Barb Bouldrey
3rd June 2006, 11:11 PM (23:11)
My son, Stephen, is in his second year of being in Iraq. When he returned the first time, I felt a knot of tension release within my spirit that I did not really know I had been carrying. I thought I had really been tough, and spiritual, and handled it well.
He was home 5 months when he told me he was going back to Iraq for another year. And the tension returned.
The first time, I had a direct scriptural promise from God that God would find him in the desert and shield him and care for him, but I battled fear, and living above fear. This second time, God has given me a song to help me cope.
How did I do that? I can honestly say that it is a constant battle to continue to trust God's promise, but I just keep trusting and praying....lots of praying.
But I have to be honest...completely honest. I do my best to HIDE from thinking about Stephen being in danger. How? I refuse to watch the news, read the newspaper, listen to the news on the radio. I also delete a lot of emails unopened, or as quickly as I glimpsed the contents.
Over these two years, many wonderful friends have sent me many patriotic emails that express support for our troops, offer prayer wheels, poems, pictures of our soldiers in Iraq, etc.
I just never told anyone that a lot of these came with The National Anthem, "God Bless the U.S.A," or "America the Beautiful," playing. And this entire time I CANNOT STAND TO HEAR PATRIOTIC MUSIC OR READ PATRIOTIC EMAILS.
That is my confession. Hearing and seeing patriotic things brings my fear out of hiding and causes emotional pain.
So, I have not been tough. Just the opposite.
And my second confession is that the only reason I survive having my son in Iraq is because I cast my weakness upon God and allow Him to carry me. I am not tough, but He is.
He is. He is. He is. And that is how I can live above the fear.
God is my very present help. He is my Rock and my Fortress. He is my Joy.
I do not live without fear. I live above it.
It is okay to admit I am weak....but He is strong.
Barb
He was home 5 months when he told me he was going back to Iraq for another year. And the tension returned.
The first time, I had a direct scriptural promise from God that God would find him in the desert and shield him and care for him, but I battled fear, and living above fear. This second time, God has given me a song to help me cope.
How did I do that? I can honestly say that it is a constant battle to continue to trust God's promise, but I just keep trusting and praying....lots of praying.
But I have to be honest...completely honest. I do my best to HIDE from thinking about Stephen being in danger. How? I refuse to watch the news, read the newspaper, listen to the news on the radio. I also delete a lot of emails unopened, or as quickly as I glimpsed the contents.
Over these two years, many wonderful friends have sent me many patriotic emails that express support for our troops, offer prayer wheels, poems, pictures of our soldiers in Iraq, etc.
I just never told anyone that a lot of these came with The National Anthem, "God Bless the U.S.A," or "America the Beautiful," playing. And this entire time I CANNOT STAND TO HEAR PATRIOTIC MUSIC OR READ PATRIOTIC EMAILS.
That is my confession. Hearing and seeing patriotic things brings my fear out of hiding and causes emotional pain.
So, I have not been tough. Just the opposite.
And my second confession is that the only reason I survive having my son in Iraq is because I cast my weakness upon God and allow Him to carry me. I am not tough, but He is.
He is. He is. He is. And that is how I can live above the fear.
God is my very present help. He is my Rock and my Fortress. He is my Joy.
I do not live without fear. I live above it.
It is okay to admit I am weak....but He is strong.
Barb