When has one been emotional healed?

[Dennis M. Scott]

At what point has one "recovered" from emotional trauma?
My observation is that the sexually abused, or war traumatized, or a wide range of other hurt people, at best live with those scars for a very long time. Many of us are involved in ministries longing to bring relief to such individuals. When has our objective been achieved? What can we realistically hope to accomplish?

[Marsha Lynn]

At what point has one "recovered" from emotional trauma?
My observation is that the sexually abused, or war traumatized, or a wide range of other hurt people, at best live with those scars for a very long time. Many of us are involved in ministries longing to bring relief to such individuals. When has our objective been achieved? What can we realistically hope to accomplish?

How about this? When the scars are simply scars and not open wounds, healing has occured. When the "victim" accepts the past as playing a huge role in who and what they are today but truly believes that the past does not have to limit the future. The past brought them to where they are and, thus, determines their starting place, but it doesn't dictate their future choices.

Just thinking. I have not experienced nearly enough personal trauma to speak with any degree of authority on the matter.

Marsha

[Marsha Lynn]

At what point has one "recovered" from emotional trauma?
My observation is that the sexually abused, or war traumatized, or a wide range of other hurt people, at best live with those scars for a very long time. Many of us are involved in ministries longing to bring relief to such individuals. When has our objective been achieved? What can we realistically hope to accomplish?

Dennis,

I'm not sure this is totally relevant to your question, but have you heard of the book A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown? I haven't read it but a coworker told me about it.

Here's a blurb from a reader's review on Amazon:

And yet, as you read through unimaginable (at at times, graphic) depictions of Brown's personal hell, you will find your respect and admiration for her growing, as she finally begins her slow ascent, out of the valley of the shadow of death, and into redemption. Coming out of awful abuse, and a life of prostitution on the street, and drug addiction, she finally seeks--and finds--hope, strength, and focus in her relationship with God.

To use a Bible phrase, she "sets her face like flint" to accomplish worthy goals: she gets clean from drugs, she works hard, goes to school, and finally graduates from law school. Today, she is a highly respected lawyer at a top California law firm and a much-sought after motivational speaker.

I wonder if the author of this book has found emotional healing?

Marsha

[Brenda Jackson]

Hello Dennis

I think that your question was answered on another thread by Carsten who quoted the 23rd psalm in the verse 'He restoreth my soul'. I think that the verse says that the work is restoration which means being retored to its former or whole state, and I do not think that having remaining scars is being implied. I think that the full restoration is completed when one can feel that what happened feels like it was to someone else not to them and causes no emotional response at all. At least this is my experience of the healing of trauma.

[Barbara Moulton]

I don't think I agree Brenda. I have met very few people who do not have some lingering scars from past wounds. I don't think I have met anyone who has been traumatized emotionally, physically or spiritually who would say they feel no emotional response or that it happened to someone else. In fact, those who are able to redeem the pain in their lives so they can help are those who do remember, do feel the twinge of scars, yet know God's strengthening grace to continue to thrive.

Physical wounds heal, yet we will have scars. My daughter still has a small scar on her temple from when she was hit by a car. It doesn't bother her but it will be with her for the rest of her life. She doesn't look at the scar on her head and think that it was someone else that was hit by a car. She knows it was her experience. But her body has healed.

In a similiar way, I believe that emotional wounds can heal, but they do leave scars. Most have some emotional response when something triggers or nudges that scar.

Physical wounds and emotional wounds have this in common. They can both heal with time but time alone will not heal properly. A bone that is broken might "knit" without being properly tended at the time of injury but it will not heal properly. It will cause problems for the rest of the person's life.

Similiarly, an emotional or spiritual trauma, may heal with time but healing is much more complete if there is someone to provide care at the time.




Hello Dennis

I think that your question was answered on another thread by Carsten who quoted the 23rd psalm in the verse 'He restoreth my soul'. I think that the verse says that the work is restoration which means being retored to its former or whole state, and I do not think that having remaining scars is being implied. I think that the full restoration is completed when one can feel that what happened feels like it was to someone else not to them and causes no emotional response at all. At least this is my experience of the healing of trauma.

[Mark Doble]

I know a good friend of mine served in Bosnia during the beginnings of the conflict. He was a high ranking soldier in the Canadian Military. He was charged with looking after the North of Bosnia.

They could not shoot their weapons as part of their peace keeping role. He said they just drove into the middle of a conflict thereby stopping both sides from shooting each other!

He has many emotional scars. Once he had a bazooka leveled at him from 5 feet away and told to move or be shot! He did not move and thus put an end to that particular conflict.

Saying that, years later he still has nightmares of situations he was in. Through much therapy he has come to terms with what he tried to accomplish and the dreams do not scare him anymore. However, he still has to live with scars. He still has the dreams.

Coming to terms with that fact is half the battle and knowing it may stay for the rest of your life.

[Barbara Moulton]

Coming to terms with that fact is half the battle and knowing it may stay for the rest of your life.

I agree Mark. And to me, healing is knowing that it may stay for the rest of your life, but being able to live your life to the fullest in spite of that. Our future might unfold in a way that we had not anticipated, but God can help us create the best possible future, despite your injuries.

Someone who is in an accident that paralyzes them will not live the life they thought they might, but they can live a good and fulfilling life.

Similiarly, if an terrible emotional or spiritual injury is done to someone, they might live a different life then what they had imagined. But it can still be a good life, through God's redeeming grace.

[Mark Doble]

I think that is when total healing has been accomplished. When we can go on with life to the fullest. However, not forgetting the past.

Another friend of mine has been in mental turmoil for 30 yrs. and not been able to pick his life back up again...

[Brenda Jackson]

Barbara,

Not all physical wounds leave scars. They can heal fully.

I do agree that most are not healed in the way I am saying, but nevertheless, the psalmist says his soul was restored and I witness myself that God has provided this healing for me over two issues which are known as major trauma and which people do not usually heal from. Of course ones life changes after trauma, but 'having to live with it' is not what I have known nor seems to be what the psalmist has said. If there is still pain there can be recalled then the soul has not been restored to pre-trauma time.

I feel sorry for those who do not have this healing but it always comes down to some sin that they are unwilling to stop and the usual one is unforgiveness.

[Barbara Moulton]

I feel sorry for those who do not have this healing but it always comes down to some sin that they are unwilling to stop and the usual one is unforgiveness.

I agree that forgiveness is a huge part of healing emotional pain and trauma. It is also a step that many people find hard to do and that can hinder their healing.

However, I don't accept that the continuation of emotional scars is always a result of sin in someone's life.

Just as I don't accept that lack of physical healing is the result of sin in one's life. I am glad that you feel your emotional healing has been complete. But if we judge others by our own experience, I feel we are on shaky ground.

I am not sure that all physical scars heal fully. I am not a medical doctor but I am sure that if we had the ability to view the body microscopically, we would be able to see even the smallest sign of a physical wound in the past.

Blessings,
Barbraa

[Brenda Jackson]

Well I don't think that we can equate emotional healing with physical healing to such an extent. When we say 'scars' we are only trying to explain something that we cannot see with something which we can and we can push it too far.

I don't think that lack of physical healing has anything to do with sin either as scripture shows us, but you still have not explained the words of the psalmist who said that God restored his soul. Or the words of Paul who said that he could do all things through Christ which also implies full emotional health. And the verse which says that God gives us a spirit of peace, joy, confidence and a sound mind. These things are not possible for those who walk around wounded.

I do actually think that if one can say with confidence that God has done something for us then it is possible for all, how is that judging?

[Judy Hamilton]

Similiarly, if an terrible emotional or spiritual injury is done to someone, they might live a different life then what they had imagined. But it can still be a good life, through God's redeeming grace.



This heart of mine has experienced trauma that haunts me at unexpected
inopportune times. My sister and mother were killed in separate auto accidents. As a young woman I experienced sheer panic when an auto I was a passenger careened out of control due to tires on an icy/wet road.
Today I am not as prone to paralyzing moments of sheer panic in an auto, however I still have a healthy respect for slick tires on a pavement and absolutely cringe to drive in the rain and on black icy conditions and will refuse to drive on ice.

Spending a year in a combat zone where we routinely rolled under our beds
in the night or risked racing to bunkers at the sound of rockets and mortars or were the nurse racing around a ward of wounded soldiers trying to protect them from an in-comming attack, has left me edgy. Whirling rotary whop- whop of helicopters drops a veil of dread over my person and invariably changes my mood from sunny to one of a sadness that is difficult to describe. Were I to say, watch the movie "Black Hawk Down" then in my sleep for several nights there would invariably
be mass causalities and trauma scenes disrupting my sleep. I placed a thread just this morning of disruption of sleep. Combat Veterans call these Booney Dreams...where I woke myself up crying over the mass causalities and those I dreamed about from Alaska. I dreamed they were delivered to me in their body bags. In a restless sleep I could smell the distinct odor of a mixture of blood and burned flesh.
What instigated this episode last night was when I browsed the Internet before bedtime for research on a paper I have been requested to write.

Prior to the OKC bombing in 1995...I had managed to keep the ugly for a long time at bay.. was in a downtown hospital where a window from the 10th floor imploded on me. I gazed out at the black, black billowing smoke and was among the ones who ran to the scene and then were pushed away and ran the other direction (leaving wounded victims in the bldg.) when there was a scare of yet another bomb. It got to where I dreaded going to sleep. I remember confiding in a friend of mine Dr. Stan Pelfosky an OKC neurosurgeon, who was also a physician in Vietnam at the same time I served. He allowed that in the aftermath of the OKC Bombing he was also tormented with Booney Dreams and assured me that we were normal (comforting)

With time this has passed...I have been to the Oklahoma City Memorial many times over, day and night and have as of yet to go into the museum that is on the premises...still some healing need here. However I feel ok with not visiting this museum
I have a good life, as Barbara has mentioned in her reply. I am not on medications, I find solace in scriptures, a good cry and some times a hard cry, prayer and walking in God's beautiful world He has given us is good
therapy for a wounded hurting heart.

Five years ago Kris and Shannon's father presented a trauma to our family. When this tragedy was new and unveiling (ongoing) over an 18-month period of time, I was involved in weekly counseling with a Christian woman. To this day I confess to continued problems writing to or addressing their father. But God is faithful and ever so ready to be our strength when each of us are weak and wounded. This epic in our family has affected Kris and Shannon and Tom singularly and we each deal with the fallout in different ways. I see the tender touch of the Lord in all of our lives.

You will not find a person that has been traumatized who does not bear the wounds and scars of that time in their lives. However I feel so blessed to be able to be transparent before you guys/gals...this is a form of healing for me. Many of the vet boards I read their posts/messages and they are all on some form of medication.
Many Vietnam Nurses are not working as nurses. Vietnam traumatized them to the extent that many of them did not continue in nursing after the war. I talked my girlfriend into going to Vietnam with me. Unlike myself, she had never been away from her family before our duty station in California prior to Vietnam. So this in itself was a trauma for Carol. She was sent to Vietnam two months before my orders were cut to deploy. She was in a panic as the Army promised (on the buddy plan) for us to be stationed together. We spent maybe 5 months of her 12 months in-country VN together. To this day she finds being around me triggers memories and causes her to experience her own Booney Dreams. So we rarely visit back and forth. I recall that Brad mentioned in a response to a thread, of my takling about VN. As we are in a country at war, it is always in my mind and Iraq will be compared to VN.
Another trauma, that you who were to young to have experienced was living in the 60's and 70's when our nation's social sturcture almost collasped. As a patriot to the core, I was tremendously grieved and litterally felt the pain of the war on the streets of America during 1967-1975

Hope this lengthy discourse, if you have read to the end, has answered some of your questions Dennis. Only by the grace and mercies of a loving heavenly Father I am what I am this day. There is healing. The Holy Spirit is a comforter and a healer.

As a testimony to the goodness of God, I love lifeand look forward to meeting each day...to taking care of my patients, to exploring America wearing my hiking boots and carrying my tripod and camera and most recently have been trying to pen my heart in words.

Most of the time I truly live this song

"This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!"

Judy

[Barbara Moulton]

Thank you for your honest sharing Judy.

I appreciate your heart.

Love,
Barbara

[Barbara Moulton]

Well I don't think that we can equate emotional healing with physical healing to such an extent. When we say 'scars' we are only trying to explain something that we cannot see with something which we can and we can push it too far.

Yes, that's the problem with all metaphors, you can't apply them 100%. But I do think that because we are dealing, in both cases, with wounds inflicted upon a person, that there are enough similiarities that we can draw some meaningful parallels.

I don't think that lack of physical healing has anything to do with sin either as scripture shows us, but you still have not explained the words of the psalmist who said that God restored his soul.

I am not sure what explaining I need to do. God restores my soul. He brings me into relationship with him and redeems my past to bring goodness and purpose out of it. But does that mean I would never feel a twinge of sadness over something in the past? Does that mean when the woman who is abused meets a woman who is just escaping an abusive situation that she isn't reminded of her own past pain? Does that mean that the sight of mother with her new baby would not cause a pain to the heart of a woman whose child has died? Does that mean that the rape victim will not feel some unease when her rapist is released from prison?

Or the words of Paul who said that he could do all things through Christ which also implies full emotional health. And the verse which says that God gives us a spirit of peace, joy, confidence and a sound mind. These things are not possible for those who walk around wounded.

I disagree. I believe that peace, joy, confidence and a sound mind are possible for us DESPITE the wounds that we carry. Maybe that's our problem in our discussion. You define "full emotional health" as being able to fully overcome past trauma to the point that when you look back it is as if it happened to someone else. I define "full emotional health" as being able to fully deal with all that is in the present, despite the scars from past trauma.

I do actually think that if one can say with confidence that God has done something for us then it is possible for all, how is that judging?

I guess because you didn't simply state with confidence that God has done something for you. You didn't just say that it was possible for all . You went on to say, "I feel sorry for those who do not have this healing but it always comes down to some sin that they are unwilling to stop and the usual one is unforgiveness." (emphasis mine)

That has the appearance of a judgment of those who have not experienced the healing that you have. It must be because they have sin in their lives.

[Gina Stevenson]

I guess because you didn't simply state with confidence that God has done something for you. You didn't just say that it was possible for all . You went on to say, "I feel sorry for those who do not have this healing but it always comes down to some sin that they are unwilling to stop and the usual one is unforgiveness." (emphasis mine)

That has the appearance of a judgment of those who have not experienced the healing that you have. It must be because they have sin in their lives.

Yes, this "always" jumped out at me when I read this, Brenda ... have to also disagree here ............

blessings as you continue healing from whatever it is you are now dealing with,

[Christine Kelly]

Emotional healing takes time. I had a Pastor once tell me that we are emotionally healed when we can forgive the person who created this trauma in the first place. Just because we forgive, does not mean that we can forget. There is something that trigers memories at times. Things that we may not even know.

I believe that for me emotional healing comes with the ability to take what happened to me, and turn around and use it for the better of His kingdom. If my story only helps one other person, than I know that I am being emotionally healed. There may be times when something triggers the wound to open again, so I need to go deeper into prayer, and His Word more at that time.

Christine

[Brenda Jackson]

I do not really want to get back into entire sanctification, as there was such a strong reaction against it, but it is after all, what I am talking about personally. The full and complete emotional healing came about when God gave me a new heart which was fully healed of all 'scars' from the past which had included molestation as a 6 year old from a family member and the suicide of one of my sons.The new heart that He gave me enabled me to live without sinning. Some of the cause of our sin is because we errect walls of self protection and we secretly are disappointed with God for what happens to us. I am only saying what God has taught me and giving testimony that it was true for me.

I think that those who testify to it too will say the same thing.The new heart means something super-human, and to say that there has been some healing is not super-human as non-Christians in therapy have a great measure of healing too and there are remarkable stories of forgiveness from them. I will only say that what I am talking about is too hard to put into words for eyes have not seen nor ears heard, what He has in store for those who belong to Him entirely. If you reject my testimony of what the Lord did then I can say nothing else.

[Gina Stevenson]

Emotional healing takes time ............. There may be times when something triggers the wound to open again, so I need to go deeper into prayer, and His Word more at that time.

Christine

Yes, for instance there'd been much emotional healing after years away from my "home of origin." However, "they" somehow know just where to open the wounds up raw again ... so that one can unfortunately regress ... as I feel I have some ... tho' not back to where I began, having knowledge I didn't have all those years ago before leaving.

Yes, it does take time ... and often remaining away from the source ... so the wounds can heal, rather than being reopened constantly. Skin-thickening, so the onslaught doesn't go quite as deep, also takes time ... so some things have sunk deeply in once again, being here.

But, thank you, LORD, that You're still here with me ...................

[Barbara Moulton]

I do not really want to get back into entire sanctification, as there was such a strong reaction against it, but it is after all, what I am talking about personally.


There was not a strong reaction against entire sanctification if I remember the thread correctly. Most of us here belong to churches which preach the doctrine. Some of us just view the doctrine a little differently then you and that came through in our discussion.

God bless,
Barbara

[Barb Bouldrey]

Oh, Brenda,

No one doubts what the Lord has done for you. No one doubts about the new heart. And I do not doubt about the sanctified life because I have lived it for 40 years.

The main "red flag" is the reference to the idea that if you are not healed you must still have sin in your life that has not been confessed. That is a very "Kenneth Copeland/Kenneth Hagen" statement.

In our ministry we have had dear, holy, godly people who have died of diseases. Every now and then, someone from that doctrinal persuasion has told one of those wonderful Christians that God would heal them if they would just find their hidden, unconfessed sin and seek forgiveness.

That always made me angry. Yes, angry. How dare they try to put guilt on holy, wholy sanctified believers?

Many emotional scars and hurts need professional psychological help even after sanctification. Many emotional scars and hurts need medication, even after sanctification.

I am amazed at the emotional healing God gave me from the abuse of an alcoholic father. When I talk to other sanctified believers who still struggle with emotional issues over past hurts, I thank the Lord that He has given me complete healing, even to the point I allowed my father back into to my life and loved him.

I think Barbara and Gina were reacting to your words relating healing with unconfessed sin. That is not always true. It is a possibility for some, but not a blanket statement of truth.

Hope that helps you see that no one is doubting what God has done for you.

Barb

[Barb Bouldrey]

Satan's job is to cause us to doubt our healing and our spiritual victory. It is his job to remind us of our past and try to open old wounds. He is very clever and good at doing just that.

As Christine says, there are times we have to go back to God's Word and to prayer to seek victory over Satan's renewed attempt to defeat us.

And, as Judy mentioned, the past memories can flare up and send us into another round of going back for a new touch and new strength to keep victory.

I heard an evangelist say, "When Satan reminds you of your past...remind him of his future."

No one wants to go back into the bondage of past hurts. Sometimes we have to work through it all again to keep victory.

Barb

[Brenda Jackson]

Please do not misunderstand me, I do not believe that physical healing is part of the atonement as do the WoF followers.

As you have rightly said, it is a misunderstanding about exactly what entire sanctification entails. And we are each speaking from our own experiences. Because of my view, I know complete and absolute healing from traumas and I do not have to resist Satan over them or have them come back to take away my victory. I remain in victory over them. They are gone.

We have been talking about emotional scars, but I think that a greater work is done by God when it concerns a broken heart which is a 'meggascar'. And even then the Lord promises to bind up and heal the broken hearted in His word. I am going through a further trauma in my life, and this time my heart has been broken, but I fully believe that Christ will completely take away the pain and it will again be healed perfectly. It is the only way that He works ie perfectly. But if we do not have faith then He cannot do the things that He promises in scripture as we have taken too small a view of Him and do not have enough faith so limit Him. Again please note I am not talking about physical healing.

[Barb Bouldrey]

Brenda,

I agree with you because I have experienced the same complete healing. We are both very blessed in that way.

Our veterans like Judy and William have not been as fortunate. God have given them healing and victory but they still live with the memories that sometimes trigger nightmares, etc.

And, it is possible that this kind of trauma is physical, relating to the brain that has been scarred by their awful experiences. Maybe it is not always easy to define what is emotional and what is physical. The mind can be physically abused by trauma, as in the case of our soldiers.

I am so glad Satan does not come back and haunt you with your past, just as he has never done that with me. But not everyone can say that. That has nothing to do with being sanctified wholly.

God can heal the mind. But He does not always heal the mind when He sanctifies us.He can give us victory over the traumas of our lives without taking away the consequences of those traumas. We sure do praise Him when he does.

When a mind or emotions or a body have been damaged by trauma, sanctification is not an automatic cure for the consequences of those damages. I have seen that kind of complete healing. I have experienced it. But it is not always the case.

We cannot say Judy is not sanctified because she still has nightmares about VietNam just as we cannot say a recovered & sanctified alcoholic is not sanctified if they are suffering from liver cancer because of their former sin.

Barb

[Judy Hamilton]

We have been talking about emotional scars, but I think that a greater work is done by God when it concerns a broken heart which is a 'meggascar'. And even then the Lord promises to bind up and heal the broken hearted in His word. I am going through a further trauma in my life, and this time my heart has been broken, but I fully believe that Christ will completely take away the pain and it will again be healed perfectly. It is the only way that He works ie perfectly. But if we do not have faith then He cannot do the things that He promises in scripture as we have taken too small a view of Him and do not have enough faith so limit Him. Again please note I am not talking about physical healing.

Bless your hear Brenda...you have my prayers that the Lord will take your pain and in your brokeness you will find your peace in His Balm of Gilead..

I realize these are words of christianese and understood only by christians..so I hope you can see the sincerity of my prayers for you.

I believe when Jesus cried over Jerusalem His heart was broken..and to this day is still to find reconciliation.

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!

I remember the words to the song sung at my sisters funeral

There is coming a day when no heartaches shall come
No more clouds in the sky, no more tears to dim the eye.
All is peace forevermore on that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.


What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There'll be no sorrow there, no more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain, no more parting over there;
And forever I will be with the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

and this song that rings true for myself and so many christians as we walk this path of life laid out for us

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.


But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.


Faith Healers name and claim dogma leads us to believe that if we even grieve over losses and injuries inflicted on our souls,that we are in some way not totally trusting Christ with our total selves. I agree that we have the goodness of our Father and His precious healing balm..esle I would today be shakled by the grief of losing my sister and best friend in death. However God is good and the grief is totally gone. I do think of her, and wonder what her husband and children would have been like and wish for her freindship. Every year on the day of her birth I think of the wonderful person she was in my life. and with the life the Lord gives me in Him I purpose in my heart to go on singing the song of life God has given me, (even if i do sing a bit off key)
Please be gentle on yourself...the Lord has great love and patience with you and for you and is walking with you in the midst of your present circumstances...When you are needing more time to heal, needing more grace to forgive the one who has so wounded your heart...God extends this to you. Just allow yourself to see you as He sees you, righteous through the blood of Christ and His very precious daughter


http://my.homewithgod.com/heavenlymidis2/whataday.html

Judy

[Sue Pyles]

I personally went through emotional hurt many years ago in my
life.I read the book Healing For Damaged Emotions by David Seamands.
The book helped me tremendously.
I feel 100% healed or restored of those hurts I had to endure. I can still remember them, but through God's grace I don't feel them any more.
I thank God for the blessings that came through the brokenness I had at the particular time in my life.
Have I had any other emotional hurts in my life since I experienced the first? You bet I have, and I have learned something special through each one that has made me the person I am today.
We serve an awesome God.
My prayers are with those that can not seem to get beyond the pain.It must be a terrible place to be.

[Anne and Dwayne Hood]

Some scars, we will tke with us to our grave.
My dad left when I was 15. I stopped thinking that he and mother would get back together the day I rreceived word that he haad died. I was 34 yrs. old then.
Mother passed away 18 months ago. Then, my brother passed away in February. Since then, I have started having dreams about daddy coming back. In them I cry. But, I fearfor him to go out the door to go anywhere. But, he and mother were not sleeping in the same room, or acting as if they were truly back together. He left a little over 52 years ago.

[Judy Hamilton]

I recall a visit to Dachau many years ago when i vsited my family in Germany and will always remember the story of 2000
religious, mostly Catholic Priests incarcerated by the Nazis. In 1934, one of the Priests from Munich made a Tabernacle, (place to hold the Blessed Sacrament, which Catholics believe to be the Body of Christ here on earth) hidden away so it wouldn't be discovered which would have meant certain death.

It was a tin box and scratched on the lid were the words, Ich Bin Mit Euch ( I Am With You).

You are not alone in your struggle.

Judy

[Sharon Isley]

The trauma of sexual abuse is one that will likely effect me for the rest of my life. It is very hard for an adult woman to cope with the trauma of rape. Imagine being a young child, going through that hundreds of times, being woken up from a sound sleep, by the very man who was supposed to protect you. Yet somehow the church expects children who have gone through this kind of thing to recover quickly, as if it was not a major problem.

I have healed a great deal. It took several years with a wonderful Christian psychologist. I would say that I have experienced a significant amount of healing. I would also say I have a long way to go. There are still nightmares, flashbacks, and triggers that are hard to overcome.

I found it hard to read some of this thread, because of the insinuation that there may be some sin in my own heart that is binding me to this pain. I won't deny that there is that possibility, I know I am not yet perfect. But I also know that one of the biggest hurdles for an incest victim to overcome is the feeling of intense shame.

I did not ask to be abused. I have worked hard at my recovery. Many times over, I have had to allow God to go deeper than I was comfortable with, in order to experience more healing. I anticipate having to do so again.

I know that I have been sanctified. Please don't equate the pain and trauma that lingers from this trauma as a sign that I am not the Christian I ought to be. And please, above all else, do not give wounded Christians in your church the impression that they must heal quickly. In my experience, not only with myself but in a ministry I have with abuse survivors, God usually chooses to heal these wounds in a very gentle way, over a long period of time. We may prefer an instant cure, but I believe God knows best.

I do want to add...

God HAS restored my soul. I enjoy my life. The pain is not constant, and for now, it is rare for me to have a flashback or to be strongly triggered. I consider that to be a miracle.

[Judy Hamilton]

Thank you Sharon. Your response to this thread is significant and hopefully a glimpse to the beautiful healing and keeping power of the Lord.

Judy

[Sharon Isley]

I guess what I was trying to say is...

By saying that because some people have complete healing, that doesn't mean it must be that way for everyone. God has different paths for all of us.

Some people in the book of Acts were completely healed of their illnesses. We all know Paul was not. He suffered with his affliction for his whole life. Nobody would accuse him of harboring unforgiveness, as the reason.

I know that with emotional healing the dynamic is different. I am ashamed to admit that I know the cost of unforgiveness. But just because there is lingering pain, that doesn't mean I have not forgiven my abusers. (Just for the record...I am still working on this. The deep forgiveness that is necessary is part of the healing, and I have not arrived yet, but I am willing.)

I don't want to see any of us limit God, by defining for Him what His healing must look like. For some He may remove the pain completely, and this is a miracle. For others, He gives us the grace to live with the pain. Why do we see this as any less of a miracle?

In my case, I believe God allows some of the pain to linger for a good reason. He has given me a ministry with abuse survivors, that I can fulfill better in my brokenness than I could if my pain was all in the past. Feeling what other survivors are going through keeps me humble, and more sensitive to their hurts. May God never take away the gift of pain from me. Because it allows me to bring healing to others.

Brenda, your healing is a gift of God, and I praise Him for it. Your testamony is as necessary as mine is. Both are needed, because there are so many people out there, in so many varied situations.

[Barb Bouldrey]

To answer Dennis's question, (and where are you Dennis, you little rascal?) some healing is never complete until we reach Heaven.

Barb

[Dennis M. Scott]

Yesterday was a long day, and away from the computer mostly. My question was a genuine search, and not one to which I already had my own answer. I am glad Naznet is/can be a healing place. I suspect healing is an ongoing process - as are most aspects of our walk with the Lord. Instantaneous physical healing of various sorts takes place sometimes. Likely emotional healing many times takes longer, comprising more stages, levels and time.
While I didn't seek responses particularly from the wounded, they are appreciated.
Like physical wounds, probably all of us have in varying ways been emotionally wounded. In the physical sense, some persons are fortunate to go through life with nothing more than a few scratches and splinters. Others have tumultuously damaging accidents. Sometimes limbs and body parts never grow back, and life is never the same again, although it does go on.
One of my closest friends several years ago lost a couple fingers on his right hand in a snowblower accident. He tried an artificial hand, which from a distance appeared to make things right. In recent years, however, he generally goes without it. He is a pastor, and every time he shakes hands, people are clearly aware that something has happened. Other than an occasional query, no-one questions his personhood. Most would say while he'll be that way until he dies, he has recovered. He is a hunter, and has adjusted his method of pulling a trigger. He also is a web-designer, computer operator. Some of his emails are a little interesting. However, his personhood is not impaired - at least not from this accident! I was with him in the emergency room while they were attempting to reattach his fingers following the accident. We cried together and prayed together. We anguished together not only about the pain, but the outright craziness that allowed him to reach into that ejection chute - it's not like him at all. In less than two hours, Linda and I will attend his daughter's wedding, and he will officiate. He and I co-pastor a church in Manchester, NH. Life goes on, and although scarred, there are times of jubilation. Technically, he'll never be the same, but it's going to be okay. He is healing well.

Analogies break down pretty quickly. Emotional scars aren't exactly the same, and sometimes they are mixed up with physical scars, too. Mostly I think we are never completely the same again, but we can be involved in a process of healing, adjusting - moving on. Some around us may be somewhat aware, but we can still be accepted for who we really are - scars and all.

People aren't much like cars - although I have been encouraged to go see that movie! We don't go into a shop, get our thing-a-majiggy replaced, and come out just like new.

By the Grace of the Lord, however, we can heal - present and future participle. We can go on healing. I suppose for those who don't know the Lord, there can be a degree of healing. But for those of us who know Him, we have His Presence and help, and a whole bunch of other wounded journeyers along with us. I really do pray for Grace for you today. Thank you, so much, for letting some of us here walk along with you.

Following the wedding, Linda and I leave for a week of vacation, and I won't be able to respond to Naznet. Please try your best to get along without me. I know you can do it. :basic02 grins

[Gordon Greene]

Interesting.

When the men have responded they mention friends.

When the women have responded they draw from personal experience.

The men externalize, women internalize thingy, I guess.

Can a person be healed and made whole? Yes!

Can a person be healed and yet not become whole? Yes!

Who gets to decide? Sometimes us, sometimes GOD.

Sometimes it is GOD's will that we be made whole but we resist.

Sometimes it is GOD's will that we not be made whole and we resist.

Paul had his scars. Some attribute various physical limitations to the physical abuse he suffered. In spite of whatever limitations he may have had he still lived for GOD.

He also had that pesky thorn in the flesh. Personally, I believe it was something inward. It caused him great pain. Repeatedly, Paul asked GOD to remove it. GOD's answer was that His grace was sufficient. Paul accepted, no, thanked GOD for the thorn because His strength was perfected in his weakness. In spite of whatever limitations may have occured because of this thorn he still lived for GOD.

You can use the same treatment on different people with the same disease and get different results. Why? I am sure the answer lies in the uniqueness of the individuals and the disease.

I am also sure that the different things that have been shared are the unique experiences of individuals who have healed / dealed with emotional trauma by the grace of GOD. Though different, each is a valid affirmation of the power of GOD. One plants, another waters, but GOD gives the increase.


.....peace.....

[Paul Whitaker]

Recurring dreams concerning past 'deep wounds' seem to keep breaking the wound open.

[Andrew J. Pottenger]

I liked Marsha's description at the very beginning of the thread. That sums up my own experience VERY well.

[Jill Mickelson]

....from personal experience....I truly believe that healing continues throughout our entire lives. An incident will triger the memory of something, then I go to the Lord about it. I think the Lord uses those times to give us further understanding, healing, comfort, etc. Total healing: when we see Jesus face to face! We are told that we will not remember "former things" when we go to be with the Lord.

[Marilyn Lawson]

You have been emotionally healed following an event when you can genuinely: smile at the thought/sharing of the event and be thankful for the lessons taught and learned.

And yes - you can be healed.

This made me smile!!!

This is my daughter all the way. When people think I have not accepted it - they are wrong.

[/QUOTE]Interesting.

When the men have responded they mention friends.

When the women have responded they draw from personal experience.

The men externalize, women internalize thingy, I guess.[/QUOTE]

I remember when I first attended Kennedy Road Nazarene. I refused to show any emothion at all. This is a sign of weakness!!!! I was always brought up that way.
No one is to know how bad things are in your life or home - keep it to yourself.

The 1st time I cried at church - I cried for over 30 mins and I couldn't stop.
Doris just sat with me and held on, while passing the kleenex. I still have trouble showing emotions - I don't want to look weak.

The anger and hatred (yep hatred) for my dad when I was a kid - did change.
It changed from wanting to kill him myself to him now being my best friend - this was done because of God.

God/Christ showed me that even though people on this wonderful planet of ours, can and will hurt us - There is a place I can go to and be accepted.

A few years ago I felt that I wasn't getting any closer to where I wanted to be in church. I felt that there was something that kept drawing me back to my old church.
5 yrs after my daughter died, I had to go and say sorry to one of the ladies for being so mad at her for all those years.
One week after Melissa died, a high member of the church told me that if I prayed hard enough - Melissa would have lived.
It was a knief and who gave her the right to go against what God wanted.
God put a peace in my heart about my daughter and where she is - the day she was born.

That doesn't mean I don't feel the pain, or the longing to hold her - I am her mom.

The scars that are invisable are much harder to disappear. It takes time and help to achieve this sometimes.
Physical scars disappear to a point and sometimes totaly - but if you see some one get hit - you remember.

As for my dad - I forgave him for the things he did to me as a kid.
He even turned to God and the church as he saw how I was able to changed, survive the insanity.

This is something I can thank God for.

Marilyn

[Ian Gentles]

At what point has one "recovered" from emotional trauma?
My observation is that the sexually abused, or war traumatized, or a wide range of other hurt people, at best live with those scars for a very long time. Many of us are involved in ministries longing to bring relief to such individuals. When has our objective been achieved? What can we realistically hope to accomplish?


Maybe the realisation the memories dont ever go away. I would also say, treat such people with understanding not looking down on them.

[Carsten Schermuly]

I read / write on a german forum for AD(H)S
http://www.tokol.de/component/option,com_comprofiler/task,userProfile/user,737/
There are Ladies, telling about their children years, some of them are involved in self helping groups and have collected a big amount of special knowledge. They named counters, about 80 percents of all women they have interviewed, should have been misused as children. I have no idea, this high counter is realistic or not - if so, that phenomene would be nearby normality.
http://www.tokol.de/component/option,com_smf/Itemid,391/topic,3898.msg78314
Heartbreaking life stories.
The most do not have a touch to a good father picture. To talk about faith is senseless, their answers are regularily aggressive. In two cases it is already too much to be a man. Often they attack men without a reason, just to express their resistance. What a luck the most have worked up their life by help of psycho therapists, they do shed oil on the waves.
Their wounds are so deep.