Teaching and Learning Moments

[Dennis M. Scott]

Someone coach me a little here. How can I learn to offer teaching moments in a way that is not condescending? Sometimes I'm afraid that others are so put off by the way I offer such moments that I ruin the opportunity for them to learn anything. I have higher motives than that.

[Gina Stevenson]

Good question! Will watch this thread. Now, if someone even hints a wee bit that they might be asking something, that one's easier .. such as: "Well, have you thought perhaps/maybe ...." But when not asking, seems I have asked, "May I say something ...," or "Do you mind my adding my two cents' worth/perspective here, too?" (people like to be asked permission)

Just seems easier, to put someone (except for some ornery always right folks, not willing to listen to anyone) less on the defensive by asking questions. So, I do try to avoid statements ~~ usually trying to remember to opt for some sort of question ~~ such as an outright: "You're wrong," that has been seen around these parts a bit frequently, IMHO.

Yes, questions are often the way into opening up dialogue, but I would guess there are others, too .......

ETA: while writing this, I should add that folks won't see too many instances like those of which I speak here on NN, because here I can usually just avoid such things by only reading some threads. It is in real life, where I cannot avoid such things, where I will tend towards that questioning/softer-than-statements mode.

[John Reilly]

Dennis, I have always found you to be very gracious in offering wisdom. I never felt you were condescending. Perhaps some people are more teachable than others. Some people are willing to learn from others and others think they know it all.

[Billy Cox]

Someone coach me a little here. How can I learn to offer teaching moments in a way that is not condescending? Sometimes I'm afraid that others are so put off by the way I offer such moments that I ruin the opportunity for them to learn anything. I have higher motives than that.

I'm curious as to an example of a learning moment that you would consider to be condescending.

[G R 'Scott' Cundiff]

Someone coach me a little here. How can I learn to offer teaching moments in a way that is not condescending? Sometimes I'm afraid that others are so put off by the way I offer such moments that I ruin the opportunity for them to learn anything. I have higher motives than that.

Let's see....praise the right behavior in others while they are present. You can coach them with out ever directly addressing the situation.

Ask permission - "Can I give you some friendly advice?"

Share from a personal perspective - "I'd like to share something with you that I learned the hard way a few years ago...."

Timing means a lot. Sometimes you have to let the situation cool down and then wait for an opportunity to deal with it in a non-specific way later on.

Depending on your relationship with the individual, it may be that you have to conclude that you simply aren't the one to coach in this situation. Sometimes you have to completely let it go. Other times you may know someone who can say what you can't.

[Dennis M. Scott]

I'm curious as to an example of a learning moment that you would consider to be condescending.

When the teacher comes across as thinking they are smarter, more experienced, or in some way better than the one they feel led to "teach", the teacher comes across as condescending. In fact, that's pretty much the definition of condescending, and it frequently ruins a great potential "learning moment." More effective teachers don't have to remind learners that they have more experience or knowledge: that's how it is they have something to teach. If the learner gets the impression that the teacher thinks the learner is less informed, less experienced, less intelligent, or less spiritual, teaching moments evaporate. The thought a teacher wants the learner to have is something like, "Hey, I wonder if that could apply in my life?", and not, "This know-it-all thinks I'm stupid." Condescension almost always creates barriers to effective learning. People who aspire to evangelize might do well to remember this. Of course we believe we have something the yet-to-be-converted needs, but embarrassing them into faith is probably not the most effective route. Just my opinion.

Cross cultural workers also struggle in this arena, especially when the worker is a member of the dominant culture.

I'm interested in ways to communicate without sounding like I think I'm superior.

The most significant part of "one beggar telling another where to find bread" isn't the bread part, but that the two are equals: because they are.

[Gina Stevenson]

Dennis, I have always found you to be very gracious in offering wisdom. I never felt you were condescending. Perhaps some people are more teachable than others. Some people are willing to learn from others and others think they know it all.

What John said. While having seen such an attitude now & then, don't recall your being the source of any condescension here.

[Craig Laughlin]

When the teacher comes across as thinking they are smarter, more experienced, or in some way better than the one they feel led to "teach", the teacher comes across as condescending. In fact, that's pretty much the definition of condescending, and it frequently ruins a great potential "learning moment." More effective teachers don't have to remind learners that they have more experience or knowledge: that's how it is they have something to teach. If the learner gets the impression that the teacher thinks the learner is less informed, less experienced, less intelligent, or less spiritual, teaching moments evaporate. The thought a teacher wants the learner to have is something like, "Hey, I wonder if that could apply in my life?", and not, "This know-it-all thinks I'm stupid." Condescension almost always creates barriers to effective learning. People who aspire to evangelize might do well to remember this. Of course we believe we have something the yet-to-be-converted needs, but embarrassing them into faith is probably not the most effective route. Just my opinion.

Cross cultural workers also struggle in this arena, especially when the worker is a member of the dominant culture.

I'm interested in ways to communicate without sounding like I think I'm superior.

The most significant part of "one beggar telling another where to find bread" isn't the bread part, but that the two are equals: because they are.

My first impression is that if you are concerned about it you probably aren't doing it.

My second thought is that the student plays a large role in this. Your first line "When the teacher comes across as thinking they are smarter, more experienced, or in some way better..." represents for me exactly the people I seek out to learn from. Honestly if I don't' believe the person I am learning from isn't smarter or more experienced or in some way better than me then they are my colleague not my teacher. I deliberately seek out people that are way ahead of me to be my teachers. Some of them hardly knew I existed but I learned a ton from them.

I think you are to be commended for your sensitivity to any barriers to the teaching moment. That being said, don't beat yourself up when people reject your help and then blame you. I think that the radical individualism of our culture has deeply invaded the church. The "teachable spirit" seems to be in short supply these days. Everyone thinks they are an expert on everything. Our mandate is to "Speak the truth in Love" I would make that your goal. You can not control how they will receive it. Jesus was largely rejected despite the fact that he clearly taught truth with great love.

Life is to short to spend much time on people who are not eager to learn and grow.

[Susan Unger]

When the teacher comes across as thinking they are smarter, more experienced, or in some way better than the one they feel led to "teach", the teacher comes across as condescending. In fact, that's pretty much the definition of condescending, and it frequently ruins a great potential "learning moment." More effective teachers don't have to remind learners that they have more experience or knowledge: that's how it is they have something to teach. If the learner gets the impression that the teacher thinks the learner is less informed, less experienced, less intelligent, or less spiritual, teaching moments evaporate. The thought a teacher wants the learner to have is something like, "Hey, I wonder if that could apply in my life?", and not, "This know-it-all thinks I'm stupid." Condescension almost always creates barriers to effective learning. People who aspire to evangelize might do well to remember this. Of course we believe we have something the yet-to-be-converted needs, but embarrassing them into faith is probably not the most effective route. Just my opinion.

Cross cultural workers also struggle in this arena, especially when the worker is a member of the dominant culture.

I'm interested in ways to communicate without sounding like I think I'm superior.

The most significant part of "one beggar telling another where to find bread" isn't the bread part, but that the two are equals: because they are.

I agree with the others. And from my experience, the self-esteem of the other person can make a huge difference in how you are perceived. One woman at my former church loved to tell me how proudful I was. It dawned on me after the second time she did this that she was filled with insecurities. She saw my confidence in God as a sign of the "sin of pride" and loved to attack it so that I could be brought down to her level. Ask God for discernment in your situation. Is it a case of a need for a change on your part or prayer for the other person's healing of damaged self-esteem?

[Billy Cox]

Depending on your relationship with the individual, it may be that you have to conclude that you simply aren't the one to coach in this situation. Sometimes you have to completely let it go. Other times you may know someone who can say what you can't.

I think this is key. There is far more opportunity for teaching where relationship exists and channels are open.