Breaking away from sin, please pray.

[Thomas Weyandt]

It has been several days since I last posted. I have new responsibilities with Advisory Board which is scoring RFPs for a new MH project. I accepted the job. O'boy!
Been steamrolled by temptation and that guilt kept me from posting until now. There have been some changes made here as the old office is converted to a resident room and plans go forward for licensing an upstairs room to increase capacity. Can't seem to sit down and read anymore. Setting Captives Free is a course I'm getting back into. It may help me. Very tired. Travelling to Lewistown for Bidder's Mtg. We do our scoring of proposals in March with proposals availible late next month. I am the only mental health consumer on the list so I have important job. Our director's father has little time left but is ready for eternity. Post again soon.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I am now finished lesson four of Setting Captives Free Pure Freedom course and hope it can help me with my problem/sin. I also have Every Man's Battle and am counseling with my pastor.
I went to Bidder's mtg and there were alot of questions by everybody. I was concerned about long driving distances if there would only be on Base Service Unit. They said that satellite offices would be established which was comforting to know.
On Feb 28 the three bidders' proposals have to be in and distribution to the committee takes place Feb 29 with the committee mtg on March 5 and 6 th. I definitely want to interview the bidders before I score their proposals on the 6th. Although I am only one of a dozen serving on this committee, my scores count and it is important to me that I do it right.
Today is my wash day and cleanup day for living room. Time consuming but not difficult. Have full load of dishes in dishwater now so my normal schedule is delayed.
My friend wants a big screen TV and I'm helping him out with such info as I can gather on the net. Vizio wins my vote for best price by a small US company that in a few years has grabbbed a big share of the plasma/LCD high def market. Their plasma sets are larger for given price than LCD but plasma has only 720 by 1280 resolution while LCD offers 1080 by 1920 resolution though both are considered high def resolutions with 720 better at movement like in a football game and 1080 better at showing detail.
One Vizio plasma set comes with a full surround sound system.
Prices are under $2000 for LCD/Plasma but to go from 47 inch LCD/50 inch plasma to 52 inch LCD/60 inch plasma you pay an extra $800. My best advice was for Denny to use his eyes to determine what he wants and is willing to pay for. A DVD would be good for checking out performance and professional setup might be best.
It has been rocky with temptation but I'm still here and swinging.
Post again soon.

[Thomas Weyandt]

As an update, I just got home a few hours ago from the psychiatric ward of the local hospital and had no internet access while there for eight days. I am okay and will start intensive group therapy at a partial hospitalization program during the week for 6-8 weeks. I visited there and the professionalizem of the treatment team is very good.
The hospital doctor made minor changes to my medicine.
Thankyou for supporting me.

[Joel Merrill]

As an update, I just got home a few hours ago from the psychiatric ward of the local hospital and had no internet access while there for eight days. I am okay and will start intensive group therapy at a partial hospitalization program during the week for 6-8 weeks. I visited there and the professionalizem of the treatment team is very good.
The hospital doctor made minor changes to my medicine.
Thankyou for supporting me.
Sorry to hear you were in the hospital. You seemed to be doing so well. I'm glad you are getting good help. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thankyou Joel. I am in a 6-8 week day program as of yesterday when I signed all the required forms. The psychiaitrist in the behaviral health unit is my psychiatrist in the program until it is finished. My regular psychiatrist will wait until I finish partial program and then resume caring for my meds.
As a disabled person recieving SSI I qualify for Medicaid for meds and doctor and other services. Medicaid has many restrictions on what they will and will not pay for. So far, I am recieving all I need. I have homework from yesterday to pour over and fill out.
Weather being bad so I don't know if van will be able to pick me up. That would be the Community Action Rural Transport program that handles med transport for disabled people, shared ride program for disabled to go shopping, ect and transport for the elderly who cannot drive, their primary focus. State funds allow me to apply for shared ride. My case manager will no longer be able to transport me on other than medical appointments. I guess it is cost cutting. I also have to bone up on the papers for the RFP regarding the Base Service Unit and that is important. I do not seem able to relax, their is constant pressure. My OCD is a problem that doesn't go away though it is possible to have enjoyable life in spite of it. Deleting the spam which is porn from my hotmail as fast as possible. I do not want to look at the images attached to such mail.
Wonder if I can cancel hotmail. Hmn. I have yahoo address as westwords2020@Yahoo.com which I seldom check. I have acquired quite a library of books that I do not read and that is a big issue with me. I find my pleasure in books, movies and select television programs, usually scifi or crime shows, especially those where the women are strong as oppossed to always being either a victim or an actress tossed into a bikini and required to just look good but have nothing really to do in the story.
Programs: Law and Order, Law and Order SVU, Sarah Connors Chronicles, Numbers, Stargate Atlantis, Bionic Woman, Jericho, Moonlight. I also watch Zola Levitt and Leading the Way and will add more Christian programs when I can straighten out my lack of scheduling in my life. Soaps are not my thing though I am somewhat fond of Days of Our Lives. Survivor and Big Brother do little for me. Am not a fan of 700 Club.
Like Masterpiece Theatre on Sunday night and cheer for public TV and radio although I cannot support them financially. I like Christian Contemporary and Christian Pop music plus some other secular types depending on the artist. Used to listen to local Christian radio but haven't done that for months and so something is wrong here in time management and aviodance.

[Joel Merrill]

Thankyou Joel. I am in a 6-8 week day program as of yesterday when I signed all the required forms. The psychiaitrist in the behaviral health unit is my psychiatrist in the program until it is finished. My regular psychiatrist will wait until I finish partial program and then resume caring for my meds.
As a disabled person recieving SSI I qualify for Medicaid for meds and doctor and other services. Medicaid has many restrictions on what they will and will not pay for. So far, I am recieving all I need. I have homework from yesterday to pour over and fill out.
Weather being bad so I don't know if van will be able to pick me up. That would be the Community Action Rural Transport program that handles med transport for disabled people, shared ride program for disabled to go shopping, ect and transport for the elderly who cannot drive, their primary focus. State funds allow me to apply for shared ride. My case manager will no longer be able to transport me on other than medical appointments. I guess it is cost cutting. I also have to bone up on the papers for the RFP regarding the Base Service Unit and that is important. I do not seem able to relax, their is constant pressure. My OCD is a problem that doesn't go away though it is possible to have enjoyable life in spite of it. Deleting the spam which is porn from my hotmail as fast as possible. I do not want to look at the images attached to such mail.
Wonder if I can cancel hotmail. Hmn. I have yahoo address as westwords2020@Yahoo.com which I seldom check. I have acquired quite a library of books that I do not read and that is a big issue with me. I find my pleasure in books, movies and select television programs, usually scifi or crime shows, especially those where the women are strong as oppossed to always being either a victim or an actress tossed into a bikini and required to just look good but have nothing really to do in the story.
Programs: Law and Order, Law and Order SVU, Sarah Connors Chronicles, Numbers, Stargate Atlantis, Bionic Woman, Jericho, Moonlight. I also watch Zola Levitt and Leading the Way and will add more Christian programs when I can straighten out my lack of scheduling in my life. Soaps are not my thing though I am somewhat fond of Days of Our Lives. Survivor and Big Brother do little for me. Am not a fan of 700 Club.
Like Masterpiece Theatre on Sunday night and cheer for public TV and radio although I cannot support them financially. I like Christian Contemporary and Christian Pop music plus some other secular types depending on the artist. Used to listen to local Christian radio but haven't done that for months and so something is wrong here in time management and aviodance.
I don't have any experiance with hotmail so I don't know if you can cancel your address. With many email providers, if you go for something like 6 months without logging in, they will cancel it. You could just get a new address if you like hotmail. Nazmail is free and has a pretty good spam filter.

Since I work nights, I miss prime time TV so I don't usually watch TV during the week. We canceled our cable TV since we don't watch enough to justify the cost. I bought a TV antenna for the roof but I'm waiting for warmer weather to put it up so right now we are using rabbit ears. We are roughly 50 miles from the TV towers so we only get 3 channels. We watch a lot of public TV and we buy DVD's. My wife likes cop shows. We both like comedy, history, archeology, travel and science shows. My wife bought some DVD's of old westerns that she has been watching lately. I don't have a long enough attention span to watch a lot of TV.

I used to listen to music constantly. The radio was always on and I had dozens of contemporary Christian music LP's, but I don't have a turn table anymore so I eventually got rid of them. One of the ways my depression has changed me is that I don't listen to music much anymore. I prefer peace and quite. I don't like the music our local Christian radio station plays but there is a new Christian station from a town 60 miles north of here that I like. That is quite a long distance for FM so it doesn't come in real great. I mostly like Christian Rock these days. As far as other music goes, it depends on what I'm in the mood for, when I get in the mood. I bought a 3 CD set of Creedence Clearwater Revival a while back and a CD of Abba and The Moody Blues. I also like jazz, classical, and some blues. About the only music I don't like is Country. I like bluegrass too sometimes. I have a lot of hearing loss and that has effected how I enjoy music. I bought a set of hearing aids but the sound quality is terrible. I've tried 4 or 5 brands and some are even worse. I guess if your hearing is really bad, a hearing aid is better than nothing. I tell all the young folks to take care of their hearing, once it's lost, it's lost.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

It is late here but I wanted to do a quick update. I recently completed Day 5 of the Pure Freedom breaking away from porn 60 lesson course after avoiding it for days. My answers were unusual to the questions asked as I was reminded of my OCD Scrupuloisity days years ago and how I nearly destroyed all my books and became a hollow shell. That pain has never gone away. The lesson content triggered my painful memories and out they came in my responses. I regret that but am reminded that as a Christian with MH problems, I felt left out and didn't fit in the world of Christian counselors who are equipped for spiritual counseling but lack knowledge of MH issues and in some cases may believe there is no such thing as a brain disorder causing mental illness which brain imaging has revealed. I have been told of ministers who advised their MH parisoners to throw out their meds! I'll get off my soapbox now.
I am trying to recognize that being in the image of God, all people including me have an inherent worth based on what they are and not in what they do as in legalism.
How did Superbowl go? Good night.

[Joel Merrill]

It is late here but I wanted to do a quick update. I recently completed Day 5 of the Pure Freedom breaking away from porn 60 lesson course after avoiding it for days. My answers were unusual to the questions asked as I was reminded of my OCD Scrupuloisity days years ago and how I nearly destroyed all my books and became a hollow shell. That pain has never gone away. The lesson content triggered my painful memories and out they came in my responses. I regret that but am reminded that as a Christian with MH problems, I felt left out and didn't fit in the world of Christian counselors who are equipped for spiritual counseling but lack knowledge of MH issues and in some cases may believe there is no such thing as a brain disorder causing mental illness which brain imaging has revealed. I have been told of ministers who advised their MH parisoners to throw out their meds! I'll get off my soapbox now.
I am trying to recognize that being in the image of God, all people including me have an inherent worth based on what they are and not in what they do as in legalism.
How did Superbowl go? Good night.

It seems like legalism is one of Satan's biggest traps. It always has been. Jesus was very frustrated with the Pharisees and Paul was greatly persecuted but the legalistic Jews. The fact still remains that no one will be saved through observing the law. We are saved by grace and only grace. God loved us enough to create us with a choice whether or not to love him. Yet he loved us not only before we chose, but before we were even born. Since Adam sinned, we were born with a sin nature and it is impossible for us not to sin, and yet, Christ died for us sinners to free us from that sin. Even then, he doesn't force it on us even though he paid that awful price. He still loves us enough to give us a choice and he loves us which ever way we choose. His love is not conditional with any action of ours. When the end comes and unbelievers are cast into Hell, it will be by their own choice and God will do it with a broken heart.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

I believe you are right about people sending themselves to Hell. I try to avoid legalism but it creeps in now and then. Getting garbage in my hotmail account. I immediately delete it but once in awhile I look at it and then get out and delete the offending email.
Today we have snow and cancellations. We were to go to the annual United Way allocation meeting tonight but it may be cancelled. Next week is CSP meeting and we present our case to MH about increasing our annual allocation since we now pay our director like Friendship Club. The pay is small compared to the hours put in by our directors but it is able for the directors to devote full time to the DropIn. I am frequently tired and my Wellbutrin has been increased by 50 % in hopes of putting more life into me without driving me into mania. The extra bedroom downstairs is complete save for some furnishings and it will be licensed so we can increase our resident capacity by 50%. I remain unable to use my time effectively and to read my books or even watch my movies. I am recording PBS showings of Pride and Prejudice and will try and watch them. Days seem to be one blending into another and I have trouble sitting down and reading Scripture. Prayer is also much reduced. I am going to address these issues. That's it for this update. Thankyou for your prayers! Tom

[Joel Merrill]

I believe you are right about people sending themselves to Hell. I try to avoid legalism but it creeps in now and then. Getting garbage in my hotmail account. I immediately delete it but once in awhile I look at it and then get out and delete the offending email.
Today we have snow and cancellations. We were to go to the annual United Way allocation meeting tonight but it may be cancelled. Next week is CSP meeting and we present our case to MH about increasing our annual allocation since we now pay our director like Friendship Club. The pay is small compared to the hours put in by our directors but it is able for the directors to devote full time to the DropIn. I am frequently tired and my Wellbutrin has been increased by 50 % in hopes of putting more life into me without driving me into mania. The extra bedroom downstairs is complete save for some furnishings and it will be licensed so we can increase our resident capacity by 50%. I remain unable to use my time effectively and to read my books or even watch my movies. I am recording PBS showings of Pride and Prejudice and will try and watch them. Days seem to be one blending into another and I have trouble sitting down and reading Scripture. Prayer is also much reduced. I am going to address these issues. That's it for this update. Thankyou for your prayers! Tom

We've had a lot of snow here too and it's cold. I've been having trouble with my depression again for about a week. I had to go home from work early last Friday because of it. I hate when that happens. I have a good boss and he understands. I don't seem to be motivated by much of anything either lately. I've been working on a model that I had been looking forward to doing but I have been having a lot of trouble with it and that takes the fun out of it. I'd give up on it but it was an expensive model. I need to get more exercise too and that is hard this time of year. I just feel like hibernating and I don't dare let myself do that. Take care. I keep praying for you.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

I think I know what you are feeling. I have been getting down in depression. Spiritual defeats bring me down also. There is nothing like an endless series of defeats to sap your confidence in yourself to successfully beat temptation by enlisting the aid of God; only the Holy Spirit and the whole armour of God can one be successful in resisting temptation. But you don't dropout of the race either by giving up. The strength to say no to sin is out there. I need to find it.
I have a number of meetings coming up. United Way reviews annually our allocation. We go to Lewistown HQ of MH/MR about the requested increase. We travel quite a few miles to get to The Friendship Club in Mexico, Juanati County. I am involved with a committee that has an important job to do in reviewing some proposals that will affect future treatments for MH/MR sufferers. Then there is more editing to do on the video. And there is the monthly DropIn Board mtg. So many mtgs. I never believed I would have such responsibilities.
As for failure to commit sin, the Bible makes forgiveness availible and I'm not going to beat myself up over my string of failures. There is an answer to this besides more depression on top of the sorrow I feel when I fail which is everytime.
The anger against God on my part went underground as I found out in group today. With the right triggers, it bursts to the surface and the same may apply to my true attitude towards sin. I have finished Lesson eight in the settingcaptivesfree.com course. And I do not agree with all their positions. I am better at resisting Internet garbage that floods my hotmail account. Very little in the way of messages comes there anyway.
That is the update for now, next month I turn fifty-three. I continue to go to church once a month because of transportation difficulties. I am getting a chance to practice my rusty accounting skills by working on a project.
No matter how depressed I believe there is hope out there for me and God has a throne of mercy and grace He invites me to come to.

[Joel Merrill]

So many mtgs. I never believed I would have such responsibilities.

Well, people must have a lot of confidence in you. From what you've told us, it sounds like you do have excellent leadership and administrative qualities. That should make you feel good. :)

My depression is much better now.

I turn 54 in May so I am not quite a year older than you. I hope we can meet someday.

Joel :fav09

[Thomas Weyandt]

I would like to post a photo but I don't know how and have no current photos of myself. Maybeye all of this MH advocacy I am involved in is where God wants me to be. I have started a thread about my friend's mother and pray she will recover from this post operative infection.
I still have difficulty reading any book on any subject but had time to talk about salvation early this morning with another resident.
If you ever come up here you will find oppurtunities to hunt, fish and take a cruise on Lake Raystown and ride the East Broad Top RR, the only surviving narrow gauge RR in the east. The countryside is still beatiful around here and there are plenty of small towns while Huntingdon counts as a large small town with Juanita College and Dubois Business College. Population is low in this county so we have room for you, only problem I could see is that one motel opened while another was demolished for a large Rite Aide drug and grocery store. There are also some bed and breakfast homes around here. It is a wonderful area.
I have done eight lessons of the free online course on Purity. The mentor believes I need an accountability partner besides himself.
As someone interested in technology you may be interested in the European Union financing a study into a 300 passenger hypersonic Mach 5.5 airliner that is fuel efficent both subsonic and hypersonic flight regimes. Fuel would be liquid hydrogen and range would be 11,000 miles. Flight time from Brussels to Sydney would be 5.5 hours compared to 22 hours on a 747. Ticket price might be 2000 British pounds and the plane would have no windows due to weight and expense. By contrast although Concorde did 75% revenue above it's various costs the plane could not accomodate new standards without great expense, was short ranged and so much a fuel hog at subsonic speeds and so never operated overland.
A company is solicitating orders for a supersonic business jet and ussubs.com tells of a luxury yatch that just happens to be a fully functional sub that looks like a yatch on the outside. Price is 80 million and could be operated as a charter/tourist sub with diving capability to 1000 feet and carries an eight person minisub that can dive to 2000 feet. Great way to impress rich friends.
My Wellbutrin has been boosted from 150 to 225 milligrams and I'm told here that I am less distant to other people than I was. Doctor will decide to either keep it at 225 or increase it further so long as the higher dose does not lead into a manic state.
It has been icy here and cars desiring to go up the 30% plus slope of the hill to reach McCall's Hill road need a running start.
I'm okay and appreciate your prayers.

[Dave McClung]

I would like to post a photo but I don't know how and have no current photos of myself. Maybeye all of this MH advocacy I am involved in is where God wants me to be. I have started a thread about my friend's mother and pray she will recover from this post operative infection.
I still have difficulty reading any book on any subject but had time to talk about salvation early this morning with another resident.
If you ever come up here you will find oppurtunities to hunt, fish and take a cruise on Lake Raystown and ride the East Broad Top RR, the only surviving narrow gauge RR in the east. The countryside is still beatiful around here and there are plenty of small towns while Huntingdon counts as a large small town with Juanita College and Dubois Business College. Population is low in this county so we have room for you, only problem I could see is that one motel opened while another was demolished for a large Rite Aide drug and grocery store. There are also some bed and breakfast homes around here. It is a wonderful area.
I have done eight lessons of the free online course on Purity. The mentor believes I need an accountability partner besides himself.
As someone interested in technology you may be interested in the European Union financing a study into a 300 passenger hypersonic Mach 5.5 airliner that is fuel efficent both subsonic and hypersonic flight regimes. Fuel would be liquid hydrogen and range would be 11,000 miles. Flight time from Brussels to Sydney would be 5.5 hours compared to 22 hours on a 747. Ticket price might be 2000 British pounds and the plane would have no windows due to weight and expense. By contrast although Concorde did 75% revenue above it's various costs the plane could not accomodate new standards without great expense, was short ranged and so much a fuel hog at subsonic speeds and so never operated overland.
A company is solicitating orders for a supersonic business jet and ussubs.com tells of a luxury yatch that just happens to be a fully functional sub that looks like a yatch on the outside. Price is 80 million and could be operated as a charter/tourist sub with diving capability to 1000 feet and carries an eight person minisub that can dive to 2000 feet. Great way to impress rich friends.
My Wellbutrin has been boosted from 150 to 225 milligrams and I'm told here that I am less distant to other people than I was. Doctor will decide to either keep it at 225 or increase it further so long as the higher dose does not lead into a manic state.
It has been icy here and cars desiring to go up the 30% plus slope of the hill to reach McCall's Hill road need a running start.
I'm okay and appreciate your prayers.

Thomas, have someone take a digital photo of you, email it to me and I will add it to your profile.

mcclung@naznet.com

[Joel Merrill]

I would like to post a photo but I don't know how and have no current photos of myself. Maybeye all of this MH advocacy I am involved in is where God wants me to be. I have started a thread about my friend's mother and pray she will recover from this post operative infection.
I still have difficulty reading any book on any subject but had time to talk about salvation early this morning with another resident.
If you ever come up here you will find oppurtunities to hunt, fish and take a cruise on Lake Raystown and ride the East Broad Top RR, the only surviving narrow gauge RR in the east. The countryside is still beatiful around here and there are plenty of small towns while Huntingdon counts as a large small town with Juanita College and Dubois Business College. Population is low in this county so we have room for you, only problem I could see is that one motel opened while another was demolished for a large Rite Aide drug and grocery store. There are also some bed and breakfast homes around here. It is a wonderful area.
I have done eight lessons of the free online course on Purity. The mentor believes I need an accountability partner besides himself.
As someone interested in technology you may be interested in the European Union financing a study into a 300 passenger hypersonic Mach 5.5 airliner that is fuel efficent both subsonic and hypersonic flight regimes. Fuel would be liquid hydrogen and range would be 11,000 miles. Flight time from Brussels to Sydney would be 5.5 hours compared to 22 hours on a 747. Ticket price might be 2000 British pounds and the plane would have no windows due to weight and expense. By contrast although Concorde did 75% revenue above it's various costs the plane could not accomodate new standards without great expense, was short ranged and so much a fuel hog at subsonic speeds and so never operated overland.
A company is solicitating orders for a supersonic business jet and ussubs.com tells of a luxury yatch that just happens to be a fully functional sub that looks like a yatch on the outside. Price is 80 million and could be operated as a charter/tourist sub with diving capability to 1000 feet and carries an eight person minisub that can dive to 2000 feet. Great way to impress rich friends.
My Wellbutrin has been boosted from 150 to 225 milligrams and I'm told here that I am less distant to other people than I was. Doctor will decide to either keep it at 225 or increase it further so long as the higher dose does not lead into a manic state.
It has been icy here and cars desiring to go up the 30% plus slope of the hill to reach McCall's Hill road need a running start.
I'm okay and appreciate your prayers.

I'm sure this is where God wants you and is using you. Sometimes God calls people to distant mission fields or formal ministry, but for most of us, God wants us to bloom where we are planted. God has given you a gift in this area and put you where he needs you. That should encourage you. Even though you have to endure your own MH issues, they cause you to be more understanding and compassionate with others who suffer from it and it gives you more credibility with them. Someday God will reward you far beyond what you can imagine for what you have to go through now.

I will pray for your friend's mother. It's a good thing you mentioned her because I don't come to Naznet anymore except for you. My depression is much better now but I have difficulty with some people and I'm not quite sure how to handle it except to avoid contact with them. I have been spending way too much time here anyway. I don't want to lose you as a friend though and I have other friends here who email me.

As far as reading books go, I am far from a book worm but I do like to read. I like military history and nonfiction the best. I also take several magazines on guns, cars and photography. I spend a lot of time on airliners.net and looking up airplanes on the internet and reading about them.

I want to come there sometime but it won't be this year. The housing market is taking the biggest hit in this economy and since I work for a window company, we are being effected. My job is still secure but hours are being cut and we have had the first layoff in the company's 86 year history. So we won't be doing any traveling this year. The economy is cyclical and it will pick up again, we just need to ride out the storm until it's over.

That plane sounds interesting. I think there is a great future for hydrogen in cars as well as planes. I think the general public has had a fear of hydrogen but it can be made as safe as any other fuel. The company is going to have to be wise in it's presentation. Besides, if you crash in a supersonic airliner, you are going to be dead whether it is burning hydrogen or sawdust.

If I can be of help in anyway as an accountability partner, just let me know. It would be better if we talked about things like that through email rather than a public forum.

We had a blizzard here today and everything was canceled. Yesterday we bought groceries and I got more gas for my snow blower. These winter storms are starting to become routine. :)

God Bless You, Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Praise the Lord. We, that is representatives of all three DropIns went to meet this morning with MH/MR officals in an informal meeting concerning our joint request for an increase, a modest one for the 08-09 fiscal year. We were asking for $6000 and they gave us $20,000 for each Dropin for 08-09, far more than we asked for plus an additional $5000 this year! We prayed about it and God said yes but there is more than you requested.
We will be able to pay our respective directors without cutting programs and we will be able to either take on more programs or at least catchup with increasing expenses such as heating and still have money for programming.
Thankyou for your prayers.

[Joel Merrill]

Praise the Lord. We, that is representatives of all three DropIns went to meet this morning with MH/MR officals in an informal meeting concerning our joint request for an increase, a modest one for the 08-09 fiscal year. We were asking for $6000 and they gave us $20,000 for each Dropin for 08-09, far more than we asked for plus an additional $5000 this year! We prayed about it and God said yes but there is more than you requested.
We will be able to pay our respective directors without cutting programs and we will be able to either take on more programs or at least catchup with increasing expenses such as heating and still have money for programming.
Thankyou for your prayers.
Well Praise the Lord!!! God hears and answers Prayer. God is good.

Joel :PTL)

[Thomas Weyandt]

It has been awhile. I have not been able to now find the proper words. I continue with settingcaptivesfree.com Pure Freedom online free course and I am clashing with the views of my mentor as I complete lessons that call for an opinion or judgement on my part. I also clash with him in our back and forth emails.
I have completed 13 lessons so far, which is about how far I went last time I took this course several years ago. It runs for 60 lessons to be completed in 60 days if you take one lesson per day and backs up it's promises of freedom from sexual slavery with daily testimonies which I believe are true.
The DropIn gets $5000 more this fiscal year and $20,000 more next fiscal year beginning in July.
I have appeared before the United Way and signed forms as chief volunteer officer of the organization which is a 501C3 charity under federal IRS regs.
We explained our mission and reasons for asking for $10,000 which is a jump from our current $6000 yealy support from UW.
I had to sleep overnight at the DropIn, a good field test of my ability to be alone with plenty of snacks, TV and computer access. I did not do Internet porn. Praise God.

As it stands we will go from $61,000 to $81,000 or more annual revenue. At the Board meeting today we approved establishing a thrift shop and had many other matters on our two page agenda.
Because of the nature of our operation the monthly board mtgs. easily run up to two hours. There is that many issues to resolve. A thrift shop is judged as more likely to succeed than the original proposed cafe.
Bought another used computer and need to draw up a sales contract so Michelle, director of Friendship Club can present the proposal to sell them the red van as is, needing a new or rebuilt transmission for a small sum of money though the amout we put into it in replacement parts/systems over the years has cost us more than the purchase price
That will leave us with the white 14 passenger van and the 7 passenger minivan our director donated to us and it needs some work. With the budget crunch eased, we can now do more than before but the money comes with strings attached.
We must develop an AA style support group for people with mental illness and a drug and/or alcohol problem. Some years before the Drop had a regular AA mtg. weekly. This is in the planning stage now.
Also the WRAP wellness program has to be started and the fee for the person/agency offering this service to instruct clients on how to deal with their crisis times and live a more independant lifestyle costs one dollar per minute. Oh Boy!
Next calendar year some or all the cost will be pickedup by the mental health MHO organization. We can also send someone for forty hours of training that will qualify one of our people to perform this service.
As regards to sexual sin I lose the battle every two to three days. Success has come with deleting pornographic emails that bombard my hotmail account. They have not yet discovered my Yahoo account. Sometimes I open those emails with great guilt afterwards. Mostly I succeed here.
There are times when I am offered alcohol but I always politely refuse it. It is not a temptation to me as I have no desire for it. Teatoterler I am.
Mostly the bookstore presents few problems these days except for increasing and increasingly explicit sexual scenes in regular books I buy including one tomator surprise that ended in the garbage bag. Another is intact but highly questionable.
I used to buy a brand of horror novel where the woman is the not the victim but the hero who vanquishes the monster. I always have been a fan of strong women in print and film. Blame it on the old Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Amelia Earhart, women in the OSS, ect.
But buying horror is becoming highly questionable for me and I have also suspended buying comics at the horiffic prices today of 2.99-3.99 and questions about the artwork which can sometimes give the swimsuit edition of Sports Illsustrated a run for the money.
Kind of lengthy here but so has been my week. I go to partial program tomorrow and get chewed out about not being there today when I was conducting important business for the DropIn.
Friday I am DropIn for more video editing and receipt of the bidder's proposals for the single BSU to serve the three counties vice present system of two BSUs. More economical that way. As a selection committee member I have a very important job to do as the only mental health consumer on this cmtee. which has to finish it's work on this fast tracked proposal by March 6th.
Saturday I go to our first Central Region CSP in years. Please remember me in prayer for these events. Thankyou.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I was handed the proposals for the new, single BSU today to provide MR, MH and early childhood intervention services. Can only say that I request prayer so that I may concentrate on doing my job which ends next Thursday which is scoring proposals. Mucho papers to evaluate. I've never had a more important task before.
Last night I took a fall with Internet pornography and went straight from that sin to doing lesson 14 of the online course that promises to break sin's hold on me. Today I was drawn to the pornography racks and considered buying something...magazines are plastic wrapped and the killer temptation is that they come with pornographic DVDs in their plastic bags. But I walked away and bought a paperback SF book, Sea Classics maritime history magazine and a Star Trek fan magazine. I almost always reward myself with something else if I walk away from the garbage racks which have grown recently.
Collected my bills and driver's license renewal fee and set them out for mailing. DropIn will reimburse me since I am their driver for license renewal though I am volunteer and recieve no pay...they pay for my being on their auto insurance so it seems reasonable that they pickup the minor renewal fee of $26 every three years. Will be renewing ambulance membership no later than April. Have a pulled back muscle and muscle pain in right hand. Actually managed to sleep some this evening as I was very tired.
Joel, I would be glad to have you as accountability partner. Send me your email address and a copy of all future lessons which feature accountability questions will be sent to you via email. There remains 36 lessons at one a day or two to go. Thankyou for your offer.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I've done lesson fifteen but have trouble getting a 'handle' on it. I guess my problem is understanding the applicability of the lessons to me or I'm just plain confused at times.
Did some dusting and some reading of many, many sheets of paper. Been active on navweaps.com and have been shot down by Navy professionals but the fun is in learning from the shootdowns, not the fire itself. But I enjoy message forums as I have almost never used chat. I hesitate to do so. Too many tales of woe there.

[Joel Merrill]

I've done lesson fifteen but have trouble getting a 'handle' on it. I guess my problem is understanding the applicability of the lessons to me or I'm just plain confused at times.
Did some dusting and some reading of many, many sheets of paper. Been active on navweaps.com and have been shot down by Navy professionals but the fun is in learning from the shootdowns, not the fire itself. But I enjoy message forums as I have almost never used chat. I hesitate to do so. Too many tales of woe there.
It's hard to write lessons that apply to everyone, especially when you don't know the people you are writing for. Years ago I tried teaching a junior high sunday school class. My class consisted of 3 kids who didn't know Moses from King Herod and were only there because they were forced to be there. They weren't bad kids and I didn't have any of the behavior problems you sometimes have with junior high age kids, but it was a challenge to get their interest. Sometimes it was even comical. One kid carried an Amplified Version Bible and I learned real quick not to ask him to read if we were going to get done with the lesson. The sunday school quarterly was written for a larger class of kids who had been raised in the church and were willing to take part. I finally gave up on the quarterly and started preparing my own lessons from scratch which was a lot more work but I felt like I was connecting with them at least. So I guess you just have to get what you can out of these lessons and if some of it doesn't apply to you or you don't get their point, don't worry about it too much.

I don't envy all the paperwork you have to do. It reminds me of home work. :gen03 I hated home work. :gen01 I remember that the hardest part was just getting started. Once I got into it, it usually wasn't that bad. :basic03

I've been busy today and last Saturday working on an old minivan I bought last summer. I don't know what I was thinking when I bought it. It is a real lemon. I've done nothing but poor money into it, not to mention I put $46.75 worth of gas in it today. Every time I work on it, I find other things that need fixing and then I find more things when I fix those. It's like a bad dream. I'd junk it but I need to drive it a little while to get some of my money back out of it. At least it is warming up some and some of our snow is melting. Of course that means that we are entering the muddy season here in Iowa. Oh well, Summer will get here someday.

Joel

[Joel Merrill]

Been active on navweaps.com and have been shot down by Navy professionals but the fun is in learning from the shootdowns, not the fire itself. But I enjoy message forums as I have almost never used chat. I hesitate to do so. Too many tales of woe there.

I just checked out that web site and read some of your submarine thread. It is an interesting site. My uncle and my hero was in the bloodiest part of the largest naval battle in history. He rarely talks about it and my dad didn't even know what he had been through. I visited my uncle in San Diego a couple years ago and he loaned me a book about it called, "The Afternoon of the Rising Sun" by Kenneth I. Friedman. It is a 400 page book and I read it in 2 weeks which is very fast for me but I couldn't set it down. Since then I have read several other books about that battle and I'm reading one now called, "The Last Stand of the Tin Can Sailors" by James D. Hornfischer. I just found a good web site about the battle my uncle was in; http://www.bosamar.com/index.html My uncle was the fire control officer on the USS Heermann (DD 532) It was a horrible one sided battle and it was a miracle that anyone survived, thousands didn't! Yet when faced with certain death, they fought on as true heroes. It's fascinating reading and it will make you proud of our country.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

This will be a short post. Am very weary and up to early for enogh sleep. Joel, you must have recieved my course questions/answers. My mentor is taking a vacation but expects me to do more lessons. For no really good reason the part I play in evaluating proposals for the new BSU has been dodged, stalled and unfinished. Maybey I cannot finish it. I have a med problem, Tuesday meds for morning are missing and I'll ask Cindy what to do about it. If I have to miss a day, that would be tommorw and in meantime I have taken my meds out of sequence. I notice so many needs on Naznet; may God hear and answer their prayers with a 'Yes'. Didn't sleep enough last night. Today I have partial hospitalization program and then video editing in the afternoon with Bob Henry from MH/MR. Would drop out of selection committee but that would mean I'm running from my responsibility and am only MH rep on the committee. I'll post again sometime. Thankyou all for your interest in me and your prayer support.

[Joel Merrill]

This will be a short post. Am very weary and up to early for enogh sleep. Joel, you must have recieved my course questions/answers.
I just sent you an email.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Message recieved. You should have recieved the mentor's comments, the lesson itself or at least the questions with my answers. Will send test email immediatly. Thanks.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I emailed you and just visited Hotmail.com and the message was said to have failed to deliver. I have a problem somewhere, maybye I copied the wrong address although I have checked it. Sorry.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have finished lesson 16 and entered your Yahoo email address you sent me Joel. I hope it went through. I also emailed the lesson from my hotmail account. And I yielded to temptation. I won't cover the details but I felt sick in my stomach at what garbage I viewed on Internet. I get pornographic spam everyday and am very successful in deleting it almost all the time. This was a sudden temptation to search for garbage at Google. I found it and I choose to yield and not to fight as I did earlier choose to do the lesson 16 rather than give in to ongoing temptation. I have repented and asked God's forgiveness but this crash and burn failure hounds me and forgiving myself is difficult but Christ died for my failures too. The enemy won a battle but hasn't won the war.
Say, have you read Hal Lindsay's old book Satan is Alive and Well on Planet Earth? It is pretty good though some doctrinal positions are difficult and Hal believes in eternal security. Me, I don't know who is right concerning that Hornet's nest.
Continue to read my aviation/defense sites and post to Navweaps.com under westwords2020 handle. I like the info exchange. I used to visit Star Trek sites also but I've temporarily lost the whatever to post on Trekbbs.com even though I have been a fan for decades now.
I think about Hal Clement, Isaac Asimov, Gene Rodenberry. They are all gone and none had a faith walk in Christ and went down instead of up. What a wastse!
Christian's are finally beginning to write good science fiction, fantasy and even horror from a Christian perspective and put 'teeth' in their books.
Comics have become very expensive but modern printing methods and very realistic artwork and competent writers have transformed the medium.
Will post again soon.

[Thomas Weyandt]

It is early morning here. I have completed day 21 of my 60 day/lesson course called Pure Freedom at SettingCaptivesFree.com and though it is a rocky road attempting to apply course principals, I am more willing to try nowadays.
We have had mainly cold weather so far but the ice on our access road is melted away along with the snow. Temps are rising and maybeye old man winter is going away but I would not be surprised if it snowed in April.
I guess I struggle most with surrender. Between the enemy and my unhealed memories of my time of Scrupulosity which is a form of OCD where your brain concocts the idea that there is sin where there is none and duties that the Word does not require or if you will everything becomes sin is an unhealed memory to me.
I still maintain contact with my retired counselor who is certified counselor and an RN PN. She still sees a few clients in her home. I believe she is a Quaker at heart for she often talks of the writings of George Fox. I am seeing the doctor on Monday about pain in my wrist everytime I move it a certain way. My Wellbutrin is being experimentally moved from 150-300mg per day to counter depression and have more activity in my life so I'll read, listen to music, watch good TV and just plain do things more including helping out here more. The selection cmtee. for the new, single BSU met and decided on a contract winner for that important admin. task. The three counties will have satellite offices so people won't have to journey to Lewistown or worse, Mifflintown from a Huntingdon viewpoint. Pornographic spam has decreased alot lately and I delete it daily. Maybeye they are moving on to someone else. Trying to read a book from page one through the ending which is a goal for me. I want to read again. Still going to Partial program Wed-Thurs-Fri from 9:30-12:30. My needs and some of my wants are being met. I have few wants; good music, good TV, good books; mostly paperback though I have considered the SF bookclub. Pain in wrist getting worse. I communicate with my course mentor and my accountability partner in e-mails. Take care everyone and God Bless You ALL-Tom Weyandt.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Well, this is today's update. Joel, I have sent you the copies of lesson 28 sans any comment from me. I am going with my mentor's opinions though I fought them for awhile. I will be doing lesson 29 today and am determined to continue the course until finished. Appreciate your comments.
We have snow again. Not much but it is there. Weariness and lack of sleep continues.
I get a treatment plan review this Wednesday and will either be discharged from Partial program or have two more weeks to go.
I am considering a service known as Psych Rehab which is a step down from Partial in intensity. Partial consists of three hours of group therapy per day and is a program for people needing acute care.
I have to always keep in mind that my OCD and bipolar depression can hijack my thoughts and lead me to incorrect ideas and decisions.
Not as weary today. Have to finish my chores and sweep my bedroom and dust everything. This is also my dishwashing day while Monday is my laundry day.
I believe we will get snow in April.
Owner likes aspects of some of my floorplan drawings as she considers adding on to the PC Home.
The state has this attitude of nitpicking when it comes to finding any little thing to cite a PC Home. There also seems to be support for the idea of putting PC Homes out of the long term care business entirely. At 177 pages of regulations, many homes have closed because of the new regs being just too burdensome but our home soldiers on.
Would ask for prayer concerning this Home I live in. It has been a year since I came here.
Tomorrow the owner's grandchild gets baptised by sprinkling. He may be only a few months old but is growing and his older sister is very bright at age two.
The selection committee recommended the contract go to a particular firm by vote and the tricounty commissioners agreed with only one oppossed and contract was awarded for the single BSU to serve with satellite offices for all three counties. This has to be all in place by July this year. Current employees of the old contractor will be retained until December which is a very good idea.
My blended case manager isn't affected since that level of care is under a seperate contract.
I've voluntered for the committee that will meet in Lewistown MH/MR/Early Intervention HQ where we will be 'locked' in a room to evaluate the county MH plan for next fiscal year. If the county does not get a passing grade from us, they have to address the difficencies that we find. It is a scoring system, we will recieve a participation fee and mileage. Us prisoners of the conference room will be supplied with pizza for lunch as we slave away with a couple hundred questions on MH plan performance. It is an honor to serve.
Reading is still stalled with problems reading my Bible.
I delete pornographic spam without opening the messages.
I have rejoined the SF bookclub and plan to greatly reduce my trips to the bookstore as it has a poor selection anyways.
Celtic Woman is a very good Irish singing group that has CDs and concert DVDs out.
It consists of five vocalists and a solo fiddler. Great music.
Wrist pain was tendinitis and the motrin works well suppressing pain.
I wish I had more leisure time between tasks. Time management is difficult for me.
I praise and thank God for all the aid that He has given me.

[David Molle]

Thomas,
I have the same addiction you have and am a compulsive obsessive type person. I have also fought heroin, booze and cigarrette addiction. I am generally free from temptation of all of those except the porn addiction. I combat it with first recognizing what triggers me and hopefully praying first when I am triggered.

One other main way I have been able to resist temptation is not putting myself in a position to be tempted. I did this by changing people places and things.

I mention this because of the spam you said you receive via email and that it tempts you. Get rid of that email account now. There are many free services you can use and the most spam free is gmail by google. I would be happy to send you an invitation (as it's invite only or use to be) to use the service.

This is one of things you can change and one of the internet places that you will not need to ever return to. Ive gone from 100 a day to 1 or 2 a week and no porn spam at all.

Then again most porn spam I received was of my own doings.
I have you in my prayers and thank you again for having the strength to post about this. It very helpful to me.
God bless you.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have seen a reduction, I think in pornographic spam.. it is now down to a few a day and it has been awhile since I viewed that garbage. I'm not sure how to get rid of that email account. I guess I would have to contact everyone who posts there and give them the changed address. I do have a largely unused Yahoo account and could switch to it. Can you cancel an email account? I don't know but I will begin the process of switching over to the yahoo account which is spam free so far.

I appreciate your willingness to speak openly like I have concerning pornography addiction. I continue with Pure Freedom free and online course that has 60 lessons and many testimonials that it will enable one to break free of porn addiction. They also target self gratification, which is how porn is able to be used by the addict for it's intense pleasure that does require more harder core pornography to achieve the same 'high' that I used to get.
I also have pornographic images, thoughts and fantasies that when they start arre extremely difficult to break free from like last night's battle that ended with a victory?...I'm not sure but I did not yield all the way.
I would point out that I cannot change my enviorment because other residents and the staff are unsaved and behave accordingly in speech, smoking, alcohol use but no alcoholics as they can't stay here. Residents buy their own beer while I buy diet soda.
DropIn food pantry now offers 36 can cases of diet Dr Pepper.
I'll be up for relection to the board and the board will then decide, if I win another three year term, who gets what officess and elects each year the chairmanship. We have had a major increase in our funding from MH/MR begining with $5000 for the balance of this fiscal year and $20,000 for the next July starting fiscal year. United Way has also given us a modest increase so the DropIn budget will exceed $80,000 for the upcoming fiscal year. However, the money has strings attached.
Meanwhile, we have been doing community outreach in the form of distributing goodies to the apartment buildings and inpatient mental health center at the hospital. The easter bunny costume was a nice touch. Actions like these get into the local paper and raise awareness of our existence.
Judging what books/comics that have to be dumped is a difficult problem but some writers I follow have decided to inject sexual scenes into their books of varying amounts of graphicness. I don't want to get in another book burning like years ago. I need to pick out the rotten tomatoes from the crop.
Reading has ceased because of concentration problems. I have contact through emails with former pastor who now does supply work and short term missions. She was forced out of her church because she exposed Free Masonry and a major part of the congregation was Masons. So she resigned and is pursuing other projects and ministerial filling in for area churches.
I have been discharged from Partial Hospitalization yesterday and have to grapple with a tendency to isolate myself from other people to daydreams that are ruminations, a part of OCD. In
In living the Christian life I struggle to submit to God...always holding something back because of memories of fanaticism...the OCD equivalent that is still a raw wound in me but I don't think God requires legalism and fanaticism for His burdens are easy and His yokes are light and His plans for me include life and hope and not harm from Jerimiah 29.
On the Internet, I go to military and technology sites for the most part. It has been several weeks since I visited a porn site.
And that concludes this update with thanks for your posting and frankness and all of everyone's prayers.
I will watch for what triggers me and am reducing the frequency of visits to the local bookstore and conveince stores by subscribing (a lengthy process) to my magazines and ordering books through the SF book club and through Amazon.com.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Praise God! He healed my friend, Denny Porter's mother from a bout with three infections including a 'superbug' that had antibiotic resistance and she is home and walking again although with a walker and cane. Thankyou for your prayers on behalf of Shirley Porter.

[Thomas Weyandt]

One of our residents, an eldery man, has gone to the hospital on this, his birthday. Please pray that he will return okay. Thankyou.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Please note that I am in the process of shifting from my hotmail account that suffers from regular doses of pornographic spam, to my westwords2020@yahoo.com account. Thankyou, Tom Weyandt

[Thomas Weyandt]

Okay, Praise the Lord, the eldery resident is recovering and doing well today despite having had a heart attack on top of pnuemonia. Thankyou for your prayers and my pastor whose background is the Christian Missionary Alliance church was able to see him. Other residents will be a group visiting him this evening while I will go the next time we all go to visit him. He is eighty-one as of yesterday.

[Thomas Weyandt]

In this forum I have been truthful about myself and so I have or want to say that today I fell and had much chaos in my mind in the form of guilt and self condemnation. I felt like garbage but was greatly helped by a phone counselor. Temptation has returned and I came here rather than surrender to it and it is ongoing even now. Thankyou for your support and prayers.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I am continuing on the Pure Freedom online course with lesson 39 finished and 21 lessons to go despite my failure at resisting temptations. At least I'll finish the course and not drop out as some have done.

[Thomas Weyandt]

After helping to wash two cars and not enough sleep I am very weary. I have begun lesson 42 of the Pure Freedom online course. You can find out about the courses offered by going to settingcaptivesfree.com I won't be able to continue this but know that new oppurtunities have opened up for me in MH advocacy and I have been asked to serve on another Advisory Board for the outfit taking over various tasks that were performed by two different companies with two Base Service Units. I was on the selection committee and the winner will transistion to a single intake/administration/support coordination with one office in each of three counties.
The MH functions of case management and resource coordination remain with the for profit company as they are subject to different funding than the contract for the BSU.
Video is shelved until Bob Henry of MH/MR can find the time to help edit it. I have been asked to go to another MH function on Tuesday. DropIn will have board members election next Wednesday and then the new board will decide if I should remain chairman. Here I am with my problems with people who have their own problems and in a position to help guide the center in it's future developement. We have the promise of the $20,000 increase but a substantial chunk goes for the peer specialist who charges $10 per 15 minutes. He will cost $6000 a year. We do recover the money lost in paying our director who works long hours for a pittance. Someday, he will retire and we will have to have developed a successor. I wish to leave PC Home next year and try independant living. I will be attending Psych Rehab service Wed. and Friday beginning May 1st and will continue being busy. I have opted to go with magazine subscriptions and buying books through bookclubs so as to reduce times in bookstore.
Convience store mixes porn with regular magazines which is another problem. Otherwise I am doing well. Thankyou for your prayers.

[Thomas Weyandt]

It has been a long time since my last posting. I am on lesson 57 of 60 and appears I will finish the Pure Freedom course at settingcaptivesfree.com.
Continue to feel tired everyday and cannot sit down and enjoy life during my leisure time.
Was renewed as chairman. Larry, our director has purchased a projector and will use his notebook computer to makeup presentations while I have search for one the club could own and found one I think, an HP Pavillion with a reasonable price and can function as a desktop replacement, edit photos and videos, multitask with a dual hard drive and play the blu ray disks that are coming out now that HD DVD has been abandoned.

Of course, the board has to approve the purchase price of 999.99 dollars after 200 dollars in price cuts and rebates. We are also interested in a flat screen TV, preferably one with 'full HD' or 1080p and I'm the gadfly on that one.

I am sick now but it will pass in a couple days as a bug is going around. Our PC home has been retired and now we are just a plain old boardinghouse. Loss of our state supplement is a question in everyone's mind but it hasn't happened yet. I recieved my economic stimulus chech and rent rebate and will be replacing my broken and lost glasses.

I have begun reading again and my bookclubs are paid off.

I have a long way to go but there is more positive in my life than negative.
Thankyou Lord for being there.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have shifted to subscripton magazines and bookclubs so I have less reason to be in the bookstore and subject to temptation there. I made it to lesson 58 and my mentor told me to quit and try another course called Glorifying God since I was not completely free.
I have fallen four times?? in the last 24hours to online porn. Since I am at end of the month finances, I cannot view the pay per view paid websites. I seem to have no defense that works so I ask for prayer and a way out of this constant sinning of which I am so...very weary.
We have converted from an assisted living or rather a personal care boardinghouse to just plain boarding house due to excessive regulations that made it a nightmare to operate this small home.
Beginning to read again. Been doing some daily Bible reading.
My Bible is a parallel with NIV in left column and The Message in the right column.
I have been taping a woman preacher, Pastor Scott on Ion at 1:00 am. She has unique style of message that delves into the original Hebrew and Greek texts and their grammar and how it affects our translations today. She has mastered twenty some languages and has a style that draws you in to what she says in her messages.
TV watching is down for lack of interest as I guess I am in depression. I activly avoid my Bible, Christian literature, Christian radio and television; even the ones not out for money.
Something wrong here.
I'll be back sometime later.

[Thomas Weyandt]

My accountability partner during the Pure Freedom course has a new granddaughter and wonders that I was cut loose from Pure Freedom. I don't know yet when or if I will signup for Glorifying God.

Some of the problems stemmed from my disagreeing with the philosophy of the course and my mentor but I kept at the course until told to stop and tried to obey principles I disagreed with and failed.

The string of failures has ended now and I have paid a price both economic and personal for them. I got out of the paysite immediatly because I came to my senses and lacked the money to continue them. A friend loaned me some money so that I would not windup in a NSF situation with the bank.

I'm watching my balance daily and so far no additional hidden charges have appeared and one seems to have disapperead and have begun repaying the friend and am planning on a gradual, affordable repayment of outstanding book club bills. I can either pay each one a small amount monthly or payoff each one in turn monthly.

Been sick today because of acid reflux for hours at DropIn. When I got home I was able to drink milk and eat cereal but not take on the proposed supper. It would have made me sick again.

DropIn purchased two vans this month. One is a '93 minivan in excellent if not creampuff condition for only $500 and only needs a small amount of work, mainly air conditioning while a '99 wheelchair van was found for only $3200 and it needs air conditioning. Both are low mileage.

DropIn is taking out full page ad in a final attempt to get consumers realize that we not only exist but offer valuable services. If this doesn't pull them in, nothing will.
Flat big screen TV on back burner as a projector and laptop computer have been purchased for cash, that is check. We don't have credit rating because we always paid our bills ontime and major purchases by a single check which did wonders for our budget process.

Two new rooms have been installed in the main room and I hope to see it further subdivided. We are trying a thrift shop out to raise additional monies.

Peer specialist program is TriCounty mandate that takes $6000 of our $20,000 increase, after deducting director's salary we have a net increase of a few thousand dollars but the extra monies help. We are doing outings with the Friendship Club in Mexico, Juaniata County. Regretably, we have been unable to do the same with the Sunshine Connection in Lewistown, Mifflin County.

If we ever go for big screen HDTV I will aim for a cap on purchase price in the $1000-$1500 range. Some fine sets out there for an amount that need not break the checking account. Also, to get HD programing, we can rent blu ray discs locally and through Netflix as well as a satellite package of $1200 per year. To play the discs we might get a Playstation 3 that incorporates the player as part of it's features so for $499 we get a first class gamer with blu ray at a time when blu ray dedicated players are $399 a pop.

Another way of cutting blu ray costs is to get an external USB Blu Ray Rewriter computer drive. Plug it into computer, plug computer into TV and watch a magnificent picture... I hope. Also can function as file backup of complete system as blu ray discs store 25-50 gigabites of data so backing up all of our hard drives internal and external is a snap...I hope.

[Thomas Weyandt]

We had a special mtg. of the DropIn board yesterday. There was a $2500 transmission repair on the large van which we had to have bitten the bullet and pay for as our other van is the new wheelchair van with three wheelchairs plus four passengers on two bench seats and driver. The big van seats 15 and the minivan seven so the big van must be repaired regardless of costs.

The board approved the $1000 one time expense of a full page newspaper ad to run twice. Now we have to design it from scratch and I don't have any great ideas other than a short piece I wrote once to answer the question: What is a DropIn Center. Many people didn't know we existed or they assumed from our name that we were some kind of homeless shelter.

We are contractually obligated to hold at least two public events for education on mental illness that will reduce stigma in the minds of the audience, in short, educate the people that MH is a medical problem just like any other illness and that we don't go around hurting/killing people which is the only time we make the news. Our crime rate is no worse than the general public.

So we have a laptop and a media projector running over $3500 and have to design a powerpoint presentation and be out there, I hope, at the county fair.

A guest at the board mtg. I presided over made the point that she had never know for all these years of being in existence that there was a DropIn to help with the burden of her mental illness. We have to get our name/services provided out there.

I am okay but suffer from a chronic lack of sleep. Paid off two bookclubs yesterday and reduced the balance on the third. In a couple of months I'll have repaid my loan and be completly free of the bookclubs. Problem is, they have kept me out the bookstore as a source of books.

Cancelling the disappointing military and Christian bookclubs is easy enough but the SF bookclub might mean a return to the days of being in bookstore several times a month with risk of pornography. As it is, I have enough trouble with online porn which I can't afford their memberships and fees. But after being clubbed by five failures in 24 hours, I wonder if the Internet should take a rest.

As for chat, never really tried it and with all the warnings I'm not sure I want to.

As for God and I, I believe a Christ centered life has many benefits that a self centered life cannot offer. It is not the gloomy existence of a fanatic which I was many years ago. I want Christ on the throne but run into obstacles when I try to turn my life over to Christ.
Any suggestions here are welcome.

[Gene Tatsch]

... a short piece I wrote once to answer the question: What is a DropIn Center. Many people didn't know we existed or they assumed from our name that we were some kind of homeless shelter.

We are contractually obligated to hold at least two public events for education on mental illness that will reduce stigma in the minds of the audience, in short, educate the people that MH is a medical problem just like any other illness and that we don't go around hurting/killing people which is the only time we make the news. ...
Thomas - keep at it!
You've got all of the cloud of witnesses cheering for you, and NazNet'ers, too. I think its curious how the temptations thrown at us by the accuser are often linked as multiples (our son has bipolar, marijuana, and nicotine).

As for support on the MH perspective, do you have connections to NAMI?
http://nami.org/ they have a local affiliate near us and they've been invaluable support in all ways I can imagine.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Now I'm recieving pornographic spam in my email though the Spam service at Yahoo puts them in spam folder. I regret opening that folder a short time ago instead of deleting the spam immediatly without opening it. I knew in my heart that if I had the money I would have happily joined up. Now, I'm just glad it's over and I have unsubscribed from the 'service' I was looking at their ads.
Thankyou Gene for the encouragement. Once in awhile I could use it. Your son has bipolar? I'm bipolar with schiezoaffective, OCD and Panic disorder which makes going into a large store an adventure in fear but I manage and depend on God and the help of friends. Shower time coming up and I have to do virus scan. See you folks again.

[Thomas Weyandt]

As an update there is a new NAMI formed for this area but I have transportation problems. I have Community Support Program mtg., HMJ Review Committee and attend a mtg. about the roles and how to access services of the new Health Choices for MH in the tricounty area. There is, hooray! a twenty-five dollar participation fee for attending this one and I could use the money to pay off the Christian bookclub. The other two are paid off. I also have invite to the mtg. of the Advisory Board for the nonprofit company that won the contract to do case management services for the MR and Early Intervention programs. The original contractor retains the MH services.
And ontop of that the Advisory Board for MH/MR/EI meets next week.
I would have never imagined that I would be so involved in important things like those mtgs. I guess God wants me to be involved as a mental health consumer in these processes which are transparent and focus on Recovery=the restoration of as much ability to live normally as possible in the community despite having mental illness. I wonder what God has in store for me next? It is like being in the center of a whirlwind.

[Gene Tatsch]

... I wonder what God has in store for me next? It is like being in the center of a whirlwind.
... and knowing Who's doing the whirling - sorta like surfing on the big waves rather than being swamped ... perspective.
Thanks for sharing your encouragement - its good to hear of His working/gene --

[Thomas Weyandt]

Didn't get enough sleep but I seem okay. Yesterday the mtg. was held and we had over 40 people at the DropIn. A full page color back page ad is being worked on for publication on the 29th and September 2nd. It will feature photos and text in color.
We managed to get church rate but the bill was still substantial.
We have also purchased a wheelchair van as we have wheelchair members and one on the walker while his wife carries the oxygen tank he is on continously.
To say the least, the budget took a hit purchasing two vehicles and rebuilding the transmission of the third. All now have the contact info for DropIn on their windows in white vinyl letters.
Budgetwise, we hope that operating wall mounted propane space heaters will cost less than the inadequate to heat oil furnace which will be rarely used in the heating season if at all.
Our website is up and you can visit it at huntdropin.com
I'll check in again maybye next week.
Thankyou for your prayers.

[Ben Jones]

I have a besetting sin and I will give no details to avoid offense but just say that it is a common offense and I'm struggling with both it and the memories of it. Romans chapter seven seems applicable. Pornography is hard to leave and the memories of it even harder. I'm tired of being beaten up by this offense time after time and while I haven't bought it for several months, the temptation and the memories torment me. After asking God's forgiveness for the thousandth time, I almost despair of ever breaking away.
Thankyou.

Well Tom, I have been there, done that, got the scars and I have the medals. :)

One problem with basing our lives on Romans chapter 7 is Romans chapter 8! :laughing Romans 8:9 "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ."

I am absolutely convinced that most Christians are not filled with the Holy Spirit at conversion. Yes, they have some of Him but they are not filled with Him. There are numerous passages in the NT that state that a particular Christian brother was filled with or full of the Holy Spirit; (filled with, six times and full of 3 times, not including Jesus.) If everyone is filled with or full of the Holy Spirit then why would the scriptures say otherwise? For instance Acts 7:55 states "But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God."

Personally, I most certainly was not filled at conversion. It was not until March of this year that God filled me with His Holy Spirit (I believe the Wesleyans and Nazarenes call it entire sanctification or wholly sanctified. )

I received Christ in 1975, was baptized by immersion two weeks later and I found after several days that I was beginning to change. But it was a 75%change. I still struggled with porno, lust, cursing, and I still had a violent temper. I tried EVERYTHING but nothing worked. I used to complain to God that I was sick and tired of sinning, asking for forgiveness, obtaining forgiveness, then being clean for a day or two, or maybe even a week, but then temptation reared its ugly head and would I sin again. I still had the desire to sin in my heart, and as long as that desire was still there, I would sin. That desire is simply not there any longer, and therefore I no longer have any problems in those areas.

So you are probably asking about now, great! What works did you do to get God to favor you and bestow upon you His Holy Spirit? Quite frankly, absolutely nothing! Quite by accident (in other words God's timing :)) I had a flashback to my childhood, and what I witnessed as a small boy apparantly horribly damaged something inside of me. Fifty five years later God arranged it that I would vividly recall that horrible event, so He could touch me with His awesome power and demonstrate that He is in control of absolutely everything, even the past. The only "works" I did was to recall that horrible event to my pastor, and he in turn prayed for me. That was it! Interestingly Jesus said in Luke 11:13, "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?" Again if all Christians already have the Holy Spirit at conversion, why would Jesus say this? The blind man on the road to Bethsaida needed a second touch from Jesus (see Mark 8:22-25) and so do we.

Ben

[Gene Tatsch]

Ben, I agree with your pointing us to the filling with the Holy Spirit - this is a desperate need in the U.S. today.
But I think there's other dimensions/complications with which we must wrestle - since we continue to live in this broken world.
One (I suspect there are more) major complication (as you've indicated) is the issue of the chemistry of our individual bodies, especially the issue of brain chemistry. I've been blessed with a chemistry that's fairly "normal" (yes, I already hear some folks disagreeing ;)) - however, our son has been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder (fyi, he's quite open about it) and I've watched him wrestle with things that I can't understand. And, yes, I am very aware that the evil one is taking advantage of his uniqueness (as he takes advantage of mine). And, yes, our son wrestles with yielding his right to himself to the Father.
gene --

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have Schizoaffective disorder with bipolar mania and depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder which make me cower in a home rather than to get my own apartment. I lived 42 years in my grandparents home and nearly eleven years in an assisted living homes cowering from panic attacks and impulses to hurt and gouge my eyes. Believe me, that aspect of OCD made driving an adventure when it raised it's ugly head though I am able to go places and do things now that I couldn't do before in the middle of a panic attack.

My present home has done away with it's personal care home status and is just a plain old boarding house because of excessive regulation. I also hangout with the mentally ill, have been hospitalized about once a year and function on the MH-MR Advisory Board, have an antistigma mental health education video in the works and chair the DropIn Center board.

It is a safe place where mentally ill/retarted people go for social rehab that gives them recreation, a safe enviorment, people to interact with, things to do instead of staring at four walls and a TV in an apt.
God must have some reason for my doing all this even when I am cowering from Panic Disorder.

As to the Tricounty MH-MR officals, they are all pleasant individuals that open themselves up to conversation, questions, plans that they have to maximize delivery of vital services to their public. They are some of the finest people along with various other MH consumers I have had the pleasure to go.

Unfortunatly, some Christians cannot accept the idea that the brain can be physically sick. They think it is all a matter of willpower and that you should snap out of it.

Oh, insurance companies have only limited benefits compared to their benefits for physical disability and consumer organizations have fought for years for MH parity coverage.
I recommend the NAIMI.org website, the OCF website as we battle ignorance and low budget priorities for the consumers.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Here is my latest update. I have had the monthly board mtg and a proposal to buy at bargain prices a stereo mixer with stereo system that could be rented out failed. It was by Scott Straight who is sixteen and has designed our webpage at huntdropin.com. Come and give us the once over.
A fire started in the wheelchair van we just purchased. Cause was a hidden field mouse nest that caught fire, igniting other flamable parts. At least it is covered by insurance.
There will be no fall bonus money from MH-MR because all monies from last year have been spent.
We have laid out $2700 to repair transmission on 15 passenger white van.
We have paid $3200 for wheelchair van.
We have paid $500 for minivan in creampuff condition.

The above is a big chunk of our budget; all vehicles, no, I am in error here; we also bought a laptop computer and a projector for doing presentations and have paid out or will pay out over a thousand dollars for full page color newspaper ad and if that doesn't bring in more clients, nothing will so I ask that you pray for that. Thankyou.

Meanwhile the thrift shop is stocking up on sales items. I bought two shirts for just $4.00! DropIn tee shirts are being ordered. First shirt is free, second shirt is just five dollars! We are trying to generate additional revenues.

Somehow, $84,000 per year is still inadequate as we cover director's salary and $6000 for peer specialist services that are contract mandated.

The contract is the annual contract we enter into with the County or MH-MR for our $75,000 annual funding and United Way kicks in almost $8,000 additional so that twenty-thousand dollar increase vanishes very fast but at least we the director's salary covered by it, we are in the same fiscal shape as any year in which Larry wasn't paid. Now as paid director he is availible full time and his salary is very low compared to the hours he puts in.

As for myself, the fatigue and sleepiness are constant companions.

As to that worn out phrase; you cannot stop a bird landing on your head but you can prevent it from building a nest there is a bad joke for the MH consumer, the bird uses crazy glue for it's nest that can last a lifetime.

Recovery is a principal of community based MH services that seeks to maximize a person's potential in spite of the MH problems. There are many things we can do and recovery promotes focus on our abilities despite our disabilities.

Good idea, better than dumping state hospital people on the street or MH consumers in the state being homeless.

A bad joke is the state's contribution to SSI checks. It is a whopping $27.40 per month. Lousy situation, should be $100 per month to be meaningfull though on the tight budget of $667 total SSI monthly benefit, even that amount is welcome.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Word is that fire in wheelchair van will only cost a couple hundred dollars to repair. PTL.

[Rebekah King]

Thanks for being BRAVE and TRANSPARENT!
For help with this and other issues, although not produced by the Nazarene Church it is helping those who struggle...Celebrate Recovery. See if there is one near you. We just returned from the National CR Summit - many, many stories of those who struggle with this issue and who are now FREE!
Many of God's blessings for you!
Rebekah

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thankyou Rebekah for your post. We do not have a Celebrate Recovery operating in my area although a local church did have a Bible Study series that was from Saddleback Church in California but it folded and the pastor was forced to resign. She remains a friend of mine though.
Last night I took a big fall with pornographic spam that I opened.
Spam like this comes every few hours and is a powerful temptation. In most cases I delete it but I have been opening the spam with disasterous results. I self condemn and have trouble accepting God's forgiveness. I covered my tracks with the home computer but am weary of the whole evil mess. Perhaps I should abandon Yahoo like I done with Hotmail and go to another web mail service like Google Mail.
Suggestions are welcome but it is not feasible at this time to purchase a filter.
Another possibility is just close the wireless Internet and hand the LAN Wifi card to the owner.
We are no longer a personal care home, just a boardinghome and free of 177 pages of nitpicking regs.
Until next time, thankyou all and God Bless You, words I couldn't say for a long time.

[Ben Jones]

Thomas,

Time does not permit me to go into detail about my sexual addiction other than to say I was an addict for about 30 years of my 33 years as a born again, baptized, bible believing, happily saved Christian. I am not a recovering addict, I am a recovered saint. I have been totally and absolutely 100% set free forever.

I did nearly everything a sex addict can do, most probably several thousand times, all the while feeling horrible guilt and condemnation after each fall. Sometimes after gaining forgiveness and promising God that I would NEVER do that again, I would be victorious for a couple of days or maybe a week but then temptation would rear its ugly head and I would slide back into lust, internet porno, etc, etc, you know the drill. Temptation, then sin, then guilt, then ask for forgiveness, God would grant forgiveness, then freedom, praising the Lord, then temptation and the cycle would repeat itself over and over again. Sound familiar?

I have discovered what I believe to be the secret to forever breaking this cycle. At least for me, It has broken the back of the cycle as I am no longer tempted with lust, porno, anger, cursing and or filthy language, an unforgiving spirit, self depreciation, hatred of myself and impatience. Sound too good to be true? It is not. The answer? Entire sanctification. Zech 4:6(b) "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the LORD of hosts." In other words it will not be by any human resources available to you, it will not be by your cleverness, your ability, or your physical strength that you will conquer sin, but by God's Holy Spirit. As we both have discovered (and millions and millions of others also) we are powerless against sexual sin. It is only by the power of God's Holy Spirit can we conquer sin.

Imagine for a moment that all of the sudden sin didn't feel good to you anymore. Sin wasn't attractive any longer. Sin has lost its grip on you. Would you still sin? While I can't speak for you but I can myself, I don't *sin any longer. One usually only does things that feel good and eat or drink things that taste good. If something doesn't feel good or taste good we avoid it. So ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit. Some may say is it proper to ask God for the infilling? Luke 11:13, "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" Matt 21:22 "...whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."

In my life, entire sanctification ranks right up there with being born again. In fact it is nearly like being born again, again!

Ben

* Overt sin. Of course no one will be totally sinless until we set foot into heaven, but the one who has experienced entire sanctification has only dust on the feet sins.

[Thomas Weyandt]

A couple of night's ago I was clearing my spam and opened one up instead of deleting it. That was a spectacular failure on my part. Yesterday it happened again and I am frustrated in my efforts to stay clear of the pornographic spam by just deleting it. To further complicate matters some sites are truly free though with plenty of ads. I just want to use the Web for my legitimate purposes. Perhaps I should close my yahoo account and restart in another, perhaps verizon or google. A filter remains impossible at this time. This computer was bought in the end for me by the owner to use and for use by other residents, who lacking interest it has become by default my computer.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have been absent from this forum too long.
We converted from personal care home to boarding home and us SSI residents lost our state supplements which has a powerful effect on the home's finances as substantial money is involved and now only more residents can change the situation.
We have a capacity of eleven people and state says maximum is eight residents. New resident came in a few days ago.
I lost interest in the bookstore and had three bookclubs going but I can no longer do that for financial reassons.
As far as I can tell, our owner never heard the gospel just as she almost never watched TV or a movie because the farm came first.
Now, she has the boarding home and the business might fail over those former supplements. Please pray that she will learn about God as she knows little about Him and that is negative.
If the business fails we might be ending up in the county home or another county or rushed into public housing.
I have cancelled bookclubs: SF, Military and Crossings Christian club all part of Bookspan company and returned their latest shipments. I'll check in again soon.
Oh, our pastor is leaving next month and I can only manage church once a month.