A personal beef.

[Benjamin Hobbs]

To put some perspective on this I want to make it clear that I find homosexual attraction to be nothing more than a perversion of sexuality. Yes, I believe that some can be "born" with such attraction, but action in alignment with such desire is sinful.

Now that that is taken care of....

My wife and I are expecting our second child in March. We've had a few complications come up in the attempt to find out the sex of the baby, mostly to do with scheduling conflicts and policies of her OB/GYN. Since this pregnancy came as a surprise and immediately followed a miscarriage, my wife has had quite a bit of anxiety over the well being of the child. As such, she's been watching the date of the sonogram for weeks.

And now, as the appointment was scheduled for tomorrow, a hurricane is blowing through our area. One serious enough that schools were canceled today and tomorrow and I got sent home at noon from work.

She ended up posting this on a social networking page.
"I'm seriously never going to find out this baby's gender. Please OB office...don't lose power!"

After a few friends posted support in reply, an old friend of mine from HS decided to reply as well.
Now my friend came from a bad home, single mom, worldly sister and no money. We met in an engineering class in HS and began talking about religion. I'm not going to say that I was the one who "converted" him, but I did play a large role. After HS he "came out" and after college he moved the the West Coast and is now working for a rather large and famous software company. He's also living with a "partner". He knows my wife's and my views on homosexuality, but we've been able to be keep the relationship up, meeting for dinner at least once a year.

Now he replies with:
"You won't be able to find out the baby's gender until several years after birth (at least!)."

My wife was pretty devastated that someone would take her post and turn it political and I was livid for the same reasons. I replied to him exactly what she meant by the statement and gave an etymological explanation to that effect.

And yet he persisted, posting a reply and a link to a "Sex and Gender distinction" article.

Now, he's never done this before. And I would expect much more from him. But what in the world posses someone to reply to a statement about the impending knowledge of an unborn child's condition and turn it to a sociopolitical argument?!?!?

</rant>

[Paul DeBaufer]

Regardless of your position and opinions concerning LGBT your friend's response to your wife's post, expressing her anxiety, was, IMO, ignorantly unhelpful at best and quite possibly hurtful. If he could not have been supportive of her in her time of anxiety he should have said nothing.

[Cam Pence]

I am sorry for your friends hurtful insensitivity

[Jim Chabot]

So sorry that this person decided to hurt your wife this way.

[Jim Franklin]

It seems that some are so brainwashed into believing they are "normal" that they have to resort to incivility to prop up their belief.

[Scott Moseley]

Call him up and let him know he hurt your (plural) feelings. If he is true friend he will be apologetic .. if not then you can safely iggy or unfriend him.

[Rich Schmidt]

First, let me say that obviously your friend wasn't sensitive to your and your wife's emotions about the situation. He messed up. I hope he'll be able to understand why this hurt you & will apologize, and you'll be able to forgive him.

Second, to try to answer your "Why would someone do this?" question... my guess is that he's found it important and helpful to be clear in their use of language about sex and gender. While at one time these two were used rather interchangeably, and still are in much popular usage, those who study such things point out important distinctions that really do matter. So I imagine your friend was trying to be helpful (in what he likely thought was a semi-humorous way) and simply chose a terrible time and manner in which to do so.

Sorry for the frustration you're experiencing with the storm! Hopefully it won't be as bad as predicted & the OB appointment will go as scheduled!

[Dennis M. Scott]

I know that you know this, but now is too happy a time to let someone like your friend mess it up. In some distorted way, he cares about you guys. You have experienced the pain of loss previously, but this is a time to rejoice. I have this silly vision of your baby with legs crossed and hands hiding certain parts, saying, "I don't want you to know yet!" Kids: they start messing with us earlier and earlier.

[Marian Schwaller Carney]

This is why FB has wisely made it so the owner of the original post can delete such added comments. Do it and get it off the record. Hover over the little mark in the upper right hand corner of the post for edit and delete options. I have used it when necessary.

While he may be a nice person and otherwise good, and comes from the dysfunctional home etc etc, his shallowness and selfishness are evident. I am so sorry he took advantage of your wife's friendship to post his uninformed view.

[Ian Gentles]

Also ask yourself, whats happening in his life to cause such a post? Maybe he will be horrified how he has hurt? Inocent till proven guilty is a good yard stick.

[Marsha Lynn]

I replied to him exactly what she meant by the statement and gave an etymological explanation to that effect.

And yet he persisted, posting a reply and a link to a "Sex and Gender distinction" article.

Now, he's never done this before. And I would expect much more from him. But what in the world posses someone to reply to a statement about the impending knowledge of an unborn child's condition and turn it to a sociopolitical argument?!?!?

First, let me say I pray God's richest blessings on you and your wife and your unborn child. I'm sorry for this hurt.

That said, however, we might do well to remember that one certainly doesn't have to be gay to feel strongly about issues having to do with semantics and be amazingly insensitive in how and when those strong feelings emerge. Foot-in-mouth disease seems to cross all socioeconomic lines with amazing ease. This is not a "gay" issue or a question of sexual perversion. It's an issue of brokenness leading to responses that fail to consider the impact of our words on others. Once again, some of us may need to drop the stones in our hands and walk away in quiet introspection. And I include myself among the offenders.

Coincidentally, I have a friend whose son worked for a large and famous software company on the West Coast for over a decade and is now in a domestic partnership. Wouldn't it be amazing ...? Nah, even at 3.4% of the general population, there are too many such relationships and not enough Nazarene connections involved here.

Marsha

[Sarah Smith]

My prayers for you, your wife, and coming child!

I would agree just delete his posts, let him know quietly you took offense, and move on.

I've lived where the issue of sex and gender is a big deal, and had to decide how to procede.

I believe those biologically male (sex) are also male gender. Ditto for the females.

I also believe there are those born both male and female--it is readily diagnosable. They need our compassion as they work through the issue of gender.

But--I'm not going to submit to the word police who want us wait and see if a biological male or female child is also of the same gender because I believe there is a line there I'm not willing to cross. I do believe there are also some with rebellion or sin issues in the mix and I don't want to muddy that water.

But you know what--those I know that are gay, lesbian, and transgender don't have a problem with my speech. They get where I am coming from and while their speech is different and for a reason, they respect our friendship enough not to make an issue.

In the same way, I am female and enjoy and try to use egalitarian speech. (Think , for example, the TNIV.)

But I don't get bent out of shape over those that use the generic male.

Political correctness does tend to pall.

[David Pettigrew]

Back during the Chick-fil-a ridiculousness, my wife received a very pointed and harsh facebook message from a former SNU classmate who observed that she "liked" Chick-fil-a. She had clicked "like" several years earlier, before buying a chicken sandwich became a political and religious statement, but this person assumed she had done it in support of whatever we were supposed to be supporting, or opposing.

Anyway, this person accused my wife whom he hasn't seen or spoken to in years of being a bigot and homophobic. She basically replied that, instead of worrying about what gets "liked" on facebook, perhaps both their time would be better spent on issues like providing clean drinking water in Ghana, where her gay friend Amy was currently serving as a missionary.

Facebook has taught me one thing. No matter how you feel about social issues or religion or politics, there are plenty of people on both sides willing to show their rear. No pun intended.

[Cam Pence]

Back during the Chick-fil-a ridiculousness, my wife received a very pointed and harsh facebook message from a former SNU classmate who observed that she "liked" Chick-fil-a. She had clicked "like" several years earlier, before buying a chicken sandwich became a political and religious statement, but this person assumed she had done it in support of whatever we were supposed to be supporting, or opposing.

Anyway, this person accused my wife whom he hasn't seen or spoken to in years of being a bigot and homophobic. She basically replied that, instead of worrying about what gets "liked" on facebook, perhaps both their time would be better spent on issues like providing clean drinking water in Ghana, where her gay friend Amy was currently serving as a missionary.

Facebook has taught me one thing. No matter how you feel about social issues or religion or politics, there are plenty of people on both sides willing to show their rear. No pun intended.

Your wife is a wise woman

[Benjamin Burch]

First, let me say that obviously your friend wasn't sensitive to your and your wife's emotions about the situation. He messed up. I hope he'll be able to understand why this hurt you & will apologize, and you'll be able to forgive him.

Second, to try to answer your "Why would someone do this?" question... my guess is that he's found it important and helpful to be clear in their use of language about sex and gender. While at one time these two were used rather interchangeably, and still are in much popular usage, those who study such things point out important distinctions that really do matter. So I imagine your friend was trying to be helpful (in what he likely thought was a semi-humorous way) and simply chose a terrible time and manner in which to do so.

Sorry for the frustration you're experiencing with the storm! Hopefully it won't be as bad as predicted & the OB appointment will go as scheduled!

These are my thoughts exactly. It is, in fact, very important that we are carfeful in using our language correctly and the distinction between sex and gender is a very important one. There are, however, correct times and places to make that correction and have that conversation. This status is not one of those.

I'm sorry Ben. As other have said, I hope he accepts your feelings and apologizes. I would suggest, however, that the sex/gender difference is also probably important to him and invokes strong feelings in him. (That doesn't make what he did right). I woudl suggest being mindful of and sensitive to this when you talk to him, which I think would highlight even more the fact that he didn't take the same considerations for your friendship when he replied to your wife.

[Benjamin Burch]

This is why FB has wisely made it so the owner of the original post can delete such added comments. Do it and get it off the record. Hover over the little mark in the upper right hand corner of the post for edit and delete options. I have used it when necessary.

While he may be a nice person and otherwise good, and comes from the dysfunctional home etc etc, his shallowness and selfishness are evident. I am so sorry he took advantage of your wife's friendship to post his uninformed view.

As Rich has pointed out.... his response was insensitive and selfish, sure. However, his view is not "uninformed", not at all.

[Cam Pence]

I think the heart of the issue is pushing an agenda wen when it is far from appropriate. I really don't care what this guys think about his sexuality or anybody else's in relation to the way he responded to Bens wide. He is dead wrong here. Agenda or not we all make a decision of the way on which we push such an agenda and we are responsible to that end no matter what our personal experiences have been.

[Paul DeBaufer]

I think the heart of the issue is pushing an agenda wen when it is far from appropriate. I really don't care what this guys think about his sexuality or anybody else's in relation to the way he responded to Bens wide. He is dead wrong here. Agenda or not we all make a decision of the way on which we push such an agenda and we are responsible to that end no matter what our personal experiences have been.

Cam, I agree.


Ben, My prayers for you, your wife and child.