calling him a true patriot who was hated by his own people. One writer points out that there is no Scriptural evidence that in all his recorded ministry, Jeremiah ever recieved "one hint of gratitude."

He never married or had a family...in fact, was prohibited by God from doing so (Jeremiah 16:1-4). For all his efforts, he did not succeed in turning the people back to God. His own family rejected him. He was beaten and put in prison on numerous occasions (Jeremiah 26:8-11; 32:1-3; 33:1; 37:13-15; 38:6-13). Depending on your sources, he either fled to Egypt, or was taken prisoner and carried into Egypt by the people who killed Gedaliah, Babylon’s governor over Judah (Jeremiah 41- 43). In Egypt, he continued to preach the message God gave him...a message the Jews did not want to hear. According to Tertullian, his efforts were finally rewarded by being stoned to death by his own people.

I'm guessing that Jeremiah never found the understanding, love, care, or appreciation your friend is seeking. At least your friend should know that, historically speaking, he is not alone.

[Gina Stevenson]

Reading this thread reminds me of a book a friend loaned me after reading it, entitled, "Approval Addiction," as I've definitely been feeling a lack of "approval" since being here in a highly negative environment. Don't need strokes everyday, but just need the lack of "negative commentary" which can drown out God's approval, because it's much louder. Therefore, feeling such a lack, figure this book can't hurt me any.

If one would want to check it out, it's a Joyce Meyer book that can probably be found on her site, which is either JoyceMeyer.com or .org [might even be a Ministries after that JoyceMeyer ... not sure, as I've not looked at the site in ages, myself.

{later} OK, I checked it out, to make it easier for someone who might want to look into the book.

It's : http://www.joycemeyerministries.org/ and the book is here:

http://shop.jmmestore.org/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=808

However, it appears to be its original price. Most Christian bookstores, after a book's out awhile, will have a sale of some sort ... or has coupons every month or so where one can get a % off of anything that you pick, if not your whole purchase. Actually, I'd guess it might even be found in secular stores, too, as the world loves books these days re addictions of one sort or another ...........................

[Bruce Carriker]

Jim

Let me follow up my earlier post by saying that I do feel for your friend. Lonely and alone is a terrible place to be. I wouldn't wish Jeremiah's lot on anyone.

We all need love and care and approval from others. Oprah says so. Dr. Phil says so. All the books on parenting say so. Though there's probably no way to prove it scientifically, I believe it's why married people live longer than single people. And it's why people who worship regularly live longer than those who don't. They are engaged in meaningful relationships that give them the love and care and approval we all need.

But God knows that, too. He made us. He's the expert, not Dr. Phil. That's why He creates people like Barnabas, with the gift of encouragement. I hope your friend finds one of those people, who will communicate to him that God loves him. Because that's where its got to start.

If we've learned nothing in our American affluence, we've learned that money doesn't satisfy. Stuff doesn't satisfy. Acclaim doesn't satisfy. Success, at least as the world
measures success, doesn't satisfy. Strip all the extraneous stuff away and we all have the same basic needs.

If, at the end of the day, your friend can say that if he doesn't wake up tomorrow, he knows he's going to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant," that IS approval. That IS success.

I don't know your friend, but God does. So I'm going to ask God to let your friend know that he is loved and approved of.

From Willow Creek Music:

It's such a strong temptation, to live for man's applause.
But I don't want to buy into the lie,
'Cause I know it's not a worthy cause.
So to keep things in perspective,
I've hung a sign upon the wall.
The sign is nothing special, but it really says it all.
And the sign says:
I'll be content to serve an audience of one.
Only his approval counts when all is said and done.
And this is my prayer, when the race is finally run
I want to hear "Well done," from the Audience of One.