Cussing, sort of

[Peggy Gray]

In the almost fifty years I knew them, I never heard either of my parents swear. Ever. Not once. The worst thing I ever heard my mom say, when she pinched her fingers in the wringer washer once, was "Jezum Crow", and she apologized after. Nor did they use vulgarities, "barn words", and such. We were clean-talking.

Imagine my surprise after I became a Nazarene to find out that euphemisms for swearing (gosh darn it, gee, golly, heck, oh shoot, etc.) were, in many folks' opinion, just as bad because they were just a sneaky way of swearing and everybody knew what you meant anyway.

Our family's take on it was that use of the euphemisms was considered "anti-swearing". Saying "gosh darn it" was more or less a way of saying "I don't swear". Does that make sense? Ironically, many in the euphemisms-are-swearing crowd feel it's fine to say "Oh my" or "my goodness". Go figure.

I tried to find out from one man what was acceptable and what was not (wow? yikes? good grief? fiddlesticks? rats?) but I realized I was coming across as poking fun, so I let it drop. I never did find out the list of what's okay and what isn't.

[John Kennedy]

You were probably talking to people who had so perfected their French that they never had to ask for pardon for it.

[Diane Likens]

I always told my children that it was intent more than word choice that determined what was acceptable/unacceptable to say. "If you call one another 'peanut butter face' and are saying it to be mean, that's unacceptable" is what I'd tell them. I still think that's the case.

[Paul DeBaufer]

So there I was sitting there one Saturday morning 28-30 years ago just a watching the Smurfs. You know the lil' blue guys and one blue girl. Well "smurf" and its forms is a word that can mean just about anything. So, there I was watching and everything was all smurffy. "You smurffy smurf" and other innocuous uses of "smurf" when one of the smurfs let out with an, "Ah SMURF it!" after becoming frustrated. Did he swear? Did I in relating this event?

[Bob Hunter]

In the almost fifty years I knew them, I never heard either of my parents swear. Ever. Not once. The worst thing I ever heard my mom say, when she pinched her fingers in the wringer washer once, was "Jezum Crow", and she apologized after. Nor did they use vulgarities, "barn words", and such. We were clean-talking.

Imagine my surprise after I became a Nazarene to find out that euphemisms for swearing (gosh darn it, gee, golly, heck, oh shoot, etc.) were, in many folks' opinion, just as bad because they were just a sneaky way of swearing and everybody knew what you meant anyway.

Our family's take on it was that use of the euphemisms was considered "anti-swearing". Saying "gosh darn it" was more or less a way of saying "I don't swear". Does that make sense? Ironically, many in the euphemisms-are-swearing crowd feel it's fine to say "Oh my" or "my goodness". Go figure.

I tried to find out from one man what was acceptable and what was not (wow? yikes? good grief? fiddlesticks? rats?) but I realized I was coming across as poking fun, so I let it drop. I never did find out the list of what's okay and what isn't.

It really does come down to the intent of the heart. I don't use many of the words you describe, but I have used four letter words in the appropriate context before.

[Paul DeBaufer]

I swear like an apostle at a wedding

[Peggy Gray]

I swear like an apostle at a wedding

I have no clue what that means.

[Paul DeBaufer]

I have no clue what that means.

Well I figure the apostles as fishermen were sailors of a sort. At the wedding at Cana they were probably pretty drunk. We say that someone who swears a lot that they swear like a drunken sailor. It was an attempt at a joke.

[Greg Farra]

I must confess that when my friend and I talk about his female dog, we use the correct terminology.

[Dennis M. Scott]

My maternal grandfather came to faith after he was an adult who had developed language then no longer acceptable. He was a carpenter, and after becoming a Christian when he hit his thumb with a hammer, he would say, "Ouch - my finger - goodie!" He said that by the time he got that phrase out, he was back in control, and at least he didn't swear. He confessed the guys he had worked with for a long time made fun of him, but it gave him opportunity to witness.

[Scott Moseley]

Even Ned Flanders has his days:

[Daniel Hamlin]

My wife and I were big fans of Friends when it was on, so we've adopted this (in fun, when the kids aren't around):

[Jim Franklin]

It is likely that one may cuss/curse by their attitude and tone of the words spoken without saying specific words.

[Doug Ward]

Last week I took my college daughter up to N. Wisconsin for her summer job. The road leading to her summer residence was called Dam Rd. Well, dad had a little fun with that title. The Dam Road is sure narrow. This is the curviest Dam Rd. I have ever seen. I need to leave before dark, because I do not trust this Dam Road at night, etc. The car was filled with laughter. Am I guilty?

[Marsha Lynn]

Last week I took my college daughter up to N. Wisconsin for her summer job. The road leading to her summer residence was called Dam Rd. Well, dad had a little fun with that title. The Dam Road is sure narrow. This is the curviest Dam Rd. I have ever seen. I need to leave before dark, because I do not trust this Dam Road at night, etc. The car was filled with laughter. Am I guilty?

I'm glad Dam Road gave you an opportunity to legitimately release some of the dammed cuss words within you, Doug. You must feel much relieved now.

[Peggy Gray]

Interesting to see the different angles on this so far. When I was a kid, "swearing" (at my house) included profanity, cursing, using the Lord's name, gutter language, etc. It might not have all been swearing, technically, but Mom's definition was the one that counted. Calling people names and saying mean things weren't considered swearing, but neither were they allowed.

[Paul DeBaufer]

I'm with Henry Drummond from Inherit the Wind

“I don't swear just for the h+$$ of it. Language is a poor enough means of communication. I think we should all the words we've got. Besides, there are d#@$ few words that anybody understands."

[Steven Burton]

I like the idea of using words that seem to make them feel like you complimented them but are really insults.

[John Kennedy]

Well, you live close enough to Wilson Deaton for you to get together and discuss how close to the edge you are. You seem to be fixated on the dam roads - Wilson's thing was the dam bridges.

As noted before, while I've certainly been intrigued by your confession, my not being ordained pretty well removes absolution as a viable option.

By the way, how's your French?

[Bud Pugh]

I can't believe that some on this thread are using that word. It's "water stopper" all the way for me.

And you'll never hear talk of that float-making fluid around here. It's rootpop for me.

[Billy Cox]

In the almost fifty years I knew them, I never heard either of my parents swear. Ever. Not once. The worst thing I ever heard my mom say, when she pinched her fingers in the wringer washer once, was "Jezum Crow", and she apologized after. Nor did they use vulgarities, "barn words", and such. We were clean-talking.

Imagine my surprise after I became a Nazarene to find out that euphemisms for swearing (gosh darn it, gee, golly, heck, oh shoot, etc.) were, in many folks' opinion, just as bad because they were just a sneaky way of swearing and everybody knew what you meant anyway.

Our family's take on it was that use of the euphemisms was considered "anti-swearing". Saying "gosh darn it" was more or less a way of saying "I don't swear". Does that make sense? Ironically, many in the euphemisms-are-swearing crowd feel it's fine to say "Oh my" or "my goodness". Go figure.

I tried to find out from one man what was acceptable and what was not (wow? yikes? good grief? fiddlesticks? rats?) but I realized I was coming across as poking fun, so I let it drop. I never did find out the list of what's okay and what isn't.

Words are words and are ultimately neither good nor bad apart from context. It's all about context...understanding time, place and audience. There is a time and place for the F-bomb, but it is surely not in every other sentence. I appreciate the value of cuss words as intensifiers second to none, but I believe overuse erodes their power and makes the person speaking look foolish.

When church people use euphemisms in place of 'bad' words, I just see it is as one of life's little absurdities that is good for a laugh.

Now when I hear church people use the word 'awesome' to describe every miscellaneous thing, none of which are God Almighty, my skin crawls just a bit.

[David Gerber]

[Pete Vecchi]

In the almost fifty years I knew them, I never heard either of my parents swear. Ever. Not once. The worst thing I ever heard my mom say, when she pinched her fingers in the wringer washer once, was "Jezum Crow", and she apologized after. Nor did they use vulgarities, "barn words", and such. We were clean-talking.

Imagine my surprise after I became a Nazarene to find out that euphemisms for swearing (gosh darn it, gee, golly, heck, oh shoot, etc.) were, in many folks' opinion, just as bad because they were just a sneaky way of swearing and everybody knew what you meant anyway.

Our family's take on it was that use of the euphemisms was considered "anti-swearing". Saying "gosh darn it" was more or less a way of saying "I don't swear". Does that make sense? Ironically, many in the euphemisms-are-swearing crowd feel it's fine to say "Oh my" or "my goodness". Go figure.

I tried to find out from one man what was acceptable and what was not (wow? yikes? good grief? fiddlesticks? rats?) but I realized I was coming across as poking fun, so I let it drop. I never did find out the list of what's okay and what isn't.

What I have found is that with subject (and some others), no matter what you say, SOMEONE will not be happy. I'd say that you should say what you're comfortable saying. If you accidentally offend someone by what you say, be gracious enough to apologize, and treat the person in the love of Christ. At the same time, don't just give in to those who live lives that seem to be "perpetually offended." You'll rarely please them, regardless of what you do or don't say.

P.S. -- I remember a long thread getting started on here once when I asked someone "What the heck does _________ mean?" (I can't remember what the word was that someone used, but it had nothing to do with vulgarity--it was just a word I'd never heard before).

[Gina Stevenson]

Via word association, euphemisms, even "sugar" might be suspect, sweet as it is!

. . . the "real" word: sh!t
. . . replaced by: shoot! (by some)
. . . "-t" then replaced by "-gar"

Yes, this can get a mite ridiculous at times, no?

Anyway, tho't "sugar" needed checking into (not sure where I picked that "sugar" up), and we found this:

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/u...l-7819822.html

[Benjamin Burch]

Via word association, euphemisms, even "sugar" might be suspect, sweet as it is!

. . . the "real" word: sh!t
. . . replaced by: shoot! (by some)
. . . "-t" then replaced by "-gar"

Yes, this can get a mite ridiculous at times, no?

Anyway, tho't "sugar" needed checking into (not sure where I picked that "sugar" up), and we found this:

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/u...l-7819822.html

I prefer the term "Shucks!"

[Susan Unger]

Via word association, euphemisms, even "sugar" might be suspect, sweet as it is!

. . . the "real" word: sh!t
. . . replaced by: shoot! (by some)
. . . "-t" then replaced by "-gar"

Yes, this can get a mite ridiculous at times, no?

Anyway, tho't "sugar" needed checking into (not sure where I picked that "sugar" up), and we found this:

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/u...l-7819822.html

When I was at Olivet, it was "stink".

[Kyle Borger]

There are certainly words that I don't use but are common in today's language. Why? My mother didn't approve. For the most part if any word is offensive to someone I give it strong consideration before using it. There are many other words that can be used to communicate. The intent is certainly foundational in the use of a word, but some words are also just used as a short cut to communicate an unpleasant idea or feeling. I don't correct most people as I would rather help transform their heart which will help their choice of words, but if some foul mouth jerk is getting out of hand near a bunch of kids....Yeah I'm likely to ask them politely to mind their manners. If I think they are likely to attack, then it is best to just move on...

[Mike Schutz]

I wrote a blog about cursing several months ago:

I am tragically uncool.

And I have recently discovered yet another way in which I am not hip.

I don’t curse.

Now, before you consign me to the trash heap of Christians who cannot possibly reach a generation of folks who are looking for authenticity, relevance, and who are not interested in nice, neat, easy answers - and who find cursing a way to express their existential angst - let me explain why I don’t curse.

It has nothing to do with my faith.

Okay, yes it does. It has everything to do with my faith, but not for the reason you may think. It has to do with my faith because everything in my life is connected to my faith, or I want it to be. That, and when I first became a follower of Jesus, I was convicted by God to allow the Spirit to tame my tongue, and that involved cursing.

But the real reason why I don’t curse, and find myself uncomfortable with cursing among those who are called to lead God’s people, is for another reason. I was raised to believe that cursing was the language of sloppy, uneducated, immature people - and I wanted to grow out of that. I was taught that cursing was for those folks who lacked a strong grasp of the language, and simply couldn’t think of better ways to express themselves. And since communicating is not only what I do, but how I serve God and people, and language is the tool to do it, I should do it well. And most times cursing just seems sloppy and immature. Sorry, but it does. And I was taught all this by a mother who had never heard of the “holiness” tradition. She was not teaching me legalistic religion, she was teaching me how to be an educated adult.

Later on, I received graduate education in psychology, and this education challenged the folk psychology that every feeling should be expressed, and that the need to say what you feel at all times was the sign of, you guessed it, an immature person.

With this history, I find myself choosing not to curse, and encouraging those who are my ministry colleagues to find better words to express their strong ideas, emotions, and discomfort at the pain of life. I understand why some folks disagree with me. I really do. Just don’t ask me to join you. And try not to put me in a box as someone who sees life and faith as a Hallmark card, because I am really working hard not to put you in a box - the box I was told is the place where folks who curse belong - the box of folks who simply don’t know any better.

And, in my attempt to just be a little cool, I have scruffy facial hair and black-rimmed glasses.

Doesn’t that count for something?

[Craig Laughlin]

There are certainly words that I don't use but are common in today's language. Why? My mother didn't approve.

Thanks Kyle, made me smile.

Like many of you I grew up thinking swearing was sinful. Grew out of that to understand what most of you have been saying, intent, context, etc...

However I still don't use anything even remotely close to swearing. Given my profession it would damage my effectiveness for the Kingdom. But even if I were a lay person I would not swear, not because I am afraid of God's reaction, but my mom.... - now her I'm afraid of.

[Marsha Lynn]

...even if I were a lay person I would not swear, not because I am afraid of God's reaction, but my mom.... - now her I'm afraid of.

I've shared before the one conversation I remember having with my mother on this topic:

When I was young, I was obsessed with the piano. I played for hours at a time. I also sang loudly with any song that had words. My mother suggested it would be better to not sing one song.

"Why not?!"

"We don't use that word." (note: reader is responsible for adding end-of-discussion tone)

To self: "Oh no, I've been singing a bad word! Which one is it?"

I studied the lyrics intently. There were two possible candidates. I considered both at length and finally reached a conclusion. One of those words sounded sort of like a church word which seemed to sometimes elicit giggles from my peers.

Satisfied with my conclusion, I went back to playing and singing.

"Hmm, hmm, the gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?"

I don't remember any further input from my mother. I'm not sure how long it was after that before I figured out I had the wrong word, that "Hail, hail" was okay in spite of the way it sounded.

As you can see from the story, I was raised to avoid even the "acceptable" substitutions for cuss words and have never seen a particular need to add them to my vocabulary after all these years. I used to try to avoid all exposure to foul language for fear when Alzheimer's robs me of my natural inhibitions those stored up words would come flowing back out of my mouth. (I've heard about such cases.) At this point in my life, I've loosened up in that area. Those around me after the Alzheimer's sets in will just have to deal with the consequences.

For some reason, I remember my introduction to a lot of terms. (For example, I remember reading stories about "booths" in eating places well before I had a mental image to go along with the term.) One of those memories is my introduction to swearing. It was in the evening children's program. Lola Bollinger, bless her heart, told us we should never use swear words. I swear I was totally innocent in asking what words were swear words. (How can a person avoid saying bad words without a list?) She assured me I had heard swearing. When I persisted that I had not, she finally gave an example. So the first time I ever heard anyone say G--d--- was in "Juniors" on a Sunday evening at church. (OK, that one mean kid on the playground might have said those words once. At least I had heard swearing submitted as proof of his complete depravity, although, if he did it in my hearing, I didn't understand what he was saying and didn't realize he was swearing. Other than possibly in my one encounter with that bad kid, I had never heard anyone use those words up to that moment and I was probably at least 10.)

Oh, the days of the sheltered childhood. My education still falls short in this area, although an uncensored dictionary has helped with some of the terms no one ever explained to me.

Marsha

[Bob Hunter]

I wrote a blog about cursing several months ago:

I am tragically uncool.

And I have recently discovered yet another way in which I am not hip.

I don’t curse.

Now, before you consign me to the trash heap of Christians who cannot possibly reach a generation of folks who are looking for authenticity, relevance, and who are not interested in nice, neat, easy answers - and who find cursing a way to express their existential angst - let me explain why I don’t curse.

It has nothing to do with my faith.

Okay, yes it does. It has everything to do with my faith, but not for the reason you may think. It has to do with my faith because everything in my life is connected to my faith, or I want it to be. That, and when I first became a follower of Jesus, I was convicted by God to allow the Spirit to tame my tongue, and that involved cursing.

But the real reason why I don’t curse, and find myself uncomfortable with cursing among those who are called to lead God’s people, is for another reason. I was raised to believe that cursing was the language of sloppy, uneducated, immature people - and I wanted to grow out of that. I was taught that cursing was for those folks who lacked a strong grasp of the language, and simply couldn’t think of better ways to express themselves. And since communicating is not only what I do, but how I serve God and people, and language is the tool to do it, I should do it well. And most times cursing just seems sloppy and immature. Sorry, but it does. And I was taught all this by a mother who had never heard of the “holiness” tradition. She was not teaching me legalistic religion, she was teaching me how to be an educated adult.

Later on, I received graduate education in psychology, and this education challenged the folk psychology that every feeling should be expressed, and that the need to say what you feel at all times was the sign of, you guessed it, an immature person.

With this history, I find myself choosing not to curse, and encouraging those who are my ministry colleagues to find better words to express their strong ideas, emotions, and discomfort at the pain of life. I understand why some folks disagree with me. I really do. Just don’t ask me to join you. And try not to put me in a box as someone who sees life and faith as a Hallmark card, because I am really working hard not to put you in a box - the box I was told is the place where folks who curse belong - the box of folks who simply don’t know any better.

And, in my attempt to just be a little cool, I have scruffy facial hair and black-rimmed glasses.

Doesn’t that count for something?

Thanks Mike. That was one _______ of a post!

[Peggy Gray]

I used to try to avoid all exposure to foul language for fear when Alzheimer's robs me of my natural inhibitions those stored up words would come flowing back out of my mouth. (I've heard about such cases.) At this point in my life, I've loosened up in that area. Those around me after the Alzheimer's sets in will just have to deal with the consequences.

Just last night I was voicing this concern to my husband (or I should say "re-voicing" it, in case he's forgotten the last several times I voiced it). I can picture myself in the nursing home, fluent in language I've never used, while a nurse's aide or visitor stands aghast, saying: "And I thought you were a CHRISTIAN!"

[Susan Unger]

I wrote a blog about cursing several months ago:

I am tragically uncool.

And I have recently discovered yet another way in which I am not hip.

I don’t curse.

Now, before you consign me to the trash heap of Christians who cannot possibly reach a generation of folks who are looking for authenticity, relevance, and who are not interested in nice, neat, easy answers - and who find cursing a way to express their existential angst - let me explain why I don’t curse.

It has nothing to do with my faith.

Okay, yes it does. It has everything to do with my faith, but not for the reason you may think. It has to do with my faith because everything in my life is connected to my faith, or I want it to be. That, and when I first became a follower of Jesus, I was convicted by God to allow the Spirit to tame my tongue, and that involved cursing.

But the real reason why I don’t curse, and find myself uncomfortable with cursing among those who are called to lead God’s people, is for another reason. I was raised to believe that cursing was the language of sloppy, uneducated, immature people - and I wanted to grow out of that. I was taught that cursing was for those folks who lacked a strong grasp of the language, and simply couldn’t think of better ways to express themselves. And since communicating is not only what I do, but how I serve God and people, and language is the tool to do it, I should do it well. And most times cursing just seems sloppy and immature. Sorry, but it does. And I was taught all this by a mother who had never heard of the “holiness” tradition. She was not teaching me legalistic religion, she was teaching me how to be an educated adult.

Later on, I received graduate education in psychology, and this education challenged the folk psychology that every feeling should be expressed, and that the need to say what you feel at all times was the sign of, you guessed it, an immature person.

With this history, I find myself choosing not to curse, and encouraging those who are my ministry colleagues to find better words to express their strong ideas, emotions, and discomfort at the pain of life. I understand why some folks disagree with me. I really do. Just don’t ask me to join you. And try not to put me in a box as someone who sees life and faith as a Hallmark card, because I am really working hard not to put you in a box - the box I was told is the place where folks who curse belong - the box of folks who simply don’t know any better.

And, in my attempt to just be a little cool, I have scruffy facial hair and black-rimmed glasses.

Doesn’t that count for something?

That's the reason my father gave for not cussing. My other reason is like Kyle's and Craig's - my mother, as well as 5 generations of her family members would turn in their graves so fast that a tiny earthquake in NW Indiana would occur.

[Gina Stevenson]

That's the reason my father gave for not cussing. My other reason is like Kyle's and Craig's - my mother, as well as 5 generations of her family members would turn in their graves so fast that a tiny earthquake in NW Indiana would occur.

Maybe that is why there was one there, tho' unusual for Indiana, awhile back ... someone's (not yours) relatives!

[Jim Franklin]

Bud, just to clarify, a water stopper is in a sink. We Christian Geographers prefer to identify those man made obstructions which result in reservoirs as "waterbackeruppers." So for those driving in Wisconsin should identify certain features as "waterbackerupper roads or bridges." Although I have known folks who would exclaim "Boulder, Hoover or Grand Coulee."

[Jim Poteet]

Bud, just to clarify, a water stopper is in a sink. We Christian Geographers prefer to identify those man made obstructions which result in reservoirs as "waterbackeruppers." So for those driving in Wisconsin should identify certain features as "waterbackerupper roads or bridges." Although I have known folks who would exclaim "Boulder, Hoover or Grand Coulee."

Or "Fiddlesticks."

[Gina Stevenson]

Or "Fiddlesticks."

Fiddlesticks!? Haven't heard that one in eons!

[Susan Unger]

Fiddlesticks!? Haven't heard that one in eons!

That's one of my favorite!

[Pete Vecchi]

...I went back to playing and singing.

"Hmm, hmm, the gang's all here. What the heck do we care? What the heck do we care?"

I don't remember any further input from my mother. I'm not sure how long it was after that before I figured out I had the wrong word, that "Hail, hail" was okay in spite of the way it sounded.

Marsha

Unlike you, I was very familiar with all the words. I was brought up in an environment where I was taught that it was OK for adults to say things that children weren't allowed to say. I have a number of examples popping into my mind of either getting in trouble for or being told about in subsequent years things that I said as a child that I have no doubt I learned right in my home.

But I quoted the part of the post about the song above, because I knew I was NOT swearing when I would sing that song, but still thought that it was funny as a young child when I would purposely switch the words "heck" and "hail" in that song...

Thanks for bringing back the memory, Marsha!

[Peggy Gray]

My parents always objected to the term "adult language". They thought it conveyed to children the concept that, "When you finally are a grown-up, you get to do all those neat things you've been looking forward to, such a driving a car, staying up late, and swearing."