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Thread: Parenthood

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    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Parenthood

    Here are some comments I've seen on Facebook (making me laugh uncontrollably):

    "Parenthood is like trying to juggle. Except the balls are screaming."

    "Watching the kids play hide 'n seek at the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence. At least I know I won't have to pay for college."

    "Most of being a parent is simply saying, 'GREAT!' when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill."

    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.

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    Re: Parenthood

    yeah..I believe these all are true!!

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    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    And more I saw this morning:

    "Having a kid can be expensive. But that's okay. I save lots of money by never going out and doing anything fun. Ever."

    "I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two whole hours. It would have been more, but my legs got numb from crouching behind the dryer."

    "50% of parenting is pretending to look for things with your kids that you know you've already thrown away."

    "Hang on guys. I think my toddler's getting to the good part of his four-hour-long story and I don't want to miss it."

    "You know you're probably not a good parent when you see a dead deer on the side of the road and you tell your kids, 'Looks like Santa lost his temper again'."
    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.
    Laughing David Graham, Marsha Lynn, Cynthia Prentice, Emiko Cothran - thanks for this funny post

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    Re: Parenthood

    Quote Originally Posted by Diane Likens View Post
    And more I saw this morning:

    "Having a kid can be expensive. But that's okay. I save lots of money by never going out and doing anything fun. Ever."

    "I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two whole hours. It would have been more, but my legs got numb from crouching behind the dryer."

    "50% of parenting is pretending to look for things with your kids that you know you've already thrown away."

    "Hang on guys. I think my toddler's getting to the good part of his four-hour-long story and I don't want to miss it."

    "You know you're probably not a good parent when you see a dead deer on the side of the road and you tell your kids, 'Looks like Santa lost his temper again'."
    Parenthood is how the universe repays us for thinking we knew everything by age 15.
    Thanks David Graham - "thanks" for this post
    Laughing David Graham, Marsha Lynn, Diane Likens, Cynthia Prentice - thanks for this funny post

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    Host - Theology Forum Cynthia Prentice's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    My daughter was born talking...or at least it seemed that way. At two years, three months old she came up with these quips...

    I was shopping for food that my husband was to take on a 20 mile hike. I didn't know what I was supposed to get so I guess I was muttering under my breath as I pushed the cart through the grocery store...
    Bethany: "Mama, are you aggravated?"
    Me: "No, Bethany, I'm not aggravated."
    Bethany: "Well are you frustrated?"

    We were walking to church...
    Bethany: "I hold my own hand."

    I can't remember what she wanted to do but the answer was no...
    Bethany: "When do I get to do what I want to do!"
    Me: "Not for a very long time."

    We were running late and I was feeding her oatmeal...she leaned her head back...tucked in her chin and shut her mouth...tight...nothing was going to get past those lips.

    Me: "Bethany, what are you doing?"
    Bethany: "I am laying my head down and being disobedient."

    She is a mom now...her daughter is eleven months old and Oh Boy! Her little one is a whirlwind! So smart! Bilingual! Early walker! Loves people! Knows what she wants and let's you know if she doesn't get it! Total ham! And STRONG willed!

    My daughter is a great mom and is loving every minute! For real...what a great daughter and granddaughter!
    Last edited by Cynthia Prentice; September 2nd, 2016 at 10:18 PM.
    "I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places...You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew... You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again." Isaiah 58:11-12 (THE MESSAGE)



    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvhP_xORvgE new for 2014!

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    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    More parenting tweets that tickled my funny bone this morning:

    "I know my 2yo loves me because I'm the one he runs to when he's stuffed too much food in his mouth and needs to spit it into someone's hand."

    "Iím just a mom, standing front of a kid, asking him to stop making fart sounds with his mouth."

    "I've never been in a bar fight but I have been to a birthday filled with 7-year-olds."

    "You want to practice what it's like having kids? Skip the puppy. In fact, skip lots of things.
    Showers. Hot food. Sleeping.
    There you go."

    "It's a mystery to me why toy stores haven't caught on to also selling empty boxes."

    And finally ...

    "Whoever had the bright idea of putting book jackets on children's books clearly never had children of their own."
    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.
    Laughing Gina Stevenson, David Graham - thanks for this funny post

  7. #7
    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    These cracked me up this morning:

    "Parenting: Spent the weekend trying not to burst a blood vessel over my kids' behavior then got emotional and teary just watching them sleep."

    "I've reached the stage of parenting where my kids are rebuilding our home out of play-doh and I don't even care because they're being quiet."

    "I just did papier-m‚chť with my kids for the first time.
    And the last time."

    "Bedtime:
    Brush teeth
    Put on pjs
    Read
    Turn off light
    Put them back in bed
    Put them back in bed
    Threaten everything they love
    Put them back"

    "Just watched my 7yo crumble up bacon and put it in his cereal, and now he's my new life coach."
    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.
    Laughing Marg Shurtliff, Marsha Lynn, David Graham - thanks for this funny post

  8. #8
    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    And more ...

    "Parents can save time by throwing half the money we spend on food directly into the trash and buying only one sock for kids rather than two."

    "Calls for kids: Nobody responds.
    Gets on phone: Two kids yelling for me while fighting, the other asking what's for dinner when it's 9 am."

    "Motherhood is simultaneously not wanting to miss a thing while also not wanting to be a part of these shenanigans."

    "An episode of 'Chopped", but it's me avoiding grocery shopping by making dinner out of boiled eggs, ham, and a half eaten chocolate bunny."

    "I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry."

    "My kid maintained eye contact with me while picking her nose & wiping it on my bed.
    Do they earn toddler merit badges for these things?"

    "My favorite part of motherhood is when my kids demand the snacks I offered them 4 hours ago while Iím cooking dinner."
    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.
    Laughing Jim Franklin, Marsha Lynn, David Graham - thanks for this funny post

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    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    This isn't a tweet, but it's a good quote that made me crack up while nodding in agreement. Comedian Tina Fey:

    ďKids are definitely the boss of you. Anyone who will barge into the room while you are on the commode is the boss of you. And when you explain to them that youíre on the commode and that they should leave but they donít? Thatís a high-level boss.Ē
    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.
    Laughing Gina Stevenson, David Graham - thanks for this funny post

  10. #10
    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    Reminds me of the rumor that has gone around schools for years. \

    The teachers don't dare discipline the kids because they are afraid the principal will find that a reason to fire them, and the principal can't do anything because he/she is afraid of the superintendent, the superintendent doesn't dare do anything because he/she is afraid of the school board and the school board won't do anything because they are afraid of the voting parents and parents won't do anything because they are afraid of the kids and kids ain't afraid of anybody.
    Laughing Diane Likens, Gina Stevenson, David Troxler - thanks for this funny post

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    Host Theology Forum David Graham's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    Quote Originally Posted by Diane Likens View Post
    This isn't a tweet, but it's a good quote that made me crack up while nodding in agreement. Comedian Tina Fey:

    “Kids are definitely the boss of you. Anyone who will barge into the room while you are on the commode is the boss of you. And when you explain to them that you’re on the commode and that they should leave but they don’t? That’s a high-level boss.”
    That happened once to my wife when my sons were small (I was at work at the time but my wife told me about it later.) She was in the "loo" when two of my sons came and kept banging on the door shouting "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!" Thinking that something terrible had happened, she opened the door only to find that that they had let in one of the church members and led her down the hall way of our house. Hmmmm, embarrassment plus for two people.
    Laughing Diane Likens, David Troxler - thanks for this funny post

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    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    More funnies that are oh, so true!

    "You will never realize your full potential for speed and agility until the day you see your toddler holding a Sharpie marker."

    "If you like getting cereal out of the cupboard only to find someone put it back empty, kids are totally for you."

    "The 5 y.o. learned to read; it's bittersweet. While seeing her master a skill is sweet, I'm bitter that she can now tell when I skip pages."

    "Not to brag, but my kids love kale, so basically my parenting work is done."

    And the best one yet:

    "Little does the bus driver know, that 'I love you' I shout after my kids every morning is for him too.
    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.
    Thanks David Troxler - "thanks" for this post
    Laughing David Troxler, David Graham - thanks for this funny post

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    Host Theology Forum David Graham's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    In our service this morning I used an illustration from "Bob the Builder" (A TV show for preschool kids) to talk about how we need tools for building and how God also gives us tools to use in the service of others. So I showed the little kids a hammer, and asked them, "so what do you think that you might use this for?" A Little boy popped up and answered straight away: "To bang stuff with!"
    The congregation burst into spontaneous laughter
    Laughing Marg Shurtliff, Gina Stevenson, Diane Likens, David Troxler - thanks for this funny post

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    Senior Member Jim Franklin's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    In teacherese the last day of school is known as "the day we teachers turn the kids loose on their parents" because we know what the parents call the first day of school.
    Laughing Gina Stevenson, David Graham, Diane Likens - thanks for this funny post

  15. #15
    Senior Member Diane Likens's Avatar

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    Re: Parenthood

    How about a few more:

    "Day 1,459 of my son acting shocked and aggrieved when I tell him to go brush his teeth before bed."

    "When your baby learns to talk, you realize all of those important things you thought your baby was saying were just demands for more food."

    "And it is then, when you are at your most tired, that your kids will find yet an even earlier time to wake up. -- old parenting proverb"

    "Parenting wouldn't be so hard if I didn't care how my kids turned out."

    "If you enjoy asking questions like 'Whose socks are on the kitchen table,' I can't recommend parenting highly enough."

    "They say you don't know love until you become a parent, and that's because you finally understand how much you love sleep. Or sitting down."

    And the one that really tickled me (I can SOOOO relate):

    "Sign you're a parent: while changing in dressing room, you hear, 'Mom!' & yell back, 'What?' before remembering: You're shopping alone."
    Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.
    Laughing Marg Shurtliff, David Graham, Gina Stevenson, David Troxler - thanks for this funny post

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