almost

[Carsten Schermuly]

A pastor went to his psychiatrist and after common celebrations, he got a comfortable chair and after some questions by the psychiatrist he was talking for a while, than the psychiatrist lifted up his hand: "Excuse me, do you talk while sleeping?"
"Sorry no, except you do mean, I am talking while others are sleeping?"

[Joanne Vergin]

:fav18

[Carsten Schermuly]

The teacher asked, "My dears, why we will see often Mother Mary and the Jesuschild on pictures - but not Joseph?"

"He took the photos?"

[Carsten Schermuly]

The teacher asked, "My dears, what we have to do before our sin will be forgiven?"

"We have to sin?"

[Carsten Schermuly]

"You sold an undefined fluid as a life elixier, you can not show an opinion by an etablished laboratory - is that correct?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Have you been involved in this relation already before in a court process against you?"
"Yes, Sir."
"How often has that happened?"
"Two times, Sir."
"When has that been?"
"In 1756 and in 1828, Sir."

[Carsten Schermuly]

The blonde waitress:
"This phantastic elegant light and fully climatized mantle you can wear for all weathers, Ma'am,
not only on cold and rainy days, also
on sunny and hot days -
simply wear it over arm."




---
I am also blonde
why I need a hint to edit an unhappy joke?
Thanks to Joanne

[Carsten Schermuly]

Three classmates met fourty years later, a surgeon, an architect and a politician. While talking about what has happened all the years they had some glasses of wine. At least they turned the heavy weight question, what the oldest profession will be. "Eve was made from a rib, taken from Adam - so surgeon is the oldest."
"Before Adam and Eve was built the world from chaos - architect must it be."
" - and what do you think, who made that chaos?" smiled the politician.

[Joanne Vergin]

:fav18 Some good ones Carsten.

[Carsten Schermuly]

I am angry about myself - the professors letter was not needed

[Joanne Vergin]

You can edit it. Put something else there.

[Carsten Schermuly]

An icebear meets another one in a desert. "Oh man, take care, take care for the slickness - be extreme carefully not to slide out!"
"Hah? Why please?"
"See the many sand around you!"

[Joanne Vergin]

Carsten, I am a blonde too. Of German descent by the way. Grandma was a Gammage. And see, I edit too. :)

[Carsten Schermuly]

A phonecall came in to the firebrigade.
"Hello, good morning Sir, how did you sleep?"
"Thank you, and how are you?"
"Thank you, I am fine! Have you had already breakfast?"
"Yes and No, I still have to finish - all of our comrades are sitting at present around their cofee pots."
"Sorry to hear that. I will not disturb you, I will call you later again."
"Please, Sir, as you like it."
"Thank you! I wish a good apetit. See you later! Bye!"

A half hour later, the phone is ringing:
"Hello, I am back Sir, did you finish your breakfast in between?"
"Thank you, yes."
"Are you satisfied? - Ah - may I ask you for your favourite jam?"
"Strawberries."
"How nice! Mine are cherries. Delicious on real butter, not on margerine. I also do love strawberries. Who does not?"

"Sir, I do not like to appear as unkind, may I ask you for the reason of your phonecall? I will not believe you called me to talk about breakfast - right?"
"Oh, yes, you are right. But - my wifes favorite are raspberries."
"Sorry, Sir - "
"Ah yah - I liked to inform you, the main office and the archive of counties fiscal authorities do stand in flames.
But please, no stress, no stress!
Do not hurry, ride your cars carefully, OK?"

[Carsten Schermuly]

Carsten, I am a blonde too. Of German descent by the way. Grandma was a Gammage. And see, I edit too. :)Will we start a genealogy thread? Two or three years ago I translated some german church book pages for **GC**, written in Sütterlin, I have learned to read / write in first and second grades. Today unpopular - Sütterlin, still for me no problem.
From what town or country came your ancestors?

The name Schermuly came in first half of 17th century from France. Unto before some years, we did not know it better, they had been Hugenottes, but it will be the same story, also long times before 1685 people must leave their home because the differences between Gospel and Romes politic. The Schermulys came from the area around Grenoble.

[Carsten Schermuly]

A physician, a mathematician and an astronomer do look up to a flagpole on campus to get its height.
The physician would measure the gravity on both ends and via Klausner theory ...
The Mathematician does talk about Triangulation and Relation to ...
The Astronomer would take the angle to Andromeda, Earth axle ...
An Englishprofessor came nearer, listened for a short moment:
"Excuse me, gentlemen, I would lay it down and take its length", greeted kind and was gone.
After some quiet seconds the physician shaked head: "Blind laymen - it is typical, they are so horrible desorientated! We are looking for its height, he means its length."

[Carsten Schermuly]

Two psychologists,
"Do you know the time?"
"Sorry, no - but I like, we could talk about."
One week later,
"Hello, do you know the time now?"
"Still the same, No. But I am very happy, because I learned to live with."

[Carsten Schermuly]

Two socialists do meet, Walter Ulbricht (a weak character, a man of hidden brutality, a liar), chairman of SED and Ministerpresident of Germany East and Willy Brandt, chairman of SPD and Chancellor of Germany West.
"Willy, do you have a hobby?"
"I collect the jokes, people do tell about me. And you?"
"I collect the people, do tell jokes about me."

[Carsten Schermuly]

A gentleman to the veterinairy:
"What could I do, please? My dog is chasing behind everybody on a bike." - "Take off his bike?"

[Carsten Schermuly]

A blonde looking down in grass, "oh, a dead bird", the other looking up in sky, "where?"

[Carsten Schermuly]

The phone is ringing, "Hello, here's the Pope, what can I do for you?"
"Hi, Ratzi, here is God, nice to see you, I have good and bad news."

"First the good, please."
"We decided to erect a common world church."
"Oh, how fine! It is what we are working for since long times."

"Now the bad news,
I am calling from Salt Lake City."

[Carsten Schermuly]

A little boy was waiting on his mother to come out of a store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure, ... just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new Preacher in town and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Aawww, come on; you don't even know the way to the Post Office!"

[Carsten Schermuly]

without words