Renewel of Vows

[Jim Abrams]

Ive been asked by several people to officiate a renewal of vows ceremony this summer. At first it sounded like such a great idea but as the summer approaches I am quickly finding that I have no idea what I'm doing. This call goes out to those of you who have renewed your vows and those ministers who have officiated over a renewal of vows ceremony.

What are the expectations?
Should I meet with the couple in some kid of post martial counseling? I am sure that I will but what are the key topics to address?
Is there some standard renewal of vows ceremony I can't find that can be adapted to fit the unique situation of the couples?
What has been your experience?
What should I avoid?

[Jon Twitchell]

Jim,

I've done this twice... once for Melody's parents and once for a couple in the church. Both were private ceremonies, held on the occasion of an anniversary. In neither case did they want anything extensive... and I didn't do anything extensive. I took the basic wedding ceremony, incorporated some of their chosen scriptures, and asked if they had a specific set of vows that they had used. We dressed up, went over to the church, pinned flowers... played music... and had a little service. (I don't think I wore my clerical collar for Melody's parents... but I'm certain I did for the other one).

On the other hand... it's a different matter (in my mind), if they were requesting this because there had been some sort of issue (separation, affair, fighting, etc). I think that would warrant more extensive counseling.

Then again, I'm the guy who prefers to do funerals, so I'm not the best person to ask!

[Mike Schutz]

I have tailored each ceremony to the specifics of the couple. Several have been for anniversaries (50, 25), and others for significant re-commitments due to life circumstances.

[Bob Evans]

We had a "ball room dance lesson" party for our thirty year anniversary party. Its soemthing that we really enjoy doing together. So that was our renewal. I am guessing that this isn't what your lookign for but it worked really well for us.

[Jim Abrams]

Always wanted to do a wedding on a Sunday Morning. Everything seems so much simpler. No need for a lot of invitations, most everyone you love is already there. Maybe I'll try it out with a a renewal of vows and see how it goes. It is possible that I'll have more vowel renewals than weddings this summer. Not sure I'm ready to take up ball room dancing and I will try to avoid any reference to a funeral but it looks like I'll be adapting the traditional wedding service to fit the special occasion of renewal.

[Ryan Scott]

Always wanted to do a wedding on a Sunday Morning. Everything seems so much simpler. No need for a lot of invitations, most everyone you love is already there. Maybe I'll try it out with a a renewal of vows and see how it goes. It is possible that I'll have more vowel renewals than weddings this summer. Not sure I'm ready to take up ball room dancing and I will try to avoid any reference to a funeral but it looks like I'll be adapting the traditional wedding service to fit the special occasion of renewal.

I attended a surprise Sunday morning wedding. The couple had been divorced and were working to renew their relationship and decided the time had come to be remarried - they wanted a simple ceremony, but also wanted a public testimony of the work God had done in their lives - so the pastor decided it would be great to do the wedding at the end of the sermon Sunday morning. No one but the three of them knew - it was pretty meaningful all around and wonderful way to end the service.

[Jim Abrams]

Thanks Ryan, I think that's what I want to do but not really sure how to do it. I imagine the ceremony will take the place of the sermon rather than take place at the end of it.

[Jon Twitchell]

Jim,

I suspect we must have talked about this before... because I think that would be a great time for a wedding. We talk about the wedding ceremony as a worship service, but we remove it from the context of worship... and we remove it from the context of the worshiping community. We do baptisms and dedications and communion and membership all within the context of Sunday AM worship... why not a wedding!?!

[Mike Wooldridge]

Jim, Then again, I'm the guy who prefers to do funerals, so I'm not the best person to ask!

Jon, I'm guessing you've never been asked to renew a funeral.
Mike

[Jon Twitchell]

Jon, I'm guessing you've never been asked to renew a funeral.
Mike

No... but sometimes "Spring Burials" feel a bit like that...

[Jim Abrams]

Jim,

I suspect we must have talked about this before... because I think that would be a great time for a wedding. We talk about the wedding ceremony as a worship service, but we remove it from the context of worship... and we remove it from the context of the worshiping community. We do baptisms and dedications and communion and membership all within the context of Sunday AM worship... why not a wedding!?!

Exactly!

In addition I find all the extended planning and extra expense, the time, money and energy invested in making the wedding "special" often serves as a large distraction keeping people pre-occupied. If I could convince my young couples to invest all that creativity, time, money, energy and planning into their relationship they would be much better off. I'm all for making it simpler and more meaningful by having the ceremony on Sunday morning as a service of worship.

[Billy Cox]

Should I meet with the couple in some kid of post marital counseling?

Only if they are expecting to divorce soon.

[Charlene Clevenger]

We had a mass renewal of vows on Valentines Day. The DS came and preached a message on commitment, specifically in marriage, then called up the 16 couples. We each had a mark to show us where to stand, spread out across the platform. He also called his wife up and they exchanged vows along with us. He didn't meet with the couples privately, or even give us any instructions, though the pastor did tell us what to expect. Each couple got a nice certificate and there was a write up in the dist. newsletter.

[Jim Abrams]

Thanks Charlene,
If you don't mind me asking . . . what was the content of renewal? I'm guessing it involved a slight adaptation of the the traditional, "do you still ... after all you've been through take this woman/man for better or worse, richer or poor, in sickness or health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward till death do you part? and then a prayer, a kissing of the bride and applause?

Is that at all accurate?

[Gina Stevenson]

We had a "ball room dance lesson" party for our thirty year anniversary party. Its soemthing that we really enjoy doing together. So that was our renewal. I am guessing that this isn't what your lookign for but it worked really well for us.

Bob forgot to tell you about the "official" renewal dance, where the rest of us "learnees"/dance "students" just watched instead of trying to do any dance steps. Remember that old song, "May I Have This Dance for the Rest of My Life?" Well, he asked, she answered in the affirmative, and they danced off to this music. Love that song, anyway, so it was really "cool."

Always wanted to do a wedding on a Sunday Morning. Everything seems so much simpler. No need for a lot of invitations, most everyone you love is already there. Maybe I'll try it out with a a renewal of vows and see how it goes. It is possible that I'll have more vowel renewals than weddings this summer .........

Uh, 'skuse me ... may I ask if you'll have consonant renewal along with those vowels? [sowwwy ... jest cudn't resist; well, I could, but that wouldn't be as much fun.]

I attended a surprise Sunday morning wedding. The couple had been divorced and were working to renew their relationship and decided the time had come to be remarried - they wanted a simple ceremony, but also wanted a public testimony of the work God had done in their lives - so the pastor decided it would be great to do the wedding at the end of the sermon Sunday morning. No one but the three of them knew - it was pretty meaningful all around and wonderful way to end the service.

It wasn't a remarriage, but a first-time marriage that took place like that one Sunday morning several years ago back in Phoenix. That was all right ... the church family got to be there for it that way.

[Charlene Clevenger]

Thanks Charlene,
If you don't mind me asking . . . what was the content of renewal? I'm guessing it involved a slight adaptation of the the traditional, "do you still ... after all you've been through take this woman/man for better or worse, richer or poor, in sickness or health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward till death do you part? and then a prayer, a kissing of the bride and applause?

Is that at all accurate?

I wish I could remember better. That was pretty much it. Dr. Roland did a great job.

[Jim Abrams]

Uh, 'skuse me ... may I ask if you'll have consonant renewal along with those vowels? [sowwwy ... jest cudn't resist; well, I could, but that wouldn't be as much fun.]

Thanks for that good laugh!