Need Christmas readings or poems...

[Barb Bouldrey]

Do any of you have any cute Christmas readings or poems or know of websites to find them?

I have our Women's Ministry Christmas dinner tomorrow night and just can't find what I want and not in the mood to be creative and write my own.

Any help would be appreciated.

Barb

[Ian Newton]

Dear Barb


Below is a Christmas responsive prayer I wrote and below that is a funny reading and then thirdly a joke. Hope it helps - Ian.


Blessed Lord and Saviour,

In our loneliness remind us You are called:
Immanuel: God with us

In our ignorance and despair remind us
You are called:
Wonderful Counsellor

In our weakness and frailty remind us
You are called:
Mighty God

In our mortality and humanity remind us
You are called:
Everlasting Father

In our striving and worrying remind us
You are called:
Prince of Peace.

And help us never to forget why
you are called Jesus:

“… you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people
from their sins.” (Matt. 1:21)

Amen.


POLITICALLY CORRECT VERSION OF 'THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!'

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves"
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E P A
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened"

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation
Demanding millions in over-due compensation

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz
Demanding from now on her title was Ms

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her
Nothing that might be construed to pollute
Nothing to aim.
Nothing to shoot
Nothing that clamoured
or made lots of noise
Nothing for just girls. Or just for boys
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific

No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth
Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was ecological

No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt;
Besides; playing sports exposed kids to dirt
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay
But you've got to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue
Everyone, everywhere ... even you
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth"

NO ROOM AT THE INN
A Jewish lady was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."
The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
The woman stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"
She replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
The woman replied, "He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"
The woman said angrily, "Because a idiot like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

[Barbara Moulton]

Do any of you have any cute Christmas readings or poems or know of websites to find them?

I have our Women's Ministry Christmas dinner tomorrow night and just can't find what I want and not in the mood to be creative and write my own.

Any help would be appreciated.

Barb

Sorry I didn't respond sooner.

Here's a website I have used in the past.

http://www.rockies.net/~spirit/sermons/christmaspage1.php

[Barb Bouldrey]

Thanks, Ian and Barbara,

The poems are just perfect, Ian. And the website has lots of ideas.

Just what I needed and in time.

Barb