What Would You Do? (Guests Talking in Church)

[David Parker]

I have been requested to post this question from a regular participant who chooses to be anonymous. How would you handle this situation?
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Imagine a couple of adults begin attending your church. They are not yet professing Christians but are becoming quite regular. Now imagine that during the service they talk to each other to the extent of being a distraction to those around them... If such a scenario were to exist in your church would you do anything or simply tolerate it? If you would do something, what would you do? (Would it make a difference if you knew of the adults to be easily offended?)

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[Cam Pence]

I suppose yelling "HEY DO I COME CRAP IN YOUR LIVING ROOM?" is out of the question?

[Hans Deventer]

I'd explain to them that they are most welcome to come, but that a church service is meant for all to participate. That requires some concentration, which is hard if not impossible if we'd all were talking to one another all the time.
On the positive side, I'd ask what they are looking for. It might be that a cell group or a Sunday School group is more what they seek than a church service. After all, a church service isn't the church, it's merely a specific way of getting together. Perhaps other ways are more suitable.

[David Graham]

I'd probably just put up with it and then invite these new people to a series of studies about worship

[Jim Chabot]

Hard to say as every situation is different.

I know that in Manny Chavier's day an usher would quietly approach the couple and explain that they were distracting others and that they should show due respect.

In our church we actually have a couple who talk on occasion and we don't say anything. My understanding is that our church was really stiff and cold, some had actually expressed a desire to remain small and to keep outsiders out. A decision was made by the pastor and some of the congregation to be inclusive and loving, thus the frigid ones have left. So if someone is going to talk during the service, we remember that we love them.

I can remember a fellow by the name of Gene Scott who would single them out from the platform, call the ushers to remove them and the folks who brought them. He would then require an apology from all before allowing them to return. I'm thinking that may have been a little harsh, although possibly tempting.

I think that we have to love them and accept them at the point where they are. How we love them can take many forms.

[Tami Martin]

Whatever you say, be prepared to evict everyone with small children next.

[Kazimiera Fraley]

I would probably not anything. For all you know they may be discussing the sermon or things that are going on around them, trying to get their bearings on what the churchy jargon in the song that is being sung means and stuff like that.

This is also coming from a pastor who will joke that the reason that God called her to pastor was so that she would have to sit upfront by herself in order to help keep her quiet during church.

[Dennis M. Scott]

I will watch this thread with great interest, because it's a topic I have dealt with neither well nor consistently over the years. One of my childhood pastors tolerated for months one woman who enjoyed preaching back at him. She mainly wanted people to notice her. Finally, he said, "Shut up Phoebe, I'm preaching here." She was quiet for weeks. We noticed, however, that he went on to pastor elsewhere, and she remained. At the time, he was general NYI president, and later became a DS.

[Hans Deventer]

We noticed, however, that he went on to pastor elsewhere, and she remained.

But, did she keep preaching back at pastors?

[Bill Morrison]

I suspect there is no happy solution to this. During chapel at MNU once there was a very loud student carrying on behind me (shouting across the aisle to another student) during a very quiet part of the service. I felt obligated as a faculty member to go back and speak to them about it. Unfortunately the student turned out to be a member of another race. I ended up in serious trouble for weeks: threatened with physical violence by the students friends and family, threatened with lawsuits, accusations of racial harassment (since "white kids were talking too and I said nothing to them"), being told that in Black churches this is how people behave and so I should have ignored it, etc. etc. I ended up with a reprimand in my personnel file and a threat from the school that if I am ever accused again more serious actions will be taken against me.
You probably better leave these talkers alone since (even if they are of your race and you don't get caught in the situation I did) they will probably find a way to get back at you and make your life miserable if you "embarrass them" in public.

BILL

[Dennis M. Scott]

But, did she keep preaching back at pastors?

Oh, yes. I wouldn't be surprised if she preached back at her own funeral.

[Ryan Scott]

I'd be a bit concerned if it went on for a long time without someone else saying something to them.

I would assume its a case of people not familiar with worship. I'm not opposed to people talking during the service, but obviously some times are more conducive than others.

Before approaching them, I might sit down with some leaders and analyze our worship - is it a place where people feel an awe or reverence? Why or why not? Do these people seem engaged or bored and distracted? Is there anything we can do to be more inclusive? Does our worship convey a atmosphere that helps people understand why we do things the way we do?

I would use it as a chance to really improve our worship practices before approaching the people involved. If it got that far, I would certainly hope some loving lay person would have helped them understand why what they're doing doesn't fit well.

[Greg Farra]

Well, if it's women then they're supposed to be silent in the church! (just kidding!)

[Rich Schmidt]

I have been requested to post this question from a regular participant who chooses to be anonymous. How would you handle this situation?
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Imagine a couple of adults begin attending your church. They are not yet professing Christians but are becoming quite regular. Now imagine that during the service they talk to each other to the extent of being a distraction to those around them... If such a scenario were to exist in your church would you do anything or simply tolerate it? If you would do something, what would you do? (Would it make a difference if you knew of the adults to be easily offended?)

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Are you asking what would I do in the moment? Or what would I do in general?

In the moment I would ignore it. That's what I do now when that sort of thing happens. Unless they're trying to get my attention. Then I'd stop and interact with them.

If it went on more than 2-3 minutes, and it were truly an interruption, I'd probably do something to change things up. Pause for prayer. Or have everybody stand and greet each other again (so I can have a chance to go talk to them). Or something.

But if it's happening on a regular basis, I'd talk to them after a service about it. I'd probably try to make a joke about it, then ask what they were talking about. Etc.

If they kept doing it after that, then I'd probably let them distract me the next time it happened, and just join everyone else in listening to their conversation until they noticed and stopped.

[Dave McClung]

I have been requested to post this question from a regular participant who chooses to be anonymous. How would you handle this situation?
==========================

Imagine a couple of adults begin attending your church. They are not yet professing Christians but are becoming quite regular. Now imagine that during the service they talk to each other to the extent of being a distraction to those around them... If such a scenario were to exist in your church would you do anything or simply tolerate it? If you would do something, what would you do? (Would it make a difference if you knew of the adults to be easily offended?)

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We have the same problem, maybe even worse. Some of the people who are new to church don't turn off their cell phones. When they ring during the service, they answer, then get up and walk out of the service while carrying on a conversation on their cell phone.

Our response is to go out of our way to tell them how glad we are that they are there. We don't mention the rudeness. About once a month, the worship leader asks folks to turn off their cell phone. He is careful not to make the request immediately after an incident.

Isn't it interesting how as people are assimilated into the congregation, they learn what is acceptable and what isn't? It seems to always be the "new people" who offend.

One of my pet peeves is men who wear their hats in the sanctuary. As I was growing up, I was taught that for a man to wear a hat inside the church was disrespectful. It took real discipline on my part to refrain from addressing the issue, but I have learned that people can sincerely worship even wearing a baseball cap turned backward.

[G R 'Scott' Cundiff]

I'd stop talking. Let everything go silent except for their conversation. I'd stand there and wait till they stopped talking to one another, and then I'd go on with the sermon. If they started talking again, I'd stop again, wait them out again and then say, "Friends I won't compete with your conversation - so when you finish I'll go on with the sermon."

(At least that's what I'd do in theory - in real life, I'm not nearly so quick witted)

[Jim Chabot]

This thread has gotten me to wondering how long it has been since shouting out during the sermon was common in Nazarene churches. And it's gotten me to thinking that I miss hearing someone yell out "Amen" or "Glory" or "Preach it!." I sure hope that as a denomination we aren't headed down the road to holding services where everyone sits silently at rapt attention during the sermon.

First we stop running the aisles, next thing there are no more white hankies being waved and now.............................

Really?

I realize that a couple of folks talking to each other during the sermon can be a distraction, but surely a decent interaction has always been a part of our services.

Nazarenes Mainliners

Sorry for the rabbit trail, and end of rant.

[Craig Laughlin]

We have the same problem, maybe even worse. Some of the people who are new to church don't turn off their cell phones. When they ring during the service, they answer, then get up and walk out of the service while carrying on a conversation on their cell phone.

Our response is to go out of our way to tell them how glad we are that they are there. We don't mention the rudeness. About once a month, the worship leader asks folks to turn off their cell phone. He is careful not to make the request immediately after an incident.

Isn't it interesting how as people are assimilated into the congregation, they learn what is acceptable and what isn't? It seems to always be the "new people" who offend.

One of my pet peeves is men who wear their hats in the sanctuary. As I was growing up, I was taught that for a man to wear a hat inside the church was disrespectful. It took real discipline on my part to refrain from addressing the issue, but I have learned that people can sincerely worship even wearing a baseball cap turned backward.

This is good insight into one reason (I'm sure there are a lot more) that Gig Harbor COTN is doing such a fantastic job. I would be interested in hearing your insights about why the church is growing and how it relates to new people. (Maybe another thread) - Thanks so much for your willingness to grow on issues like hats in worship service.

[Craig Laughlin]

This thread has gotten me to wondering how long it has been since shouting out during the sermon was common in Nazarene churches. And it's gotten me to thinking that I miss hearing someone yell out "Amen" or "Glory" or "Preach it!." I sure hope that as a denomination we aren't headed down the road to holding services where everyone sits silently at rapt attention during the sermon.

First we stop running the aisles, next thing there are no more white hankies being waved and now.............................

Really?

I realize that a couple of folks talking to each other during the sermon can be a distraction, but surely a decent interaction has always been a part of our services.

Nazarenes Mainliners

Sorry for the rabbit trail, and end of rant.

Amen! Preach it Brother! - Oh wait, I don't pastor that church anymore....

All the things you mentioned still happen in Nazarene churches you just have to go to Black or some of the other ethnic groups. The issue really is an issue of culture. It is mostly us white western folks that sit quietly while someone preaches. Really, black preaching in a black church is a ton more fun.

This was a huge and painful adjustment for me when I moved from KC to Marysville. I was used to a much more interactive preaching. I have (I think) made the change to the culture of my new place - but I still miss the "Come'on... That's right... Preach it... not to mention Amen from time to time. (We weren't even close to a full on black service) If there is enough noise during preaching a few folks talking to each other isn't even noticed.

As to what to do I think Dave hit it on the head. Go out of our way to love them. They will catch on eventually and in the mean time treat them like the single most important thing is that they come to know Jesus. Pretend it's your children or grandchildren's eternal souls that hang in the balance. It is amazing what one will put up with given the right perspective.

[John Dahl]

As to what to do I think Dave hit it on the head. Go out of our way to love them. They will catch on eventually and in the mean time treat them like the single most important thing is that they come to know Jesus. Pretend it's your children or grandchildren's eternal souls that hang in the balance. It is amazing what one will put up with given the right perspective.

Thank you Craig.

[Susan Unger]

I suspect there is no happy solution to this. During chapel at MNU once there was a very loud student carrying on behind me (shouting across the aisle to another student) during a very quiet part of the service. I felt obligated as a faculty member to go back and speak to them about it. Unfortunately the student turned out to be a member of another race. I ended up in serious trouble for weeks: threatened with physical violence by the students friends and family, threatened with lawsuits, accusations of racial harassment (since "white kids were talking too and I said nothing to them"), being told that in Black churches this is how people behave and so I should have ignored it, etc. etc. I ended up with a reprimand in my personnel file and a threat from the school that if I am ever accused again more serious actions will be taken against me.
You probably better leave these talkers alone since (even if they are of your race and you don't get caught in the situation I did) they will probably find a way to get back at you and make your life miserable if you "embarrass them" in public.

BILL

Wow...

[Ryan Scott]

All the things you mentioned still happen in Nazarene churches you just have to go to Black or some of the other ethnic groups.

Or you just need a few people who grew up baptist. When I have a sermon where such verbal help is going to help me, I make sure to reference it ahead of time. There's a few people I can count on to come through at the right time.

[Hans Deventer]

Oh, yes. I wouldn't be surprised if she preached back at her own funeral.

Then I understand why the pastor left.

[Dennis M. Scott]

Then I understand why the pastor left.

It was a different day. His four years was up, and it was time for musical chairs.

I know it will be difficult for you to understand that I came out of a church with a lot of weird people, but . . .

[Hans Deventer]

It was a different day. His four years was up, and it was time for musical chairs.

I know it will be difficult for you to understand that I came out of a church with a lot of weird people, but . . .

Dennis, I'm ok with having weird people in a church. I'd adapt the service for them anytime. Perhaps a discussion would be better than a sermon. I'm happy with that. But if the church has chosen for a specific type of service, it is simply indecent to do what she did. Especially considering the reason.

[Bill Morrison]

My Dad pastored a church many years ago that had a retired school principal as a member. This brother sat right up front and more than once stood up during the sermon and challenged something the preacher (my father) had just said. Even as a kid, I was proud of the way Dad graciously responded to the challenge. Based on his reaction at home though I am pretty sure he didn't appreciate it!

BILL

[Dennis M. Scott]

Dennis, I'm ok with having weird people in a church. I'd adapt the service for them anytime. Perhaps a discussion would be better than a sermon. I'm happy with that. But if the church has chosen for a specific type of service, it is simply indecent to do what she did. Especially considering the reason.

She was a little quirky. The Nazarenes had purchased the building from another denomination, and she came with the building. This is also fifty years ago, when the "amens" and other shouts were pretty common. What she used to do was more along the lines of, "You preach it brother Hancock!", "God help us," "Good Lordy", "My heart and soul," - almost punctuating everything the pastor said. Some people can do that and it adds to the sermon. With her, it was annoying, and while he was preaching right along, he laid into her. I suspect that every person who was there and is still alive remembers it, because we pretty much all wanted to do the same thing. As I recall, there were a few "amens" after he said what he did. That church's culture was different, too, from any I've been a part of since. Participation was encouraged in a number of ways. It was not unusual for someone to stand and say, "Pastor, could we sing page number whatever. I just could use singing that today." Personal testimonies were never out of place, and at prayer time, requests from the congregation were solicited. I happen to know that it isn't like that there, now.

[David Pettigrew]

She was a little quirky. The Nazarenes had purchased the building from another denomination, and she came with the building. This is also fifty years ago, when the "amens" and other shouts were pretty common. What she used to do was more along the lines of, "You preach it brother Hancock!", "God help us," "Good Lordy", "My heart and soul," - almost punctuating everything the pastor said. Some people can do that and it adds to the sermon. With her, it was annoying, and while he was preaching right along, he laid into her. I suspect that every person who was there and is still alive remembers it, because we pretty much all wanted to do the same thing. As I recall, there were a few "amens" after he said what he did. That church's culture was different, too, from any I've been a part of since. Participation was encouraged in a number of ways. It was not unusual for someone to stand and say, "Pastor, could we sing page number whatever. I just could use singing that today." Personal testimonies were never out of place, and at prayer time, requests from the congregation were solicited. I happen to know that it isn't like that there, now.

Well if you get homesick for it, come on and see us in Denison sometime. It will feel like old home week.

[Cindi Hammons]

Ha ha ha!!!! That's what I do when teaching and students are talking. But then again, they are there involuntarily, and it's my job to teach them. :-)

[David Troxler]

I have been requested to post this question from a regular participant who chooses to be anonymous. How would you handle this situation?
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Imagine a couple of adults begin attending your church. They are not yet professing Christians but are becoming quite regular. Now imagine that during the service they talk to each other to the extent of being a distraction to those around them... If such a scenario were to exist in your church would you do anything or simply tolerate it? If you would do something, what would you do? (Would it make a difference if you knew of the adults to be easily offended?)

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My first thought was 2 people using sign language to translate, then I thought of someone explaining something to another cross-culturally. Then my thought was some kids or teens speaking to one another. I recalled the people who spoke to themselves because of a mental disorder.
There are a number of scenarios of which I have been a witness that all point to not doing anything beyond loving them and also helping the would-be offended types to offer grace.

[Dave McClung]

I have been requested to post this question from a regular participant who chooses to be anonymous. How would you handle this situation?
==========================

Imagine a couple of adults begin attending your church. They are not yet professing Christians but are becoming quite regular. Now imagine that during the service they talk to each other to the extent of being a distraction to those around them... If such a scenario were to exist in your church would you do anything or simply tolerate it? If you would do something, what would you do? (Would it make a difference if you knew of the adults to be easily offended?)

==========================

There is a family that attends our church in which the adult couple has adopted six children who are severly disabled. The one with the greatest disabilities frequently makes loud moaning noises. Several of them have difficulty sitting still, so there is constant activity on their pew.

The couple recently asked to join the church. They said that until they came to our church they had been unable to find a church that would allow their family to worship in the sanctuary. At our church, they were welcomed and encouraged. One of the big issues was that people at our church look the children in the eyes and call them by name. Most of the churches they visited simply ignored the disabled children.

[Roy Richardson]

I have been requested to post this question from a regular participant who chooses to be anonymous. How would you handle this situation?
==========================

Imagine a couple of adults begin attending your church. They are not yet professing Christians but are becoming quite regular. Now imagine that during the service they talk to each other to the extent of being a distraction to those around them... If such a scenario were to exist in your church would you do anything or simply tolerate it? If you would do something, what would you do? (Would it make a difference if you knew of the adults to be easily offended?)

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I have 20 year attenders who do this every time we show a video clip. It is as if it isn't part of the service, so they start chatting.

I go and sit by them

[Bill Morrison]

I have 20 year attenders who do this every time we show a video clip. It is as if it isn't part of the service, so they start chatting.

I go and sit by them

We see the same problem as University professors: even students who are attentive during lecture or discussion seem to think video clips are not part of the "service".
Power Point is OK though, students don't talk, but sleep through that!

BILL

[Roland Hearn]

Are they Jewish by any chance? I was surprised when I went to a synagogue to discover that 90% of the attendees will talk openly about anything all through the service including the message. I heard two guys about a row over from me discussing the football game a couple of nights earlier through the whole service. When I asked the worship leader about it afterwards he indicated that not only was it normal but expected and appreciated. For the Jewish people talking during the service reminds them of the days of the temple when worship and communal gathering happened simultaneously. Perhaps we need to rethink what worship really is –is there a chance we have lost something? I had a friend that told me of a Jewish friend of his that was converted but ultimately left the church they were attending to find a Messianic Jewish congregation because he just could not get use to Christian worship that forbad community as an act of worship.

[Craig Laughlin]

There is a family that attends our church in which the adult couple has adopted six children who are severly disabled. The one with the greatest disabilities frequently makes loud moaning noises. Several of them have difficulty sitting still, so there is constant activity on their pew.

The couple recently asked to join the church. They said that until they came to our church they had been unable to find a church that would allow their family to worship in the sanctuary. At our church, they were welcomed and encouraged. One of the big issues was that people at our church look the children in the eyes and call them by name. Most of the churches they visited simply ignored the disabled children.

This should also be posted in the the "Why Gig Harbor is growing" thread. - I love this. We had this issue in my church in KC. I am persuaded that it is how folks that don't conform to the accepted norms are treated that reveals the heart of the church. When my last church got to the place of accepting a lot of people who wouldn't fit in church normally, that is when things really came alive.

[Carl Hueston]

First, the pastor might ask him or herself a question, "Is the Holy Spirit really talking through me, or is it me being presumptous ?"

[Dale Cozby]

Over the years I have had long term visitors and a few people who stayedand became members who had this behavior.
If it happens during singing, usually the best thing to do is ignore it and sing louder, perhaps share a song book or the printed words in a bulletin with them as you sit near them.
If it happens during prayer time and it seems to be a habit, I might engage them specifically and ask if they have any prayer requests before we begin praying( something we do in a small church) this often engages them in the prayer time much more than just ignoring it.
If it happens while I am preaching, I just move closer to them until all the eyes in the room are getting nearer to them as I move around. Once they realize how close I am, it usually stops right away. A DS toought me that. He used to move toward unruly teens and when he got close he would address the whole group about how thankdful he was that the teens were here in church and that they chose to sit in close fellowship with each other near the front. It was a great way to handle it IMHO. Never was he harsh, always seeking to help them engage in listening and worshipping God.
We also have several people(who sometimes I have asked to go and make friends with "so and so" by sitting with them) who have the maturity to strategically place themselves next to a problem couple/family with the sole intent to help them worship better. I am always proud of them(when they just it without my asking) when they win a friend in that couple/family simply by caring that this couple or family have a good experience in the congregation of believers.
Asking people to silence cell phones before worship begins will not hurt either because most people are willingly compliant in a movie theatre to do so, and it often has the desired effect of making people take a look at worship 'etiquette".
Occasionally over the years I have printed John Wesley's instructions on how to sing and worship in the bulletin as food for thought.

Often after engaging them for prayer requests they become powerfully engaged in that part of the service, asking me for prayers regularly and coming down to the altar when given the opportunity in the service.

Never not even once have I ever humiliated or called anyone out for behavior. no one especially visitors should be called down, not even the "preachers" kid. Using the mildest forms of redirection I have learned over the years, works well and stops poor behaviors in worship.
Hope this helps.