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Thread: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can't remember them either.

    Forget health food. I'm at the age where I need all the preservatives I can get.

    I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started..............

    Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. (I'll soon complete my 79th year.)

    The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

    Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way, I've traveled a long way and many of the roads weren't paved.
    Last edited by Jim Franklin; February 27th, 2016 at 09:33 PM.
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    Re: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    Reminds me of the story of the 95 year old man who bought a new TV. When the salesman offered him a 5 year service plan he said, "Five years? At my age I don't even buy green bananas."
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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    April issue. Granddaughter instructing Grandma how to use Google bragging that one can ask Google any kind of question and get an immediate answer. Grandma sits down before the PC and grand daughter sets the screen ready to take a question and tells grandma to type in any question for which she would like an answer. Grandma types in "How is Cousin Mildred's arthritis today?"

    Howard and Charlie meet for coffee. Howard seems a bit down so Charlie asks, "What's up friend?" Howard responds that he had just had a fight with his wife. Charlie says, "Who won?" Howard responds, "She came to me on hands and knees." Well that is a switch, Howard replies. "What did she say?" Howard takes a deep[ breath, "Come out from under the bed, you coward."
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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    Some ABCs of medical terminology:

    Artery---the study of famous paintings

    Barium--------what doctors do with their patients who have died

    Cauterize----------made eye contact with her

    Dilate------------to live a long time

    Enema-------------not your friend

    Fibula----------smaller than a white lie

    Gastritis--------don't have enough money to fill the tank
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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    10 Fun Facts:

    1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
    2. Not everyone can count their hairs.
    3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out.
    4. You just tried #3.
    6. When you tried to do #3 you realized it is possible but you looked like a dog.
    7. You're smiling right now because you were tricked.
    8. You skipped #5.
    9. You checked to see if there was a #5.
    10. Share this with some friends and have fun at their expense.



    Another:

    Johnny had just learned about the fact that humans were originally formed from dust and will return to dust after death. Sometime later he called his mom and she rushed to his bedroom where he pointed under the bed and said, "Either someone is coming or going.
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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    OB/GYN answers your questions:

    Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No. 35 children is enough.
    Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A. Childbirth.
    Q. My wife is 5 months pregnant and so moody that she is borderline irrational. A. So what's your question?
    Q. My childbirth instructor says its not pain that I'll feel during labor, but pressure, is she right? A. Yes, in the same way a tornado might be called an air current.
    Q. When is the best time to get an epidural? A. Right after you find you are pregnant.
    Q. Is there any reason while I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A. Not unless the term "alimony" means anything to you.
    Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A. Yes, pregnancy.


    This publications editor is an NNU alumnus and it includes the pictures submitted of those who have passed a milestone of age or anniversary along with the senior center or church to which they are affiliated. This month's issue included a picture of Queen Elizabeth as being affiliated with the London Senior Center.
    Q. Do I have to have a baby shower? A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
    Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kid's in college.
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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    Older than Dirt Quiz:

    1. Blackjack..........................

    2. Coke shaped bottles filled with colored water made out of ...................

    3, Diner with tableside.......................

    4. .............delivery of ................in glass bottles.

    5. Telephone party......................

    6. PF.......................

    7. Butch............

    8. Howdy..............

    9. ..................RPM records.

    10. ...............green stamps

    11. Copies made on a ...........................

    12, .......................ice trays with levers.

    13. ..................flash.................
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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: From the Nampa, ID Senior Goldmine

    For those who are not as old as I am, here are the answers: 1.gum 2. wax 3, juke box 4. home, milk 5. line 6. Flyers (gym shoes) 7. wax 8. Doody 9. 78 or 45 10. S&H 11.mimeograph 12. metal 13. Blue, cubes.
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