Be Careful What You Admire

[Barb Bouldrey]

I learned a lesson while visiting my dad in New Orleans in 1983..."Be careful what you admire."

My dad left mom and the seven children when I was 10 and came back into my life when I was 32. He tried to make up for the lost years by giving me gifts.

When we went to visit him in New Orleans, he tooks us downtown to see the sights. We enjoyed seeing the beautiful St. Louis Cathedral and then went into their gift shop.

I saw this humongous rosary hanging on the wall. The crucifix was about 12 inches long and was made of chunks of some wood from Portugal. The "chain" was made of about 6 feet of these chunks of wood, strung together. See, it was HUGE!

I made the comment, "That is the largest rosary I have ever seen!" and we left.

A few minutes later, my dad came to me and handed me a sack, with this big sastified grin on his face. Inside was that rosary!!!!

Now, ladies, my dad had no spiritual background and was currently married to a Catholic lady my age. He had no idea that I had no use for Catholic items.

I thanked him, took it home and put it in a drawer. I had no idea what to do with it.

From then on I was very careful what I noticed or admired when in his presence...because I did not want any more presents like that!

After he died, I gave it to Stephen's high school business teacher, who was Catholic....and she loved it.

Barb

[Charlene Clevenger]

My story has a better ending. In 2000 my Mom, 2 sisters, and I took a two-week trip to England. The first week were in London, then the 2nd week we stayed in Sheffield with people my Mom knew. She had been there on a W&W trip. One lady was able to go with us on some of our sight-seeing tours--Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwick Castle, etc. The night before we left she came over to the home where we were staying to say goodbye. She gave each of us a gift bag. In the bags were several small gifts from the places we had visited. She followed us around in the gift shops, and if we admired something, then put it back, she picked it up and bought it for us, without us knowing. We ended up with some wonderful, personalized gifts.

[Barbara Philipp]

Miss Barb:

Like your father, Dana and some others have to be careful what they say in front of me, although I must admit I am not as generous that way anymore. I kind of do little things off and on.

I understand the why he did it, but more importantly I understand what you mean about "when and what to admire".

Those life lessons, bitter sweet?

Yours

[Belinda Y. Edwards]

Barb, i've read your post several times. There are many meanings embedded in your story. Yes, the literal one that you share and posted. But, i am convinced that it is stories like this that teach us so many things.

i'm still thinking.

[Lynn Wiser]

Here is another twist to that story:

Greg once admired a teddy bear dressed in a leather suit & when you turned it on, it swayed it's hips & sang Elvis' 'Teddy Bear' song.
When he was not looking, I went back & purchased it (FOR $40 MIND YOU) & when I gave it to him, he was of course appreciative, but for years now, that bear has done nothing but collect dust in a closet & he has long forgotten that it is even there.

Now I am left thinking that $40 could have bought us a very nice dinner in a candlelit restaurant (back then) and led to some things that woud have embedded more memories, love & appreciation than a dusty old teddy bear impersonating Elvis!

Although spontaneity is a nice thing sometimes, especially when it is done with love being the motive, I still believe that practicality is an important consideration to exercise when purchasing gifts for others. So, I am more careful about what I purchase for those I love when I see them admiring something. It is not always because they would like to have it. Sometimes, it is simply that the novelty of the item just caught their attention.

Marsha's story about her friend removing the necklace from her own neck & giving it too her mother because mama was admiring it, is one of the best giving stories I have heard in a long, long time.

[Barb Bouldrey]

Yes, Yvonne, there are many lessons I learned in my relationship with my father.

1. I learned to forgive him and love him again, after years of thinking I hated him for leaving us. Of course God lead me through the process.
2. I learned to allow dad back into my life, even though I really did not want him back....and learned that it was not just for him, it was for my own spiritual and emotional good.
3. I learned that he knew he had missed our childhood and had done wrong and went to ridiculous lengths to SHOW his love and make up for those years. He even gave me dolls.
4. I learned that he was the loser and my mom was the winner, because he lost his family...by choice. My mom hurt and suffered and worked so hard to raise 7 children without a father, but she was the winner.
5. I learned to accept his gifts....including the rosary...without ever showing him that I had no idea what to do with his gifts.
6. I learned the freedom of forgiving.
7. I learned the freedom of making a relationship right so that when my father passed away I had no regrets.
8. I learned to forgive over and over and over when this chronic liar would lie...especially when he was drunk.
9. I learned to obey the Lord in all things and submit this relationship to Him. And that led me to go to my father's home. It showed him unconditional love when I went to him after he had visited me.
10. And I learned to endure the persecution of my family for having anything to do with him....but that was an opportunity to witness to them as well.

It was a very long 13 years from the time he showed up back in my life until he passed away. But it was a journey with the Lord leading every step of the way, even when my feet were dragging. And when it was over I had peace.

Barb

[Belinda Y. Edwards]

Barb,

You've done well. i am proud of you. i hope to learn the lessons as well as you.