Does Confrontation Invigorate You?

[Pete Vecchi]

Does confrontation invigorate you or wear you out? Or maybe does it just not really affect you?

Confrontation totally wears me out. I just spent about 40 minutes on the phone discussing (very patiently, very nicely, making sure to go out of my way to tell the people with whom I was talking that my issue with AT & T wasn't them personally, but rather a long line of issues and that they just happened to be the person who answered the phone when I called).

I was on the phone about 40 minutes. Before that, all I was doing was opening up the mail and putting it in the "to be paid" file. Then the bill was about $20 more than it should have been, which has been part of an ongoing issue I've had with AT & T since December.

I was simply going to open the mail, file things where they needed to go, then get on with my work. Now, I am utterly exhausted, and have a headache.

I do not like confrontation. It generally wears me out. I therefore try to avoid it--at least when it is prolonged. I normally do not shy away from stating my opinion, but then I don't like belaboring the issue.

How about you? Does confrontation generally invigorate you, wear you out, or have little to no affect?

[Peggy Gray]

It makes me want to barf

[Doug Ward]

Both. I am learning that if it is a needless, or selfish confrontation - it wears me out. If it is necessary, it does not affect me. So, in my confrontation history, I am worn out more often than not.

[Jim Chabot]

Difficult to answer for me. While it does depend upon what the confrontation is about, it does take a lot out of me. However the anticipation of confrontation is far worse than the confrontation itself. So when I'm sensing that someone is seeking confrontation, I don't avoid it, I seek it because I want it over with.

Confrontation via mail and endless phone calls definitely wears me out. Murphy's law dictates that I will see the piece of mail with problems on a Friday afternoon when I'm unable to contact the other party. Generally I will study the situation six ways to Sunday before I make the call. Sometimes I find that I'm in the wrong and pay the bill without needing to bother someone on the other end. If I have to make the call, I make sure that I have my ducks in a row.

[Lorie Hatcliff]

Does confrontation invigorate you or wear you out? Or maybe does it just not really affect you?

Confrontation totally wears me out. I just spent about 40 minutes on the phone discussing (very patiently, very nicely, making sure to go out of my way to tell the people with whom I was talking that my issue with AT & T wasn't them personally, but rather a long line of issues and that they just happened to be the person who answered the phone when I called).

I was on the phone about 40 minutes. Before that, all I was doing was opening up the mail and putting it in the "to be paid" file. Then the bill was about $20 more than it should have been, which has been part of an ongoing issue I've had with AT & T since December.

I was simply going to open the mail, file things where they needed to go, then get on with my work. Now, I am utterly exhausted, and have a headache.

I do not like confrontation. It generally wears me out. I therefore try to avoid it--at least when it is prolonged. I normally do not shy away from stating my opinion, but then I don't like belaboring the issue.

How about you? Does confrontation generally invigorate you, wear you out, or have little to no affect?

I have to agree that it depends on what it's about. We have a monthly issue with AT&T of overcharges and it's so frustrating, it can't help but make you feel like you're walking up a steep hill. Just reading your post brought that feeling all back again! Now I'm reminded that we need to call them again to get that charge off the bill. There goes another hour.Thanks a lot, Pete!

[G R 'Scott' Cundiff]

Funny moment to see this question. I'm sitting in a McDonalds having lunch, waiting on someone, surfing the web. A woman apparently ordered a basic hamburger at the drive through and was shocked to get only a bun, meat patty, pickle, and some ketchup. In other words, she got pretty much what she ordered. She stormed up to the counter, threw her burger down and demanded satisfaction. The manager, through her curses, insisted that she got what she ordered. One customer agreed with the manager and found herself face to face with the angry women (no counter to stay behind).

She finally stormed out.

It crossed my mind to hope she doesn't have a gun in her car.

Nope---I don't like conflict. I doubt the manager does either.

[Hans Deventer]

Totally wears me out and makes me depressed.

[Diane Likens]

Sometimes it invigorates me -- especially when I'm dealing with an idiot who's got REALLY bad information and is dead-set on believing what they believe. When I'm able to show contrary evidence and leave them stuttering, I get a great deal of satisfaction.

Often times it wears me out. I wind up kicking myself in the behind wondering why I've wasted my time.

Then there are times when a confrontation will enlighten me. I LOVE those!

[Craig Laughlin]

Funny moment to see this question. I'm sitting in a McDonalds having lunch, waiting on someone, surfing the web. A woman apparently ordered a basic hamburger at the drive through and was shocked to get only a bun, meat patty, pickle, and some ketchup. In other words, she got pretty much what she ordered. She stormed up to the counter, threw her burger down and demanded satisfaction. The manager, through her curses, insisted that she got what she ordered. One customer agreed with the manager and found herself face to face with the angry women (no counter to stay behind).

She finally stormed out.

It crossed my mind to hope she doesn't have a gun in her car.

Nope---I don't like conflict. I doubt the manager does either.

Oh.... this is the sort of thing that used to get me in trouble when I was a manager in the grocery business. I don't mind a certain amount of conflict but from time to time we would get some sort of grocery variation on the situation you describe. My problem is that when it is that far over the top I can get tickled... "really? You're red in the face angry at me because you didn't read the menu?" - A couple of times I made the mistake (accidentally) of smiling. - Oh... does that put them over the edge. - Nearly got me in real trouble one time when a boss exploded over something that was entirely his fault and I smiled. - Better able to control my face these days, turns out that is an important skill. Who knew?

[Dana Grant]

I hate confrontation. And don't argue with me about it.

[Mike Schutz]

I really do not like confrontation. Not at all.

However, when I look around the room and realize I'm the one who has to deal with it, I'm okay with that.

Like Craig, I get to smiling when I recognize how absurb a situation is. Occasionally, I hear myself saying out loud things I usually just think in my head, like "Really, and this kind of immaturity really works for you in other places in your life?"

On one occasion I needed to confront a church bully. His behavior had gone over the top, and, for the sake of church health, I had to confront him. As he yelled at me, I started laughing.
He then yelled, "What are you laughing at?!"
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"YES! WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?!"
"I'm sorry. I'm just laughing at this situation. Here you are screaming at me, at the top of your lungs in the church parking lot, and I'm realizing that some folks in the church are actually intimidated by you. I've been yelled at by professors in faculty meetings, and you are no match for a bully with a Ph.D. I'm going to win, and you look like you are about to have a heart attack. So we better stop right now, and I suggest you never raise your voice to me again."

That night I got a call from his daughter, a middle-aged woman who also attends our church. She said her father couldn't stop talking about the "little talk" you had with him after church. He was really impressed. No pastor ever stood up to him that way before. He said, "I hate wimps, and that pastor is no wimp."

[Gina Stevenson]

Does confrontation invigorate you or wear you out? . . . . . . . . .

I was on the phone about 40 minutes. Before that, all I was doing was opening up the mail and putting it in the "to be paid" file. Then the bill was about $20 more than it should have been, which has been part of an ongoing issue I've had with AT & T since December.

What!? Only since December!? (have written here before re year+ now.) Probably have a bit more of this coming, since it has "only" been since December!

BTW, detest confrontation, but getting better at it since becoming involved with AT&T, as they have given me so much practice at it!!

We have a monthly issue with AT&T of overcharges and it's so frustrating, it can't help but make you feel like you're walking up a steep hill. Just reading your post brought that feeling all back again! Now I'm reminded that we need to call them again to get that charge off the bill. There goes another hour.Thanks a lot, Pete!

AT&T surely does know, sadly, how to waste their customers' time! Cannot believe my year+ problem with them ... letters explaining, re-explaining, explaining again & again! Told them I would start charging THEM for my time, which is worth something, too, month after month, after month. Also told them that if there were some other i'net option besides dial-up, I would quickly leave! (might still end up back on dial -up!!). HOWEVER, they rather monopolize the situation in this area, unless you want to pay for cable TV!!

Cable company kept advertising low i'net, so checked, but will not do any sort of cable to your house without TV!! Suppose, too, that if you should order cable, then cancel within an allotted time, they would, tho the cable was already there, refuse to let you use it sans their TV package & would disable it.

Maybe we need a poll re AT&T billing department needing overhauling?? Hey, even little ole Naznet has a goodly number of folks with REcurring AT&T problems that were they multiplied throughout the web's BBS, wow! Yeah, let's survey . . . then send them the results ... ??

[Nate Pruitt]

I greatly dislike confrontation, and have often had a physical reaction after the fact whether the confrontation that happened was online or in purpose. However, in the midst of confrontation I am thankful that I don't show the unsettling feelings that I will soon face. One thing I'd never realized before a student mentioned it last year, was how what I'd always done as a calming thing can also be seen as an intimidating action. When others tend to get louder and more exacerbated when confrontation rises I seem to go the opposite direction- getting quieter and more intentional with my speech. As the middle school boy told me, "Mr. Nate, why can't you just yell? Anyone else would just yell in those times, but you just get so quiet. It's so scary! That's just messed up."

[Marsha Lynn]

It definitely depends on the situation. If I feel like I can control the tone of it, I don't mind confrontation at all. When I get reports of people using the computers at the library to access unacceptable internet content, there's a part of me that is quite pleased that the buck stops at my desk. I immediately start lying in wait for them so I can give them one of my standard speeches. All the cards are in my hand and the other person's response is of little concern to me.

However, if I feel like I'm being attacked and/or the situation is out of my control, my emotions go crazy in the face of confrontation, which is, of course, quite exhausting. I used to fall easily into fight-or-flight mode, which for me was flight into tears, leading to embarrassment. It has been a relief as the years go by to discover that I often can choose "freeze" rather than flight and shut down emotionally until I can safely remove myself from the situation. I think that may be related to less sense of powerlessness in the face of attack.

[Nate Pruitt]

One thing that does factor in would be Amygdala hijacking.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-amygdala-hijack.htm

[Dave McClung]

Does confrontation invigorate you or wear you out? Or maybe does it just not really affect you?

Confrontation totally wears me out. I just spent about 40 minutes on the phone discussing (very patiently, very nicely, making sure to go out of my way to tell the people with whom I was talking that my issue with AT & T wasn't them personally, but rather a long line of issues and that they just happened to be the person who answered the phone when I called).

I was on the phone about 40 minutes. Before that, all I was doing was opening up the mail and putting it in the "to be paid" file. Then the bill was about $20 more than it should have been, which has been part of an ongoing issue I've had with AT & T since December.

I was simply going to open the mail, file things where they needed to go, then get on with my work. Now, I am utterly exhausted, and have a headache.

I do not like confrontation. It generally wears me out. I therefore try to avoid it--at least when it is prolonged. I normally do not shy away from stating my opinion, but then I don't like belaboring the issue.

How about you? Does confrontation generally invigorate you, wear you out, or have little to no affect?

If I totally disliked confrontation, I picked the wrong profession. I don't really enjoy conflict, but when there is something worth fighting for, I know how to use conflict to my advantage. Sometimes one has to be prepared to stand up for what they value. I would say that useless conflict wears me out, but a conflict for a cause invigorates me.