Breaking away from sin, please pray.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have a besetting sin and I will give no details to avoid offense but just say that it is a common offense and I'm struggling with both it and the memories of it. Romans chapter seven seems applicable. Pornography is hard to leave and the memories of it even harder. I'm tired of being beaten up by this offense time after time and while I haven't bought it for several months, the temptation and the memories torment me. After asking God's forgiveness for the thousandth time, I almost despair of ever breaking away.
Thankyou.

[Andrea Larabee]

Sorry to hear of your struggle. I will be in prayer for you. While I have not dealt with this particular issue, I have had to also fight "thoughts" thrown at me by the enemy.

Pray, asking God to give you 5 to 10 scriptures that pertain to your particular needs (between you and Him). As you receive those scriptures, memorize them. When the thoughts come fleeing at you, start reciting your scriptures. They help to refocus your mind on the Lord and the bad thoughts will fade away.

The Lord WILL cleanse your conscience. Hebrews 9:14
Regarding temptation 1 Cor. 10:13
Take every thought captive and make it OBEDIENT to Christ-2nd Cor. 10:5

One scripture I use often is Phil. 4:8. You'll see it in my signature box below.


With God ALL things are possible!

[Andrea Larabee]

Here's a few more thoughts and scriptures.

If you have earnestly sought forgiveness-then you are forgiven! Satan wants to make us believe we are not forgiven. The hardest thing which was discussed here on the boards just days ago was forgiving ourselves.

Other scriptures for refrence:
Romans 8:6-8

The Word of God is your sword in this fight
Hebrews 4:12

[Gord Evans]

I have a besetting sin and I will give no details to avoid offense but just say that it is a common offense and I'm struggling with both it and the memories of it. Romans chapter seven seems applicable. Pornography is hard to leave and the memories of it even harder. I'm tired of being beaten up by this offense time after time and while I haven't bought it for several months, the temptation and the memories torment me. After asking God's forgiveness for the thousandth time, I almost despair of ever breaking away.
Thankyou.

1 John 1: 9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

What a wonderful and inspiring verse and promise from God's word to us.

I'm not sure, Thomas, but I suspect that each of us has Romans 7 frustrations with which we deal regularly, and probably will until Jesus comes again. I know that I have felt this frustration of doing what I don't want to do, and not doing what I ought to. I also suspect that many of us has some form of "thorn" in our side similar to Paul's.

Let us lift each other in prayer as we ask God to forgive our sin and purify us from all unrighteousness, and let us claim His promise from Romans 8:10-11 - "... he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

I found an article from Focus on the Family which is fairly insightful, and might be informative and useful/helpful for men struggling with pornography. Click here (http://www.family.org/married/perspectives/A0030346.cfm).

May God bless you.

[Pam Little]

Some good reading in this area is Every Mans Challenge by Fred Stoeker. I have read Every Heart Retored and am teaching on it in a womens group right now. While he sometimes goes to the extreme This book helped me understand. God Bless I am praying for you.

[Dennis M. Scott]

You are not alone in your despair. The Lord, however, is right there with you. He is far closer than you can believe. He does forgive you. It is you that can't forgive you. Let Him take care of the forgiving - and He does.

You've taken an important step by going public. There are a lot of people here who care about you, and will honor you in your struggle. We'll stay with you, and be more patient with you than yourself.

When temptation comes - especially if it is internet - take courage to shut your computer off quickly, even abruptly. Get up out of your chair, go to another room, and thank God for helping you run from it. Pray for a specific unsaved person to come to faith in the Lord. The enemy doesn't want you to pray for lost people, and he's likely to leave you alone if every time you're tempted you begin to call on God to save someone. He's not stupid. Call a friend and ask them to pray with you for a mutual acquaintance who's unsaved. In addition to helping with your pornography addiction, you'll start seeing people get saved. Be serious about people getting saved. Be as serious about that as you are about your addiction.

Find others who also have a pornography addiction, but who want to be victorious Christians. Have them agree with you to pray for lost people. Then when you are tempted, give them a call and ask them to pray with you. They will understand, and you will be able to pray together not only for each other, but that others will come to faith in the Lord. You'll begin to see the Lord answer both kinds of prayers.

Some who read these words won't understand, and will see what I'm suggesting as a crutch. That's the kind of person who tends to not run the other way from temptation. Running away is a good thing.

In a seminar for pastors addicted to pornography, the speaker said, "Don't think you can handle it alone. You can temporarily handle it, but you'll not master it, if you try it alone." You are not alone, and there are others who need your help as much as you need theirs.

You will likely be addicted the rest of your life. You probably will never come to the point in your life where you can view pornography and be unaffected. It's going to cause you trouble every time you mess with it. So stop messing with it. I've been privileged to work with clergy in their seventies, eighties and nineties who struggle with pornography. Without betraying confidence I can tell you about one ninety-four year old retired pastor who while weeping confessed to me a continuing problem with lust. His spirit was so tender and his attitude was one of a contrite heart, and at first I thought, "This is so wonderful, that he still has such a tender heart." And while that is true, my second thought was, "Oh, this is terrible! At ninety-four he still hasn't been delivered. You mean you don't grow out of it?" I guess ninety-four year old alcoholics shouldn't pick up a bottle again, either.

At the same time, you can be victorious! Victory is when it doesn't control you, but with the help of the Lord and His resources you control yourself by not messing with it. Begin by deciding that no matter what, by utilizing the tools and resources the Lord offers, you'll run from it, and in so doing you can experience victory. Remember that tools and resources are means of grace, and they are just as real as the forgiveness the Lord extends to you.

There probably is no stronger battle you'll ever encounter. Fortunately, the Lord is stronger than this battle, too. Grace and peace to you. I'll be praying.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thankyou all. I had a struggle about posting on this subject but finally did it. I use public computers, having none of my own and go mainly to military sites, Amazon and Baen for books, discussion boards on military and as I'm a trekker, Star Trek. I found yesterday that Imdb.com lists pornographic films along with regular material. That was my temptation and lead to the conflict within about posting about this. So I did and perhaps others will seek out help because I did.
In the meanwhile, I counsel with my pastor began this month but he is very busy so it will be once a month and twice a month with my psychologist who is Baptist.
Complicating the matter is that as I have OCD, a get a torrent of thoughts that I can easily will away and sometimes judging what is temptation and sin is thus difficult. OCD=Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it can really mess up your life. Contamination, lust, relgious fanacticism and harm thoughts-directed at myself are common problems with OCD. I've had trouble discriminating right/wrong in the past. I'll take your advice to heart but have few people I can talk to. Thanks again.

[Gina Stevenson]

Thankyou all. I had a struggle about posting on this subject but finally did it.

That took courage ... one step towards resolution/overcoming. Tell you what, since Dennis recommended you pray for the salvation of someone else, perhaps my nephew is one you could put on your list ... a man who struggles with this as you do. You see, he didn't just "find" porn, his dad was one of those who tho't it "smart(!?)" to introduce his boy to the "birds & bees" not by telling him necessary facts, but by introducing him to porno films at the age of TEN !! Sad, huh? [came back to add that this is not unlike the author of the book "Every Man's Battle" that is currently on Family Life Today, and mentioned that his father decided he should go to some porn movie with him ... however, that dad told his mom what he was up to, and she got very upset ... don't blame her.]

In the meanwhile, I counsel with my pastor began this month but he is very busy so it will be once a month and twice a month with my psychologist who is Baptist.
Good! Go consistently ... but find that friend, as Dennis suggested, too, to speak to inbetween these appointments ... someone who you can call ... or who will call you ... anytime either of you need encouragement/help.

(to Dennis) I'll take your advice to heart but have few people I can talk to. Thanks again.
That was some good advice, that I might even save & forward to my nephew when the time becomes right ... not now, since he's first dallying re needing Jesus, since he says he "wasn't brought up that way ...." and it seems a bit strange to him, I guess. He's a really neat guy ... bothers to spend time with his kids, one by one, etc ... but just needs Jesus.

Thanks ... & when we see your name here as a reminder, we'll pray for you, too.

[Gina Stevenson]

When I read this post, I tho't, "Yes, this does sound like a good book," just having heard the author a day or two ago on "Family Life Today." But it didn't sound quite right, so I went looking ... title's just one word off. it's "Every Man's Battle," and here's a link where it (& broadcasts for listening) can be found:

http://www.familylife.com/fltoday/

Some good reading in this area is Every Mans Challenge by Fred Stoeker. I have read Every Heart Retored and am teaching on it in a womens group right now. While he sometimes goes to the extreme This book helped me understand. God Bless I am praying for you.

[Garth Lahana]

Thomas

http://net-burst.net/porn/index.htm

This is a link from a site of a friend of mine, who has a real gift in being able to help those suffering from all sorts of problems. You may find his writing helpfull. I would recomend his page to anyone!

God bless you Thomas, you are in my prayers

Garth

[Thomas Weyandt]

I just checked that site but I'll have to wait until DropIn Center reopens Thursday to go further because a library computer cannot be used for purchasing recommended book and perusing that site might be misinterpreted.
However, isn't some form of girlwatching for a single man normal and right and I do not mean undressing someone with their eyes. My counselor thinks that some level is okay. Question is, what is criteria for girlwatching.
I'm never married and haven't any girlfriends.
Appreciate everyone's advice and I'll take it to heart with God's help.

[Barbara Moulton]

I just checked that site but I'll have to wait until DropIn Center reopens Thursday to go further because a library computer cannot be used for purchasing recommended book and perusing that site might be misinterpreted.
However, isn't some form of girlwatching for a single man normal and right and I do not mean undressing someone with their eyes. My counselor thinks that some level is okay. Question is, what is criteria for girlwatching.
I'm never married and haven't any girlfriends.
Appreciate everyone's advice and I'll take it to heart with God's help.

Like others, I salute you for the courage in posting on your struggle in this area. I have often prayed for you in the past and continue to do so.

Re: Girl watching. My husband is an addiction counsellor who has 26 years personal sobriety. Even if he was not a pastor in a denomination which practiced abstinence from drinking, he would not drink, even a small amount. A glass of wine with dinner is not inappropriate for many people. For my husband it could be devastating in its consequences.

I wonder (and that's all I am doing is wondering) if there is a similiar principle for you. Men do watch girls. I know that. And it isn't a problem for many men to take a moment to look at a woman as she walks down the street on a beautiful spring day. But, if you struggle with pornography and have OCD, is there a sense in which what can be right and normal for other men, must be an area where you place a boundary line?

Maybe the two can't be equated...I was just musing out loud.

May God continue to bless you in your pursuit of holiness. If you stumble let Him help you and put you back on the path.

Blessings,
Barbara

[Joel Merrill]

I just checked that site but I'll have to wait until DropIn Center reopens Thursday to go further because a library computer cannot be used for purchasing recommended book and perusing that site might be misinterpreted.
However, isn't some form of girlwatching for a single man normal and right and I do not mean undressing someone with their eyes. My counselor thinks that some level is okay. Question is, what is criteria for girlwatching.
I'm never married and haven't any girlfriends.
Appreciate everyone's advice and I'll take it to heart with God's help.

You ask a tough question here, Tom. The world is full of beautiful women and you can't help but notice them. It doesn't help that many woman like to dress for show. It isn't any different when you are married. You still notice them. I think it is natural to notice them and if they are really attractive, it is natural to take a second look. I don't think it is right or polite to stand there and watch them for more than a few seconds. I don't know all of the answer but a lot has to do with what you think about when you watch them. If she has a nice cheerful smile and you think, "she sure looks like a nice girl", that is okay. God created men to notice women, but if you start watching her body and thinking sexual thoughts, it's time to look somewhere else and get your mind on something else quick. I know that is not easy or maybe even possible by your own strength. You've got to let God help you. When you see a gal walking down the street showing a little more than she should, ask God to help you right then and there and then turn and walk away. I can tell that you are truly trying. I know it is hard. I wish I knew some way to just cure you just like that but I don't. You are doing all the right things by asking for help and reading your Bible and praying. God is working on you more than you think. Sometimes the cure is a process rather than a quick fix. Hang in there, we're all praying for you.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Just got on a public computer this morning as yesterday library and DropIn were closed. I'm at the DropIn now. When I look at women I catalogue their features in a few seconds but I don't undress them mentally or fantasize about them. On a related front, a practice I won't name but 90& of men and 70% of women have practiced, you folks know what I mean, I am normally flooded by unlawful fantasy but yesterday I managed with prayer to control fantasy content and screen out the evil parts mostly. I hope I haven't offended anyone by my frankness.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I came down to the library here in Alexandria this evening, my time. I told God I was afraid of the self harm thoughts. I'll make it back to the assisted living home a block away alright, took my anxiety med before I left, but it could be rough.
Feel tired and was nervous today. Made a down payment on a small multiband portable radio. Be able to listen to shortwave broadcasts with it.
I was at the library in Huntingdon today also as the DropIn operates on packed lunches until the landlord, as contractor, finishes the kitchen.
Once a year a pair of MH/MR officals come and cook us a meal. In September,
we will hopefully get our money for operating costs and paying the contractor as the MH/MR offical who issues checks is on vacation.
I read alot of SF though these days I have trouble concentrating on them to read them. When I was having strong self harm thoughts in Huntingdon library who should be there looking for DVDs but the lady who is a major like her husband in Salvation Army. Felt better talking to her. God always provides in these anxious moments....Praise God....sounds a little hollow but it is a beginnning and I seek to yield and submit to God...hard for me but I'm trying. Can get the book Every Man's Battle through local Christian bookstore on order. Just tired and ....lonely...I talk hardly at all to other people. It is much easier to type on Naznet than to interact with people in a conversation. But God has shown me in all these hard years stretching back to 1972 that He can change things that are impossible to the possible.
Thankyou all as I endevour to follow you advice.

[Marsha Gupton]

Praying for you as I have many times.

[Joel Merrill]

Made a down payment on a small multiband portable radio. Be able to listen to shortwave broadcasts with it.


I like to listen to short wave too although I don't listen much since I got this computer. I bought a Grundig S350 a while back. It's a pretty good radio but I need to run an external antenna. Years ago I had a Radio Shack DX160. It had side band on it so I could listen to ham radio too. I see them on ebay once in a while. I'd like to have another one. I've got a small Grundig YB 300PE. It's a nice little radio but I am very disappointed in the shortwave reception. I just use it for AM and FM. I have another multiband radio that I would give you if you wanted it. I does fair at short wave reception. It would do much better with an external antenna. Just running 20 feet of cheap door bell wire around your room would make a big difference. I attached a picture of it. I wouldn't mind sending it to you. I'm accumulating too much stuff. I don't know what radio you are buying. It might be a better radio that this one.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thanks Joe. I put a layaway pymt. on a YB300 that was in stock and found about the S350 last night. It seems the store isn't carrying the radio in the catalogue but they are good people and I like buying from them. My credit card allows purchases interest free until Jan. 07 so I think I'll go with the S350 but I do appreciate your kind offer though I couldn't accept it after making the layaway payment with local Western Auto store. You are vey kind to me to make this offer but I feel obliged to stick with local Western Auto because they have given me generous terms in the past.
I made it at a run last night to Bowser's because self harm thoughts kicked in with the anxiety attack. I remained rattled until I called the MH Crisis line and talked to someone for awhile. Usually, after a library run, oh boy!, I settle down on reaching Bowsers but last night was different. No trouble coming down here this morning and I skipped DropIn today. We'll see how it goes on the return trip.
The key to panic attack control is to keep on exposing yourself to feared situation and Not running until your mind habituates itself to feared situation and then it starts losing power over you. And God is always there even if I am so wound up I can't pray. He always provides safety.

[Joel Merrill]

Thanks Joe. I put a layaway pymt. on a YB300 that was in stock and found about the S350 last night. It seems the store isn't carrying the radio in the catalogue but they are good people and I like buying from them. My credit card allows purchases interest free until Jan. 07 so I think I'll go with the S350 but I do appreciate your kind offer though I couldn't accept it after making the layaway payment with local Western Auto store. You are vey kind to me to make this offer but I feel obliged to stick with local Western Auto because they have given me generous terms in the past.
I made it at a run last night to Bowser's because self harm thoughts kicked in with the anxiety attack. I remained rattled until I called the MH Crisis line and talked to someone for awhile. Usually, after a library run, oh boy!, I settle down on reaching Bowsers but last night was different. No trouble coming down here this morning and I skipped DropIn today. We'll see how it goes on the return trip.
The key to panic attack control is to keep on exposing yourself to feared situation and Not running until your mind habituates itself to feared situation and then it starts losing power over you. And God is always there even if I am so wound up I can't pray. He always provides safety.

You'll be happy with the S350. It's a very good radio.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have had panic attacks at the library yesterday. Counselor, who I see on Friday believes panic attacks are motivated by a load of guilt. Low self esteem was a problem and I constantly down myself. Researching Eton E5 radio as well. See if I can manage it.
Things quiet at Bowser's and I'm at the dropin center typing this.
I have not resolved various questions concerning human sexuality issues raised on this board by me yet. My counselor is knowledagble here and may be able to help. My pastor is very busy and hails from CMA background and was SGT. Major for many years but will be able to counsel perhaps once a month. I'm fortunate to have Christian MH counselor. She dealt with sex offenders in prison so she has quit a resume and is working on refining her doctoral thesis.
Speaking strickly on MH issues, the Body of Christ needs to acknoowledge MH problem and be more informed. Chriistian publishers could put out books by reputable Christian psychologists/psychiatrists. Much has been learned about physical and genetic studies of Mental illness and while seperate from spiritual matters I perssonally believe that the two interact.

[Kevin Bowser]

Been reading this thread and praying for you as God brings you to my mind. But I just have one question...
Things quiet at Bowser's
What is "Bowser's"? :)

[Thomas Weyandt]

Bowser's is the name of the personal care home where I live. You might be familar with the term 'assisted living home' which is called a P.C.H. here in PA.
Terry Bowser rents the building and owns the business. Mostly, our people are on SSI disability income with some exta money tossed in by the state. PCH gets all but $60 per month of this income of mine and it means that with state money so low and Terry's willingness to operate with so many SSI residents that he takes less than asking price for rent. I live in a small double room upstairs. We have 18 residents out of a capacity of 22 and the closer we can get to full capacity the better the balance sheet is for a man who is willing to take less money so he can help the poor on disability SSI.
Does that answer your question?
Thankyou for keeping me in your prayers.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I'm back this afternoon. So far, so good. Not sure what to say except that I'm counting days until next round of temptation. I don't forward to it. OCD makes understanding difficult too or maybeye that effect is from another part of MI. Been researching shortwave portables. DropIn closed today as kitchen remodelling continues; seems to take landlord/contractor forever to get it done. It certainly takes a big bite out of our budget. As I type this the panic disorder is rumbling and I'm tired of going home in panic attack state. This morning I didn't have that trouble. Reading Beth Moore's When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. Very interesting point that if Satan can make something God Designed and associated sin extra dirty, he does here.
Be leaving soon for home. Oh, I have more net income than $60 monthly but it is still a juggling act. Helps that I don't smoke. I mainly buy books, usually paperback and repay credit cards. That is long term project. Rent Rebate once a year gives me a flash of discretionary spending.
Enough rambling.

[Joel Merrill]

I'm back this afternoon. So far, so good. Not sure what to say except that I'm counting days until next round of temptation. I don't forward to it.


I don't know if you can do this but try not to worry about temptations that haven't happened yet. That could bring on panic attacks. Just try to avoid situations that cause temptation when you can and live one day at a time. Of course stay prayed up. You are doing well to stay busy and keep your mind occupied with other things. I wish you luck with your short wave radio research. I know that Grundig S350 might be more than you can afford. I'm not up on the other radios on the market. I wish I could help.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thanks Joe. Maybeye I'll wait awhile before buying it. Stock money in credit card until I can afford shortwave set.
As for temptation, it runs in a regular cycle of three to five days but I don't think about it constantly.
Panic attack source is Guilt over past sins according to counselor. I see her tomorrow morning.
I have Luvox, Ativan, Klonopin,Gabitrol, last one I can't remember name of.
Controlling thoughts when they come is big issue, take it up with counselor.
Panic attacks trigger on way home from library, large places, downtown and in church.
I've lived this way for 34 years and I have never self harmed just had very, very scary thoughts with panic attack.
Jesus said not to worry about what we'll have and I assume he meant discretionary spending as well.

[Regena Torres]

Praying for you. Remeber God is always forgiving of us. Try to relax and think on His goodness and His mercy which is forever. Remember that each day without giving into temptation or being tempted is a victory.
Praying for you

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thankyou Regena for your prayers. Joe, I can't swing a shortwave with my finances, at least without having a squeeze play so I'll tell the store to put that layaway money into tapes and be square with them and if that offer on the Realistic set you have is still open, I'll take it with thanks but you must allow me to reiumburse you for shipping costs.
I can't worrry about temptations or as the counselor indicated today, not forgive myself because panic attacks are partly caused by guilt. I need to learn to forgive myself and anytime I have a success like yesterday controlling certain thoughts, thank God for and thankyou all for your earnest prayers. Praise God for His watchfull care of me.

[Joel Merrill]

Thankyou Regena for your prayers. Joe, I can't swing a shortwave with my finances, at least without having a squeeze play so I'll tell the store to put that layaway money into tapes and be square with them and if that offer on the Realistic set you have is still open, I'll take it with thanks but you must allow me to reiumburse you for shipping costs.
I can't worrry about temptations or as the counselor indicated today, not forgive myself because panic attacks are partly caused by guilt. I need to learn to forgive myself and anytime I have a success like yesterday controlling certain thoughts, thank God for and thankyou all for your earnest prayers. Praise God for His watchfull care of me.
I have it all packaged up, Tom. I'll send it out tomorrow.

Joel :)

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thanks Joe and thankyou to everyone for their prayers. Library here is open Mon-Tues. and Thurs-Fri so that is why it took so long to respond to your posts. I appreciate and will read any advice you folks have given me in your posts.
One thing I've learned is you can't fight temptation on your own strength...you need to rely on the Holy Spirit's empowering to back up your refusal to give in which is your decision and you pray and have Scriptural support.
I drew the line at the bookstore because it was the only bookstore save for the Christian bookstore and used bookstore, it Huntingdon and therefore accessible. Huntingdon and the DropIn are 8-10 miles from Alexandria and the Drop has van runs from here to there and there into town.
I will try and purchase Every Man's Battle through Christian bookstore or online if permited by computer policy at the DropIn.
Again, thanks for the prayers and to you Joe for sending that shortwave. To get SSB capability from Eton E5 you have to pay $150 through online store though thoroughly modern is too rich for me now. I'll send you a check for the postage costs when it arrives.

[Joel Merrill]

Thanks Joe and thankyou to everyone for their prayers. Library here is open Mon-Tues. and Thurs-Fri so that is why it took so long to respond to your posts. I appreciate and will read any advice you folks have given me in your posts.
One thing I've learned is you can't fight temptation on your own strength...you need to rely on the Holy Spirit's empowering to back up your refusal to give in which is your decision and you pray and have Scriptural support.
I drew the line at the bookstore because it was the only bookstore save for the Christian bookstore and used bookstore, it Huntingdon and therefore accessible. Huntingdon and the DropIn are 8-10 miles from Alexandria and the Drop has van runs from here to there and there into town.
I will try and purchase Every Man's Battle through Christian bookstore or online if permited by computer policy at the DropIn.
Again, thanks for the prayers and to you Joe for sending that shortwave. To get SSB capability from Eton E5 you have to pay $150 through online store though thoroughly modern is too rich for me now. I'll send you a check for the postage costs when it arrives.

I was reading some short wave radio reviews and one of them mentioned all the crack pot preachers that are on short wave now days. I've heard a few of them. I was listening one night to a preacher that claimed UFO's were piloted by angels :fun06. There are some good stations too. I used to listen to HCJB in Quito Ecuador. It has been around for many years. My grandfather used to listen to it. I believe their web address is www.hcjb.org (http://www.hcjb.org).

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Joe, Hal Lindsay postulated that UFOs that were real,i.e., unexplained were evidences of demonic activity and suggested what might happen if they were permitted to land one in New York in broad daylight...what deception they could pull on mankind regarding the universe.
Such activity would involve physical manipulation of the universe as well as physical form taken on by demons. Given that angels, even fallen ones have enormous power compared to humans, remember one angel killed 100,000 Assyrians in one night in Bible, it seems not a matter of if but of God allowing demons to fake UFOs. People involved in abductions also have a history of involvement in the occult. Anyways, it would be nothing to angelic beings to maniupulate matter into physical form of functional as opposed to a 'prop' UFO and sail in to the N.Y. harbour save God hasn't yet Allowed it.
As for life in the universe, it's a Big universe and there might be sentient life out there but in my view God is prohibiting contact either direction with earth and humans for His own purposes.
My view is that this is a possible explanation for UFO and lack of signs of E.T.s. Present technology allows detection of gas giant planets around other stars...in a few years the Terrestial Planet Finder will have capability to detect Earthsize and Earthlike planet planets but events like Tribulation and Milleniunal Reign of Christ are closing in on human history fast.
Lindsay makes the observation that since believers will be priests who are we to be priests for? Not ourselves! Someone else perhaps? Time will tell.
I used to listen to HCJB also back as far as 1970!

[Thomas Weyandt]

Joe, recieved your package yesterday...and was I ever surprised!,..Thankyou very much and I'll keep it. Very nice set.
I hope the last post on life in the universe and UFOs didn't mark me as offbase.
Hal Lindsay's book 2000AD I believe that may have been the title considered UFOs that could not be expained by natural or artifical phenomena might be made by and used by demons who would have to take physical form and manipulate matter to make a UFO.
UFO abductions would require demons in physical form and research has shown that the genuine abduction cases as oppossed to tall tales, involve people who had a history of involvement with the occult.
Currently, several planets have been discovered around nearby stars, mostly Jupiter gas giants and up in size although one Earth size planet was observed but not by optical telescopes directly. Planet finding today involves observing perturbations in a star's movement caused by a planet's gravity inter-acting with the star.
Terrestial Planet Finder space telescopes will be able to visually detect earth size planets and spectroscope will tell if they are Earth like in composistion.
The Bible is silent on life in the universe so it's an open question. I do not be-lieve it impossible to find intelligent life only it won't happen, assuming God allows it and I don't think we'll know for sure until Jesus returns.
No radio signals are detected so if someone is out there, God is preventing their detection by us.
The focal point of the Bible is man's relationship to God and the gospel. Silence in Bible on ETs prove only that we don't know.
Thankyou for your prayers.

[Joel Merrill]

Joe, received your package yesterday...and was I ever surprised!,..Thankyou very much and I'll keep it. Very nice set.
I hope the last post on life in the universe and UFOs didn't mark me as offbase.

Don't worry about your remarks about UFO's. I personally do think there is life else where but like you said, we don't know and it really doesn't matter.

I hope you get good reception with that radio. We are at the low end of the sun spot cycle right now so it should be good. I don't think any of the new radios are as sensitive as the old tube radios but those are getting hard to find. I have one but I need to replace some capacitors and I haven't had time to do it. I also think there is more interference now days. I live two blocks from a large factory, one block from a power plant and a very high voltage power line runs in front of our house. That power line messed up our TV signal when they put it in and we had to get cable. It is illegal for them to put out interference like that but the laws don't seem to apply to city hall.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Although Earnesto won't hit Alexandria, PA, we could get several inches of rain which would mean Bowser PCH residents would evacuate to fire hall on higher ground like a few years ago.
Terry would be running sump pump and hopefully the basement level could be kept down.
Hopefully, the first floor would not flood too.
It didn't last time and if it did, Terry would have expenses to pay due to water damage.
I hope we don't get flooded on the weekend.
Cannot string wire at this time and only temporarily because of house rules but I'll try and use it. Ran it yesterday. Was at DropIn today and am now at Alexandria library. Closing in half hour. Got to go now.
ETs will matter someday if and when they are there and when God permits interactions with them.
Meanwhile, if Mars has hardy bacteria or other life, I won't be upset. I hope we go a few places after Jesus comes.
Asteriod will dip below 22,000 miles at closest and most dangerous to us pass in 2029...hmn. Israel would be nation for 81 years then and this generation would be aging....before generation ...however long it is ....runs out, "all these things will be fulfilled" I am Not setting dates. Don't know how long generation is but oldest living person died at 116 years...????

[Thomas Weyandt]

I'm at the DropIn and there is a flash flood watch for the area. I don't know if we'll be flooded or not, if so, we will evacuate to the firehall up the street on higher ground. So far not rainy. Have a nice weekend. We will be okay. Just beginning to figure the shortwave bands. It's alot of fun.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Praise God! We didn't have a flood or even high water apparently. So operations at Bowsers went normally save that we were prepared until Saturday evening when the flash flood watch ended. Tom Bowser, Terry's son who navy and is married to a navy servicewoman had some problems in Virginia but he is fully covered by flood insurance and Terry went down to help over weekend. He's back now. Tom and Rachel Bowser have a son also named Terry. Saw Dr. Fisher and he gave me new prescription to counter sleep disorder and daytime sleepiness. Appreciate everyone's prayers over the weekend. Thanks.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Just an update here. It's been awhile since I posted. I've been tempted but have had success in dodging the sin; some success, no porn bought, Thank God for that.
I am discussing these issues I brought up here with my Baptist Counselor. She recently lost her mother and a best friend. She has submitted another revison of her doctoral thesis and awaits feedback. She is certainly skilled and reminds me not to down myself.
We didn't get flooded by Earnesto but were prepared. Hopefully, no other flood threatening rains will come. In 2004 we had to evacuate Bowser's to the firehall. Water turned this small town into a lake.
I am now on Provigil, a stimulant that has supercharged me and my OCD but that is part of a weeklong process in adapting to the stimulant. I slept too much daytime. It gives me energy and God has reduced the OCD and mania effects.
Been researching DDG-1000 new Navy destroyer and F-35A/B/C comon strike fighter for USMC,AF, USN. Zumwalt destroyer info hard to come by. It is expensive and has been reduced from 32 to just 7-8 ships assuming Congress allows it. Fascinating stuff and seeing tax dollars at work.
Strike Fighter carries nine tons fuel/weapons externally and three tones internally for twelve total. For maximum stealth, two one ton bombs and two air-air missiles are carried for 700nmi radius for USN variant while USAF has longer range because it is lighter and cheaper. USMC variant is a Short Takeoff and Vertical landing with only 450nim radius but it can operate on ships with 550 foot run for takeoff and vertical landing that replaces very tired Harrier jumpjets and early F-18. For USAF it gives stealth, payload and replaces aging F-15E and F-16. USN variant gives Navy a stealth aircraft and costs 62 million vice the 46 million of the Air Force version.
Zumwalt destroyer costs three billion for first ship which includes developement costs which must be amoritized over life of program. It is like a fishing boat on radar, and IR detection is tough. Features are reduced crew to 142, stern boat bay, helos and helo Unmanned Aerial Vehicle or UAV, two 155 mm guns firing guided/rocket assisted shells to 83nmi, advanced radar, sonar and 80 vertical launch cells for missiles. Two 57mm guns, torpedoes, electric drive, future growth for laser, microwave, railguns since all engine power is channeled electrically and a smooth appearance that is all neat to look at without clutter of non stealthed ships.
Are these projects worth so much tax dollars? Well, without them, we pay in terms of worn out planes and ships that hit their end of life in the next 10-20 years.
Feeling better this afternoon. Look forward to December visit to hometown of Broad Top City and seeing my greataunt.
Joe, that is a great radio. Thankyou for all your prayer support.
A local woman lost her son; she was my lawyer once; is Christian and her son had intractable mental illness, she needs your prayers.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I praise and thank God for the new med-Provigil has silenced the obsessions at times and given me quietness in my mind: no thoughts, no visual images, just peace and quiet awareness of surroundings. It seems I have ADD as well. Anyway, imagine you are enslaved to ponder some abstract problem like a ship design and you CANNOT change the subject; all thought and imagination and reaserach repeat in endless loop. Just to hear no obsessions and hear sounds outside that normally I don't notice because of intense concentration on a trainn of thought that repeats endlessly.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I thought I might update this thread. I took a fall recently with temptation. The material is in the garbage truck and was hauled away. I need to forgive myself and move on. At least I will be able to breakaway from DoubleDayBookClub since the garbage I purchased has fulfilled my four book committment and like all sinners who have been forgiving by God, I am ashamed of my actions. Thankyou for your support.

[Joel Merrill]

I thought I might update this thread. I took a fall recently with temptation. The material is in the garbage truck and was hauled away. I need to forgive myself and move on. At least I will be able to breakaway from DoubleDayBookClub since the garbage I purchased has fulfilled my four book committment and like all sinners who have been forgiving by God, I am ashamed of my actions. Thankyou for your support.

Thanks for the update, Tom. You're exactly right, forgive yourself and move on. You are getting stronger even if you fail sometimes. God is with you and I'm praying for you.

Joel

[Paul Whitaker]

Tom, you have been in my prayers. Satan has a way of working on us - no matter what 'religious state' we might be inhabiting.

Panic attacks are no fun. After a severe brain concussion I found myself having panic attacks which would nearly immobilize me. That's no fun when you're in the back or WalMart or Home Depot when the attack comes.

I was extremely fortunate to find a Cognitive Psychologist who is a Christian young man. He helped me tremendously during my recovery. He had studied at Grace College in Indiana and had a PhD from THE OSU. I saw him for other issues which were not dealt with so easily.

One thing he did for me was to write some sentences on a 3x5 card. When I felt an attack coming on or found myself in the middle of an attack I pulled out the card and read all of those sentences slowly. It wasn't long until I had internalized those sentences and it was a quick matter to deal with those attacks.

Maybe you could find a cognitive psychologist in your part of the world.

You are not alone in the tempations you have been experiencing. May Jesus bless you real good.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Last night at the bookstore I didn't go near porn rack; prayed for that. Bought aviation mag, scifi mag and USA Today. That's my disposable budget gone but I'm free of book clubs at Last! I've had panic attack in Wal Mart or any large store.
Year ago I almost had adulterous affair, barely escaped.
Those books that are gone showed me how low I could go in the fantasy world.
I prefer fantasy ships, aircraft, starships to THOSE fantasises.
Update again in near future.
My counselor will soon be PhD. Her latest dissertation rewrite has been sent for review. Course work done. She could go cognitive route, perhaps.
Thanks for support. The lady attorney I mentioned knew that her son would have no one when she passed to take care of him so she prayed that he would pass on before her. His passing means that he would not have had to cope with severe and I mean severe mental illness.
Please pray that the stalled video project on mental illness documentary has issues resolved. That is my baby but I cannot do it alone anymore. I launched it but someone else has to finish it.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Things are quiet with me now. Have a cold that is hanging on. I'll be seeing my Baptist counselor Friday morning. Last week the P.A. showed me my labs from blood tests. Cholosteral good, blood pressure good, fasting blood sugar was very good. Despite having physical ailments it seems God has blessed me with good health with this lab report and my weight is dropping.
Provigil was denied by Medicaid in Harrisburg. Maybeye I can resubmit the request provided the doctor can deal with M.A. objections.
Trying to get on regular Bible reading.
Time management remains issue.
Typing when I can.
Sold my old TV, stereo and VCR/DVD combo. What with limited space in the room for personal items, I am replacing them with a combo TV/DVD/VCR unit that has a reasonable price.
Since my current roomate who bought my stuff is waiting to move out to an apartment in a few months, it wasn't practical to keep the seperate components. For stereo, I'll use Joe's radio outputs into the combo TV and listen with headphones and while not as high fi as stereo system you would be surprised at how much they improve listening expeirence.
Again, thanks for prayers.
Video project needs editor and other items that MH/MR is seeking to resolve. Please pray.
Again thanks for your prayers and support.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I'll update this once a week if that is okay for awhile. I can report I bought no garbage since last week and in bookstore, I'm finding fewer books, regular that is, to read. Bookstore turning into gift shop, fewer books. I didn't go near the garbage rack and bought magazines and one SF book. SF is being replaced by fantasy books which I'm not too interested in.
Problems remain with educational video such as disagreements, finding an editor who can write and do voice overs, what equipment to use, buy new gear, buy software, replication of DVDs and distribution for free.
This is my baby and we are on shoestring budget but thousands of dollars is involved and the goal is educating the public about mental illness so it becomes in public mind just another physical or 'real' illness like diabetes but involving the brain and that despite news reports, we don't freak out and harm people. To remove stigma.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I am still around and have continued to avoid porn. Community Support Program meeting yesterday confirmed a $1500 budget for outsourcing the video project editing and we will be contacting schools to see if a student would undertake this documentary on mental illness as a school project. If necessary we could hire a pro for $60 an hour to do the job. I thankyou for your continued prayer support. Church across street is having a Tueday evening service that I'll be attending. Thankyou for all your help and update next week. Appreciate comments and suggestions.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I'm still here and this is my update for this week. Temptation at home from fantasy is primary problem. I saw P.A. for completing my MA-51 form which allows me to stay another year at Bowser's. My case manager, Elly, who is a Christian and science fiction/fantasy reader looked guant with a 25lbs weight loss. My counselor's dog hijacked the appointment by pesturing me for attention but otherwise went well. It was brought up between Elly, Terry Bowser and I about moving on to my own place. Realistically, I'm not ready and realistically, there are no jobs I'd have transportation to. So I'll wait awhile. I have to contact Juniata College to see if they have a student A/V enthusiast willing to undertake editing footage of MH education video. Our DropIn director told me that only a brand new removable hard drive/external hard drive with captured video on it will satisfy concerns regarding an outsider having access to personal data. Apparently, the video editing computer is not to be used, even if the outside editor was monitored and had no access to personal files of members. This is a waste of the $2000 computer/software package we paid for out of DropIn Center budget for last year. Conflicts within the DropIn have to be resolved by the membership and please pray that will be settled amiacably. DropIn is a mental health provider which means we, the mental health consumer/members are under Tri County contract for social rehab services. CSP or Community Support Program is integrated into the three DropIns at Huntingdon, Mifflin and Juanita counties.
The County desires that all DropIns develop a business. That will be an issue for the future fiscal year. Right now we are trying to to insert brochure to target the 3000 newspaper subscribers in Huntingdon by November. Our Internet is very poor connection speed and this is being typed at Alexandria Library. We had Hartslog Day on the 14Th and it was Cold! Maybye better next year. I am starting to read a book, two books straigth through. In this entire year I've only read one book all the way from page one to the end. DropIn needs new members to fulfill our contract. We need a dedicated office computer so the editing computer can be free for use of membership...and we need a multimedia projector for presentations the County requires us to give on mental health education for public. Portable projector for $999 can double as large screen TV set also. Maximumn flexibility when we get hardware is my goal in advocating/researching purchases. On Feb. 19,2009 all TV broadcasting will be digital only. The government will offer coupons worth $40 (two per family) to cover costs of set top converter/recievers so existing analog TVs don't have to be junked.
I've been rambling here but that and missing my 3:00pm Ativan may be fun on the return walk to Bowser's. I think your prayers are working. And God doesn't seem like a bad guy anymore to me. Submitting to Him and Holy Spirit especially is very hard. Thanks, again.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I put the call into Juanita College for someone who might be interested in the mental health education video and could edit it as a class project. I hope I get a positive response. First time I ever did this. Hope we can find someone!

[Joel Merrill]

I put the call into Juanita College for someone who might be interested in the mental health education video and could edit it as a class project. I hope I get a positive response. First time I ever did this. Hope we can find someone!

I'm praying for your project too, Tom. It is a very worthwhile project. :fav18

Joel

[Terri Knoll]

prayers continue here Thomas

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thanks for the support. Awaiting a call back from Juniata College. Prayed before I called and my stammering was down and clarity up. Forget to mention we had money to support the effort. Trying to find all camcorder accessories around here at DropIn. Annual camcorder service and battery check after December. Need to start using camcorder to retain knowledge of how to operate it. We're having a turket dinner today and a family meeting where all members have a chance to speak and under our Bylaws this Voice of the consumer is to be listened to by staff. Democracy in action.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I've been asked to manage the DropIn tomorrow and I would ask you all to pray for the DropIn Center's needs and that I'll do a good job as I haven't been the person in charge in quite awhile.
On the personal front, I took a hit yesterday and today with temptations that are ongoing and I lost. Now I need to forgive myself and keep going.
They say that memories of pornography are encoded with priority in the brain because they are intense and associated with pleasure. I almost wish God would wipe my memory of them and I could start over but I work with the real world and not what I would wish for, i.e., I'll have to keep fighting those memories until I have final victory over them, ....I guess. Seems overwhelming. Self harm thoughts may be active on the return trip to Bowser's since it is dark out as I type this.
Times are that it seems that life is one big ungoing problem and you wonder what to hope for. The answer seems to be that God gives me aid and grace to go on despite all the problems I have and being down alot, especially on myself. There will be better days and I do have many blessings and many decades of sucess in living with my 'thorn in the brain' so I will be alright and I'll keep on keeping on but I could use some joy in my life too. Perhaps that is just around the corner.
Emotions are important and should not be dismissed from the life of a Christian as some writers do but in the end it is faith in a God who has proven so many times to me that He really is 'for me' and His plans for me are for good and not evil, that I may prosper and have hope.

[Joel Merrill]

Emotions are important and should not be dismissed from the life of a Christian as some writers do but in the end it is faith in a God who has proven so many times to me that He really is 'for me' and His plans for me are for good and not evil, that I may prosper and have hope.
What a good update, Tom. :fav18 Even though you slip up some and struggle with many problems, your faith is growing dramatically and that is very encouraging. I've begged God to remove memories too but that is not the way God works. You become strong through your struggles. Those memories do heal over time. God is renewing your mind. Live for God one day at a time and he will carry you through. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Your brother in Christ, Joel :)

[Thomas Weyandt]

I wasn't needed at the DropIn after all Friday. I ask that you all continue to pray for the Drop as it performs it's task of social rehab. We also have our own 501C3 corporation and we, the consumer, not outsiders (though there are four spots on our Boad for professionals) draw up Bylaws, rules and govern ourselves with our own Director and staff.
It isn't perfect but we do our best and need your prayer support to keep on running.
There are two other DropIns in the TriCounty system, Sunshine Connection in Lewistown, Mifflin County and The Friendship Club in Juniata County which has a paid director. All dropins are being nudged by TriCounty MH to develop businesses, another matter for prayer. We have all volunteer staff.
With my last temptation I had a matter of control over the thought content that I count a partial success. Faced possibility of buying porn when at the local convience store to cashin a gift certificate.
Bought Dr Pepper soda in case instead of garbage.
November budget is tight but December looks better as payment for the stuff I sold will let me reduce my credit card balance which went over in October so I'm using November paym't to cover the attendant fees.
Cabinents and room changed today. We have new wardrobe cabinents spaced so there is more room and my roommate will not be so close to the radiator and have storage space. He will leave when there is an opening at the Altoona place. He is a veteran of the Army from the sixties, serving in Thailand for his hitch.
The submission to God like the submission of wife to husband is not a submission to a controlling tyrant who empties one of all sense of identity as I experience when I was in bondage spiritually to religious scrupulosity version of OCD but rather something else. Something not frightening and controlling but freeing...I think and thus easier to accept.
Appreciate comments on submission and explanations also.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Short update. Attended evening service last night as well as morning and was jumped on by self harm thoughs though they strangely seemed disconnected from me at times. Sermon was on Psalm 51 and failures. I ran into the 'wall' inside me concerning submission to God again. And for the umpteenth time I turned my life over to God...I don't know anything more than to try and submit to God. I recognize that I'm wrong about God and my anger at Him for the problems mental/emotional I've had is wrong. It's not His fault I went through that hell. Forgiving myself is another barrier and the self harm thoughts operate to condemn me and make me 'pay' for my sins. But I do believe God has a plan for life for me even if I have my sins and other spiritual problems with submission and I have grown over the years also as an encouragement to me.
Memories of pornography continue as basis for temptation and sin.
Not succeeding there.
Comments are invited. Advice welcome. Managed to finally read a couple chapters in Timothy this morning.

[Joel Merrill]

Short update. Attended evening service last night as well as morning and was jumped on by self harm thoughs though they strangely seemed disconnected from me at times. Sermon was on Psalm 51 and failures. I ran into the 'wall' inside me concerning submission to God again. And for the umpteenth time I turned my life over to God...I don't know anything more than to try and submit to God. I recognize that I'm wrong about God and my anger at Him for the problems mental/emotional I've had is wrong. It's not His fault I went through that hell. Forgiving myself is another barrier and the self harm thoughts operate to condemn me and make me 'pay' for my sins. But I do believe God has a plan for life for me even if I have my sins and other spiritual problems with submission and I have grown over the years also as an encouragement to me.
Memories of pornography continue as basis for temptation and sin.
Not succeeding there.
Comments are invited. Advice welcome. Managed to finally read a couple chapters in Timothy this morning.
Former General Superintendent, Dr. William Greathouse told a story once. I can't tell it as well as he did and my version will be much shorter but maybe this will help. It is loosely based on Romans 7:1-6.
There was a woman who married an old man. He was very strict. He gave her 10 rules that she must keep. They were good rules but no matter how hard she tried, she just could not keep all of them, all of the time. She lived a life of slavery to those rules. She was never good enough and always felt like a failure. Then one day the old man died. She remarried to a new man. He loved her and she loved him. He was sweet and kind and their life was full of love. All she wanted to do was please him. Then one day she was cleaning the house and she found that old list of rules. To her amazement, she was keeping all of those rules without even trying. The difference was love.

This analogy is far from perfect but it was just one illustration from his sermon. You see God knows that we can't be holy on our own but if we didn't have the scriptures telling us right and wrong, we wouldn't know that we were unholy. But God has provided his Holy Spirit to fill us with love. Then doing right and not sinning is no longer burdensome but an act of love for God. We present our bodies as a living sacrifice and he renews our minds and makes us holy. I suggest that you prayerfully read the book of Romans over and over. Remember, God wants you to be happy.

I pray for you every day, Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thankyou for your post Joel. I will get on Romans again and the example you quoted was used by Hal Lindsay in Satan is Alive and Well on Planet Earth back in '73. Wish I still had a copy. Hal talks about the full armour of God and the enabling of a Christian yielded to and empowered by the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life and not being under the law. The Liberation of Planet Earth is another good one and so is Watchman Nee's book and Hannah Whitall Smith whose books contrast law and grace. Wish I still have them.

[Joel Merrill]

Thankyou for your post Joel. I will get on Romans again and the example you quoted was used by Hal Lindsay in Satan is Alive and Well on Planet Earth back in '73. Wish I still had a copy. Hal talks about the full armour of God and the enabling of a Christian yielded to and empowered by the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life and not being under the law. The Liberation of Planet Earth is another good one and so is Watchman Nee's book and Hannah Whitall Smith whose books contrast law and grace. Wish I still have them.
I read, Satan is Alive and Well on Planet Earth, back then. I may have read that other book too. It's been a long time. I don't remember much about them.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

The view taken by Lindsay is that defeating the still operative sin nature (though it has been dealt a blow in that it no longer has us as slaves to it) requires walking in the Spirit; a moment by moment chosing not to sin and moment by moment yielding to the Spirit who enables the believer to resist sin effectively and thus live the changed lives characteristic of the believer.
This contrasts Nazerene doctrine involving a second work of grace in which the sin nature is rendered dead/harmless/ineffective?? by entire santification.
I have been exposed to both doctrines over the years and will not say anything other than both seem to be effective in producing the changed life of righteousness shown by spiritual as oppossed to carnal Christians.
I find it curious that God didn't spell this out the 'method' of beating sin so all sides could just refer to a verse that said, This is the Way of victorous living for the Christian. As it is, we have a debate as to who is 'right'.
Personally, I don't care though I have found walking in the Spirit to being a preference though the image as the Spirit being a puppetmaster rises in my mind and my 'protective' wall goes up and I end up telling the Almighty I will not again surrender my identity, myself, that core part of myself that makes Tom Tom to Him Again.
Explaining this concept to Christians is almost impossible as they put out the arguement that God gives us free will. Now what they cannot seem to get is my stumbling block is within the boundaries of submission to God, how much freedom of action do I have? Consider those words, freedom of action, self direction, identity, and I was the puppet with religious OCD and someone else was controlling my actions. I had no will of my own....Consider that experience. When deprogrammed by electric shock and meds....I developed a terror of God and a monumental anger at Him in which I swore He would never enslave me again.
Strange but that was my perception and maybeye it was a titanic Satanic deception that I fell for.
I don't want mind control but santification and/or walking in the Spirit seem the same old mind control I experience.
Now I know God doesn't do that but my heart protects itself from this imaginary threat of a Big Brother type of God which is how I percieve Him.
Funny thing is that I can still come to Him in peace in prayer.
I hope you understand what I'm saying.

[Joel Merrill]

The view taken by Lindsay is that defeating the still operative sin nature (though it has been dealt a blow in that it no longer has us as slaves to it) requires walking in the Spirit; a moment by moment chosing not to sin and moment by moment yielding to the Spirit who enables the believer to resist sin effectively and thus live the changed lives characteristic of the believer.
This contrasts Nazerene doctrine involving a second work of grace in which the sin nature is rendered dead/harmless/ineffective?? by entire santification.
I have been exposed to both doctrines over the years and will not say anything other than both seem to be effective in producing the changed life of righteousness shown by spiritual as oppossed to carnal Christians.
I find it curious that God didn't spell this out the 'method' of beating sin so all sides could just refer to a verse that said, This is the Way of victorous living for the Christian. As it is, we have a debate as to who is 'right'.
Personally, I don't care though I have found walking in the Spirit to being a preference though the image as the Spirit being a puppetmaster rises in my mind and my 'protective' wall goes up and I end up telling the Almighty I will not again surrender my identity, myself, that core part of myself that makes Tom Tom to Him Again.
Explaining this concept to Christians is almost impossible as they put out the arguement that God gives us free will. Now what they cannot seem to get is my stumbling block is within the boundaries of submission to God, how much freedom of action do I have? Consider those words, freedom of action, self direction, identity, and I was the puppet with religious OCD and someone else was controlling my actions. I had no will of my own....Consider that experience. When deprogrammed by electric shock and meds....I developed a terror of God and a monumental anger at Him in which I swore He would never enslave me again.
Strange but that was my perception and maybeye it was a titanic Satanic deception that I fell for.
I don't want mind control but santification and/or walking in the Spirit seem the same old mind control I experience.
Now I know God doesn't do that but my heart protects itself from this imaginary threat of a Big Brother type of God which is how I percieve Him.
Funny thing is that I can still come to Him in peace in prayer.
I hope you understand what I'm saying.

I don't have time to write a complete answer now but here are a couple thoughts. Satan is the one who has you enslaved to sin. Satan hates you and wants you to go to Hell. God wants to free you from Satan's grip and take you to Heaven with him.

I too have wondered why there isn't some verse or easy formula where you could instantly and easily be sanctified. I can't explain this in the amount of time I have. Many people have tried to come up with formulas and have failed. I'll try to write more when I have more time. For one thing, we are all different individuals. We have different personalities, back grounds and temptations. If you listen to how people got saved, they all have a different testimony. It is the same with Sanctification. There is no cookie cutter formula. Some of us have more faith than others. Some of us are in a stronger bondage to sin than others. There has to be logic involved. That is why we have the scriptures. God wouldn't ask something of us if he couldn't provide a way to achieve it. If Satan did something when Adam and Eve sinned that God couldn't undo, that would make Satan stronger than God. I'm sure you've heard that before. I have to quit now. Please keep studying the scriptures. You are a highly intelligent person. I have a feeling that you are very close to finding the answer.

Joel

[Joel Merrill]

[quote=Joel Merrill;60165]

I don't have time to write a complete answer now but here are a couple thoughts. Satan is the one who has you enslaved to sin. Satan hates you and wants you to go to Hell. God wants to free you from Satan's grip and take you to Heaven with him.

I too have wondered why there isn't some verse or easy formula where you could instantly and easily be sanctified. I can't explain this in the amount of time I have. Many people have tried to come up with formulas and have failed. I'll try to write more when I have more time.
Joel [ /quote]


For someone who talks as much as I do, I'm not good at expressing myself sometimes. I just can't find the words. On top of that, there are still things about sanctification I don't understand. I do know that you aren't the first to struggle with it. In fact I'm sure most people do. I struggled with it for years.

I had a lot of mistaken ideas about sanctification. For one thing, I thought once I was sanctified, I wouldn't be tempted anymore. We will always be tempted while we live on this earth. I also heard a lot of preachers say that we would not sin. By sin I mean lawlessness or willful disobedience. I do believe it is possible to get to the point where you don't sin but I'm not there yet. The difference is that we are no longer controlled by our sin. Sin will not be frequent and normal in our life but we are still human. We will still slip up once in a while but as we grow it should become less and less frequent.

I too have memories of my former life and sins I enjoyed committing. I tried to bargain with God. I wanted him to take those memories and temptations away. He didn't take them away but helped me overcome them.

I had "name it and claim it" preachers try to quote a few verses at the alter as if they were magic. No one can do it for you and there are no short cuts or lazy formulas. Formulas are helpful as far as helping you understand sanctification but they won't sanctify you.

My biggest problem and I'll bet it is everyone's biggest problem is that there was a pet area in my life that was very hard to give up. God will not take anything away from you. You have to give it to him. That is the hard part. The longer one lives in sin, the harder it is to give him that secret sin. That is why few people get sanctified soon after they are saved. First you need to learn to trust God with your life. Then you need to work with God cleaning up your life. Many things will be easy for the new Christian to give up. Then the Holy Spirit shows us other things that we didn't know displeased him. As we grow in the Lord he starts working toward that pet area. At first we may try to hide it or hang on to it. The Holy Spirit keeps convicting us. We try to give it up but we find out we can't. We try and try and try. Then we feel like Paul in Romans 7:14-24. We find that our mind is a slave to God's law but in the sinful nature a slave to sin. There is a tug of war going on. You are there now.

In chapter 8 Paul says: "Through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life sets us free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man in order that the righteous requirements of the law could be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit."

On down Paul reminds us: "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received a Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry "Abba, Father." Abba translates into Papa or Daddy. We become that intimate with God.

Paul continues; I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons and the redemption of our bodies. For in hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not have, we wait for it patiently."

Here Paul is talking about the curse on all of creation as well as man because of man's sin. Have you ever thought about all of the violence and hardship in nature because of the curse? This earth will be cursed until the time God comes and lifts the curse and makes a new Heaven and a new Earth. We must live in this curses body on this cursed earth until we die and God gives us our glorified bodies. But as Christians, we can be freed from our sinful nature and receive power through the Spirit.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we should pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints (us) in accordance with God's will.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God be for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all."

So even though we live in a fallen world around fallen man, God has provided a way for us to live victoriously. God doesn't promise an easy road. In fact it may be a rougher road, but God will be right there with us and carry us through. We just need to trust him. Remember, he loves us with the highest form of love, a love we cannot even comprehend. He wants us to be happy. Once we get to Heaven, our short time here will seem like nothing.

God sees your temptations and struggles and he understands. He wants you to be free. He is reaching out to help you. You are so close. Don't give up.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

I need to digest this. I may have a 'pet' sin. One that I assume that is not sin. I don't know.
In book by Watchman Nee and Hannah Whithall Smith people either discovered santification or some similar experience.
This thing in my mind/brain foulup has me believing strange ideas about God as oppossed to Father....I fear a ....hateful God from memories that just don't die.....But He is not that....memory that won't go away.
The wall of turning my life over to God persists. And a 'pet' sin has to go.
"Search me O Lord and see if there be any wicked way in me"
I guess I fear I'll have to give up too much or everything that is good in my life which is quite miserable...
God wants the Father/child relationship and Christ is our Big brother as shown in Scriptures...
When once I was about to destroy alot of magazines because I thought they were sin, my grandmother suddenly came upstairs and said that God didn't want to destroy an important thing in my life. She had this impression of something wrong with me. I guess God was saying He doesn't want me to mindless cut away everything in my life I thought was wrong but wasn't.
The Joy of the Lord is rare thing for me...
My head knows that God is "for me." but my memories and Satan say He is out to possess me like before so many years ago...
He is not that kind of legalistic monster my disordered brain and probable enemy planted ideas pictured Him.
You don't 'possess' someone you love.
Yor want him/her to love you back and offer a better life, not one that is worse.
I am miserable punctuated by fleeting 'happy times'.
I am so weary of ....this misery.....state of mind....suspicious of God heart...
there are no formulas for santification....yielding to God is not what I Think it is....that image keeps haunting me.

[Joel Merrill]

I need to digest this. I may have a 'pet' sin. One that I assume that is not sin. I don't know.
In book by Watchman Nee and Hannah Whithall Smith people either discovered santification or some similar experience.
This thing in my mind/brain foulup has me believing strange ideas about God as oppossed to Father....I fear a ....hateful God from memories that just don't die.....But He is not that....memory that won't go away.
The wall of turning my life over to God persists. And a 'pet' sin has to go.
"Search me O Lord and see if there be any wicked way in me"
I guess I fear I'll have to give up too much or everything that is good in my life which is quite miserable...
God wants the Father/child relationship and Christ is our Big brother as shown in Scriptures...
When once I was about to destroy alot of magazines because I thought they were sin, my grandmother suddenly came upstairs and said that God didn't want to destroy an important thing in my life. She had this impression of something wrong with me. I guess God was saying He doesn't want me to mindless cut away everything in my life I thought was wrong but wasn't.
The Joy of the Lord is rare thing for me...
My head knows that God is "for me." but my memories and Satan say He is out to possess me like before so many years ago...
He is not that kind of legalistic monster my disordered brain and probable enemy planted ideas pictured Him.
You don't 'possess' someone you love.
Yor want him/her to love you back and offer a better life, not one that is worse.
I am miserable punctuated by fleeting 'happy times'.
I am so weary of ....this misery.....state of mind....suspicious of God heart...
there are no formulas for santification....yielding to God is not what I Think it is....that image keeps haunting me.

By pet sin I met, lust. I don't want to pile any more guilt on you. Pet sins can be many things to many people. Satan has a strong hold on your mind. I'm going to start praying, and I'm praying at this moment, that he release you.

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

I appreciate your prayers. I typed that previous message with alot of charged emotional state as it came to me....stream of consciousness I get.
I'd agree that Satan has wormed his way into me and built a stronghold in my mind/brain/soul. I no longer want to keep God at a 'safe' distance. I want this internal dispute over. You express yourself well, much better than you think you do. I have nothing to fear from God, just a legalistic version of OCD and have to destroy the enemy's stronghold inside me.
I want a life more abundant than this desert I live in.
Thankyou for your soul searching message.
Scrupulosity refers to OCD that causes one to imagine sin where there is one and duties were there are none including mind numbing lists of sins and duties including ruminations about what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'. This is treatable by meds and therapy; both methods combined are extra effective and brain imaging gear can disclose changes in brain activity caused by therapy as well as by meds.

[Joel Merrill]

I appreciate your prayers. I typed that previous message with alot of charged emotional state as it came to me....stream of consciousness I get.
I'd agree that Satan has wormed his way into me and built a stronghold in my mind/brain/soul. I no longer want to keep God at a 'safe' distance. I want this internal dispute over. You express yourself well, much better than you think you do. I have nothing to fear from God, just a legalistic version of OCD and have to destroy the enemy's stronghold inside me.
I want a life more abundant than this desert I live in.
Thankyou for your soul searching message.
Scrupulosity refers to OCD that causes one to imagine sin where there is one and duties were there are none including mind numbing lists of sins and duties including ruminations about what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'. This is treatable by meds and therapy; both methods combined are extra effective and brain imaging gear can disclose changes in brain activity caused by therapy as well as by meds.
Well praise the Lord, Tom :fav18 I had no idea what I was going to say when I started typing but God helped me. I don't think I need to say anymore for now. Keep on doing like you're doing and I'll keep praying.

Joel :)

[Thomas Weyandt]

I do not want to repeatedly surrender to God and then change my mind or find I never really meant it later. I just want peace and freedom from panic attacks.
I guess I do want more than that. A satisfactory life would be wonderful.
Guess that is depression speaking but anyways the barriers to surrender seem alot weaker than they have been. It feels like I'm at the edge of surrender but always holding back a bit. Skittesh or does surrender mean something to me that it isn't supposed to.
Sleeping alot. Seeing counselor on Friday. Psychiatrist on the 28th. Med Ctr. will be doing annual physical soon. Check my levels for diabetes, good as well as bad chorestoral and blood pressure.
Psychiatrist wants me in twelve step program!?
Church across the street from Bowser's has voted to seperate itself from the United Church of Christ denomination and go independant.
DropIn had Director's Dinner, a way of having small groups of members participate in an activity on a rotating basis, yesterday.
Time continues to race by.
Sunday was first time I was in local UCC church and learned of the vote. I imagine that UCC policies offended the congregation.
Because of the large size of the sanctuary I listened to preaching service by Rev. Emilia Florio. I could tell she was annointed by the Holy Spirit by the style of her service. More liturgy but she was very enthusiastic and brought in the children to help illustrate the condition of the Laodecian church in Revelations. Also illustrated with original Greek words. It just felt that the Spirit was in the whole service.
She plans to do short term mission trips as God enables her until her retirement.
Despite her age, she is recent graduate of seminary and this is her first church.
I always considered the case of Deborah as one example of a woman in the Bible being a spiritual as well as civil leader and thus validating, in our time and culture women being pastors, evangelists, ect.
After all, women have led nations in the past decades and it stands to reason that Paul restrained women in pulpit do to the times and circumstances he lived in.
There is good discussion in Community board about national defense but my strength lies not in political but the weapons, ships and aircraft used by US
I never served, just had intense desire to Learn....so I read up on them over the decades.
Paid some bills today and refined the budget further, saving for 22nd when I go to home town of Broad Top City to my grandparents graves, seeing my great aunt, hit the bookstore and the library in Saxton as well as Huntingdon.
I make the most efficent use of time when the case manager takes me for a trip; this will be third trip this year.
CART, the local shared ride van agency takes senior citizens on medical, store and personal reasons trips like to a friend or a haircut. It used to be that they took disabled people only to medical appts. but now they are enrolling disabled people in program to take us to stores, libraries, ect. with state grant.
Alexandria library is funded by endowment but Huntingdon system depends on state funding which is only now getting back to the 2003 level because of state library budget funding cuts.
Mental Health has taken a serious hit by Govenor's veto of a bill that would have increased funding for MH and MR. Hopefully, the legislature will override or resubmit it as a line item in budget. I hope so as I'm on MH/MR Advisory Board where you learn about budget cuts and unfunded serivices that the County would like to have such as mobile therapy and a 'warm' line so that MH consumers could have someone to talk to when they are down without going to crisis line.
Tomorrow the DropIn has board mtgt. Next Tuesday Community Support Program has meeting. Hope I have good news about Juniata College doing our MH education video editing. Can't do it myself. Editing too complex for me and I lack experience but do well in my interviewing people...just let them tell their stories with minimal questions by me. Further interviews are desired but not yet scheduled. Professional post production studio time runs $60 an hour and we have to do scripting and voiceover. Then DropIn will make 100 copies on our computer.
County wants us to get a number of people together to go to the monthly regional CSP. I hope we can round up enough because Regional meetings are important to consumers.
The battle continueus but I don't feel afraid of God now or of His Spirit.

[Thomas Weyandt]

Last night a friend convinced me that I should surrender to God and I did and felt wonderful and not fearful and suspicious. Feelings don't last but are very important. I trust God more and wait to see where He will lead me.

[Kevin Bowser]

Praise the Lord!

I (as have many others) have been following your story and praying for you as God brings you to my mind. I rejoiuce with you at your surrender to God and falling back into His big arms of love.

[Mark Doble]

I have a besetting sin and I will give no details to avoid offense but just say that it is a common offense and I'm struggling with both it and the memories of it. Romans chapter seven seems applicable. Pornography is hard to leave and the memories of it even harder. I'm tired of being beaten up by this offense time after time and while I haven't bought it for several months, the temptation and the memories torment me. After asking God's forgiveness for the thousandth time, I almost despair of ever breaking away.
Thankyou.

This really helped me last Sunday Thomas. Click on the last message file: The Hidden Power of Prayer and Fasting

It also helped me to pick up a book from the Christian book store by Neil T. Anderson, Steps to Freedom In Christ. It was a two hour process that changed my life.

http://www.cedardalechurch.ca/2006.fall.messages.html

[Joel Merrill]

I've been thinking about you today (Thanksgiving) Tom. I don't know if you have family close by. I hope you get a good turkey dinner somewhere. I'd invite you over if you lived closer.

Joel

[Brian Blankenship]

Dear brother in the Lord, have you ever considered searching out a group of men that will hold you up in prayer about your addiction. Also, have them hold you accountable so that the enemy will not get the upper hand in your life. Also, having someone to pray with you daily(these group of men), will help break this stronghold. God bless you. Brian Blankenship.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I've just come back from seeing my psychiatrist who revealed he was leaving the company and I picked a replacement doctor who like my counselor is a woman over the man I had problems with and an Indian doctor. The final meeting was a surprise to me but he did finally reveal the source of self harm thoughts.
It was extreme guilt over thoughts/conduct involving besetting sins and how I see myself maybeye fuels it. The OCD and the guilt are linked together and since I'm a Christian we have a spiritual component that probably involves the Enemy, a being never to take lightly who accusses our conscience. My self image which is very low may fuel this volatile mix---Self punishment via thoughts of blinding my eyes.
Now he tells me! On the final visist!
My projects produced stress as well and maybeye my performance on them and everyday life compounds this.
I'll have to talk with counselor on Friday about the full implications of this revelation are and how far it goes since she is a Christian.
There are no group of men availible to me Brian. Just my pastor who is so swamped by various responsibilities. We did have something last year called Celebrate Recovery, a back to the Bible version of a general 12 step program that embraced all addictions and mental illness but it ended early because of lack of interest.
My roommate has porn now in our room; a complication.
There is a stronghold of guilt because at one time I read child pornnography in the seventies and up till 1982 when I was crippled with self harm thoughts.
But memories remain.
I have condemned myself. That and the self punishment my mind and probably the Accusser has inflicted on me have made my life a sometimes living hell.
So forgiving myself is a barrier and a spiritual stronghold that needs dealt with.
OCD is physical/mental in the brain, blinding myself is a blend of physical and psychological and by logical extension, spiritual.
A trinity of trouble.
But I believe it is solvable.
I do point out the limits of living in my rural area but I'll do the best I can and I think God will factor big in my continuing recovery.
Appreciate your thoughts/feedback on this.

[Brian Blankenship]

David Seamands wrote a book titled Healing for Damaged Emotions. Chapter two deals especially with the problem of guilt and how to break free from it. This book has been used by people all over the world to help them receive God's healing in the area of the emotions. If you don't have a copy of this book, ask your pastor. I'm sure he can help you find a copy. This is very important!

In terms of your roommate and his addictions, it might be well to somehow look for a new roommate. I know that there are no men that you can pray with, but know that we will be praying for you. Right now I am praying a hedge of protection over you tonight that you wouldn't be tempted.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Brian Blankenship

[David Cash]

If you can find even one other Christian man who will pray for you and ask you what you've been looking at, that will help. If he really is committed to helping, he might be as effective as a group. In fact, I would encourage you to at least enlist your pastor's prayers and occasional probing. Just knowing that somebody could ask about your reading/viewing at any time is a real deterent to this kind of sin.

While your exact situation may make it difficult to change roommates, if you should have the option, then make the change. Just be sure you're not getting in with someone who keeps even more or wilder stuff around.

Hang in there Thomas. A battle that takes a long time to win in still a victory if you win it.

David Cash

[Brian Blankenship]

You might pray and ask the Lord to show you who this friend might be to pray with. Not everyone can handle this, so be prayerful. Also, do everything you can to set boundaries for yourself so you are not tempted. This is very important. Then tell your accountability partner. That way he will know how to pray for you.

[Brian Blankenship]

Tell your pastor what your plans are. Perhaps he could suggest someone.

[Joel Merrill]

You might pray and ask the Lord to show you who this friend might be to pray with. Not everyone can handle this, so be prayerful. Also, do everything you can to set boundaries for yourself so you are not tempted. This is very important. Then tell your accountability partner. That way he will know how to pray for you.
Dear Brian and David

That is kind of what Tom is doing by coming here. He has been extremely open and honest and he is making tremendous progress, especially just lately. Until he can find someone there, we can be his support group. I have made him a special brother and I pray for him through out the day, every day. His mental condition complicates things but God understands. I suffer from depression and have to take medication for it. Although my depression is not nearly as serious as Tom's mental illness, I can understand the deep guilt and emotional instability. Please help me encourage and pray for Tom. Tom is a very intelligent and gifted man and God could greatly use him. Satan knows that and he knows he is losing his grip on Tom. We can help tip the scales with our prayers and support.

Thanks, Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

Thankyou all for your kind prayers and loving concern for me. Maybeye Rev. Emilia Florio, who pastors the now independant UCC church across from Bowser's will be able to revive Celebrate Recovery, currently she also has many responsibilities too like Pastor Fortney of Hartslog Valley Chapel who has a job, the church and with the departure of our Elder/Sunday School Superintendant has even more dumped on him as that departure was the person in question abandoning the faith. But God is married to the backslider and maybeye will come back someday although the divorce proceedings are underway by his wife for just cause. Rev. Florio has counseled me in this area in the past but has passed the baton to Rev. Fortney who, as I said is swamped with this defection.
I'll keep on keeping on meanwhile.

[Brian Blankenship]

Dear Dave and Tom, I certainly understand what you are talking about. I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder, and am on medication for it as well. In our last pastorate, the people found out I struggled with depression and used it as a weapon to get me out. David Seamands book Healing for Damaged Emotions, chapter two deals specifically with how to forgive yourself for things that you have dealt with.

Tom, I am praying for you, and would definitely be privileged to pray for you as well. I hope I didn't upset you by some of my suggestions. Brian Blankenship. I'll be praying for you.

[Gina Stevenson]

Noticed David Seamands' book, "Healing for Damaged Emotions," mentioned, Tom. It is a really helpful, insightful book ... helped me years ago. There is a sequel he wrote along the same lines, that might be something you want to try later ... after giving yourself a good, long while to chew on the plentiful help that's in this first book, "Healing for Damaged Emotions."

The second book is, (oh, dear! looking for it on-line, as I'm not sure where mine are to check the title). Haven't found it yet, but I believe it's, "Putting Away Childish Things," (such as I Cor 13 mentions?), as one is often better able to "grow up" after some emotional healing, such as the first book mentions.

Anyway, while looking for the 2nd book above, I see there's yet another (perhaps several?), entitled, "Healing Your Heart of Painful Emotions."

[Brian Blankenship]

Hopeing everyone has a great evening. Brian Blankenship. Praying for you Thomas

[Thomas Weyandt]

I have made my peace with God as best as I could. Spent alot of time praying in the early hours of Sunday. I went to UCC church for to listen to the service upstairs because of panic attack risk due to large sanctuary with high ceiling. While listening I felt a nudge to go upstairs from ground floor. I went up and sat in back benches and lasted about 30 minutes without panic attack though anxiety eventually forced me to leave but I heard the sermon. I felt at peace Sunday AM and yesterday went to United Way Agency Mtg. to represent the DropIn. Then I went to the library and though very anxious at times, made it. Remained troubled by anxiety but lasted through the library in Huntingdon Boro. Feel a strong desire to leave Bowsers but that can't happen until I conquer panic attack barriers to supermarket and walking in Huntingdon. Rev. Florio thinks I can be employed by God for something. I don't say used because of unpleasant conotations so employed sounds easier. I feel easier about God in control of my life. Some failures and limited successes combating sexual fantasises when the practice of ____________ comes around. It, like dancing is universal practice. Problem is fantasy content not practice itself. Will read book again.

[Thomas Weyandt]

I am at the DropIn Center as I type this. I once read the book Healing For Damaged Emotions and can probably get it on interlibrary loan. Thankyou, Joel for praying for me so much. I don't know where I'll go in my life from here but God has something in mind and I'll be attacking in prayer the self punishment stronghold. It is time to stop the self harm thoughts but it will probably take time. Thankyou all for your support. Less obsessions these days. Working on a short story for fun. Free soda today at DropIn. I wish we could have Rev. Emilia try Celebrate Recovery twelve step program here.
My new doctor I had some years back when I was inpatient behavior health.
That's what they call the psych ward. In PA there is an organization that is made up of fed up survivors of the old mental health treatment system. There is also state, national and local NAMI organizations that advocate for the mentally ill. Concepts now in are recovery based treatment rather than Freudian psychotherapy or sympton relief. We consumers have made changes. Governor vetoed bill that would have increased MH funding and legislature is not over riding the veto. Weather is cold today outside but sun is shining. Leaving Bowser's would be a giant step. I want to leave and go it living alone. Perhaps at my age dating and marriage might be possible still. I have to change my pessimistiic and self depreciating outlook. God can do Anything. ....it is still hollow sounding when I praise God. Normal living is still difficult. Reading is hard and Bible reading even harder. Roommate not having pornography lying around of which I'm glad. Worry that home has only 14 people out of normal 20-22. Fixed costs remain and home must run on the fewer beds as no one is knocking down doors to stay at home. Please pray for the home. It has been a refuge for nine years for me and I value the friendships I have made with staff. When Kay is on weekend night shift we watch movies together after she is done with her assigned tasks for the shift at about 3:00 AM Sat-Sunday.
Will write again later.

[Joel Merrill]

I am at the DropIn Center as I type this. I once read the book Healing For Damaged Emotions and can probably get it on interlibrary loan. Thankyou, Joel for praying for me so much. I don't know where I'll go in my life from here but God has something in mind and I'll be attacking in prayer the self punishment stronghold. It is time to stop the self harm thoughts but it will probably take time. Thankyou all for your support. Less obsessions these days. Working on a short story for fun. Free soda today at DropIn. I wish we could have Rev. Emilia try Celebrate Recovery twelve step program here.
My new doctor I had some years back when I was inpatient behavior health.
That's what they call the psych ward. In PA there is an organization that is made up of fed up survivors of the old mental health treatment system. There is also state, national and local NAMI organizations that advocate for the mentally ill. Concepts now in are recovery based treatment rather than Freudian psychotherapy or sympton relief. We consumers have made changes. Governor vetoed bill that would have increased MH funding and legislature is not over riding the veto. Weather is cold today outside but sun is shining. Leaving Bowser's would be a giant step. I want to leave and go it living alone. Perhaps at my age dating and marriage might be possible still. I have to change my pessimistiic and self depreciating outlook. God can do Anything. ....it is still hollow sounding when I praise God. Normal living is still difficult. Reading is hard and Bible reading even harder. Roommate not having pornography lying around of which I'm glad. Worry that home has only 14 people out of normal 20-22. Fixed costs remain and home must run on the fewer beds as no one is knocking down doors to stay at home. Please pray for the home. It has been a refuge for nine years for me and I value the friendships I have made with staff. When Kay is on weekend night shift we watch movies together after she is done with her assigned tasks for the shift at about 3:00 AM Sat-Sunday.
Will write again later.

Thanks for the update, Tom. It is very encouraging to me to hear that you are doing so well. I'm glad your roommate isn't leaving that stuff lying around. I was praying about that. Just keep fighting those temptations as they come. Don't worry about temptations that haven't happened yet. Don't make too big of a deal out of the times you fail. Just put them behind you and keep going. It really is like a child learning to walk. They don't let the fear of falling stop them nor the memory of falling either. It is great that you have such concern for the dropIn Center and Bowsers. It shows that you are a caring person and a responsible one, but don't let those cares overwhelm you. That is what I struggle with and what may be the root cause of my depression. There is an old song that says, "Take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there." There is also a verse in the Bible that says, "Cast you cares upon him for he cares for you." I'm still learning to do that but God really does care for you and he cares about what you care about. You are not going through life alone anymore. You're going to make it!

Joel :fav18

[Terri Knoll]

I am at the DropIn Center as I type this. I once read the book Healing For Damaged Emotions and can probably get it on interlibrary loan. Thankyou, Joel for praying for me so much. I don't know where I'll go in my life from here but God has something in mind and I'll be attacking in prayer the self punishment stronghold. It is time to stop the self harm thoughts but it will probably take time. Thankyou all for your support. Less obsessions these days. Working on a short story for fun. Free soda today at DropIn. I wish we could have Rev. Emilia try Celebrate Recovery twelve step program here.
My new doctor I had some years back when I was inpatient behavior health.
That's what they call the psych ward. In PA there is an organization that is made up of fed up survivors of the old mental health treatment system. There is also state, national and local NAMI organizations that advocate for the mentally ill. Concepts now in are recovery based treatment rather than Freudian psychotherapy or sympton relief. We consumers have made changes. Governor vetoed bill that would have increased MH funding and legislature is not over riding the veto. Weather is cold today outside but sun is shining. Leaving Bowser's would be a giant step. I want to leave and go it living alone. Perhaps at my age dating and marriage might be possible still. I have to change my pessimistiic and self depreciating outlook. God can do Anything. ....it is still hollow sounding when I praise God. Normal living is still difficult. Reading is hard and Bible reading even harder. Roommate not having pornography lying around of which I'm glad. Worry that home has only 14 people out of normal 20-22. Fixed costs remain and home must run on the fewer beds as no one is knocking down doors to stay at home. Please pray for the home. It has been a refuge for nine years for me and I value the friendships I have made with staff. When Kay is on weekend night shift we watch movies together after she is done with her assigned tasks for the shift at about 3:00 AM Sat-Sunday.
Will write again later.


Tom,
one of the greatest things I have ever heard was at a meeting for women just getting out of prison. When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water and went out to Him, then Peter began to sink, it wasn't because he took his eyes off of Jesus, it was because he took his eyes off of himself. Jesus offers us all the power and kingdom we need, but when we sell ourselves short, by taking our eyes off of ourselves, and kicking ourselves for our shortcomings, we begin to sink. Yet we only have to remember who we are in Christ to call on that power to rise again.

prayers continue here,
Terri

[Thomas Weyandt]

A side note on a news event. NASA orbiter photos show what appears to be frost or ice on Mars by checking the same area photed in 1999 and 2006 and comparing them. Presence of water makes presence of life possible. If there is life be it plant, microbes or even some kind of small animal it doesn't affect our faith but glorifies God in that there is more diversity in God's creation then we thought.

[Brian Blankenship]

Praying for you! God bless. Brian Blankenship.

[David Cash]

Thanks for the updates, Tom.

I am also glad to hear that your roommate isn't leaving pornography lying around. It's much easier to stay ahead of that kind of think when it isn't right in front of you.

It's good to see you looking toward the future. God does have plans for all of us. Those plans might even surprise us if we knew them in advance! I'm also glad to see that you're able to do things inspite of the anxiety. I don't want to act like some kind of expert, but isn't that how they recommend getting past the anxiety?

Oh, and if it's of any encouragement a lot of us find that we have to discipline ourselves to do Bible reading and most men are tempted with sensual fantasies, especially single men. You're not alone in facing these things and you aren't alone as you triumph over them either.

Keep praying, and we'll be praying with you.

David Cash

[Thomas Weyandt]

Without giving offense, the practice of masturbation is a big conflict for me. I know the practice is near universal among men who are unmarried and is over 70% for women or higher.
This practice becomes conflict in the Body of Christ.
Men and women have sexual dreams.
Using a spouse as fantasy object is okay by me, but using a real as oppossed to made up person violates by causing adultery and fornication of the mind/heart/soul as Jesus said about looking on a woman to lust after her.
Content of sexual fantasies is major issue. Massive exposure to pornography poisons me and also is intensely desired to use memorized pornograhy overwhelms me with any attempt to control fantasy content. I have the foulest langauge and practices echoing in my head. I wish I wasn't a sexual being but God made us so.
What is right and wrong? Big question. Like eternal/conditional security debate, there are sides taking up on the question, all convinced they are right and the others are wrong.
Masturbation is the only relief for a single person's sexual drives until they marry and for widows/widowers provided real people are not used and the fantasy content is lawful, that's what I believe and fail to achieve.
I have prevailed for months over pornography purchases but not over the 'burned into my brain' memories of pornography used for lustful fantasies.
I hope I haven't offended anyone by being candid here.

[Mark Doble]

If you can get this book, do so right away. http://www.gospellight.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=GL&Product_Code=08307.28783

If not you can go to this web site: http://www.believersweb.org/view.cfm?ID=888

Any Christian book store will have them.

Thomas,
When you go through this process to renounce sins, do it all out loud with a very loud, clear, audible voice. This is very important. Also, find a friend that will help you and to pray as you go through it.

When we give our lives to Christ it does not necessarily free us from all our habitual sins or the sins of our ancestors. I was not a believer of this for decades. After God broke me down, I went through these steps. It may take you hours, or days to do so. Praise God I did!

The burdens lifted off me during this process of repentance was enormous!
I really did feel lighter physically, and cried for like an hour or more. I felt the sin lift and I returned to it no more...

I believe what you are experiencing can be lifted and remembered no more.
Our minds are the battlefield in which Satan wants to conquer. Right now Satan has your mind indwelt in pornographic images. This does not come from God. If you renounce it during these steps it will be gone and remembered no more.

Remember, these images bother you because once you gave your permission to view them. You did so of your own will. NOW, you must take that permission back. This process will lead you through the steps to do so.

When you decide to proceed ask NazNet to pray for you.

[David Cash]

I suspect that sensual thoughts tempt nearly everyone, Tom, especially us singles. Things that I have found helpful include prayer, intense physical work or other excercise, keeping the mind busy with other things, and maybe staying up at night until really tired. Also keeping away from fresh stimulii that will stir up sensual thoughts is very important. (Can't escape what we've seen in the past, but seeing more only makes it worse.) It's probably also important not to indulge in too much "lawful" fantasy as that is the top of a slippery slope.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts on the subject.

David Cash

[Thomas Weyandt]

I don't know what to say at this point. Faced with the inevitability of masturbation, all I could do was delay it and/or breakaway from evil fantasies. I tried and mostly failed to control fantasy content although there have been a couple successes here. I don't sit around dreaming of sensual fantasises but I have limitations in my life due to the mental illness, I'm not making an excuse, the limits are real but overcomable with time, effort and treatment. I dream of aircraft, ships, weaponry, ect. most of the time. I am on BBs that deal with those subjects, not porn sites. The satanic stronghold was believing that Christian living was sterile via legalism/fanaticism, believing God was evil in his intentions toward me and mankind and punishing myself for sins God had forgiven but I could not forgive myself and I punished myself with impulses/thoughts of blinding my eyes. Those strongholds are coming down; I don't believe in them anymore.
I'm speaking off the top of my head here. I don't want to sin but there is the war inside my mind that goes on. Defining Christian living is difficult for me because I cannot easily discern right and wrong even when spelled out for me. Well, I can but if it is not in the Bible I get stuck trying to handle shades of gray. You might say I lack spiritual 'common sense' as a product of religious OCD. Religious OCD requires treatment to break the cycle of imaginary sins and imaginary Christian duties that bind me. But God has been compassionate and helpful toward me. I have meds, a Christian counselor and I'm not terrified anymore of the Holy Spirit.
God is working in me and I think I will heal in time. Process already making gains thanks to your prayers. Praise God. Thankyou again folks.

[Joel Merrill]

Tom. Did you get my email?

Joel

[Thomas Weyandt]

I just checked my westwords2020@hotmail.com and there is no recent e-mail from you, just the older ones. Have I stepped over some line and been too candid here?
Be looking for your email.